It’s one of those days.
I’m tired. Bone tired. And I don’t really know why. I got enough sleep last night. I’m not in the midst of a crisis. I’m not sick.
But I am weary. I look out the window and I will myself to write something profound and all that comes to me is “Oh look, a leaf blowing.”
While I’d like there to be a clear reason so that a dose of hope will be infused on a blah day, I think I’m just weary of slugging it out with life. Transitions are exhausting. If you want to roll your eyes and be all “get over it and move on, I’m sick of hearing about transition.” Trust me, I’m sick of it too. I weary of myself :), but I can’t seem to escape me.
Last week I was snowshoeing in the mountains on a beautiful trail. A wide open space of powder to my right beckoned to me. It was fun for a while to be in the pristine white snow forging my own path. But it took so. much. more. energy.
I think that’s why I’m weary. I’ve been off road for a while and though the journey is beautiful, it’s taking more energy than a clearly marked path. All of life takes energy, but I’m not usually aware of my eyes being sore just because I’m awake.
Last week at Velvet Ashes the prompt was to write a letter to ourselves and one of the ideas was to write to our younger selves. Notice there is no letter, I just couldn’t do it. Dear Younger Self, you know that crappy phase you went through in college where you had to leave one campus group for another because you were pigeon holed? Guess what, it’s going to happen 20 years later again, only this time it’s also going to be 20 times worse and cost you more than you can imagine. Just a little love from the future :). Your Older Self.
If you’re weary and tired, you’re not alone. I know that this is a season of life and Lord willing, it will pass.
Today I remember the scripture, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
And I say, Jesus, please make good on your reassurances.
The end to part one. This was written last week at the library. By the time I got home I had an email in my inbox that helped penetrate my weariness and later this week I’ll share about it. It’s tempting to rush past weariness so we will resist the urge and for now we’ll park here.
photo credit aphasiafilms via flickr
Thank you for sharing your reality & not rushing past the weariness!
I love the image of how it is exhausting to be off road on the journey. And yes transitions are exhausting in so many ways.
Praying you find rest & comfort through the transition.
Can I tell you what a blessing it was to get a comment almost immediately after posting? THank you, Tami!
…and Ecclesiastes gives one pause to not rush past weariness…until heaven comes down to earth…then Beauty & Truth are born to a weak & weary world…and the darkness flees…while we wait & rest….
Yes! I so prefer (and am used to) being happy :). But it is good for my soul, as much as I want to MOVE THIS ALONG, to not miss what this season has to teach me. Thanks Susan!
Asking that you soon taste the refreshment of His fulfilled promises, dear Amy.
Your prayers mean a lot to me Kristi!
Anna Craig says
Just rest in The Lord! He will bring you through it and work all things for your good no matter how terrible the situation seems!
Indeed he will. But blah seasons still are not my fav :)
Sarah Skinner says
Amy, I hear you! I’ve been trudging off road for some time now too. Last week I too had that verse in Matthew on my heart and mind in the midst of my weariness. I’ll pray for you. Even though things are looking up. God’s got a good plan. He’s working it out.
It was fun to look at the pictures on your blog that went along with your post!
Mark Allman says
I did laugh out loud at your “Oh look, a leaf blowing” line. I do believe that profound flows out of weariness at times because of the work you have to go through to get through. The seeds of great writing are planted in the harsh reality of life I think and you do that well Amy. Sometimes we have to grind and grind and we are left to wonder why keep at it. I believe we know not the effect of all of the good and the bad have on each other and how the bad really does push us and in the end makes the good so much richer.
Love the snowshoeing analogy! What an excellent picture of what it means to forge through life cutting new paths. Thank you for sharing.
Carey, seeing your name makes me smile!