The Messy Middle

where grace and truth reside

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Book, Cross cultural, Faith

Becoming More Fruitful is published :)

You are my people and I love you! Many of you watched Looming Transitions be born and helped launch her into the world far beyond my wildest dreams for a book. Since then you have cheered on each subsequent book. . . that sentence alone humbles me! “Each subsequent book” would not exist if you had not encouraged me as a writer, shared the books with people who could benefit from them, or found other ways to help.

Publishing a book is a bit like having a baby: it’s a lot of work, the time frame it not always exact, and you want to share with everyone!!!

Today I written several posts about Becoming More Fruitful, but here, in this space, picture me bursting into the waiting room—because though the process is like given birth, I’m more able to burst into rooms—waving my arms and shouting, “She’s here!” and passing out book marks instead cigars. Long worked on projects are to be shared and celebrated. Hugs all around. Smiles and joy are shared and I ask “Do you want to join in the fun?’

No surprise you say, “Not really.” But then smile because you know I like to tease. Here’s how you can join in:

1. Celebrate! For the first time ever I’m hosting a book launch party. It will be on zoom so that people around the world can party. It’s August 23rd from 6:30 p.m. to 7:15 p.m. MST. Join here.

  • See some of the potential cover options and what went into choosing this cover
  • Hear about how this book came to be
  • I’ll do a short reading from the book
  • Get a present (what’s a party without a present :))
  • 5 people will win a copy of the book

2. May I boldly ask, buy a copy of Becoming More Fruitful in Cross-Cultural Work? Purchased copies help algorithms to recommend Becoming More Fruitful as an “also bought.”

3. Suggest or give Becoming More Fruitful to someone you know who is on the field, works in an organization, or is interested in Great Commission work. The best way a book sells is through word of mouth. If you tell them and they know you, they are much more likely to buy it. All organization should give Becoming More Fruitful to their people and discuss their organizational metrics vs. “walking with the Spirit” fruitfulness.

4. Leave a review on Amazon or Goodreads. It does not need to be five stars (though if that’s what your heart is saying, go with your heart!). Amazon is funny, she just likes to see the amount of reviews. The more reviews (even three or four star), the more she will say, “Hey, maybe I should tell other people about this book.” The goal is 50 reviews within the first month.

5. Tell someone about Becoming More Fruitful. You know tons of people I don’t know. You know people living in Sweden or working at this church or for that organization. You know your neighbor’s cousin who is moving to Brazil or your former coworker who recently started his life on the field. You know mission committee members and pastors and counselors.

Here are photos if you want to share on social media, a blog, or in another way.

You might be a blogger who would like to interview me or write a review of Becoming More Fruitful (I can offer a copy as a giveaway). Who could you tell about this book?

To all who read the book and wrote reviews, thank you!!! Thank you to Deb Hall for editing and to Vanessa Mendozzi for the cover design and formatting.

To all who will help me celebrate, thank you!

To all of you, thank you for being my online, Amy-the-person people.

Now, let’s pop the cork on the bubbly, the fizzy apple juice, or the diet coke. Whatever is celebratory to you and let’s party!  I raise my glass to you and say, “Thank you.” Clink! Here’s to Becoming More Fruitful.

Leave a comment and two of you will win a copy (if mailed in the U.S.) or on Kindle (anywhere in the world). What fruit of the Spirit are you enjoying or needing these days?

With love and gratitude,

Amy

Join the Launch Party Here

Faith

Will you hear her?

It will not surprise you to hear that I’m in a local writers group. Several months ago we had a guest presentor who talked about reimagining familiar stories. Since it’s one thing to talk about a skill and another to actually try it, he gave us homework and then came back the next month to discuss our stories.

This year I have been studying proverbs and the idea that wisdom calls out to us won’t leave me be. While I could share many verses about wisdom calling out to us, I’ll just share this one:

“Wisdom cries aloud in the street, in the markets she raises her voice.” Proverbs 1:20 ESV

I can picture wisdom on the dusty streets of a crowded Jerusalem market. But I wondered what “crying aloud” and “raising her voice” look like today. My dear friends Bill and Amy Lester sent their daughter Kate to her freshman year of college this fall. What does it look like for wisdom to cry out to a college freshman? That was the question I explored in one of my rare works of fiction.

dedicated to my niece
Kate Lester 
in her freshman year of college

Will you hear her?

Lucy knew it wasn’t the best way to start her day, but that didn’t stop her for reaching for her phone even before she opened her eyes. She scrolled with one eye opened and the other refusing to greet the day. Pausing at one of her favorite foodies, Lucy “loved” the picture of a gorgeous picnic basket and the caption:

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”[1]

An audible sigh escaped and she regretted staying up so late with three other freshmen from her floor. They weren’t bad kids, but if she were honest, they might fall more in the “fool” category than the “wise.” Her left eye had decided to get on board with the plan to wake up and with that, Lucy did a full body stretch and got out of bed.

Heading out for breakfast, she checked her phone and saw a text from her mom. “Morning! I hope your Spanish presentation goes well today! Remember: Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread :). You’ve ‘worked your land’ and today you will have some bread! I’m proud of you and praying for you!”[2] If anyone had been around, Lucy would have rolled her eyes at such a Mom Text, but since she was alone, she texted back “Thanks Mom” with the heart emoji.

Soon was waiting for Lucy by the elevator. It was a running joke that whoever arrived first would hold the elevator for the other one no matter how long they had to keep everyone else in the building waiting. They laughed every morning because Soon’s twenty-one-day streak of beating Lucy to the elevator was still going strong; and since Lucy was late to everything it was highly unlikely that she would ever hold their elevator hostage waiting for Soon. 

When they got to the cafeteria they both headed for the cereal bar and settled into a comfortable silence as they automatically moved towards their usual spot by the window. Before they arrived, their Resident Assistant called for them to come and join her. Why not? They shrugged at each other and vectored over to her. Allison was known for being friendly, but not normally an early riser so Lucy wondered why she was eating breakfast. “Hey ladies! Fancy meeting you at this time of the day,” Allison greeted them.

She went on to explain that she had an accounting test later in the day and was completely not ready, so she needed to cram. “I never pull all-nighters, instead, I get up early and cram, cram, cram. Sleep and coffee are my secret weapons.” 

Soon and Lucy just nodded, it was too early for any kind of clever response to coffee and cramming. Allison continued bubbling on, clearly buzzed from the caffeine, until she finished breakfast and headed off for a bit more coffee and cramming. Lucy and Soon also finished and walked back to their floor. When they stepped off the elevator Soon wished Lucy good luck on her Spanish presentation and said she’d look forward to hearing all about it at dinner. 

Lucy quickly brushed her teeth and walked across campus to her first class of the day. Thank God Spanish was first so she didn’t have to have the dreaded presentation hanging over her head for long! When the professor asked who wanted to go first, a girl Lucy didn’t know well raised her hand. The professor called on her and she stood up to go to the front of the room. The assignment had been to translate a short passage into Spanish so as Jessica walked to the front she texted a link of the original passage in English to the class. Along with others in the class Lucy opened her phone and saw:

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly. The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good. A gentle tongue is a tree of life but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.”[3]

Though Lucy couldn’t have said where exactly in the Bible the words came from, she was 99% sure they were from the Bible. Jessica was bold when it came to her faith; so she didn’t hesitate with the presentation which included translating the passage into Spanish, saying what it meant to her, and why she had chosen it for the assignment. Seeing that Jessica lived through the presentation, Lucy volunteered to go next and was relieved her presentation was over before she knew it. 

The rest of her morning flowed without incident and Lucy found herself back in the cafeteria picking up her lunch. Since she didn’t see anyone she knew, she got a to-go box and took her lunch outside. Leaning up against a tree she pulled out her phone while she ate an apple. Lucy clicked on a video with over 17 million views and listened to “Lady Sophia” rap about how she existed before the beginning of the earth.[4] Not quite as good as Hamilton, but not bad, Lucy thought as she finished up her lunch.

Her afternoon was uneventful. Classes, homework, and a brief call with her mom. The only annoying part was that the line “I was there” from Lady Sophia was stuck in her head and it was driving her nuts! 

“When he established the heavens, I was there.” 

“Before the I can’t remember was shaped, I was there.”

“When he assigned the blah blah its limit, I was there.” 

I was there. I was there. I was there, annoying you. I was there.

Finally, it was dinner time and Lucy seriously hoped that talking with Soon would stop the madness going on in her head! Soon asked about Lucy’s Spanish presentation and Lucy said, “It wasn’t bad” and told Soon about stumbling over a line. “But other than that, I guess it was okay.” Since it was Chinese food night, each girl took a generous helping of twice-fried green beans and Kung Pao Chicken. Lucy asked Soon about her day and unlike Lucy, Soon had had a very eventful day and proceeded to fill Lucy in on every little detail. By the end of the meal, Lucy could have hugged Soon because the rap was no longer stuck on a loop in her head. As they left the cafeteria each girl grabbed a fortune cookie. 

Lucy’s fortune read, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”[5] Soon’s said, “A friend is a present you give yourself.” They laughed at how their fortunes went together, just like they did. Though it had only been a few weeks since they met, they already thought of themselves as friends. And though it was a typical day, Lucy thought of herself as one of the luckiest people in the world as she headed back to her dorm room for an evening of homework.

Later, she climbed into bed earlier than she the night before. Lucy drifted off to sleep covered in her parents’ prayers that she find wisdom.[6] Wisdom smiled knowing that Lucy might not always hear her. But just as she had been doing since before the market days in Jerusalem, she, the original Lady Sophia, would continue calling out to Lucy all the days of her life.

[1]Proverbs 13:20

[2]Proverbs 28:19a

[3]Proverbs 15:1-4

[4]Proverbs 8:12-36

[5]Proverbs 19:11

[6]Proverbs 6:35

Faith, Holiday

The Broncos and Hebrews

The last few years Chloe, my youngest niece, has been my Broncos buddy during preseason. Preseason is part of the initiation ritual of our family as the girls build up the ability to sit through and track with a full game.

(Not to mention the energy it takes to get to a game, get through security, and finally plop down in our seats. Worth it! But one does not magically appear at a game is all I’m saying.)

A few weeks ago was a beautiful fall day and her dad had things around the house that needed doing, so Chloe joined me for the regular season game. The full glorious enchilada.

Before the players run out on to the field, the cheerleaders form two lines that the players run through as they are introduced one-by-one. But the day Chloe attended, our beloved owner and a former player (Champ Bailey, who my dad loved and I tolerated) were honored for being inducted into the Hall of Fame.

As a part of the celebration, the Broncos introduced the top 100 players in the last 60 years. I’m not going to lie, I might have teared up. Seeing the wide range of ages, some from my childhood, some from my early adulthood, and a few are current players, was a time capsule of Broncs history. Two even hobbled in with walkers and stood to the side.

I kept screaming at Chloe—I wanted her to hear me and to understand part of the history—”Oh, that man is Grandma’s favorite!” or “He played when I was your age!” or “Grandpa would have loved this! I’m so sorry he’s not here, but I’m so glad you are!” Lots of exclamation points, friends. It was thrilling.

I about lost it when instead of the cheerleaders, the players formed two lines for the current players to run through as they were introduced.

“Chloe!!!! What a picture of Hebrews 11 and 12!”

Sports and faith, that’s me.

Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Issac, Jacob, Sarah, Joseph, Moses, Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel, and the prophets.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,  looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses.

The players ran past those who had gone before them. They ran past those who knew better than most of us in the stands what they had invested, sacrificed, and enjoyed as NFL players. They ran with endurance.

“Chloe, that’s a picture of heaven and those who have gone before us. And when you come running through the tunnel between life and death into heaven, look for me because I will be standing there waiting for you and screaming my head off.”

Can you imagine it, friends? The saints that have gone before us who will have also run the race with endurance? Today, on all saints day, I’m thinking of the saints we share—Hannah, Joseph, Mary, Paul—and the ones that are special to me and our family.

The Broncos players ran out with joy. And in a season like the one we are having, sadly not a great season!, the picture of the faithful saints is actually more powerful. It’s easy to run with joy when the victories are adding up, it’s another to run with joy when each step is an act of faith.

Regardless of whether you run with a spring in your step or feel that you are stumbling forward, we remember the cloud of witnesses, grateful that we do not run alone.

Amen?

Amen!

Cross cultural, Faith

What Has Amy Been Up To?

Friends, I do not recommend launching a new book and starting a new ministry within eight days of each other. Any publicist would say, “Are you smoking crack?!”

But we know that God’s timing can be a little “ridiculous.” (I present as evidence: “build an ark before rain exists,” “marry a woman who will have affairs,” or “get pregnant, then married.”)

So, even though Global Trellis is already cruising towards being six whole weeks old, I’m super excited to share it with you!

I moved to China at age 27 with the plan to return to “real” life after two years. Enter the angelic laugh track. Eighteen wonderful years later—okay definitely sixteen wonderful years and a few that were iffy—I transitioned back to the US.

When I went to the field, it was with the best of intentions and far too much information front-end loaded for me to absorb. At that time, the only option was to spend weeks together in California learning about life in China.

And you know what, it worked. It really did.

Front-end loading worked because that was what was available.

But today we are accessing a fraction of what technology makes available. God has called us to his Great Commission, which truly is the call of a lifetime. But it is also ordinary, lonely, tedious, and involves laundry; all the while trying to spiritually, personally, and professionally grow, as we work to see the kingdom of God here on earth.

In a recent survey, 62% of cross-cultural workers reported a high tension between tending to their soul (being) and the work that they do (doing). In response to this tension, Global Trellis was formed. Like a garden trellis, Global Trellis exists to support cross-cultural workers where they are, allowing them to flourish and grow further than they could on their own.

What if exhaustion, creeping bitterness, and stagnant personal skills were replaced with refreshment, contentment, and growth?

This type of life truly is possible.

Global Trellis Helps in Three Ways

1. Monthly workshops

No travel time, no need to wait. You have access to training, support, and empowerment at your fingertips. A new workshop is added at the beginning of every month. For a small fee you can learn from experts from the comfort of your own home. Once purchased, the workshop is added your personal portfolio and you can revisit any time. You can also browse through the growing list and participate in more than just this month’s workshop. This month’s workshop is Enneagram for Team Growth.

This short video shows you what an AMAZING space my web designer built.

2. Articles

To foster refreshment, contentment, and growth as a steady drip, enter the Tuesday and Thursday articles. Tuesdays are called Soul Tending Tuesdays; every Tuesday you will receive an invitation, insight, spiritual practice, or suggestion that will allow you to tend your soul as a cross-cultural worker. Thursdays are Skill Building Thursdays and you will be offered tips, insights, and suggestions to help you personally and professionally develop. You can receive the articles here.

3. Quarterly challenges

Every quarter you can join in a free challenge designed to keep your “Some day!” list short. The first challenge is live and is a Newsletter List Maintenance challenge. For seven days in a row, participants are emailed one task a day. It is available until the end of November.

One participant who completed it said, “I’ve been curious about how you’d be structuring these and this was skillfully done–effective but not overwhelming.”

Yay! Know any cross-cultural workers you could share the free challenge with? You can point them here to sign up.

Grow and Flourish Where You Are

You know how much I love books, so one of my personal favorites of Global Trellis is the library that contains resources both books and service providers. In the “book” section of the library you will find a book lovers dream: books to peruse! Currently there are five categories—leadership, cross-cultural, relationships, faith, and personal development—with over 100 books cataloged.

You need a place for your soul to be breath, your head to be engaged, and your heart to stay tender. You need Global Trellis.

So, that’s if you wonder why I’ve been so quiet here in recent week, now you know why! (Don’t you just love the look!!! My web designer has outdone himself. Thank you Ted!)

Book, Faith

Who is the True You? {And a giveaway!}

I first met Michelle years ago when I was new to blogging and leaving comments like a crazy woman all over the web, clearly flirting with both making friends and being the person people ran from. Ha! Thankfully Michelle realized a sane person was beneath all my crazy. We have been on similar, yet different paths as authors. Michelle got an agent and has been traditionally published, while the doors that opened for me were in the independent publishing world. Thankfully, both are wonderful ways for books to come to life.

This is not Michelle’s first time here at The Messy Middle. A couple of years ago I interviewed her for her book Katharina and Martin Luther: The Radical Marriage of a Runaway Nun and a Renegade Monk. Michelle has a new book out, so of course, I wanted to chat with her about it!

Meet the author of this amazing book . . . Michelle DeRusha

Michelle, we are so glad you are here today. I love to hear where the idea for a book came from.

Could you share a bit of how you got the idea for this book?

The idea was actually sparked during a family vacation to Oregon a couple of summers ago. We visited the Portland Japanese Garden, where our tour guide explained a particular Japanese pruning technique called “open center pruning.” She talked about how removing so many of a tree’s branches and limbs allowed the “inner essence” of the tree to be revealed. This, she explained, created a sense of openness, space and tranquility, not just within the individual trees themselves but in the garden as a whole.

I couldn’t get that pruning image out of my head, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that open center pruning could be a powerful practice for our spiritual lives as well. As we slowly prune away the extraneous bits of ourselves — the parts that detract from who we really are and who God created us to be — we will begin to flourish and live into a new openness and spaciousness in our lives and in our faith. I wrote a blog post about the metaphor of open center pruning not long after we got back from our trip, but I still couldn’t shake the image. It aligned so well with some of what I had been reading at the time — Richard Rohr, Henri Nouwen, Ruth Haley Barton, for example — that I began to entertain the idea of a book. Two years later, that original blog post about my trip to the Portland Japanese Garden grew into True You.

Wow. I can see why you couldn’t shake that image!

How did you research and prepare to write True You?

It really was a slow process. Over a period of a couple of years, I had been compiling notes from my reading into journals. At one point I went back and read through the journals cover to cover and realized that I had been chewing on some of the ideas for this book for a long, long time – there were some clear themes threaded through my own writing and reflected in what I was reading. I went through my journals and highlighted all the quotes and my own thoughts that pertained to the topic of true versus false self, and I realized I had a ton of research and information. So it was a matter of culling through it, organizing it and figuring out what I wanted to include in the book.

The writing of this book was a much more contemplative, reflective process than my previous books. It was slow going, because I first had to figure out how the Holy Spirit was leading me and the wisdom the Spirit was imparting to me about my own relationship with God, and then I had to try to make those insights applicable and accessible to others. Even though True You has a lot of my story in it, I really do hope that the themes and message are universal.

What is your writing process?

I do my best creative work in the morning, so after I get my kids off to school and the house somewhat in order (one of my quirks is that I need to have uncluttered surfaces around me – like the kitchen counters, the coffee table and my desk — before I get to work. A “clean” workspace helps makes for an uncluttered head…or that’s what I hope for anyway!), I usually go for a short run or a walk, shower and get dressed, and then am at my desk by 9 a.m. or so. I try to do about 3 to 3.5 hours of writing before I break for lunch. I work two days a week for The Salvation Army, so the other three days a week are my writing days. I try to write in the morning and then revise and edit in the afternoon before I leave to pick up my kids from school at 3 p.m. Truth be told, I prefer revising and editing over actual writing; polishing a piece is more fun and so much less fraught for me! The “blank screen” is the WORST.

(This is Amy, I love hearing about your writing process because it is so different than mine! And two weeks ago at the Writers on the Rock Conference, Philip Yancey said the same thing! He finds writing hard but loves the research and editing phases.)

(I’m going to babble first and then get to my question.) Michelle, I think we are drawn to similar subjects and ideas! I have been taken with the idea of “The Language of Eden” for years. We are so good at speaking “Eden Lost,” we forget it is not our native tongue. With Lent, I was thinking that True You might be an ideal (if unconventional) Lent read. I was looking at the description of True You and this part caught my eye:

“Similarly, we begin to flourish as we let go of ourfalse selves and allow God to prune us open. Michelle DeRusha helps readers:

– learn how to declutter their hearts, minds, and souls through the practice of directed rest

– let go of busyness, striving, and false identities to embrace their truest selves as beloved children of God

– grow in their relationships, vocations, communities, and intimacy with God”

Back to Amy and my question. Often people will fast during Lent, with sugar or caffeine commonly chosen. But I was thinking, what if people gave up busyness or striving or false identifies for Lent. Well, what if people try to :)! Knowing we will fail, yet God will meet us even in our daily (hourly?! minutely!!!) failings? So, my question is, what ideas or suggestions do you have for someone who would like to fast from busyness, striving, or false identities?

That’s such a good question, and I LOVE the idea of fasting from busyness, striving or false identities as a Lenten discipline (I’m actually doing a social media fast this year for Lent). My advice would be to find a few minutes – even just five or ten minutes a day – to sit in silence, stillness and solitude. Silence has been a critical aspect of my ongoing journey toward uncovering my true, God-created self. We live in an incredibly noisy culture, and even when we do have downtime, we tend to fill it with more noise: social media, technology, social activities, etc. Silence makes many of us anxious because we are unaccustomed to it, and so we endeavor to fill even our smallest slices of quiet time with distraction.

God will reveal the parts of ourselves that are false, the parts of us that are not aligned with him, but often, we can’t hear from him because our lives are too noisy and too busy. I say in True You that our minds need time and space to catch up with what our souls already know. In order to begin to even identify the false parts of ourselves, we need to be quiet enough and still enough to hear the whisper of the Holy Spirit speaking deep in our souls. So integrating a daily practice of intentional rest into our every day would be one way to begin to quiet the clatter of our hearts, minds, and souls. As I write in the book, this period of intentional rest doesn’t need to be long – I’m not talking a whole day squirreled away in a monastery at a silent retreat (though that would be lovely!). Five minutes is a great place to start, and you will be amazed what even five minutes, practiced regularly over time, can do for your physical, mental and spiritual health.

Michelle, I’ve really enjoyed our chat! And I imagine the readers have too.

If you would like to be entered to win a signed copy of True You, leave a comment (about anything!). What stood out to you in the interview? What gets in the way of you being your true self? What are you reading for Lent? Do you practice silence, stillness, and solitude? What does that look like for you?

P.S. If the winner happens to not like in North America, I’ll get you a kindle copy and draw a second name. :)

Faith, Family, Grief

I’m glad we told him {don’t wait!}

Today marks the five-year-anniversary of Dad’s death. Days like today seem a bit like “time binoculars,” bringing an event or a person into crisp detail. Or, if you look through the other side, making the same person minute and hard to see.

If I close my eyes, we are gathered around his bed and have just made the decision to cancel our appointment with a funeral home, sensing his time on earth was drawing to an end. We, his tribe of women, lined his bed, all wanting to be equally near him and each other. And then the silence. Was it a long paused between breaths or had he died? In a few moments we knew, he was no longer with us.

If I open my eyes, and root myself in this current year and think of all the events and common days he has missed, it feels like he has been gone forever. Surely Dad was here when my books were published. Surely Dad was here when this life forming event happened to a family member. Surely he has seen Niece One drive and Niece Two learning to drive and Niece Three already in high school marching band and Niece Four becoming a sports fan. Surely he knows that Laura has become a voice over talent and Elizabeth (and Del) are preparing to launch their first and are now college tour experts. Surely he has seen how well his bride has navigated life without him. Not because he isn’t missed every day, but because he prepared her, and us, so well for the potential of his not being here.

How has he missed out on so much? How?

At Christmas time I was digging around in the piano bench and found one of the last birthday presents we gave him, a word cloud describing Tom Young through our eyes. Using Word It Out (free word cloud software), we let him know how we saw him.

As you can see, it’s not fancy. I printed it—free “Word it out” logo too—on brown paper, bought a cheap matte, and then lined the top and bottom with craft paper we had. While it could look so much more professional or Pinterest or Instagram worthy or whatever, can I tell you, five years out from the last time we held Dad’s hand, I do not care one hoot about how homemade it looks. I am flooded with gratitude that we moved beyond intention to action and made this for him.

As I read it and try to remember who said which word, I smile because this list captures him well. The depth, randomness, and playfulness of the words are an accurate picture of Tom Young. I’m fairly certain, “Knows me well” was added by one of his granddaughters, which brings tears to my eyes. What a legacy, to know your grandchildren! Some words or phrases are family jokes or lines, and today they are balloon memories, floating around giving me a place to focus. “Speaker of TA Hua” refers to the Chinese word “hua” which is a language or dialect. My dad was a native speaker of his own language, always making sense to himself, yet sometimes we needed him to translate from TA Hua into English. With a chuckle, he always did.

I am so grateful that while we had the time, we told him what he meant to our family. In those last minutes on earth when his body was fading, his mind so foggy, and his race done, on a deep soul level he knew. He knew who he was and he knew he was loved and he knew he could go peacefully.

We saw him as (a):

Christ-follower

Chuckle-y

Brother

Native (Coloradan)

Baby Penguin

Broncos fan

Playful

Caring

Grandpa

Son

Gentle

Husband

Dedicated

Great at math

Intelligent

Engineer

Humorous

Waffle Dancer

Elder

Father

P.E. (Professional Engineer)

Kind

Knows me well

Smart

Cheerful

Logical

Helpful

Gifted Napper

High spirited

Speaker of TA Hua

Cuddly Shark

Sudouker-er

Loving

Dad, you were all that and more. And today we miss and celebrate and love you.

Amy on behalf of your people :)

P.S. Here are a few of the posts I’ve written on other anniversaries of Dad’s death.

The Paradox of Life and Death

Sunday is our “Quantum Leap”

The Downside of doing your good deeds in private

This is our passion week

 

 

Faith, Holiday

What do you focus on when you are afraid?

I am—to put it mildly—obessed with Christmas lights. The other morning I snapped this photo.

While maybe not the best photo ever, I was proud of the shadows on the wall. Playing around with angles, lighting, and distance, I could manipulate how big the shadows appeared. I also noticed that my eyes are drawn up and to the right. It was early in the morning and I thought, “Huh, that’s interesting” as my eyes kept drifting up and right. And then snap, a random comment I heard last week snapped into place in my brain.

We are able to multitask, but we cannot multi-focus.

It is almost impossible for me to focus on the tree and the “scary” shadows on the wall. Try. I’ve spent about thirty seconds trying and my eyes will either focus on the red light or the shadow. I can take them both in at the same time, but I cannot for the life of me focus on both.

What was Mary told when the angel came to her? Fear not, for you have found favor with God.

What was Joseph told in his dream? Do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.

What were the shepherds told when a ginormous group of angels appeared? In fairness, at first only one angel appeared and he said, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.” And then the rest of the gang showed up.

Fear not. Why?

In every instance, fear is understandable, even reasonable. But fear moves your eyes from what is real and known to the scary shadows. And shadows are not always an accurate reflection of reality. There can be great beauty in shadows, so the takeaway is not a simplistic, “Ah, if I can just eliminate shadows, I can danger-proof my life.”

Even though the phrase fear not is used, I do not believe God is telling us to deny natural responses to situations. Instead, just as you can see both the shadows and the red light, you know the fear is there, but the fear is no longer the focal point.

The angel invited Mary to focus on him and the message he came to deliver, not her fear.

In his dream, Joseph was invited to proceed with his engagement to Mary. The focus was no longer on how to deal with the situation or how to preserve her reputation or ways or what others would think.

Likewise, the shepherds were invited to focus on the good news, not their racing hearts.

This advent, pay attention to what you are focusing on. And if your eyes keep being drawn to the scary shadows of your life, don’t berate yourself, just adjust your focus.

It is that simple. And that hard. Thankfully, God loves our humanity. He does not weary in telling us to fear not. So, I will say it one last time.

Fear Not for the shadows of your life are not the full story. Instead, look for the Light. Focus on what is true, good, right, and trustworthy. 

Amen.

 

Faith, Holiday

When Resurrection Comes Slowly

Jesus died.

But death was not the end. Death could not hold him. Hallelujah!

Rising from the dead, he set us free from the sin that so easily entangles (Hebrews 12:1), we are no longer captives (Luke 4:18), and we are joint-heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17).

Jesus’ death and resurrection informs many of our core beliefs. And this is right and good.

But look at these examples, what do you notice?

Jesus died on Friday. On Sunday he rose from the dead, never to taste death again!

Lazarus died. Four days later, when even his sister was concerned about the stench, Jesus asked for the stone to be removed. “Lazarus, come out!” And the dead man came out.

Jairus asked Jesus to heal his dying daughter. She died. His friends said, “Why bother the teacher.” Jesus said, “Do not be afraid. Just believe.” He went with Jairus to his house and said to his daughter, “Little girl, I say to you, get up.” Immediately she stood up and began to walk around.

That’s what I’m talking about! Death over life. That is our Jesus! That is the power of our God! That is the story of resurrection.

But.

But I notice in all three examples that at most, it took four days and, in every case, resurrection occurs in a moment. Someone was dead, now they are not.

I believe Jesus, Lazarus, and Jairus’ daughter died and experienced resurrection. Even though it is not the norm, I believe God can raise people from the dead even today. I believe in resurrection. But instantaneous resurrection is not my story.

I live in the northern hemisphere so winter is waning. I was thinking about this post as I pulled up to my home, noticing the grass along the edges of the yard. What looks like a big-ol carpet of brown was beginning to have splashes of green.

Green!

Can I tell you how much my soul prefers green grass to brown? I bet your soul is the same.

I want Jesus to say to me, “Amy, do not be afraid, just believe.” And then stop by my home for a cup of tea and a chat. On his way in, he notices the grass and says, “Little grass, I say to you, be green!” And in an instant, it is, because He’s Jesus and if He tells you to be green, and alive, you can’t help it.

But when I review my life, this is more how resurrection has gone.

I have experienced death. Death of dream, a relationship, a hope, a project, a loved one. Something was taken from me and I experience loss and confusion and anger. I thought I would be THERE doing THAT. I planned that my life would look like THIS and it doesn’t. I assumed that my training meant certain doors would open, but instead they slammed in my face.

So, like you, I’ve tasted death.

Jesus has said to me, “Amy, do not be afraid, just believe.” Like Jairus, he has come home with me. But unlike Jairus, when he sees the death I have experienced, he has said, “Let’s make a cup of tea and sit in the front yard and watch new life return.”

I have tasted resurrection too, but it has not been instantaneous. It has been slow. It has taken months or years. Sometimes the old dead thing has come back to life in a new form. Other times, something different but good has come along. Life has come after death.

I see it! I celebrate it! I am humbly grateful for it.

At this time of year, we tell of His death and celebrate resurrection. Hallelujah!

If you are in a season of sitting with Jesus in your front yard, barely able to look at Him because the new life he is offering you is slow in coming, please don’t lose heart.

The stories we tell at this time of year can inadvertently confuse “real” with “fast.”

Resurrection is real. But sometimes it is slow. Jesus has not abandoned you, he’s waiting with you, anticipating the grass to change blade-by-blade.

(A version of this first appeared on Velvet Ashes)

Ending Chapters, Faith, Personality

Turning 50: When the odometer on your life turns over a new decade

I see my life as a series of peaks with each peak representing ten years. It could be because I am from Colorado, famous for mountains and snow, or it could be this time of year in the Northern Hemisphere, but I see these peaks blanketed in beautiful powder snow.

When a new “zero” comes around, I picture myself at the top of one of the peaks. I am able to see the decade behind me and the picture my footsteps made the in the snow. Step-by-step 30 becomes 31 and 32 and 33 and the years pass until my final step on that peak is taken.

Often I have a different perspective when I look back and survey the decade behind me than I did at the in the middle of the steps I took. Parts are fun to review, others, frankly I care less about with time; on occasion, I can see how good came out of seasons that I never could have anticipated good when I was in the middle of them.

Then I turn and look at the fresh snow before me—the next decade I will live. I wonder how my story will continue? How will it change? What do I hope to see as I look back when I reach the next peak?

Not all of my thoughts are deep. I wonder if this will finally be the decade that my beloved Denver Broncos (American football) and Kansas Jayhawks (the most amazing university in America) will each be champions in the same year. That, that my friends will be a year to behold!

I do not have any clear memories of turning 10 or 20. Age 30 found me celebrating in Chengdu (China) and I rang 40 in by “making” my community in Beijing come to a murder mystery dinner in the midst of all the busyness of the holidays. I remember turning 30 and 40, looking back at my footsteps of my life in the snow. In many ways, my 20s and 30s were nothing like what I had anticipated when it came to specific plans I thought might unfold. But in ways that matter, they went “according to plan” – grow, invest, enjoy, laugh, befriend.

I reached another peak last week. I am at the beginning of a fresh decade. The landscape of white in front of me. It is my year of jubilee. I am 50! (and I am 50? What in the world!)

I am aware that my dad only saw two peaks beyond where I stand. I am not guaranteed to see even that many.

You are also at the beginning, maybe not of a decade, but of a fresh year—be it in the Church Year or the calendar year. The snow is freshly fallen and you have yet to take many steps.

The theme last week at Velvet Ashes was “fresh,” what freshness do you need as you travel through 2018?

Do you need in your home, in your work, within yourself:

Fresh peace

Fresh hope

Fresh love

Fresh faith

A fresh sense of anticipation

A fresh perspective

A fresh mindset

A fresh understanding of God himself

A fresh relationship with your health

A fresh understanding of what it means to serve cross-culturally

Fresh joy!

Fresh communication skills

Fresh cultural insight

~~~

“Then He who sat on the throne said, ‘Behold, I make all things new.’” (from Revelation 21)

Behold.

Savor that word. Let it roll around on your tongue. Behold.

Though this verse is about the new heaven and the new earth, we know God is in the business of making all things new. As you stand at the mini-peak of this new year, behold! God can give you fresh hope, fresh love, fresh joy, fresh long-suffering.

What do you need God to make fresh in you and your life? I said that my goals are to “grow, invest, enjoy, laugh, befriend”—what are the overall goals of your life?

A version of this first appeared on Velvet Ashes. Image by Karen Huber.

Faith, Messier than normal

Our day is coming

I write monthly for A Life Overseas. ALOS’ subtitle is: the missions conversation. The following post is addressed to missionaries, but it also applies to churches, Christian non-profits, and Christian organizations.

~~~

People, I have been praying for several days about what to share this month. Every idea I had was . . . fine. But in none of the ideas did I sense God say, “That. That is the post for this month.”

Until this one.

We are going to talk about sexual impropriety, so if you need to take a pass because this post might trigger traumatic flashbacks, please do. Peace be with you my friend.

 

It seems the U.S. is facing a time of reckoning when it comes to men in power, female subordinates, and sexual impropriety. Actors, directors, sports casters, politicians, chefs, news reporters. The list goes on. Some of the men are truly scummy, some seem to be good guys who have one area of their lives very much hidden and in the dark.

While this reckoning is long overdue, in every incident I’ve seen on the news and social media there is one common refrain: So and so is facing allegations.

I applaud every victim who is able to tell her (or his) story. I also applaud those who have not shared; you live with your story every day, it is yours to choose when to share.

Each story has broken because a victim came forward. Not once has the accused come forward first and said, “I am going to take a leave from my job, go to counseling, learn how to handle my power, and work on making amends.”

As the numbers grow, I keep wondering “Who is going to model what healing, restoration, and redemption look like?” Which network or profession is going to be the first to take a risk and after a person has done the hard and necessary work, allow them a place at the table.

This is my hope for us as a community of Christ followers. We know sexual impropriety exists on the mission field. We will not get a pass on this reckoning.

But we can get ahead of it.

During my years in China, I heard almost every way a person could sexually sin. Not all situations required drastic measures, but all required taking the situation seriously and having frank discussions with plans for addressing it. In lives where it felt like the bottom fell out, often the person (and family) needed to leave the field for a season. But that was not the end of the story! With the hard work of excavating the soul, identity, and personal power, change and even returning to the field occured.

If you are currently embroiled in sexual impropriety, it will come to light. I do not know when. I do not know how. But if you are hoping your story won’t be found out, that is a fool’s bet.

Tell someone today. You are carrying a secret that will take more of your time, energy, and relationships until it steals everything. Christ died so that you no longer have to be a slave. Be a part of showing the world the world that not only did Christ come to save “them over there;” he also came to save actors, directors, politicians, athletes, news reporters, and you.

If you are the victim of sexual impropriety within your organization, find someone safe and report it. I am sorry for your experience.

If you are in leadership in your organization, please create space to talk as a leadership team about the subject of sexual impropriety in your organization. To not put this on your “to-do” list. Send an email right now to get the ball rolling. With others in power ask: how are we going to foster discussions within our organization? What resources can we offer to people? What is our plan when these situations start to be reported in our organization?

This post isn’t about resources. It is a warning.

Our day of reckoning is coming. Let’s get ahead of it.

My hope is that it is also a day of redemption.

This may be an odd Christmas post. But isn’t this why Christ came?

God with us—even in this messy world he loves dearly.

 

(Resources welcome in the comments.)

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