The Messy Middle

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Cross cultural, Faith

What Has Amy Been Up To?

Friends, I do not recommend launching a new book and starting a new ministry within eight days of each other. Any publicist would say, “Are you smoking crack?!”

But we know that God’s timing can be a little “ridiculous.” (I present as evidence: “build an ark before rain exists,” “marry a woman who will have affairs,” or “get pregnant, then married.”)

So, even though Global Trellis is already cruising towards being six whole weeks old, I’m super excited to share it with you!

I moved to China at age 27 with the plan to return to “real” life after two years. Enter the angelic laugh track. Eighteen wonderful years later—okay definitely sixteen wonderful years and a few that were iffy—I transitioned back to the US.

When I went to the field, it was with the best of intentions and far too much information front-end loaded for me to absorb. At that time, the only option was to spend weeks together in California learning about life in China.

And you know what, it worked. It really did.

Front-end loading worked because that was what was available.

But today we are accessing a fraction of what technology makes available. God has called us to his Great Commission, which truly is the call of a lifetime. But it is also ordinary, lonely, tedious, and involves laundry; all the while trying to spiritually, personally, and professionally grow, as we work to see the kingdom of God here on earth.

In a recent survey, 62% of cross-cultural workers reported a high tension between tending to their soul (being) and the work that they do (doing). In response to this tension, Global Trellis was formed. Like a garden trellis, Global Trellis exists to support cross-cultural workers where they are, allowing them to flourish and grow further than they could on their own.

What if exhaustion, creeping bitterness, and stagnant personal skills were replaced with refreshment, contentment, and growth?

This type of life truly is possible.

Global Trellis Helps in Three Ways

1. Monthly workshops

No travel time, no need to wait. You have access to training, support, and empowerment at your fingertips. A new workshop is added at the beginning of every month. For a small fee you can learn from experts from the comfort of your own home. Once purchased, the workshop is added your personal portfolio and you can revisit any time. You can also browse through the growing list and participate in more than just this month’s workshop. This month’s workshop is Enneagram for Team Growth.

This short video shows you what an AMAZING space my web designer built.

2. Articles

To foster refreshment, contentment, and growth as a steady drip, enter the Tuesday and Thursday articles. Tuesdays are called Soul Tending Tuesdays; every Tuesday you will receive an invitation, insight, spiritual practice, or suggestion that will allow you to tend your soul as a cross-cultural worker. Thursdays are Skill Building Thursdays and you will be offered tips, insights, and suggestions to help you personally and professionally develop. You can receive the articles here.

3. Quarterly challenges

Every quarter you can join in a free challenge designed to keep your “Some day!” list short. The first challenge is live and is a Newsletter List Maintenance challenge. For seven days in a row, participants are emailed one task a day. It is available until the end of November.

One participant who completed it said, “I’ve been curious about how you’d be structuring these and this was skillfully done–effective but not overwhelming.”

Yay! Know any cross-cultural workers you could share the free challenge with? You can point them here to sign up.

Grow and Flourish Where You Are

You know how much I love books, so one of my personal favorites of Global Trellis is the library that contains resources both books and service providers. In the “book” section of the library you will find a book lovers dream: books to peruse! Currently there are five categories—leadership, cross-cultural, relationships, faith, and personal development—with over 100 books cataloged.

You need a place for your soul to be breath, your head to be engaged, and your heart to stay tender. You need Global Trellis.

So, that’s if you wonder why I’ve been so quiet here in recent week, now you know why! (Don’t you just love the look!!! My web designer has outdone himself. Thank you Ted!)

Community, Cross cultural

Getting Started is HERE!

“When will your book be done?”

I have a love/squirm relationship with that question. After sharing a project, the upside is all of the cheerleaders and people who genuinely are excited. On the downside, if you don’t have a definite date to publish, you get to be shifty again and again with, “Oh, I’m working on it.”

And you know if you receive The Messy Middle letters, I first said the book would be written last December, then in January, then March, then April, then in early May it was done and entered the editing and rewriting phase.

Publishing a book can be a lot like having a baby. You know it will happen, you just don’t know exactly when or how the birth process for that baby will be. (Famous line in our family comes from my Grandpa Farley as he was having to reschedule a flight back to Michigan because I was not entering the world at the predicted time. “Now, when don’t know when the baby will be born, do we?” Eternal scream from pregnant woman ensues.)

“Now, we don’t know when the book will be published, do we?” Eternal, oh you get it. But today?

Go ahead, ask me. “When can I buy Getting Started: Making the Most Of Your First Year in Cross-Cultural Service

I’ll try not to smile too big when I say, “Today!!!!!!!”

The lighting isn’t the best in that photo, but it was a Sunday night and the proof copy had arrived that day. I was too impatient to wait for daylight!

Getting Started is on Amazon (both Kindle and print).

This is the fourth time I’ve launched a book and again I feel a bit like I’m saying to you, “Do you like my baby? Will you, my people help raise her? Will you stand with me in the good times and hard? Will you still like me even when she disappoints or does stupid things?”

And all the people said, “We will!”

You might wonder, That’s great, but I’m not sure what to do. What can I do? Here are five ways you can help with this raising of Getting Started:

1. Celebrate! Of course I hope this book sells decently because I truly believe that too often we believe that our stories don’t matter. They do. Getting Started is a traveling companion and guide for those in their first year and the hope is that if the first year goes well (or at least better) than all of the following years will benefit. Even if “the following years” are not on the field.

But if this books sells and I have no one to share it with, what have I gained? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. What is worse than watching sports by yourself and having no one to high-five? Nothing. Okay, there are worse things, but in that moment, it’s pretty low.

I’m high-fiving you! Woot, woot! If you weren’t here, there would be no book. I did it. You encouraged me. We did it. Let’s enjoy this moment.

2. May I boldly suggest, buy a copy of Getting Started? Purchased copies through Amazon are the only way that Amazon will start to recommend Getting Started as an “also bought.”

4. Suggest or give Getting Started to someone you know who is in their first year. The best way a book sells is through word of mouth. If you tell them and they know you, they are much more likely to buy it.

5. Leave a review on Amazon or Goodreads. It does not need to be five stars (though if that’s what your heart is saying, go with your heart!). Amazon is funny, she just likes to see the amount of reviews. The more reviews (even three or four star), the more she will say, “Hey, maybe I should tell other people about this book.” The goal is 75.

6. Tell someone about Getting Started. You know tons of people I don’t know. You know people living in Sweden or working at this church or for that organization. You know your neighbor’s cousin who is moving to Brazil or your former coworker who recently started his life on the field. You know mission committee members and pastors and counselors.

You might be a blogger who would like to interview me or write a review of Getting Started (I can offer a copy as a giveaway). Who could you tell about this book?

///

Three final thoughts:

  • If you want to buy Getting Started in bulk, leave a comment. I will contact you and we can work out a discounted rate.
  • I find authors who only talk about their books tedious. We get it, you wrote a book. How about living a life too?! My bias, I know. Later I’ll share a bit of the journey of this book and wanted to warn you in case you fear that every post is going to be about this book. It’s not. And I’m off to the Minnesota State Fair this weekend! How’s that for living a life :)?
  • Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. If any book is a communal one, this one is. More than 180 people participated in a survey that informs Getting Started and for the first time ever a Launch Team has read the book ahead of time and helped more people be prepared for their first year.

This is not my contribution to the world. It is ours. Look what we’ve done.

Because today is a day of celebration! Leave a comment and I’ll draw three of your names and you can give this book to someone you know—yourself included :). I love this GIF because so often, cross-cultural service is a bit like being in an episode of The Office. High five to us!

http://gph.is/1oU27j9

As we launch this book and wait to see how God will use it, I want to end with the benediction I gave at the end of the acknowledgments:

I thank my God every time I remember you. Philippians 1:3

Love,

Amy

P.S. One last time, here’s the link for Getting Started.

Books I've read (or want to read), Cross cultural, Summer Reading Challenge

You are Invited (and a giveaway!)

Hey friends, this is a brief reminder that the Summer Reading Challenge will end this Friday. On Friday I’ll share what I read and you will have four days to leave a comment sharing what you read to be eligible for one of the ten $10 Amazon gift cards. I can’t wait to see what you’ve read!

What better way to get ready for the end of summer reading that to have a chance to win a book? Leslie and I met a million miles ago in China. We overlapped for five years as she taught in the program I was the director. She and her teammate taught at one of the most remote schools we had teachers. I remember going over all of the new teacher resumes and praying over placement. Single women were always the last to be placed because they were more moveable in options than say, a family of five.

I can still remember placing her at her school in Guyuan and then submitting her resume to the school. That we both ended up in Colorado and writers? A delightful twist of life paths. I love that Leslie and I are still in each others lives and can support each other. Today her book Invited: The Power of Hospitality in an Age of Loneliness is born! When she asked me to endorse her book, I jumped at the chance and said:

“I shudder at the word hospitality because it has been weaponized in Christian circles, especially for women. I wondered if Invited was another veiled shame message pointing out how I was failing yet again. It is not; instead, Leslie Verner breathes on the embers of connection we all long for, offering hope and examples of how you can invite others into your real life and forge life-giving relationships.”

If you like memoirs that nudge, dare I say invite you, to be the better version of yourself you know are possible, this is the book for you. Leslie has graciously given me a copy of Invited to give to one of you. Leave a comment and you’ll be entered to receive a physical, signed copy. (I’ll also sign my endorsement as a bonus. Ha!) If you don’t live in North America, you can enter and win it for someone else. Talk about hospitality!

Don’t you love this cover:

To give you a flavor of what you’ll find, here are four simple ways to show hospitality from Leslie:

1. Say no.

“Sorry, I’m too busy/have too much going on/already have plans …” are common refrains in American society. One way to show hospitality is to say no to busyness and frantic living. When we say no to another lesson, sport, or activity for our kids or ourselves, we reserve time in our lives for spontaneous hospitality and unplanned connection with people. 

What happens when we step into slowness and retain a buffer in our schedules reserved for relationship, rest, and wonder? We begin to notice the living, breathing souls right around us. We have time for them. We may even get to know their names, feel known, and start to feel less lonely ourselves. 

2. Say yes.

It’s easier for me to offer hospitality than to receive hospitality from others. As we risk the discomfort of giving up control, we learn the humility necessary for relationships to start. Has someone asked you into their life recently? What did you say? 

When we refuse busyness, we’ll have more opportunities to say yes to pausing on the sidewalk to chat with a neighbor. We might have more energy to invite someone over spontaneously or ask someone to meet us at a park or outdoor concert. Clearing away the extraneous clutter in our lives leaves space for us to say yes when God nudges us to ask, invite, or welcome outside our comfort levels.

3. Respect the Zone of Hospitality.

I stumbled on an article recently meant for hotel staff, but have begun to apply it to my own life. It describes the “10 and 5 Staff Rule.” The rule goes like this: If you pass within ten feet of someone, called the “zone of hospitality,” you make eye contact and “warmly smile” at a person. When you are within five feet of them, this smile is accompanied by a greeting or some kind of gesture of acknowledgment. 

While it seems obvious (and visits to the south prove the regional nature of the head nod, steering-wheel-finger-wave, and vocal greeting), I’ve started doing this here in Colorado. Mostly, I greet the people I pass on my runs. I often think to myself, What if I’m the only person who smiles at them or acknowledges them all day long? Some days, hospitality looks like a simple smile and a head nod to a stranger. 

4. Just Invite.

Admittedly, mustering up the nerve to put ourselves out there and risk rejection is the hardest part of hospitality. But the truth is that it takes very little effort on our part to send a text to someone we’ve been wanting to get to know. We pull out our phones, swipe to our text messaging app, and tap out: “Hey! Can you come over sometime?” And then we worry about the details when “sometime” comes around.

P.S. See you Friday for the Summer Reading Challenge Wrap-up. Don’t forget to leave a comment and you might win Invited!

Cross cultural, Learning lessons, Messy Middle

Count Your Blessings {and a survey}

Hello Messy Middle  friends,

Before we jump into the meat of this post, I have a request. After writing Looming Transitions to help people in cross-cultural service with their transitions and All the News to help them stay on the field via good communication with supporters, I want to help people navigate their first year on the field. In December I’m going to start (and hopefully make good progress) on a book geared especially for the first year on the field. Every year on the field is unique and special, but like other “firsts” in life, that first year on the field is often in a category unto itself. If you live or lived on the field, could you help by taking this survey? It should take 10-30 minutes depending on how much detail you want to go into. Thank you in advance for sharing your experiences with others! Here is the survey.

This week is Thanksgiving in America. I wrote the following years ago in the midst of a very crazy season on the field. Making lists in November of what I was thankful for became an annual discipline to train myself to not miss the ordinary blessings in my life. I wrote:

Still, in the midst of the craziness, I am conscious that I truly do have much to be thankful! Limiting myself to this past week, here are several random pieces of life that I am thankful for:

—Getting to see new things in China. I had never been to Inner Mongolia, the province that borders Mongolia. The population is pretty evenly split between Mongolians and Han Chinese … racial tension does exist. As an outsider, it was cool to see all of the signs in Chinese and the old Mongolian script (not the Cyrillic style that is used in Mongolia). KFC in English, Chinese, and Mongolian! You don’t see that every day.

—Mutton! I’m thankful that I don’t live in a place where the main meat option is mutton (um, like Inner Mongolia). Man, but that is “meat with an attitude”!

—I’m thankful that my job includes the excitement of going out to see and encourage teachers and the fun of heading home and knowing when you wake up on the last day of a trip “tonight I’ll sleep in my own bed.”

—The hand-knit sweater my Chinese Mama made me – it weighs about five pounds (not an exaggeration!!!) but on cold days like today, it warms me outside and in. How many people have two mothers who really love them? Wow.

—Popcorn. Ok, that was my lunch today! But I love being an adult without children so I can eat what I want without having to set a nutritional example :-).

—Chocolate, Stain Remover Stick, and a commentary on British Lit. Isn’t that a great list?! It is what the team I’m visiting tomorrow has asked me to bring them. And it just about sum up what’s important in life!

—Indonesian Dancing. Last night a former student invited me to a dance performance at Beijing University. We’ve been doing a lot together recently – she has a tender spirit and knows where I stand on things but has no real interest in them herself … but I keep hoping!

—Playing CARDS! The same student and her boyfriend came over Saturday night for dinner and to play cards. They taught me a Chinese card game that is very similar to hearts … only I found out the hard way that you don’t want both the Queen of Spades AND all the hearts. The Queen is a ton of negative points regardless!

—Pumpkin bread and helpers! I’ve been cooking down pumpkin to make pumpkin bread for teams when I got to visit them. Saturday Gabe (age 4) and Nate (age 2) helped me by stirring and dumping as I made my bread for my next round of travels.

—My students!! Have I mentioned how much I LOVE them??? Well, I do. Today they handed in papers on their beliefs about reparations, finishing off that unit. How can you not love someone who write:

“Firstly I thank teacher Amy to give us some articles about reparations and these materials make us discuss, know different opinions.”

“In this unit we learned five articles, all of which focused on the understanding of reparation. I was a little shocked and excited to know these all, in such a direct way. I mean, just at one time, all these different (even opposed) opinions rushed into my brain and shook my former perspective strongly.”

—My job! I often think that I have the BEST job in our organization. I get to teach students and encourage our teachers … what is not to love. Wow. I feel that so much of what I do does make a difference and I know that not everyone can say that about their job.

I was given a promise earlier this fall by a friend when I was going through a rough period. The promise was “Don’t hold back Your tender mercies from me. My only hope is in your unfailing love and faithfulness.” And He hasn’t. Even in just this past week my cup runs over – He has been faithful over and over.

Tis time to be thankful!

Amy

P.S. Actually all of Psalm 40is a good one to read this week. And thank you for helping with the survey: Remembering Your First Year. A version of this post is also on A Life Overseas.

 

China, Cross cultural, Faith, God, Learning lessons

Deeper and wider than my small arms

One of the highlights of last week was your response to Book Cousins. Thank you for jumping in with sharing where you have seen God at work. The winner was notified, but to entice you to buy The Bells Are Not Silent, today go bell hunting with Joann and me. This was first published in September 2012.

Remember the song Deep and Wide? I belted it out as a kid, complete with hand gestures and humming words as we sang it faster and faster. “Deep and hmmm, Deep and hmmm!” Through song and laughter the breadth and depth of God’s love drilled into us as we sang in Sunday School.

I shared last weekend that Joann and I were going to Harbin to research church bells. She’s the actual researcher and I am the side kick. She became interested last spring in Chinese church bells we have traveled to Qingdao, Tianjin, and Harbin. We’ve also visited the bell museum and various churches in Beijing.

These trips have shown me that my view of the Bride of Christ has stayed about as far as I can open my arms to show how “deep and wide” the church is. Um, that is to say, pathetically small.

Part of it is just the reality that we can’t know what we haven’t been exposed to. Part of it is that history has kept different part of Christianity separated. Part of it is just that I forget how truly amazing God is.

Through these trips, God takes my arms and pulls them apart, experience by experience widening my view of vastness of the church.

In the stretching, there are moments of comical “what should we do” and a bit of mild awkwardness. When a Catholic brother and sister asked us in their sanctuary if we could pray together we said, “of course!” and started to do the Protestant huddle only to realize we were going to stand in line facing the cross. In the Orthodox Church we forgot to bring head coverings and I had to keep reminding myself to back out of the church and not turn my back on the cross.

But the most holy-ground- surreal-ness of “is this really happening” comes in meeting people and seeing how beautiful the bride can be.

At the Russian Orthodox Church scheduled to meet a contact at 10 a.m. and had been told that church didn’t like Protestants or Americans, so try to speak Chinese.  We met utterly delightful Russians and as they realized we truly were interested in them, the bell, and their history, they repeatedly thanked US for caring about their history and trying to preserve it. My friend wrote more about the experience and about the bell. You should read what she wrote!

When our motley crew of Chinese, Russians, and Americans was finally allowed up into the bell tower, we were all in awe as we looked at an 1800s Moscow bell in an Orthodox church in a Chinese city being researched by an American.

We entered with those labels, but we exited one radiant bride. Humbled by the thought that God uses the likes of us.

Deep and wide. Deep and wide.  May our understanding of how truly deep and wide expand far beyond our fingertips.

I loved the responses to last week’s question: Where have you seen God at work? So, this week. What songs were popular when you were a kid? I’ll share a few I remember in the comments.

Cross cultural, Messier than normal, Relationships

Still grateful: Nearly died, but didn’t

“You will die a horribly painful death in China.”

I’m not from a faith tradition that is known for “words from the Lord.” So when I heard this deep in my soul as I unpacked from my first trip to China twenty five years ago, I (a) didn’t know what it meant and (b) didn’t know what to do with it. I assumed it was for many years down the road, might be related to my faith, and would be concerning to share with people, so I didn’t.

 

Camaraderie came in an unexpected place: a John Irving novel. When I read A Prayer for Owen Meany I found a kindred spirit in Owen who knew odd details about his death. Owen, I get you! This message didn’t consume my thoughts or leave me in fear; but I did wonder at times what a “horribly painful death” might be like and if I’d embarrass myself, others, or the Lord in the process. I hoped that I wouldn’t.

I rarely get sick so it was not the norm when one day I started feeling like I had the stomach flu after lunch. My colleague, Erin, and I assumed it was just a normal illness, nothing to be concerned about. I threw up a few times.  Who doesn’t? To cut a long story short, less than 24 hours later I was throwing up convulsively, had red spots on my skin, and my head felt like it was in a vice grip and my brain being squeezed.

It was.

I had bacterial meningitis and was dying a horribly painful death in China.

Twenty years ago on April 2nd I should have died. I choke up even now typing this. My parents were awakened in the middle of the night by Erin’s dad telling them he’d just gotten a call from Erin and based on her description, he thought I had meningitis, the prognosis wasn’t good, and he just thought they should know. They called my sisters and woke them with a similar message. Each sister reached out to friends and family and thus started the word spreading.

I did not die; I did have to relearn everything except—no comments—talking. Ah, even at the brink, I had things to say! I re-learned to walk, dress myself, write, and wash dishes; things that we take for granted, for a season, I didn’t.

On this twenth anniversary I want to say, again, thank you.

To my family for not coming. One of the hardest parenting decisions you have ever made was to stay away so that I could get the help I needed. Many questioned that call, but you held firm. And you paid the largest phone bill of your lives! Your frequent calls to Erin, and later to me, were worth every penny.  Elizabeth and Laura, even half way around the world, I felt your sisterly love and connection.

To my students who cared for me around the clock. Especially to the girls who, in teams of three, sat by my bed during the night, combed my hair every morning, and washed my face.

To friends and family around the world and in China who found tangible ways in a pre-internet world to reach out.

To the school officials where I taught for caring for me as if I was your own, because I was.

To Debra and Kerry who let me convalesce with you for a month in Hong Kong. Your home, ice cream, CBS nightly news, and two cats were the best way to return to the land of the living.

To Erin. The list is too long. But one image that captures so much of what you had to bear is this — when I had come out of the coma and was hungry, we didn’t have many food options and you made me something with oranges and yogurt. After eating I abruptly sat up and projectile vomited all over your clean sweater. You, the picture of grace, picked little bits of orange off your sweater and said it “was no big deal.” And it wasn’t, because you’re that kind of friend.

I don’t know why I didn’t die. It might have been the amount of people praying around the globe for me. I know many are prayed for and they still die. All I know is that “word” was lifted from my soul in Hong Kong and like most of us, have no idea when or how or where I will die.

While I would have been okay to die (I actually begged Erin to kill me), I’m grateful that I didn’t.  Today, I am reminded of the preciousness of life and how quickly it can change. Erin, my family said it to you then and still mean it today, we owe you so much more than can be put into words. Thank you for getting me to the doctor when I would have just stayed home and died in my bed.

To that 29 year-old-woman who had accepted a leadership position before she became ill and had no idea she would stay in China for many more years. She had not tasted the heights and depths of ministry pain, nor met many of the wonderful people she now calls family, I say this: Life is hard, God is faithful, and girl, you will have the time of your life. Enjoy.

I updated a post I wrote five years ago.

Cross cultural, Faith, Holiday

22 Gift Ideas for those you know in cross-cultural service

When I lived in China, I LOVED getting packages. This was back before so many western products were available and internet shopping was non-existent. My family used to ask me, well it was really more of  pestering me, if I was opening presents early. Is it a lie if it keeps them happy? And I got a present a day? Really? Did Jesus come to bring joy or more rules?

Though it may be hard to believe, Christmas is around the corner. If you have Christian friends serving cross-culturally abroad, and you want to get them something for Christmas, you need to start thinking of gift ideas.

I sound bossier than I mean to be :).

I hate to admit that a lot of money goes into packages filled with stuff that isn’t needed or wanted. But I still believe that supporters want to bless those they support with gifts. For those who do not want to send Christmas money this will give you a few ideas.

Specifically look at #12! I’m super proud and excited about #12.

mm-christmas-gifts

This list has been gather with an eye to what can help cross-cultural workers get to the field, stay on the field, transition from the field, or resettled for home assignments or reentry. Either choose something from the list or ask your cross-cultural workers what would be helpful at this point in their journey.

Books

1. Need a gift idea for your family? Parents of Missionaries: How to Thrive and Stay Connected When Your Children and Grandchildren Serve Cross-Culturally by Cheryl Savageau and Diane Stortz.

2. Returning Well: Your Guide to Thriving Back “Home” After Serving Cross-Culturally by Melissa Chaplin. Melissa also offers coaching packages for individuals and families.

3. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero.

4. As Soon As I Fell: A Memoir by Kay Bruner

5. THEM: The Richer Life Found in Caring for Others by John Certalic.

6. Transition Companion: Tips and Encouragement for Navigating Seasons of Change by Tim Austin.

7. Looming Transitions: Starting and Finishing Well in Cross-Cultural Service  by Amy Young.  Also the downloadable companion guides: Looming Transitions Workbook and 22 Activities for Families in Transition.

Retreats

8. The Well in Chiang Mai, Thailand offers retreats on a regular basis—including for transitions, couples, marriages, Advent, parenting, Art. Find one that fits what you need now.

9. Azmera hosts 3 Haven Retreats around the globe annually.These retreats are designed to impact English speaking women serving overseas from various nations. We also welcome other expats (full-time vocational workers employed by embassies, companies, military, etc.).

10. Thrive offers retreats that allow women serving cross-culturally to get away from their demanding work for a time of rest, renewal, and refreshment. The women are ministered to holistically – spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

11. A spiritual renewal retreat through the closest Life Impact Ministries Oasis.

12. Velvet Ashes Annual Retreat — each spring Velvet Ashes puts on a retreat for cross-cultural servants right where they are. Participants download files so they can listen the speakers, meditate on scripture, and enjoy other parts of the retreat. Guess what? You can  purchase previous retreats for $20 (normally they will be $25, they are on sale for Christmas) . . . and your friend, daughter, or worker can tend to their soul during this difficult time.

Debriefing Retreats

13. Abide (by TRAIN International)—This one-week renewal for those transitioning back into American culture debriefs the cross-cultural experience, explores reverse culture shock, and equips for healthy reentry into the home culture.

14. Debriefing and Renewal (part of MTI)—gives people the chance to reflect on their journey and engage with the Father about their story. Adult and child tracks available.

15. ELIM Retreats—provide spiritual debriefing, spiritual renewal, and pastoral care of the global worker.

16. Emmaus Encounter—provides a safe place for men and women of the Christian faith to process events of the past, so that they may grow emotionally, mentally and spiritually, and move forward in health.

Miscellaneous Ideas for Life

17. Couples, want to invest in your marriage? A PREPARE/ENRICH marriage enrichment assessment has been a favorite for those desiring to go deeper in their relationship (bonus if you are given coaching to go with it!)

18. Money toward an IRA or other forms of retirement savings.

19. Money ear marked for self-care in your city (or nearest city)—may include massage, meal out, night in a hotel.

20. Call around Christmas just to chat (not for a “report”).

21. Invite young adult kids of workers overseas to your home for Thanksgiving or Christmas—blesses them and is a great gift to their parents oceans away.

22. Pay for several session of Christian Coaching through CMI. Your gift could help someone to spiritual and professionally develop. Coaching services include for transitions, life purpose and calling, and support raising.

Which of these gift ideas do you guess is on their wish list? What gift idea would help them to get to, stay on, or transition from the field?

A version of this first appear at A Life Overseas.

Community, Cross cultural

Having a baby abroad? Fun advice for you.

This past weekend was spent with my fellow Velvet Ashes Leadership teammates in our annual planning retreat. Danielle is having a baby in December so in the midst of important meetings, we had a small surprise baby shower (which, I would also argue was important!).

Ahead of time I contacted some folks who live abroad or have lived abroad and asked what advice is given to women who are having a baby in the countries they have lived in.

Culture is interesting and fun! I thought you would enjoy this as much as we did. Because several had lived in China, you’ll see several lists for China.

baby-advice-560

China

-Never eat anything cold. Never get cold.

-Eat and eat and eat until the only clothing you can wear are overalls with a bear on them. If you’re still fitting into regular pants with a waistband, you need to eat more.

-Don’t ride a bicycle

Cambodia: Here’s the cultural way Cambodians deal with postpartum, from an old blog post of mine. I find the postpartum practices to be more widespread than delivery practices, which are going to vary according to income.

“After birth mom and baby are wrapped tightly to keep warm and prevent aging. Mom especially isn’t allowed to get cold the first 3 months, so she must wear long sleeves. And for those first 3 months, mom isn’t allowed to do any work – not even climb stairs.  She really and truly rests from the work of pregnancy and childbirth. Dad does the work.”

Also, pregnant women don’t really wear pants here; you always find pregnant women in dresses.

Laos: In Laos, the women who have just given birth are recommended to lie on a bed covered in warm-hot coals for two weeks. They are only allowed off the bed to nurse and to eat, and they are only allowed to eat hot soup. This is a BLAST in the 115 degree heat! If you do this, Danielle, the bad toxins from pregnancy will leave your body, along with any bad spirits that might have haunted you in pregnancy. :)

China:

—Eat eggs every day for a month after delivery.

—Don’t shower for a month.

—And don’t open any windows or go outside.

—And have your mother in law live with you for the next several years!

Romania: In Romania, never go barefoot while you are pregnant. The chill will go right through your feet and give your baby a cold . . . even if it is 90 degrees and the middle of summer. Also, get used to people spitting in the direction of your baby (or you while you are still pregnant). This will trick the evil spirits into thinking your child is ugly   so your family will be left alone.

China: ALL of these I heard after having my boys in China:

  1. Don’t brush your teeth for at least a week after giving birth
  2. Don’t shower for a month after giving birth
  3. Eat a dozen eggs within the first 2 days — and then keep eating eggs non-stop the first month
  4. Don’t let the baby feel ANY breeze

Philippines:

My brother & his family served in the Philippines for many years—and one piece of advice they were given when my sister-in-law was pregnant was that at NIGHT, when the pregnant woman is getting into bed, she was supposed to eat a handful of peanuts and then get into bed by jumping in OVER her husband. Ha! You would not see ME jumping anywhere when I was that big!

Have you delivered in another country? What advice were you given? What other countries could you add to the list?

Book, China, Cross cultural, Ending Chapters, Faith

Looming Transitions is HERE! {4 ways you can help}

I’ll admit, for a while the question, “When will your book be done?” made me a bit sheepish. After sharing a goal or a dream, on the upside you get cheerleaders. On the downside, if you’re not really doing much you get to be shifty again and again with, “Oh, I’m working on it.” (Hypothetically for four years. I’m just saying.)

Go ahead, ask me. “When can I buy your book?”

I’ll try not to smile too big when I say, “Today!!!!!!!”

Box of LT

Looming Transition is on Amazon (both Kindle and print) and at Createspace. I earn slightly more if you buy a print copy at createspace, but if you’ve got a good gig going on with Amazon, guilt free buy from Amazon.

LT is intended for the 4 to 6 months before moving to or from the field. I firmly believe that is a key window that can make your transition easier or harder. Notice, I said “easier,” not easy. You get it.

I’ve never launched or sold a book before and I feel a bit like I’m saying to you, “Do you like my baby? Will you, my people help raise her? Will you stand with me in the good times and hard? Will you still like me even when she disappoints or does stupid things?”

And all the people said, “We will!”

You might wonder, That’s great, but I’ve never done this either. What can I do? Here are four ways you can help with this raising of Looming Transitions:

1. Celebrate! Of course I hope this book sells decently because I truly believe it will help those in transition, but if this books sells and I have no one to share it with, what have I gained? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. What is worse than watching sports by yourself and having no one to high-five? Nothing. Okay, there are worse things, but in that moment, it’s pretty low.

I’m high-fiving you! Woot, woot! If you weren’t here, there would be no book. I did it. You encouraged me. We did it. Let’s enjoy this moment.

2. Suggest or give Looming Transitions to someone you know who in transition to or from living overseas. The best way a book sells is through word of mouth. If you tell them and they know you, they are much more likely to buy it.

3. Leave a review on Amazon or Goodreads. It does not need to be five stars (though if that’s what your heart is saying, go with your heart!). Amazon is funny, she just likes to see the amount of reviews. The more reviews (even three or four star), the more she will say, “Hey, maybe I should tell other people about this book.”

4. Tell someone about Looming Transitions. You know tons of people I don’t know. You know people living in Sweden or working at this church or for that organization. You know you neighbor’s cousin who is moving to Brazil or your former coworker who is entering his last semester on the field. You know mission committee members and pastors and counselors.

This includes sharing on social media. Thanks for all of the shout outs!

You might be a blogger who would like to interview me or write a review of Looming Transitions (I can offer a copy as a giveaway). Who could you tell about this book?

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Three final thoughts:

  • If you want to buy Looming Transitions in bulk, use the contact form below and I can work with you on a discounted rate.
  • As a small gift to those in transition, I’ve made these graphics that go along with ideas from the book.
  • I find authors who only talk about their books tedious. We get it, you wrote a book. How about living a life too?! My bias, I know. On Friday I’ll share a bit of the journey of this book and wanted to warn you incase you fear that every post is going to be about this book. It’s not. My plan is to mention it at the beginning of each semester and maybe share if something interesting comes up.

Because today is a day of celebration! Leave a comment and on Friday I’ll draw one of your names and you can give this book to someone you know—yourself included :).

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As we launch this book and wait to see how God will use it, I want to end with the benediction I gave at the end of the acknowledgments:

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Grace and Peace,

Amy

Contact form for inquiries as to me speaking to your group about transitions, buying bulk orders, or your thoughts on the Broncos’ chances in the Superbowl.

 

Book, China, Cross cultural

A Non-Cook Reviews 3 Chinese Cookbooks

This post reminds me of my first “research” paper in sixth grade. We were learning about using sources to enhance our ideas. Want to know my subject? Prepare to laugh given how life and interests turned out.

Mexican food. We had a student teacher and I recall him talking with me, wondering if I had enough sources and if I needed a more concrete subject. I was the only student writing about a food group. When I explained my mom’s cookbook collection I convinced him to let me try.

Cookbooks

Last month I shared three reasons you should read the Chinese food memoir Shark’s Fin and Sichuan Pepper: A Sweet-sour Memoir of Eating in China by Fuchsia Dunlop. It turns out she’s also written three cookbooks: Land of Plenty: A Treasury of Authentic Sichuan Cooking (2003), Revolutionary Chinese Cookbook: Recipes from Hunan Province (2007), and most recently Every Grain of Rice: Simple Chinese Home Cooking (2013). 

Though I am a self-proclaimed non-cook (in any culture), these books are a must explore because they are more than cookbooks. They are part cultural informant, part memoir, and part cookbook.

Cultural Informant

In each book, Dunlop goes into delicious details on food as it relates to culture, both at the start of the book, at the start of each section, and, if you can believe it, with almost every recipe.

For instance, on the recipe for Mr. Lai’s Glutinous Rice Balls With Sesame Stuffing (Lai Tang Yuan) she shares:

In 1894, a young man named Lai Yuanxin traveled from his native town to Chengdu, where he took up a place as an apprentice in a restaurant. Sadly, it wasn’t long before he fell out with his boss and lost his job. Stuck with no means to support himself, he borrowed money from a cousin, bought a bamboo shoulder pole and a few cooking utensils, and started selling glutinous rice dumplings on the streets. After making a living this way for many years, he was able to open a shop on Zongfu Street in the center of Chengdu. Mr. Lai’s unusually good tang yuan are now celebrated all over China. (Land of Plenty: A Treasury of Authentic Sichuan Cooking)

It goes on, and this is but one recipe out of three rather detailed books!

Memoir

Part of the beauty of food in China, is the possibility each one of us has to join the grand culinary story. While every dish may have a history, we each have our own personal history and experience of it. Who doesn’t have memories tied to restaurants, dishes, or cooking experiences?

Dunlop’s books are not merely about food, but about her personal experience with the food. The recipe for Stir-Fried Bitter Melon with Chinese Chives (Jiu Cai Chao Ku Gua) comes with this story:

By a series of strange coincidences, within twenty-four hours of arriving in Mao Zedong’s home village, Shaoshan, I was invited out to lunch by his nephew Mao Anping, now an official in the local government. Mao the younger is a laid-back, affable, chain-smoking sixty-year-old who is blasé about the attention paid to him as one of the Chairman’s closest surviving relatives. He brushes aside any suggestion that he looks like his legendary uncle, but, seen in profile or from behind, the resemblance is quite unnerving. . . . This is his recipe for bitter melon, a fresh and radiant stir-fry of jade-green melon, dark green chives, and brilliant scarlet chili. (Revolutionary Chinese Cookbook: Recipes from Hunan Province)

Cookbook

Here we begin to get out of my depth, but I believe those of you who are interested in these cookbooks because you actually want to cook food and not just read about it will not be disappointed. Each book is sprinkled with food preparation information and skill development, in addition to recipes. She includes cooking methods, what is in a Sichuan pantry, a Hunan pantry, and the basics of a Chinese pantry. It turns out I enjoyed reading about all of the different chopping techniques and the “useful shapes” you can make.

Pictures are a plenty and can either make you hungry, nostalgic, or act as a guide. In Every Grain of Rice: Simple Chinese Home Cooking, Dunlop shares how to plan a Chinese meal, what to do after the meal, a short section on drinks, and a most helpful “menu ideas” for two, four, or six people. Each menu suggestion comes with four meat and four vegetarian menus.

While reading these books did not turn me into a cook, it did open my eyes further to this vital part of the Chinese world that it would be easy to think I already knew. It also makes me wonder whom I could give them to because he or she would actually cook for me!

If you are a cook, you’ll enjoy these books. If you’re not, buy them for someone who is and enjoy reading them after they fix you a meal.

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Do you remember your first research paper? Do you read cookbooks? Normally I don’t, to be honest, but I know lots of people do.

A version of this was first in From the West Courtyard.

Disclosure : Amazon Affiliate links included in this post. If you click through to Amazon, any purchase you make supports this website.

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