Messy Middle Archives - The Messy Middle

52 Cards, 52 Weeks, 52 Years

As the self-proclaimed “Math Fairy,” I love the playful side of math. In particular, I love patterns! So, every time a new age comes, I try to think of something fun about that number.

A deck of cards has 52 cards.

A year has 52 weeks.

And I now have 52 trips about the sun.

While the joke could be made that I am finally playing with a full deck, I decided that to let all of these 52’s come together in one fantastic year!

I took an old deck of cards—and yes, I specifically chose an old Broncos deck because if I can cram as much of what I love in one thing, then shove away! Back to my point, I took a deck of cards and have written the name of a friend or family member on each card.

My birthday happens to be on a Sunday this year, so every Sunday morning I will deal myself a card. The name on that card is going to be my “friend” or “family member” for the week. What does that mean?

Nothing and everything. We’ll see. Not every plan has to be fully formed for it to be a good plan. Hehehe!!

About halfway through making my “52 friends and family” card game, I began to fear that I would not have enough people. What if I could not name 52 people who have influenced my life?!

True confession, I ran out of cards before I ran out of people. In several cases I put married couples together — which normally, I hate it when a couple are only seen as a unit because they are both individuals. But in this case, it means I get to have more people as my “FOTW” (Friend or Family Or The Week).

As with most years, I still find it beyond weird that I am 52, remembering a time that 52 sounded so old. But here we are and as I made my card game, I am reminded that my life has been one of so much blessing.

So many people. So many experiences. So much more ahead of me.

Thank you for being here and reading these words. Thank you for being a part of a rich a wonderful life. Life is hard and disappointing and confusing and fun and exciting and hopeful. It is the messy middle.

Join me in a virtual slice of birthday cake!

With love, Amy

P.S. What’s your favorite birthday cake of choice? Mine is Angel food cake with mocha frosting!

Cross cultural, Learning lessons, Messy Middle

Count Your Blessings {and a survey}

Hello Messy Middle friends,

Before we jump into the meat of this post, I have a request. After writing Looming Transitions to help people in cross-cultural service with their transitions and All the News to help them stay on the field via good communication with supporters, I want to help people navigate their first year on the field. In December I’m going to start (and hopefully make good progress) on a book geared especially for the first year on the field. Every year on the field is unique and special, but like other “firsts” in life, that first year on the field is often in a category unto itself. If you live or lived on the field, could you help by taking this survey? It should take 10-30 minutes depending on how much detail you want to go into. Thank you in advance for sharing your experiences with others! Here is the survey.

This week is Thanksgiving in America. I wrote the following years ago in the midst of a very crazy season on the field. Making lists in November of what I was thankful for became an annual discipline to train myself to not miss the ordinary blessings in my life. I wrote:

Still, in the midst of the craziness, I am conscious that I truly do have much to be thankful! Limiting myself to this past week, here are several random pieces of life that I am thankful for:

—Getting to see new things in China. I had never been to Inner Mongolia, the province that borders Mongolia. The population is pretty evenly split between Mongolians and Han Chinese … racial tension does exist. As an outsider, it was cool to see all of the signs in Chinese and the old Mongolian script (not the Cyrillic style that is used in Mongolia). KFC in English, Chinese, and Mongolian! You don’t see that every day.

—Mutton! I’m thankful that I don’t live in a place where the main meat option is mutton (um, like Inner Mongolia). Man, but that is “meat with an attitude”!

—I’m thankful that my job includes the excitement of going out to see and encourage teachers and the fun of heading home and knowing when you wake up on the last day of a trip “tonight I’ll sleep in my own bed.”

—The hand-knit sweater my Chinese Mama made me – it weighs about five pounds (not an exaggeration!!!) but on cold days like today, it warms me outside and in. How many people have two mothers who really love them? Wow.

—Popcorn. Ok, that was my lunch today! But I love being an adult without children so I can eat what I want without having to set a nutritional example :-).

—Chocolate, Stain Remover Stick, and a commentary on British Lit. Isn’t that a great list?! It is what the team I’m visiting tomorrow has asked me to bring them. And it just about sum up what’s important in life!

—Indonesian Dancing. Last night a former student invited me to a dance performance at Beijing University. We’ve been doing a lot together recently – she has a tender spirit and knows where I stand on things but has no real interest in them herself … but I keep hoping!

—Playing CARDS! The same student and her boyfriend came over Saturday night for dinner and to play cards. They taught me a Chinese card game that is very similar to hearts … only I found out the hard way that you don’t want both the Queen of Spades AND all the hearts. The Queen is a ton of negative points regardless!

—Pumpkin bread and helpers! I’ve been cooking down pumpkin to make pumpkin bread for teams when I got to visit them. Saturday Gabe (age 4) and Nate (age 2) helped me by stirring and dumping as I made my bread for my next round of travels.

—My students!! Have I mentioned how much I LOVE them??? Well, I do. Today they handed in papers on their beliefs about reparations, finishing off that unit. How can you not love someone who write:

“Firstly I thank teacher Amy to give us some articles about reparations and these materials make us discuss, know different opinions.”

“In this unit we learned five articles, all of which focused on the understanding of reparation. I was a little shocked and excited to know these all, in such a direct way. I mean, just at one time, all these different (even opposed) opinions rushed into my brain and shook my former perspective strongly.”

—My job! I often think that I have the BEST job in our organization. I get to teach students and encourage our teachers … what is not to love. Wow. I feel that so much of what I do does make a difference and I know that not everyone can say that about their job.

I was given a promise earlier this fall by a friend when I was going through a rough period. The promise was “Don’t hold back Your tender mercies from me. My only hope is in your unfailing love and faithfulness.” And He hasn’t. Even in just this past week my cup runs over – He has been faithful over and over.

Tis time to be thankful!

Amy

P.S. Actually all of Psalm 40is a good one to read this week. And thank you for helping with the survey: Remembering Your First Year. A version of this post is also on A Life Overseas.

Messier than normal, Messy Middle, Personality

10 Signs You are Embracing the Messy Middle

The phrase the messy middle seems to be more used than it was when I first started this blog. Often it is used in the sense of “Here is how to get out of the annoying messy middle.”

Well, how ducky. And simplistic. While I do believe that certain aspects of life are finite with a clear beginning, middle, and end, that is not my experience for most of life.

You know I’ve written several books. I know you’ve done your own amazing thing, birthed a human, donated hours to a cause you care about deeply, maybe live with chronic mental health issues.

Have you ever, in real life, not been in the messy middle? Those books I wrote? They are not “done.” Sure, they are done in the sense that the writing, editing, rewriting, formatting, and publishing is done. But in terms of the fullness of what it means to write a book, they are not done. They are on-going . . . and ever will be. (Ha, guess what? Thanks to the law of the land, they will outlive me by 70 years! To my heirs go the spoils).

That parenting you are doing will never be done. It will morph and change and enter a new phase. Only to morph and change and you will enter another new phase.

That cause you love and are committed to will never fully solve what it is committed to solving. Will change come? Yes. Lord willing you will leave the problem better than you found it, but the work will not be done.

And chronic illness—mental or physical—has good days and bad days, but it is never done. Often hope lies in more good days than bad.

After all these years, I still love the phrase the messy middle. I love it because it rings true this side of glory. So, I thought it might be time to put another stake in the ground about the messy middle and what the messy middle means to me.

Over time you embody more and more that you are a living, breathing, complex paradox.

1. You know more—and less—than you did.

2. You are moving away from—and towards—who you are.

3. You are grateful and able to risk being hurt.

4. When you are hurt you process it over time without choosing one of these unhealthy extremes: (a) Shake it off (“It’s merely a flesh wound!) or (b) let the hurt become the most defining attribute in your story.

5. You celebrate and grieve.

6. You are known for having convictions but not for being an unnecessary jerk about them.

7. Instead of being right, having more, or only looking at your number of comments/likes/follows, your measures are love, generosity, kindness, and joy.

8. You live in service to a greater purpose than yourself and you value your own well-being.

9. You are willing to change . . . and stay that same.

10. You grow in your ability to understand healthy tension instead of seeing every situation as a problem to be solved. (Hat tip to The Power of Healthy Tension: Overcome Chronic Issues and Conflicting Values by Tim Arnold)

Ultimately, you understand that with God’s help and the input of others, you are like a museum curator, curating your life.

And what an amazing exhibit the messy middle makes.

I love that I am not the only one who is drawn to this idea. Thanks for being here. Thanks for being my messy middle friends. High fives all around, even though we might have paint on our hands!

Photo by Bernard Hermant on Unsplash

Faith, Looming Transitions, Messy Middle

Five years ago this week The Messy Middle . . .

was born and the angels rejoiced. Well, maybe not that big of a reception, but her birth did turn out to be more life changing for me than I would have guessed five years ago.

I entered blogging a bit like I was being dragged to a junior high dance by my friend Joann. “I promise you’ll like it! You’ll have fun!” She was a blogger and assured me I would love being one too. I wasn’t so sure, but after months of espousing the joys of blogging, I finally gave in. Funny thing is, all I needed was to be close enough to hear the music coming out of the proverbial gym full of sweaty, nervous bodies for my toe to start tapping and I was off, racing to the center of the dance floor.

This announcement should come as no surprise: I love blogging!!!

Five years allows for enough of a track record to reflect on the journey thus far; the ups and downs, the heartaches and joys; the new friends and friendships that never quite took off. For a different project, I have been going back through the 564 published posts and cleaning up broken coding. It is as much fun as it sounds, which is not much. But, it has given me a chance to review the past five years.

1. I still absolutely adore the name and idea of “The Messy Middle: Where Grace and Truth Reside.” Since this blog started:

I made the painful decision to resign from a job I had loved for years and move back to the US
Our family experienced the seismic shift of Dad’s death
The Denver Broncos lost and then won the Super Bowl
I tried to find a book agent under every rock I could turn over, but alas, none were to be found,
Through independently publishing Looming Transitions, I have met and worked with so many amazing people and didn’t foresee the spin off products of The Looming Transitions Workbook and 22 Activities For Families in Transition (PDF and Kindle)
The amazing world of Velvet Ashes and how we are changing the lives of many in cross-cultural serive
With my writing group in Denver I’ve helped to put on an annual Writer’s on the Rock Conference
Family members have gone through difficult experiences
I’ve discovered a love of gardening
Only thing missing? The Kansas Jayhawks winning the NCAA Basketball Championship! Too much heartache boys, too much. :).

Overall, yup, the messy middle of life. I know you have had your own “messy middle” the last five years too!

2. On the technical side, I have grown in my understanding of blog paragraph spacing, how to use images, coding, and other behind-the-scenes aspects of running a web-site. I have also learned that I use far too many pronouns (assuming due to the context what I am writing about is clear; hello, everyone work on your mind reading!), WAY overuse the word “all” (I’m an includer, don’t we all want to be included?), and have learned that “that” can be annoyingly over used! Sorry :). Still in process myself!

3. Blogging has allowed me to stay in contact with people—both those I’ve met in person throughout life, those I’ve met on line and hope to meet in person, and you who I’ve met here at The Messy Middle. I had not foreseen that starting a blog was a bit like building a cyber home base. In many ways, blogging has been a virtual version of my life for many years in China. I had a home base in Beijing, but much of my job involved traveling around and visiting teachers. The Messy Middle is now a major home base for me as I travel around to other’s blogs, as I guest post, as I contribute to other sites. But this is my home. I am glad to be easily found here and maintain friendships.

4. Guess what else I had not realized until I reflected on the last five years? Unaware to my conscious mind, I have re-created my US/China life, meaning there are two separate, but equally important to me, spaces. Maybe this is the only way I know how to do life :). I have two cyber homes now, and both are very dear to me. Both are where I am my true self. The Messy Middle and Velvet Ashes flow in and through and out of me. I cannot imagine my life without them.

5. Blogging is like any other relationship. For me, blogging is 80% of the time fun and I love it. But I will admit that about 20% of the time, I blog out of the discipline of this relationship. Honestly? 20% cost for 80% joy? Not bad ratios!

6. One major shift in the last five years is that this used to be the only place I blogged. I can still feel the shiver of joy when Amy Sullivan contacted me asking if I’d write a guest post. And then David Rupert asked, and Tanya Marlow asked. By then I also submitted guest posts (and was rejected lots, just so you don’t think this is all rainbows and touchdowns!). I am here slightly less, but I’m writing more than ever.

7. Finally, the absolute most humbling and stunning part of involves two sides of the same coin: Change is possible because you never blog alone. Just think, the world is a different place than it was five years ago when it comes to:

Mother’s Day honoring moms and creating space for a broader story
Operation Christmas Child and boys ages 10-14 not opening presents for girls ages 2-4
#DistractedByBeauty and fighting Teflon Brain

Seriously, don’t you almost get chills to think of how we have changed the discussion in these areas? When I look at the problems of our world today, I can downplay any one of these and wondering if I’m, if we are, doing enough. But how did Jesus feed the masses? He tore bread and fish and handed them to those near him and asked them to help distribute and the people were fed. Jesus feeds the masses one person at a time and collectively, they are fed.

I dashed off a letter to Pastors and went to lunch to eat yummy green beans. You shared and shared and shared on Facebook. The Mother’s Day letter has been read in every country on the planet, it has been turned into liturgy and made into videos. But more than that, it has given language to the deep parts and validated them. The conversation is forever changed. People have been fed.

The boys? The boys of the world still get to me, but that too is changing. The post with ideas for packing boys boxes gets hits every single day. Already today 25 people have read it. In the last seven days 308 have gotten ideas and feel equipped to help the boys ages 10-14. These boys are fed because quite a few of you pinned the post on Pinterest. We still have a lot to do :) . . . but boys are fed when they are seen. Boys souls feel their worth when they open a box packed with them in mind.

So much beauty in our world that goes unnoticed. But less so by us. We are in the midst of the messy middle of our lives, yet now we know it is possible to be #DistractedByBeauty. (You are using Instagram and Facebook to spread the word!). I love all the beauty we are seeing!

~~~

Five years, eh? I remember being shocked when I started The Messy Middle and after a week only have 42 people subscribed. (In fairness to me, I knew tons of people from all my years in China, it is not only that at times I think too highly of myself.) Five years ago I thought a blog was about words.

It is. Of course it is, but that is a bit like saying a book is about letters. Or a movie about still shots. Or a party about the cake.

I am grateful you are here and together we can support each other through the highs and lows of life. I’m thankful that God holds grace and truth in tension and invites us into the messy middle of his wonderful world.

With love,

Amy

Family, Learning lessons, Messy Middle

Why you need to prioritize your life

The summer you turned 12 was a right of passage in our family. Finally you were old enough to get on a plane by yourself and fly out to spend time alone with Aunt Bobbye and then board another plane (or be driven) to Michigan for alone time with Grandma and Grandpa Farley.

Oh the memories of the summer I was 12! Fresh raspberries, spotting Michael Jordan in the airport, playing cribbage, laughing, riding a lawnmower (WHAT?! You mean technology existed that didn’t involve you shoving a lawnmower up a slight hill and grunting? Miracles are real!).

This final week of June has been much anticipated this spring. Niece #1 has a missions trip and Nieces #3 and #4 are at summer camp, leaving #2 (perfectly aged 12) with a week all alone to spend at Camp Grandma (and Aunt Amy, but Camp Grandma rolls off the tongue better).

For the last few months, Niece #2 would say, “We can do that the last week in June!” give me a nudge, tilt her head and bat her eyes in this very #2 way. Ideas include learn cube roots (we know how to party!), bring an Algebra 1 book, teach me how to play the Pandemic Board Game, go to a waterpark, and eat breakfast at a restaurant. You might think you know which one of those were my idea . . . and you might be wrong. Just saying.

She’s also been huggy with Grandma and when it was suggested that her time at Camp Grandma be shortened (I forget now why. It might have been a joke!), it was met with, “No, no, no, no, no.” Camp Grandma is one of the highlights of this summer’s plans.

A few weeks ago I read Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown—this book will be on my best reads of 2016. I truly believe anyone who wants to lead a meaningful life could benefit from reading this book. If your team or committee or some other group you are a part of is looking for a book read and discuss as a group, this is it.

One entire section is devoted to “how we can discern the trivial many from the vital few.” As I read that section, I was reminded of Dallas Willard’s sage wisdom, “Ruthlessly eliminate hurry.”

Why do so many of us hurry? Because we are living undisciplined lives of pursuing more. The disciplined pursuit of less may leave you feeling like you will miss out (at least that is how I often feel). But this week of Camp Grandma is a prime example.

McKeown rightly said, “If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.” He learned this key life lesson as he spent the hours after his daughter’s birth on a work call, not with his wife and daughter.

I have cancelled all but two activities this week. Life is knocking on the door and her cries can be legitimate. Were I to tell #2 I need to spend some time working on X, Y, or Z, they not only sound legitimate, they are legitimate. But are they a priority for this week? This longed for and anticipated week?

No.

Part of living in the messy middle is living out our values in reality and not in theory.

So, this week, I’ll be at Camp Grandma and I’m going to protect the week like my soul depends on it, because in a small way, it does.

Disclosure : Amazon Affiliate links included in this website. If you click through to Amazon, any purchase you make supports the costs of running this website.

Learning lessons, Messy Middle, Velvet Ashes

This wild love story will carry on

Hey friends, I wrote this post for Velvet Ashes. At VA we’ve had our annual three week series for people who will be changing an assignment and moving, people who will be re-entering their passport country, and people who will be carrying on.

When I signed up to write this post a clear image came to mind.

In my mind’s eye, I was walking behind a woman who was on a narrow dusty path, wide enough for one person. Over her shoulders was a long pole with a can of water hanging off of each side. She was carrying on.

I loved the symbolism of carrying water because water sustains life and brings Living Water to thirsty souls.

It was such a lovely picture. After talking about change and re-entry, my soul was ready for less upheaval internally. One foot in front of the other. Step after ordinary step. Familiar paths, familiar teammates, familiar cities and markets. Familiar sounded good.

Wasn’t carrying on supposed to be a lovely picture? Familiar? Calming? Idealized?!

Wait, what?!

Ah, there’s the rub. I tend to see the pain and joy of the path I’m on, yet only the joy of your path. This carrying on is as varied as any other path. It can be glorious or discouraging, exciting or a bit dull. Thankfully, we have not been left without encouragement and models. We join a long line of people who knew what it was to carry on.

We join:

Daniel who was thrown to his death by people who were jealous and didn’t want him to succeed . . . and yet he didn’t die. From Daniel we learn to carry on after false accusations and a traumatic and dramatic experience.

Jesus who spent time in the desert preparing for the next phase of his calling. After time alone with God (and the Accuser) he returned to society and built a team. From him we see a model of carrying on after a period of preparation.

Moses who lead a group of people who were not easy to lead or the most supportive of him. From Moses we learn to carry on for the long haul and to listen to One, not many.

David who had to carry on in both his role as king and in his family when his sin of sleeping with Bathsheba cost many greatly, some even paying with their lives. From David we learn how to carry on after we have sinned.

Leah who felt unloved by her husband and jealous of her sister. From Leah, we learn that carrying on may require us to find our satisfaction only in God.

Joseph who was treated unjustly by his brothers, potiphar’s wife, and the cupbearer. From Joseph we learn that carrying on may involve years and that God keeps his word.

Naomi who suffered through famine and the death of her husband and sons. From Naomi we learn what it means to carry on when hope seems lost.

Ruth who served her mother-in-law as she fulfilled the commitment she made by carrying on in a new land. From Ruth we learn that carrying on can result in unforeseen and eternal blessing.

Caleb who spent years with Moses and the Israelites as they wandered in the desert before the time came to hand the mantle over to him. From Caleb we learn that carrying on can involved the end of an apprenticeship as responsibility is handed to you.

Abraham who was asked to sacrifice his own son and did not know if a substitute was going to be provided. From Abraham we learn that carrying on involves the mysteriousness of following a God who cannot be reduced to a formula.

Isaiah who at one point was told by God to walk around naked and barefoot for three years as a sign of the troubles to be brought against Egypt and Ethiopia. From Isaiah and other prophets we learn to carry on when it seems no one is interested in listening.

Mary who watched her son be unjustly accused, tried, and executed. From Mary we learn to carry on in seasons of deep loss and grief.

Paul and Barnabas who had a ministry disagreement and after parting ways each took on a ministry mentee in Silas and John Mark. From them we learn that disagreements happen and the work can carry on. We also learn to that carrying on involves building into the next generation.

Carrying on

is for those in loss,

it can feel mundane in the day-to-day,

it can involve new opportunities and challenges,

it can get lost in the bigger picture,

it can paradoxically be familiar and foreign at the same time,

it needs to be anchored in who we are, not what we do,

but above all else, it reminds us that this wild love story between a Creator and his creation, beginning before time, will carry on.

~~~

God uses his word in so many ways to encourage and instruct us. Which Biblical character do you relate to most in this season?

Book, Just for fun, Messy Middle

Summer 2016 Reading Challenge

I love summer reading. When I lived in China I looked forward to summer reading by requesting about 10 books from the library to be ready when I returned to the US. I loved picking up the stack of books and seeing what gems (and duds) I had. Mom would eagerly ask what books I’d gotten. Such fun!

The last few summers I’ve joined the summer reading challenge at my local library. But I have to admit I’ve failed at them because you need to have a user name, password, and then daily (or weekly) log your reading. Turns out it is a few too many steps for me.

Enter Plan B. I googled summer reading challenges I could join it turns out most results were suggestions for libraries to host a reading program. Exit Plan B.

As I was gardening I decided, why not hold the reading challenge I was looking for?! Thus was born the Summer 2016 Reading Challenge!

It will start now, June 1, and run through August 19, 2016. To enter, from the list of 15 categories read at least one book in seven different categories. Along the way I’ll have encouraging posts (for example, you may not know any teenagers to get a recommendation from, so I’ll interview a few and get recommendations for you).

What’s in it for you? All who leave a comment on August 19th telling us the names of the books they read will be entered to win one of five $10 Amazon gift cards.

Sound like fun?!

Here is the challenge and I’ll link to a document where you can print it out and keep track of your reading:

A book related to professional development (can be loosely interpreted).

A book that helps you understand part of history better.

A book placed in a country you’re not familiar with OR about a country you’re not familiar with.

A YA book. Here are 37 YA Books You Need To Add To Your Reading List.

A book recommended by a friend.

A graphic novel.

A book you’ve been meaning to read.

A book published more than 100 years ago.

A book recommended by a teenager. Several years ago my teenage teammate Gabe handed me Ender’s Game and said, “Amy, read this.” I never would have chosen it, but I love Gabe so I read it and LOVED it.

A biography.

A play (Do it! 12 Angry Men or Our Town are good places to start if this scares you).

A memoir.

A book by someone you might not spiritually agree with.

A book that won an award.

A book you read years ago and have meant to reread.

Download the challenge as a document here or as a PDF here.

~~~

In short: Seven books from June 1 to August 19.

Are you in? Pick a couple of categories and share a recommendation or a book you plan to read for that category.

Feel free to share this reading challenge with fellow readers.Feel free to share this reading challenge with fellow readers. Why should the kids have all the fun!

Community, Faith, Messy Middle

Why I no longer refer to the “women’s issue” in churches

Recently when talking about women in the church, I find myself talking more about the men. But probably not the men you are thinking of.

It is no surprise to anyone who knows me that I am a proponent of basing job assignments within the church—really, within any structure—on giftings instead of gender. I love working with gifted people. Ever been around someone who can wax poetic on excel sheets? That, my friends, is an example of gifting, one I do not have. There are Christians I respect who prefer for their excel sheets made by men, regardless of gifting.

I have come to picture gender, giftings, and the church like this:

It’s not an accurate representation because it will vary church-to-church how many men and women there are. In addition, the nature of leadership is that there are fewer leaders than followers. So, even though the four areas are divided fairly evenly, in reality, they vary.

Many churches and Christian organizations serve two of the quadrants well. If you are a man gifted in leadership, you will not need to fight for a place to be heard or use your gifts. If you are a woman gifted in other areas than leadership, you too will have a natural outlet for your gifts.

Let’s pause and be grateful that a significant part of the church is being used.

I need this reminder because I can become so annoyed over what isn’t working, that I can forget to acknowledge what is.

Here is where I have had a paradigm shift in the last few months as I have looked at my own journey. Women gifted in leadership are going to lead. They just are. We just are. I just am.

We want to lead within systems we are a part of, but if doors do not open, we will look for a window, crawl out of it, and start leading something. If you are gifted in leadership, you will find ways to lead. Just as if you are gifted with excel sheets, you will find ways to make spread sheets for almost any situation. This is the nature of gifting. You are good at something, it is fun for you, and because you are interested and motivated, you become better at it.

So, as much as I wish the church, in general, would make for space to utilize women in leadership, if women aren’t used, they will find a way to use their gifts outside of the church. Yes, they will be frustrated and disappointed, but they will find ways to use their skills for kingdom good. They will find places to preach, teach, baptize, cast vision, equip, and mobilize.

The shift within me became complete when I stopped talking about women gifted in leadership and started talking extensively about the oft-overlooked quadrant: men gifted in areas other than leadership. This is why I no longer talk about the “women’s issue.” To me, it is the human issue.

Even though it was never blatantly said, growing up I got the message that men are elders because elders lead and women are deacons because deacons care for people. On rare occasions there was a woman elder or a couple of men deacons, but I almost always felt shame for the men who were deacons.

I have never said this out loud because if I did, I can hear the pushback, “No, no, you’re wrong Amy, anyone can have any role.” Even in the pushback I hear whispers to keep family secrets. Anyone can have any job. There is no discrimination here.

I am starting to give more space when I sense shame. Why do I sense it?

Many Sundays, as I sit in a service, I wonder how it is forming the girls and boys around me who will become the young women and young men serving the church in the future. What indirect messages are they getting?

We have one woman elder right now and another member of our church said to me, “She’s not bad. For a woman.” He caught himself and corrected what he said. “I mean, she’s a good elder.”

I do not want my nieces to believe as they step into their giftings that they are “not bad, for a girl.” But I know my nieces. I see the environment they are being raised in and they are going to be fine. They are going to shine because they already do.

So even more, I think about the boys I know. I think about the messages they are receiving and I want their lights to shine as brightly as my nieces.

For those who are gifted in areas other than leadership, I want them to shine in the church and not have to look outside because we have too narrowly defined what they “should” do.

Men, both budding and fully formed, we need you. We don’t need you just to lead us; we need you to be with us. We need you, because without you, we are missing a vital limb. We are not ourselves.

We don’t need you to be shamed in to being other than who God made you. Jesus never, never, motivated through shame or indirect scolding. Instead, he spoke directly about what needed to change and invited people to be engaged in the life of the body.

I can hear him say, “Go and do likewise.”

Messy Middle

The Messy Middle Got a Facelift!

I am so excited you finally get to see the new look of The Messy Middle! First, I need to thank and introduce you to Lacy from A Sacred Journey. She is the mind-reader magician who took phrases like “make it look modern” and “I want The Messy Middle to look clean” and “that font is too swoopy” and made this beautiful space.

If your reading this in an email, please visit The Messy Middle by clicking here.

One summer in high school I was a tour guide for the Colorado State Capital and I LOVED it. So, let’s get this short tour of the new look started. First of all, The Messy Middle has become a website that includes a blog (before it was only a blog). When you go to www.messymiddle.com you will see the options of About, Book, Speaking, and Blog.

About—For those who are new to The Messy Middle. You’ll also find drop downs to where I’m a regular contributor and have guest posted, popular posts, and #DistractedByBeauty.

Book—Looming Transitions will be published in January. You’ll find information about the content and a sneak peak at the cover!

Speaking—If you’re looking for a speaker you can find out how I could be that person on this page.

Blog—Have no fear, this is where the 500 posts up to the point are housed. Yes, folks this is post 501. Sounds like a good firing jean, doesn’t it?

Then you see a small picture of me and a little bit about the philosophy of The Messy Middle. I believe it’s the call for each of us who are followers of Jesus.

Below that is the beautiful easy to find—as I like to call them—Door number 1, 2, and 3:

I just want to pinch myself it looks so nice! When you poke around the blog tab, you’ll notice that it looks similar to the previous version of the blog. The primary changes are buttons near the top if you want to email me, find me on Facebook, check out my Instagram feed, see my Pinterest boards, or follow via RSS feed. The other change is that the posts are now going to be published via Mailchimp, so you can subscribe to either the posts and/or the newsletter in one place. (Thank you, Lacy!)

Finally, near the bottom you’ll find the four post recent posts for the blog.

I am so happy to be able to share this space with you. I hope you have fun looking around and seeing what a great job Lacy has done.

Grace and peace,

Amy

#DistractedByBeauty, Messy Middle

#DistractedByBeauty and You Can Be Too!

It started innocently enough. I took a picture and then said on Instagram:

I’m finding it hard to work on email and editing the book. I just want to stare at this cute pig! I’m creating a new hashtag/ spiritual practice and calling it —#DistractedByBeauty. Seriously doubt it’s new :). But who else wants to be #DistractedByBeauty?!

Turns out many of us do.

#DistractedByBeauty has become a significant spiritual practice as it slows me down to notice what’s right in front of me. I’ve noticed I’m more tuned into the small pieces that could be easy to overlook in all that needs doing. I can sense it informing my being, pushing back on the rush that too often is stirring my soul.

Several people have asked if it’s okay to use #DistractedByBeauty. I don’t own it! It was given to me to help steward. I’d love for you to join in on Facebook or Instagram. It’s small, it doesn’t have to be daily, and it’s fun.

Here’s some of what’s been distracting and delighting me:

1. #DistractedByBeauty was born by that cute pig!

2. Here’s the thing, sometimes to be #DistractedByBeauty you have to look past the fact that the squirrel ate one of only three sunflowers that came up this year. And say “I see you empty, naked, headless stock. But I also see the two beautiful sunflowers! And yes, one of them is held up by string.” #DistractedByBeauty

3. Today I was #DistractedByBeauty on my #dietCoke! What a cute #LadyBug and she had good taste!

4. #DistractedByBeauty in the form of chocolate :) Really people, doesn’t this look like art? {Side note: this turned out to be one of the most popular ones, are we surprised?}

1. I am a sucker for a cute bench. Think of the conversations that could take place! Or the books that could be read. Almost done with #RisingStrong by #brenebrown. So good! #DistractedByBeauty in benches and books.

2. This isn’t the only insect or spider web picture I’ve taken. I didn’t know I was such a bug fan.

3. Wouldn’t you love to know what they are talking about? #DistractedByBeauty and #DistractedByRandomness “I don’t say this to hurt your feelings, but I’m not sure Green is your best color.”

4. I got new shoes and I love them!!! Depending on your philosophy they either go with nothing or with everything :). I think you know where I land in this! #DistractedByBeauty that are on my feet! Soon to be #DistractedByBoarding … These are very comfortable for travel. So I am in about seven of my happy places at once :)!!

1. Look!! On my car … When you see #denverbroncos colors how can you not be #DistractedByBeauty :)!!

2. Walking into the library to work I nearly missed this!!! Yes, you made in the Imago Dei, don’t forget. #DistractedByBeauty I love a good #bumpersticker

3. This is #4’s first #DenverBroncos game! She’s wearing her mom’s vintage orange crush shirt and I’m wearing my Super Bowl shirt from when the Broncos were in their first one! All four of Tom Young’s granddaughters have sat in his seat. She has been looking forward to this for months :)! I love you #4!!#DistractedByBeauty

4.Bought temporary scripture tattoos this week and this is what I’ve been thinking and praying about. And then I read this from “Soul Keeper”: The Bible does use the word easy once, though. It came from Jesus. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and … And you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. “Easy is a soul word, not a circumstance word; not an assignment word. Aim at having easy circumstances, and life will be hard all around. Aim at having an easy soul, and your capacity for tackling hard assignments will actually grow. The soul was not made for an easy life. The soul was made for an easy yoke. P 126

After the week I’ve had, I needed that reminder :-). #DistractedByBeauty in the form of encouragement. #armedwithtruth

///

So, we’re not talking high literature, and my use of exclamation marks might border on excessive. But I am more actively look for and appreciating the beauty that’s around me. Beauty that points me to the joy and mystery of our faith.

Tomorrow I fly to China for two weeks and have decided to take a two week blogging break. I can either be present with those around me, or focused too much on the internet as I travel. I’ve recently been nudged by God how easy it is to talk about rhythms and not live them. The only reason I’d keep blogging while traveling with a fairly full schedule is out of fear that you’ll forget about me or my blog numbers will fall.

But God wants us to live bigger, more interesting stories than blog numbers. And fear is not a sign of His Spirit.

If you want to see bits and pieces when something hits me, I’ll be on instagram or Facebook as I’m #DistractedByBeauty. Please feel free to use that hashtag so I can see what’s distracting you, too.

Enjoy the next two weeks.

Grace and Peace and #DistractedByBeauty,

Amy