The Messy Middle

where grace and truth reside

You are here: Home / Archives for Personality

Messier than normal, Messy Middle, Personality

10 Signs You are Embracing the Messy Middle

The phrase the messy middle seems to be more used than it was when I first started this blog. Often it is used in the sense of “Here is how to get out of the annoying messy middle.”

Well, how ducky. And simplistic. While I do believe that certain aspects of life are finite with a clear beginning, middle, and end, that is not my experience for most of life.

You know I’ve written several books. I know you’ve done your own amazing thing, birthed a human, donated hours to a cause you care about deeply, maybe live with chronic mental health issues.

Have you ever, in real life, not been in the messy middle? Those books I wrote? They are not “done.” Sure, they are done in the sense that the writing, editing, rewriting, formatting, and publishing is done. But in terms of the fullness of what it means to write a book, they are not done. They are on-going . . . and ever will be. (Ha, guess what? Thanks to the law of the land, they will outlive me by 70 years! To my heirs go the spoils).

That parenting you are doing will never be done. It will morph and change and enter a new phase. Only to morph and change and you will enter another new phase.

That cause you love and are committed to will never fully solve what it is committed to solving. Will change come? Yes. Lord willing you will leave the problem better than you found it, but the work will not be done.

And chronic illness—mental or physical—has good days and bad days, but it is never done. Often hope lies in more good days than bad.

After all these years, I still love the phrase the messy middle. I love it because it rings true this side of glory. So, I thought it might be time to put another stake in the ground about the messy middle and what the messy middle means to me.

Over time you embody more and more that you are a living, breathing, complex paradox.

1. You know more—and less—than you did.

2. You are moving away from—and towards—who you are.

3. You are grateful and able to risk being hurt.

4. When you are hurt you process it over time without choosing one of these unhealthy extremes: (a) Shake it off (“It’s merely a flesh wound!) or (b) let the hurt become the most defining attribute in your story.

5. You celebrate and grieve.

6. You are known for having convictions but not for being an unnecessary jerk about them.

7. Instead of being right, having more, or only looking at your number of comments/likes/follows, your measures are love, generosity, kindness, and joy.

8. You live in service to a greater purpose than yourself and you value your own well-being.

9. You are willing to change . . . and stay that same.

10. You grow in your ability to understand healthy tension instead of seeing every situation as a problem to be solved. (Hat tip to The Power of Healthy Tension: Overcome Chronic Issues and Conflicting Values by Tim Arnold)

Ultimately, you understand that with God’s help and the input of others, you are like a museum curator, curating your life.

And what an amazing exhibit the messy middle makes.

I love that I am not the only one who is drawn to this idea. Thanks for being here. Thanks for being my messy middle friends. High fives all around, even though we might have paint on our hands!

 

Photo by Bernard Hermant on Unsplash

Ending Chapters, Faith, Personality

Turning 50: When the odometer on your life turns over a new decade

I see my life as a series of peaks with each peak representing ten years. It could be because I am from Colorado, famous for mountains and snow, or it could be this time of year in the Northern Hemisphere, but I see these peaks blanketed in beautiful powder snow.

When a new “zero” comes around, I picture myself at the top of one of the peaks. I am able to see the decade behind me and the picture my footsteps made the in the snow. Step-by-step 30 becomes 31 and 32 and 33 and the years pass until my final step on that peak is taken.

Often I have a different perspective when I look back and survey the decade behind me than I did at the in the middle of the steps I took. Parts are fun to review, others, frankly I care less about with time; on occasion, I can see how good came out of seasons that I never could have anticipated good when I was in the middle of them.

Then I turn and look at the fresh snow before me—the next decade I will live. I wonder how my story will continue? How will it change? What do I hope to see as I look back when I reach the next peak?

Not all of my thoughts are deep. I wonder if this will finally be the decade that my beloved Denver Broncos (American football) and Kansas Jayhawks (the most amazing university in America) will each be champions in the same year. That, that my friends will be a year to behold!

I do not have any clear memories of turning 10 or 20. Age 30 found me celebrating in Chengdu (China) and I rang 40 in by “making” my community in Beijing come to a murder mystery dinner in the midst of all the busyness of the holidays. I remember turning 30 and 40, looking back at my footsteps of my life in the snow. In many ways, my 20s and 30s were nothing like what I had anticipated when it came to specific plans I thought might unfold. But in ways that matter, they went “according to plan” – grow, invest, enjoy, laugh, befriend.

I reached another peak last week. I am at the beginning of a fresh decade. The landscape of white in front of me. It is my year of jubilee. I am 50! (and I am 50? What in the world!)

I am aware that my dad only saw two peaks beyond where I stand. I am not guaranteed to see even that many.

You are also at the beginning, maybe not of a decade, but of a fresh year—be it in the Church Year or the calendar year. The snow is freshly fallen and you have yet to take many steps.

The theme last week at Velvet Ashes was “fresh,” what freshness do you need as you travel through 2018?

Do you need in your home, in your work, within yourself:

Fresh peace

Fresh hope

Fresh love

Fresh faith

A fresh sense of anticipation

A fresh perspective

A fresh mindset

A fresh understanding of God himself

A fresh relationship with your health

A fresh understanding of what it means to serve cross-culturally

Fresh joy!

Fresh communication skills

Fresh cultural insight

~~~

“Then He who sat on the throne said, ‘Behold, I make all things new.’” (from Revelation 21)

Behold.

Savor that word. Let it roll around on your tongue. Behold.

Though this verse is about the new heaven and the new earth, we know God is in the business of making all things new. As you stand at the mini-peak of this new year, behold! God can give you fresh hope, fresh love, fresh joy, fresh long-suffering.

What do you need God to make fresh in you and your life? I said that my goals are to “grow, invest, enjoy, laugh, befriend”—what are the overall goals of your life?

A version of this first appeared on Velvet Ashes. Image by Karen Huber.

Personality, Summer Reading Challenge

4 ways to respond to criticism

Thank you to all who participated in the Summer 2017 Reading Challenge! This year, we were international baby. People participated from Africa, Asia, Central America, all around the U.S. Maybe more. We clocked over 150 books. Good jus us! Winners have been notified; if you didn’t win, Summer 2018 with new categories will be here before you know it. I had so much fun!

///

Last week a friend emailed me this question:

So writer question for you. I am thinking and praying about writing eventually, like as a career or side job, but aside from the fact that I have no idea if I have the talent of course, I am super sensitive to criticism. Not out of ego, more like I just take everything personally, I’m way too insecure! I’m working on it. How do or did you handle rejection as a writer? Or do you have any words of wisdom on that, if you haven’t faced rejection?

If only! Criticism is a part of life. But not all criticism is the same. Part of living well in the messy middle is to create enough space for your brain to kick in and evaluate which type it is so you can respond accordingly.

1. The criticism that is more like indifference. You aren’t important enough to even engage. Some people never respond to something I have written . . . I’ll submit a post or a book proposal and then — crickets. It stings a little, but not too bad.

2. The criticism that is points out a truth I know, but in a humorous way. Not that the critic means to be funny, but I take it that way. Some people will comment on something I’ve written, something like, “Amy, you are a little too . . . “ whatever for that post. Usually, there is something funny about it. Because, yes, yes I am a bit over the top at times, or whatever. These I can shrug off. Larry, will always stand out as my first critic I didn’t know. In response to The Mother’s Day Post he emphatically ended with “My dear, Life is not about YOU.” Um, newsflash Larry, I know that :).

Oh, and on Looming Transitions? The person who said it should be called Transitions for Dummies, not sure why, but this cracks me up.

3. But then, sometimes pa critic hits below the belt. I have been called very selfish, ungrateful, mean, not Godly, and other things that in the context of the comment really hurt. And they bounced around inside of me. On one blog, where I was a guest post, the host did not stand by me while her people treated me like crap. After replying to about 200 comments and taking hit after hit, God said, “Okay, that is enough, you don’t have to engage any more.” I’m working on these voices having less space in my head :). Working on it!!

4. The final category those who give feedback out of support for me or a project. My editor BLEEDS on my work. Oh my word. Everytime I am shocked how many errors or suggestions there are :). With her, I remind myself that every cut or comment is motivated out of love for me and the desire for my writing to be the best it can be. She says nothing out of malice or to hurt me. She is for me and the project and is helping to make it better. When I listen to her, I end up sounding more like me. This is the paradox of criticism.

So, I wrote back to my friend, this is a long answer that not all criticism is the same :). I try to step back and see which bucket it is in and to not give all criticism equal weight.

How do you handle criticism? 

Faith, Personality

Using my free pass

*I apologize if you get this emailed to you two days in a row. I transferred servers yesterday (blah, blah computer talk) after posting this and then this post disappeared. The only solution was to repost it. But from here on out, blog problems I’ve been having should be solved. And the crowds rejoiced!

When I was a junior high math teacher each student received a “free pass” on the first day of the quarter. The pass was theirs to use when they were not able to get their homework done. I didn’t care the reason, if they had run out of time, had a late night at a sporting event, or simply forgot to do their homework, the pass spared me as their teacher from having to listen to at least a little bit of the junior high drama.

I had some of the students for eight quarters in a row and here is where it got interesting, Without fail, a few of the kids used the pass the very next day. The very next day! What?! Why wouldn’t you want to save it? (You can clearly see my wiring).

Others used it sprinkled throughout the quarter.

A few saved the free pass to the very last day of the quarter and used it like a veteran poker player who was getting away with something.

But a few—without fail—never used the pass.

Responsibility and time management skills are admirable. And no doubt those kids probably went on to become capable and dependable employees.

In many ways I can relate to those kids. What if this is the one math assignment that if I don’t do I will become so lost I’ll fail the test and then my grade will be tanked for this quarter?! I better do it.

A few nights ago I was watching a rerun of Major Crimes and the teenage character Rusty Beck said with disgust after he beat a chess opponent, “You call yourself a specially trained operative, but you only think of two moves ahead of you when you play.”

Lightbulb moment.

Those who live life playing too many moves ahead never use their free pass. That which is a useful skill in chess can hamper you if taken too far in life. It is too risky to stop and smell the roses because you never know what will happen if you lift off of the gas pedal.

I am finding myself in a season of few words.

After the words flowing effortlessly for several years, I sit here wondering what to say. I have ideas, I have thoughts, but I don’t have the drive to put them down. The words I do have are going to Velvet Ashes (especially the book club.Click here to see a list of all the books we’ve read) and A Life Overseas (this ismy most recent post). In one writer’s group, my goal for the summer has been not to start a new book now that Love, Amy released. I actually had to make that my goal! Forging ahead is second nature to me.

Using my free pass and trusting that I will not starve and be homeless when I am old is not.

But I sense God sitting at the far side of the lake, smiling at me, asking me to join Him. Will I use the free pass and trust that if I write here a little bit less, it will all be okay in the end?

I’ll be back for the end of the Summer Reading Challenge. Here is a pro-tip for free: feeling behind? Read a graphic novel. I read four in the time it would have taken to read one non-graphic novel :). So, when you see my numbers later this month, don’t be too impressed. Ha! Graphic novels are good summer reading. August 17th is still a ways off, you’re not too late.

This is me, using my free pass. Apparently I am drawn to animals.

See you in a few weeks :).

Amy

How about you? When teachers gave you a free pass, did you use it right away? Never? On the last day? How does your wiring influence the free passes life offers us?

Faith, Personality

HALT-B: I don’t do all that well with tired

I learned about HALT-B in some class. You can easily tick it off on your fingers:

  • Hungry
  • Angry
  • Lonely
  • Tired
  • or Bored

HALT-B

HALT-B stands for things that can lead us to make poor choices. Poor choices can lead to sin and distance and shame and regret. While none of us are at our best when we are hungry-angry-lonely-tired-or-bored, some will be easier to roll with than others.

The granddaddy of them all

When I’m lonely, yeah I’m lonely but I’m not as likely to do something that I will later regret and potentially have to confess. When I’m hungry I can get a bit testy; but the granddaddy of them all is when I’ve had a long day and all I want to do is go to bed. I am not at my most lovely late at night. To say I’m not a night person would be, um, a colossal understatement.

For me, it’s when I’m tired that I’m most likely to say something that I know — usually immediately– I shouldn’t have said. And sadly it happened yet again last week while I was on a business trip. It had been a long day (note to self, pay attention!) and I had returned from a hot-pot banquet with about an hour before bed. A friend at the banquet later emailed me that I looked tired near the end, but she didn’t think anyone but her had noticed. That was the least of my concerns during the meal! As the guest I kept getting served lots of organ meat. My primary concern around the communal hot-pot wasn’t whether they thought I was tired, but whether or not the hosts were noticing how much pig’s stomach I was trying to hide in my dipping sauce!

So, yes, I was tired.

When I got back to the hotel another co-worker called because she had had a rough day and needed to process it a bit. I like this co-worker and am glad to walk through the up’s and down’s of growth and change. She was sick, not at her best, and at those times can get a bit extreme. Her health will NEVER recover. She’s a burden to everyone she’s ever met. Darth Vader had more friends than she does.

When she gets like this I can usually use mild sarcasm to reflect back to her the absurdity of her statements. Note the use of the word ‘mild.’ Tiredness can take mild and—if I’m not careful, bypass moderate and land on caustic—sarcasm before Princess Leia’s hair comes into it! That evening I was cruising towards caustic when she rightly said, “Wow, you’re a bit sarcastic tonight.”

She was more than a bit generous and gentle! Thankfully, the Helper confirmed with a knife to my heart her admonition and I was able to dial it back to mild. But I know I don’t do well with tired. Late at night I’m good in a crisis, not in a deep conversation and if I’m not on guard what starts off as merely a foolish choice of words can end in blatant, distance causing sin. Now, confession can be made and distance closed. However, how much lighter and freer to be able to go to bed or face the next morning without regret.

How about you? Which are your greatest stumbling blocks?

Book, Family, Personality

What pushed me to yell at birds

This Velvet Ashes Book Club (which I lead) is currently reading Consider the Birds by Debbie Blue. Last week the chapter we read was about the sparrow. I laughed when Debbie ran into her friend and neighbor Diane in the driveway. “‘I need to talk to you about sparrows.” She may not have exactly narrowed her eyes, but that’s how I remember it.’ And later at the birthday party when Debbie couldn’t help bringing up the subject of sparrows again. We’ve all been there, haven’t we, when we can’t help but talk about a subject even though we know others don’t want to talk about it.

I had no idea the sweet sparrow was known by birders as HOSP—HOuse SParrow on bird forums—and produced such passionate responses from people. As I read this chapter, I couldn’t imagine getting so worked up over a bird.

sparrows

And then I remembered my grandma.

As a child from Colorado, when we visited my grandparents in Michigan (two days drive away) it was exciting to see cardinals and bluejays—about the only two birds I can actually identify because one is red and the other blue. My grandparents loved birds and even counted birds one year for the Audubon society. They had bird feeders outside of most of the windows and conversations were often sprinkled with commentary of what was happening outside.

It was at the kitchen table I learned, “Bluejays are hogs! HOGS!”—pounding on the window—”I did not put that food out there for you, you HOG, go away!” More pounding. Since I didn’t have a bird in the fight, so to speak, it was mildly funny watching someone get so riled up about a bird.

Fast forward to this past summer. Oh, God has a sense of humor. Humming birds built a nest in a tree near my sister’s house. Humming birds are cute! Their babies are tiny and adorable. My nieces would call with updates and hummingbird sightings and facts. So fun. So exciting. So small. So cute!

Crows built a nest in the tall tree across the street from Mom and me. After the babies hatched they seemed to be instantly the size of their parents. Maybe not, but that’s how it seemed to me from the ground.

Their nest was in a perfectly fine tree surrounded by perfectly fine trees; but the parents decided the perfect place to train the adolescent crows on how to be crows was in our backyard. Every morning and afternoon the entire awful crow family would fly over to our trees and spend time in “Crow School.”

Turns out crow school involves a lot of sitting around (Why?! Why?! You are birds. Fly.) and squawking incessantly and defecating. On more than one occasion I actually went outside and screamed at them to be quiet and to take their training lessons elsewhere. Um, so maybe I can picture getting riled up over a bird.

My sister Laura has a tattoo of a crow on the majority of her forearm. Before she visited this summer, I warned her to be prepared to regret that decision after she saw upfront how AWFUL crows are (incessant squawking makes me cranky). Guess what those cheeky crows did?! They hung out at the end of street during her entire visit. What?! She would laugh at me when we would drive past them and I’d yell at them to never visit again. So, her love of crows (or me) wasn’t dented.

The day after she left—the very next day—two of the crows came over in the morning. Seriously? Are birds that smart?! I admit to checking if this book had a chapter on crows, because I didn’t think I had it in me. Smile. As I read about the crazed HOSP folks, I thought about the crazed person in my mirror. And how God uses birds, and books, and you in my life.

 

What animals or birds have pestered/taught you lesson?

Faith, Personality

The difference between “being found” and “being found out”

found vs found out

I was spending time with dear friends and in introducing me to their friend, they told him, “This is our Amy who lived in China for years. We’ve told you all about her.” He said to me, “Oh, I bet you’re fluent in Chinese then.” Once again I had to say, “No, I’m not really fluent in Chinese. I’m adequate, but I’m not very good.” It was a moment of feeling found out.

It was too much to go into with him—especially since this was a teenage boy! He doesn’t care to know God did not call me to be really great at Chinese. God called me to be adequate. God called me to be really good at other things. As I said, that dear, sweet young man did not care to know all the other things I’m actually good at it, but I felt found out.

I had to lean into that and to say to myself, “That’s actually not the truth. I have not been found out because this doesn’t need to be a point of shame for me.”

The Velvet Ashes book club is reading What Women Fear by Angie Smith and chapter three is “The Fear of Being Found Out.”

As I read the chapter, it raised this question for me: what’s the difference between “being found” and “being found out?”

The phrases only differ by a preposition, but what a difference a preposition makes, eh? Between being found and being found out. If you’re lost, there’s nothing better than that sense when you realize, “Oh, I know where I am.” Or when someone gives you clear directions and helps you to be found. The relief that floods you can be felt in every pore. It is visceral.

But if you’re found out is initially not a relief. If you’re afraid that something is going to be found out about your family or your finances or any other number of things, there’s fear there.

That is the root difference between being found and being found out. The core of being found is relief, and the core of being found out is fear.

As we remember Christ’s willingness

to be betrayed,

to restore the chopped off ear of the soldier who came to arrest him,

to take unjust accusations,

to be mocked and beaten,

to die a painful death.

Why?

To find us. And in finding us, he rescued us from the folly and destruction of our sin and restore us to who we were really meant to be.

God is in the business of helping us be found, not found out.

Amen and Amen. Thank you Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We are still in Easter Time and the marvel of it all never dims.

Book, Faith, Personality

Do You Consider Yourself Creative? {Giveaway!}

Are you living a color life 564

You know how coloring books are all the rage? It can be overwhelming to pick one, can’t it? Several weeks ago I was asked if I would be willing to look at Meditations: Beautiful Bible Verses for Coloring by Lorien A. Normally I say “No” to these kind of requests, but what caught my eye is that Lorien grew up on the M field and adds some Indian flare to her work. If, at times, we don’t have a soft spot for each other, Lord help us, this world will be a cold place, so I said, “Yes, send it to me.”

I don’t really know much about coloring books, so here is my unofficial take: the drawings are engaging, she has a variety of suggestions for how to use this book to connect with God, and the quality of the paper is impressive. The paper is thick and has perforated edges, so you can easily tear out your art work! I have enjoyed coloring in it :).

Her publisher has agreed to give one to one of you. Fun, fun! See below for more details, but first, I asked Lorien if I could ask her a few questions. I thought it might be interesting to talk with someone who makes coloring books. I was right. Lorien is interesting!

::

Hi Lorien, this is my first time to get to talk to a real, live illustrator! How exciting. First of all, could you tell us a little about yourself? Where do you live? Are you as artistic and cool as I’m picturing?

Hi! I’m a wife of one and mother of three and I live in Sydney, Australia. I was born here in Sydney, but spent 12 years as a kid/teen living in South Asia and the Middle East with my family. I doubt that I’m actually as artistic and cool as you are picturing, although I do love to make art, and occasionally my kids call me cool, but that’s because they are all 6 or under. I don’t expect it will last for much longer! I spell colouring with a U, but don’t hold that against me. ;)

I have several artistic nieces (my skill as a child was organizing people, not drawing), so I’m wondering, did you draw as a kid? What kind of art were you interested in at a young age and how did that develop over time?

I remember when I first really ‘clicked’ into art. I was about nine years old and my teacher at the time, (who I remember less than fondly) gave us an opportunity to do still life drawing with charcoal. I loved it, and got some much-treasured positive feedback, so I decided to ask for art supplies for my birthday and to keep ‘doing art’ and see what happened. I haven’t really stopped since, although my creative pursuits have taken many forms since then. Growing up in South Asia, one art form I was particularly taken by was the mehendi, or henna decoration that was common around celebration and festival times. I learnt to do henna by watching and practising, and that kind of design has stuck with me and influenced my style quite a bit.

What’s a little bit of the back story on your coloring book? (I am a sucker for back stories!)

It’s funny. There are thing in life you plan for and work towards and dream about for years and years as they slowly take shape and come to fruition. This colouring book is not one of those stories! Last April I drew a colouring page after a discussion on Facebook with a few friends, more as a dare than anything else. I had a six month old baby and two little boys, my husband was studying full time and we were preparing to move overseas. There was nothing on my radar at that time that had indicated drawing a colouring book should even blip on my long to do list.

I ended up drawing three colouring pages, then, as I was too lazy to keep emailing files to the surprising amount of people who wanted a copy, I set up a Facebook group so I could upload files there and whoever wanted them could get hold of them easily. The group grew alarmingly fast (there were over 6000 people there in just a few months) and one person who joined early on was Cecily, my now, publisher, who saw my art, couldn’t sleep for all the ideas running around her head and decided something HAD to be done.

God made it pretty clear that this opportunity, as crazy as it was, was from him, so I started drawing and now, there is ‘Meditations’ and our fourth print run in the five months since it was released was delivered today! It has truly been the most surprising, exhausting, joyful, fly by the seat of your pants, adventure I have ever been on. God has done something special and I am so thankful to have been allowed to come along for the ride. The best thing is having the opportunity to encourage people to delight in Gods word and enjoy the sweet gift of creativity he gives us.

What’s your process for drawing a coloring book page? Is there a process?

Because my work at the moment is all about Scripture, there is no lack of excellent stimulus material! I start by choosing a Bible verse or short passage, asking God to bring ones to mind that would be helpful for people to meditate on. I often ask for suggestions from other people because I love hearing the stories as to why the verses are significant or special to them. Next, I do the hand lettering of the verse, then I add the design. Sometimes the design and verse happen at the same time, but usually the verse comes first. I love having the opportunity to meditate and pray as I letter and draw the pages.

What do you love about coloring pages? And for those who are new to them, how can they draw a person closer to God and closer to themselves?

Don’t tell anyone, but I have honestly never been into colouring in a traditional sense, as I much prefer to draw! However, I have loved using art to reflect on Gods word for ages, and I really like how scripture colouring pages take all the anxiety out of producing something ‘beautiful’ from scratch – that terrifying blank page moment and frees up people’s brain space to actually meditate on the scripture. As people occupy their hands and engage their senses with the colours and the repetitive movement of colouring, they can find a small stillness that is quite hard to come by in everyday life. In this quiet space, they can listen more intently to God and hear what he has to say to them through the words of the Bible. They can focus and pray and take delight in great truths and simple, unplugged joys.

Working on any other projects now?

Yes! I am one drawing away from finishing my second colouring book ‘Reflections’ which is due for release in late April. I’m also knee deep in the project of partnership development and preparation for moving my family to a different continent later this year, so let’s just say I am not getting bored!

Thank you so much for your time!

You’re very welcome! Thanks for having me!

::

Leave a comment and you’ll be entered in the drawing to receive one of Lorien’s coloring books. Comment ideas: What art do you create? Are you raising any artists? What’s been some of the joys and/or challenges of pursuing your art at this stage of life? What do you appreciate about art?

(For more information US residents, can check here, those in the UK (who also distribute in Europe)  here , and the Australian site is here. You can purchase and download individual pages very reasonably priced. There will also be an easter one! So, if you’re looking for something for your small group, Sunday School class, Youth Group, or some other club, check out the choices!)

Book, Personality, Relationships

9 Lessons on friendship from a pig and a spider

My mother read to us all the time when we were kids. She was an elementary school teacher and we were her ultimate classroom. That’s the rosy version. She was also known to say, “As long as I was reading to you girls, you were less likely to be fighting.” What? Us fight?

Whatever the reason, we were exposed to great books in our childhood. Recently Mom finished reading Charlotte’s Web out loud to one of her friends who had never heard it. It doesn’t matter if you are a child or an adult, this is a book everyone should have read out loud to them. I know you’re nodding your head, so I’ll move on, lest we get stuck high-fiving ourselves over how much we love Wilbur and Charlotte and don’t get to the point of this post.

friendship

The point is this: In a day and age where we moan over how disconnected we are, we moan because we know the importance friendship. We know how much we need each other. We know it, but we can also use reminders and teachers. Here is what I learned from a pig and a spider:

1. We all need friends.

Wilbur didn’t want food, he wanted love. He wanted a friend—someone who would play with him.

2. Friendship is a gamble.

“Well,” he thought, “I’ve got a new friend, all right. But what a gamble friendship is! Charlotte is fierce, brutal, scheming, bloodthirsty—everything I don’t like. How can I learn to like her, even though she is pretty and, of course, clever?”

3. Believe your friend when they tell you you are terrific. They really mean it.

Wilbur blushed. “But I’m not terrific, Charlotte. I’m just about average for a pig.”

“You’re terrific as far as I’m concerned,” replied Charlotte, sweetly, “and that’s what counts. You’re my best friend, and I think you’re sensational. Now stop arguing and go get some sleep!”

4. By helping our friends, we help ourselves.

“Why did you do all this for me?’ he asked. ‘I don’t deserve it. I’ve never done anything for you.’ ‘You have been my friend,’ replied Charlotte. ‘That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what’s a life, anyway? We’re born, we live a little while, we die. A spider’s life can’t help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone’s life can stand a little of that.”

5. Friendships have secret signals. 

and

6. Sometimes we can’t be with our friends.

But as he was being shoved into the crate, he looked up at Charlotte and gave her a wink. She knew he was saying good-bye in the only way he could. And she knew her children were safe.

7. Even when we aren’t with our friends, we still feel their presence. 

Every day Wilbur would stand and look at the torn, empty web, and a lump would come to his throat. No one had ever had such a friend—so affectionate, so loyal, and so skillful.

8. To have a true friend is not to be taken for granted.

Wilbur never forgot Charlotte. Although he loved her children and grandchildren dearly, none of the new spiders ever quite took her place in his heart. She was in a class by herself. It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both.

9. In the end, even with death and tears (anyone else sob in this book?), friendship is worth it. Thank you Charlotte and Wilbur.

Do you love this book?! What other books inspire you when it comes to friendship? (Billy, Old Dan, and Little Ann, anyone? Anyone?)

~~~

Linking with Velvet Ashes weekly theme #Friendship.

Disclosure : Amazon Affiliate links included in this post. If you click through to Amazon, any purchase you make supports this website.

Community, Personality

You have been chosen.

You are famous

I had so much fun reading through the comments on Friday’s post. In case you missed it, we are playing a game called Six Degrees of Kimberlee Conway Ireton and people shared famous or “famous” people they have met. I loved hearing how and where you’d met them. Just look through who people have met:

Actors

  • Chris O’Donnell
  • Amy Poehler
  • Kathy Lee Gifford
  • Jennifer O’Neill (model and actress)

Politicians

  • Queen Elizabeth
  • lveda King (niece of Martin Luther King, Jr.)
  • Ronald Reagan
  • Jimmy Carter

Athletes

  • Pete Rose
  • Richard Simmons

Religious

  • Vernon Grounds
  • Kay Arthur
  • Peter Marshall, historian & author

Don’t you love the variety?! And I don’t know why I’m delighted, but it tickles me that one queen and two presidents are represented.

This notion of being famous is fluid, isn’t it. Years ago when I taught in the public schools of Lawrence, Kansas I attended an in-service training where I remember being profoundly bored until the speaker said something that altered my world view.

He said, “You’ve been chosen by someone. You don’t know who, but some student has picked you as their favorite teacher.”

I knew he was right because I’d had favorite teachers over the years who probably never knew they were my favorite teacher that year. They never knew how much they have impacted me. They never knew how much they meant to me and had nudged the trajectory of my life.

But they had.

And you have too.

You don’t have to be a teacher to have been picked by someone. I’m here to remind you today that you have been picked by someone. You are the only person who smiles at the grocery check out person and they look forward to seeing you. You are the person in your gym who greets people. You hold the crying baby at church so the mom can have an hour of peace. You help in ways that might not even look like help to you so you discount it.

When you did it for the least of them, you did it for me.

You might not make a list of actors or athletes, but that doesn’t mean you’re not famous.

You’re famous to someone. Don’t forget that.

///

Who is famous to you, but they might not know it?

p.s. book giveaway winner has been notified :)

 

 

 

 

get updates