Blog - The Messy Middle

I’m glad we told him {don’t wait!}

Today marks the five-year-anniversary of Dad’s death. Days like today seem a bit like “time binoculars,” bringing an event or a person into crisp detail. Or, if you look through the other side, making the same person minute and hard to see.

If I close my eyes, we are gathered around his bed and have just made the decision to cancel our appointment with a funeral home, sensing his time on earth was drawing to an end. We, his tribe of women, lined his bed, all wanting to be equally near him and each other. And then the silence. Was it a long paused between breaths or had he died? In a few moments we knew, he was no longer with us.

If I open my eyes, and root myself in this current year and think of all the events and common days he has missed, it feels like he has been gone forever. Surely Dad was here when my books were published. Surely Dad was here when this life forming event happened to a family member. Surely he has seen Niece One drive and Niece Two learning to drive and Niece Three already in high school marching band and Niece Four becoming a sports fan. Surely he knows that Laura has become a voice over talent and Elizabeth (and Del) are preparing to launch their first and are now college tour experts. Surely he has seen how well his bride has navigated life without him. Not because he isn’t missed every day, but because he prepared her, and us, so well for the potential of his not being here.

How has he missed out on so much? How?

At Christmas time I was digging around in the piano bench and found one of the last birthday presents we gave him, a word cloud describing Tom Young through our eyes. Using Word It Out (free word cloud software), we let him know how we saw him.

As you can see, it’s not fancy. I printed it—free “Word it out” logo too—on brown paper, bought a cheap matte, and then lined the top and bottom with craft paper we had. While it could look so much more professional or Pinterest or Instagram worthy or whatever, can I tell you, five years out from the last time we held Dad’s hand, I do not care one hoot about how homemade it looks. I am flooded with gratitude that we moved beyond intention to action and made this for him.

As I read it and try to remember who said which word, I smile because this list captures him well. The depth, randomness, and playfulness of the words are an accurate picture of Tom Young. I’m fairly certain, “Knows me well” was added by one of his granddaughters, which brings tears to my eyes. What a legacy, to know your grandchildren! Some words or phrases are family jokes or lines, and today they are balloon memories, floating around giving me a place to focus. “Speaker of TA Hua” refers to the Chinese word “hua” which is a language or dialect. My dad was a native speaker of his own language, always making sense to himself, yet sometimes we needed him to translate from TA Hua into English. With a chuckle, he always did.

I am so grateful that while we had the time, we told him what he meant to our family. In those last minutes on earth when his body was fading, his mind so foggy, and his race done, on a deep soul level he knew. He knew who he was and he knew he was loved and he knew he could go peacefully.

We saw him as (a):

Christ-follower

Chuckle-y

Brother

Native (Coloradan)

Baby Penguin

Broncos fan

Playful

Caring

Grandpa

Son

Gentle

Husband

Dedicated

Great at math

Intelligent

Engineer

Humorous

Waffle Dancer

Elder

Father

P.E. (Professional Engineer)

Kind

Knows me well

Smart

Cheerful

Logical

Helpful

Gifted Napper

High spirited

Speaker of TA Hua

Cuddly Shark

Sudouker-er

Loving

Dad, you were all that and more. And today we miss and celebrate and love you.

Amy on behalf of your people :)

P.S. Here are a few of the posts I’ve written on other anniversaries of Dad’s death.

The Paradox of Life and Death

Sunday is our “Quantum Leap”

The Downside of doing your good deeds in private

This is our passion week

Community, Learning lessons

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

When I was in high school Cheers was a popular television show. If you’re not familiar with Cheers, it was a comedy set in a local bar where the regulars shared their lives, grew together over time, and in many ways were family to each other.

But what solidified it was the theme song. Read through these lyrics (or listen) and ask yourself if this doesn’t also sound like the church:

Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot

Wouldn’t you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go
where everybody knows your name,
and they’re always glad you came

You wanna be where you can see
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
your name

Obviously, the church would be centered on God. But guess what God loves? People. Cheers was long-running because it was funny, tackled complexities of life, and fostered belonging. The name of the theme song is “Where everybody knows your name.” God is a God of belonging, of wanting to know us and wanting us to be known by him, others, and even ourselves.

And over the years, places like A Life Overseas, Velvet Ashes, and Taking Route help cross-cultural workers know they are not alone, challenge their thinking, and provide spaces to share their stories.

Which of these have you—or someone you love—experienced on the field:

—Burnout

—Boredom

—Overwhelm

—Losing touch with yourself

—Not having the skills equal to the task

—Being used up and spit out by the missionary machine

—Fearing you will be exposed as a fraud

—Feeling you are out of your depth

—Stagnated

~~~

I know you see yourself or loved one somewhere on the list. Even if you are in your first year, and all is new and shiny, boredom has knocked on your door a time or two. I am dreaming of another space for cross-cultural workers, a space that doesn’t make you choose between tending your own soul (being) and building skills to help you do the work you are called to (doing). In order for the new space to meet your real needs, would you help by

Taking this survey if you have served overseas or
Sharing it with someone if you haven’t served as a cross-cultural worker. Here is the survey.

I’ve started to receive results and thought you might find this piece of information interesting.

So, thank you for taking this survey and helping to build a place that points us each to Jesus and each other.

Humming with you . . .

You wanna be where you can see
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
your name {and worships God}.

Thanks for your help! Amy

P.S. Happy Birthday Looming Transitions! Can you believe how many reviews she has on Amazon? Thank you to everyone who left one!

Books I've read (or want to read)

Top Ten Books of 2018

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

The internet is awash with lists containing the “Best books of 2018.” I love reading them and seeing which books I’ve read, which are on my to-read list, and which are brand new to me. Here is my list, enjoy!

Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World by Cal Newport

Genre: Work / Life

About the book: “Deep work is the ability to focus without distraction on a cognitively demanding task. It’s a skill that allows you to quickly master complicated information and produce better results in less time. Deep work will make you better at what you do and provide the sense of true fulfillment that comes from craftsmanship.”

Why I loved it: I find too much of my time/brain space given to shallow work and shallow tasks. Newport helped me understand how much this impacts my brain and the ability to do sustained deep work. The constant attention switched we do is not good for our brains. I read this book last January and find myself returning to it again and again.

The Power of Healthy Tension by Tim Arnold

Genre: Leadership (I would argue “Life”)

About the book: “Often leaders and teams have a clear vision but fail to live it out. They feel stuck because of conflicting values, division within the team, and resistance to change. The Power of Healthy Tension helps leaders get unstuck.”

Why I loved it: I know have written about this book more than any other this year. Sorry-not-sorry! Culturally most of us reading this post have been programmed to see situations as “problems to be solved.” The result? We lack discernment on what are actual problems and what are tensions to be managed. For instance, responding in a truly loving way requires both unconditional acceptance and accountability (not one or the other).

North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell

Genre: Classic

About the book: “When her father leaves the Church in a crisis of conscience, Margaret Hale is uprooted from her comfortable home in Hampshire to move with her family to the north of England. Initially repulsed by the ugliness of her new surroundings in the industrial town of Milton, Margaret becomes aware of the poverty and suffering of the local mill workers and develops a passionate sense of social justice.”

Why I loved it: I will come clean, I had never heard of this North and South until it was chosen to be the June read for the Velvet Ashes Book Club. Though full of death and class clashes and written in a style of another era, I loved it because it sucked me in (and is free on Kindle!). Bonus: this book models the importance of having touchpoints for different groups to interact and talk.

The Bully Pulpit: Theodore Roosevelt, William Taft, and the Golden Age of Journalism by Dorris Kearns Goodw

Genre: History

About the book: “A dynamic history of the first decade of the Progressive era, that tumultuous time when the nation was coming unseamed and reform was in the air.”

Why I loved it: Okay, I truly did love this book, but why it made my top ten is because this book and I have been dancing for years. Finally, I quit dancing and read it for the Summer Reading Challenge. It was totally worth it! If you have been dancing with a book, quit dancing, pick it up and read. I shared Ten Takeaways from The Bully Pulpit. Added bonus? My friend Kathleen read it with me. That’s true friendbookship!

My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry by Fredrik Bachman

Genre: Fiction

About the book: “When Elsa’s grandmother dies and leaves behind a series of letters apologizing to people she has wronged, Elsa’s greatest adventure begins. Her grandmother’s instructions lead her to an apartment building full of drunks, monsters, attack dogs, and old crones but also to the truth about fairy tales and kingdoms and a grandmother like no other.”

Why I loved it: While Grandmother is slower to fall in love with than A Man Called Ove and confused me for the first third (clearly salesmanship runs in my blood! Ha!), I loved this book. Both of my book clubs read this, and it was in the second reading that Bachman earned my total respect as a storyteller. It is only as she delivers her Grandmother’s letters does Elsa realize her grandmother used stories to make sense of her reality and it was through the stories that she could actually see the people in her life. Not to over-spiritualize, but this book might be a modern parable. For those who have eyes to see, you’ll love it. For those who don’t, you won’t.

Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood by Trevor Noah

Genre: Memoir

About the book: “Trevor was born to a white Swiss father and a black Xhosa mother at a time when such a union was punishable by five years in prison. Living proof of his parents’ indiscretion, Trevor was kept mostly indoors for the earliest years of his life, bound by the extreme and often absurd measures his mother took to hide him from a government that could, at any moment, steal him away. Finally liberated by the end of South Africa’s tyrannical white rule.”

Why I loved it: Memoir is my favorite genre, and this book is why. Memoir lets the reader (me) walk in another’s shoes. In my notes, I wrote, “Compelling, tight, humorous, a great read for a Baltic cruise.”

Educated: A Memoir by Tara Westover

Genre: Memoir

About the book: “Born to survivalists in the mountains of Idaho, Tara Westover was seventeen the first time she set foot in a classroom. Her family was so isolated from mainstream society that there was no one to ensure the children received an education, and no one to intervene when one of Tara’s older brothers became violent. When another brother got himself into college, Tara decided to try a new kind of life. Her quest for knowledge transformed her, taking her over oceans and across continents, to Harvard and to Cambridge University. Only then would she wonder if she’d traveled too far, if there was still a way home.”

Why I loved it: You know when you read a book and can’t quite believe that another person’s life could be like this? That’s Educated. Once again, I love how memoir opens a door into a world I did not know existed. (Warning, if you hated The Glass Castle or do not want to read how this family abused each other, pass on this book.)

Liturgy of the Ordinary: Sacred Practices in Everyday Life by Tish Harrison Warren

Genre: Christian Living

About the book: “In the overlooked moments and routines of our day, we can become aware of God’s presence in surprising ways. How do we embrace the sacred in the ordinary and the ordinary in the sacred? Framed around one ordinary day, this book explores daily life through the lens of liturgy, small practices, and habits that form us. Each daily activity is related to a spiritual practice as well as an aspect of our Sunday worship.”

Why I loved it: This is the book I wish I had thought of to write. This is the book that comes the closest to capturing what goes on in my head and how I want to interact with this world. This is the book that captures the muck of my life while offering out the hope of who I can be. This is the book that shows how theology and spiritual practices are for our common lives. I’m pretty sure Tish and I would be friends if we met.

Our Souls at Night by Kent Haruf

Genre: Fiction

About the book: “In the familiar setting of Holt, Colorado, home to all of Kent Haruf’s inimitable fiction, Addie Moore pays an unexpected visit to a neighbor, Louis Waters. Her husband died years ago, as did his wife, and in such a small town they naturally have known of each other for decades; in fact, Addie was quite fond of Louis’s wife. His daughter lives hours away, her son even farther, and Addie and Louis have long been living alone in empty houses, the nights so terribly lonely, especially with no one to talk with. But maybe that could change?”

Why I loved it: I first fell in love with local Coloradan author when I read Plainsong. How he can tell such rich and quietly moving stories with such sparse writing is a beautiful mystery to me. Months later I find myself thinking about Addie and Louis. I wonder how they are.

As Kingfishers Catch Fire: A Conversation on the Ways of God Formed by the Words of God by Eugene Peterson

Genre: Christian Living

About the book: “‘Sixty years ago I found myself distracted,’ Eugene Peterson wrote. ‘A chasm had developed between the way I was preaching from the pulpit and my deepest convictions on what it meant to be a pastor.’ And so began Peterson’s journey to live and teach a life of congruence—congruence between preaching and living, between what we do and the way we do it, between what is written in Scripture and how we live out that truth.”

Why I love it: When Eugene Peterson died this fall, I found myself craving his writing. I love this book because he shares sermons he gave over the years, which is to say, Peterson modeled what “a long obedience in the same direction. When I own a book, I note in the back pages and thoughts I want to remember. This is by far my most marked up book of the year. Peterson, you will be missed.

And a bonus book because not every year will I get to share a book I wrote, so when I do, it is to be noted (and celebrated!).

All the News That’s Fit to Tell and How to Tell It: How to Write Christian Newsletters

“You might not think of yourself as a writer, but you are. Whether on social media, newsletters, or reports, writing is a part of your ministry life. What if improving as a writer allows you to communicate with friends, family, and co-workers more effectively? What if improving your writing is simpler—and more fun—than you remember from school days?”

You might also enjoy the 9 Books I Loved in 2014, 10 Books I Loved in 2015, My top 15 books in 2016, and Have you read the 17 Best Books of 2017?

What were some of your best reads from 2018?

Faith, Holiday

What do you focus on when you are afraid?

I am—to put it mildly—obessed with Christmas lights. The other morning I snapped this photo.

While maybe not the best photo ever, I was proud of the shadows on the wall. Playing around with angles, lighting, and distance, I could manipulate how big the shadows appeared. I also noticed that my eyes are drawn up and to the right. It was early in the morning and I thought, “Huh, that’s interesting” as my eyes kept drifting up and right. And then snap, a random comment I heard last week snapped into place in my brain.

We are able to multitask, but we cannot multi-focus.

It is almost impossible for me to focus on the tree and the “scary” shadows on the wall. Try. I’ve spent about thirty seconds trying and my eyes will either focus on the red light or the shadow. I can take them both in at the same time, but I cannot for the life of me focus on both.

What was Mary told when the angel came to her? Fear not, for you have found favor with God.

What was Joseph told in his dream? Do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.

What were the shepherds told when a ginormous group of angels appeared? In fairness, at first only one angel appeared and he said, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.” And then the rest of the gang showed up.

Fear not. Why?

In every instance, fear is understandable, even reasonable. But fear moves your eyes from what is real and known to the scary shadows. And shadows are not always an accurate reflection of reality. There can be great beauty in shadows, so the takeaway is not a simplistic, “Ah, if I can just eliminate shadows, I can danger-proof my life.”

Even though the phrase fear not is used, I do not believe God is telling us to deny natural responses to situations. Instead, just as you can see both the shadows and the red light, you know the fear is there, but the fear is no longer the focal point.

The angel invited Mary to focus on him and the message he came to deliver, not her fear.

In his dream, Joseph was invited to proceed with his engagement to Mary. The focus was no longer on how to deal with the situation or how to preserve her reputation or ways or what others would think.

Likewise, the shepherds were invited to focus on the good news, not their racing hearts.

This advent, pay attention to what you are focusing on. And if your eyes keep being drawn to the scary shadows of your life, don’t berate yourself, just adjust your focus.

It is that simple. And that hard. Thankfully, God loves our humanity. He does not weary in telling us to fear not. So, I will say it one last time.

Fear Not for the shadows of your life are not the full story. Instead, look for the Light. Focus on what is true, good, right, and trustworthy.

Amen.

Cross cultural, Learning lessons, Messy Middle

Count Your Blessings {and a survey}

Hello Messy Middle friends,

Before we jump into the meat of this post, I have a request. After writing Looming Transitions to help people in cross-cultural service with their transitions and All the News to help them stay on the field via good communication with supporters, I want to help people navigate their first year on the field. In December I’m going to start (and hopefully make good progress) on a book geared especially for the first year on the field. Every year on the field is unique and special, but like other “firsts” in life, that first year on the field is often in a category unto itself. If you live or lived on the field, could you help by taking this survey? It should take 10-30 minutes depending on how much detail you want to go into. Thank you in advance for sharing your experiences with others! Here is the survey.

This week is Thanksgiving in America. I wrote the following years ago in the midst of a very crazy season on the field. Making lists in November of what I was thankful for became an annual discipline to train myself to not miss the ordinary blessings in my life. I wrote:

Still, in the midst of the craziness, I am conscious that I truly do have much to be thankful! Limiting myself to this past week, here are several random pieces of life that I am thankful for:

—Getting to see new things in China. I had never been to Inner Mongolia, the province that borders Mongolia. The population is pretty evenly split between Mongolians and Han Chinese … racial tension does exist. As an outsider, it was cool to see all of the signs in Chinese and the old Mongolian script (not the Cyrillic style that is used in Mongolia). KFC in English, Chinese, and Mongolian! You don’t see that every day.

—Mutton! I’m thankful that I don’t live in a place where the main meat option is mutton (um, like Inner Mongolia). Man, but that is “meat with an attitude”!

—I’m thankful that my job includes the excitement of going out to see and encourage teachers and the fun of heading home and knowing when you wake up on the last day of a trip “tonight I’ll sleep in my own bed.”

—The hand-knit sweater my Chinese Mama made me – it weighs about five pounds (not an exaggeration!!!) but on cold days like today, it warms me outside and in. How many people have two mothers who really love them? Wow.

—Popcorn. Ok, that was my lunch today! But I love being an adult without children so I can eat what I want without having to set a nutritional example :-).

—Chocolate, Stain Remover Stick, and a commentary on British Lit. Isn’t that a great list?! It is what the team I’m visiting tomorrow has asked me to bring them. And it just about sum up what’s important in life!

—Indonesian Dancing. Last night a former student invited me to a dance performance at Beijing University. We’ve been doing a lot together recently – she has a tender spirit and knows where I stand on things but has no real interest in them herself … but I keep hoping!

—Playing CARDS! The same student and her boyfriend came over Saturday night for dinner and to play cards. They taught me a Chinese card game that is very similar to hearts … only I found out the hard way that you don’t want both the Queen of Spades AND all the hearts. The Queen is a ton of negative points regardless!

—Pumpkin bread and helpers! I’ve been cooking down pumpkin to make pumpkin bread for teams when I got to visit them. Saturday Gabe (age 4) and Nate (age 2) helped me by stirring and dumping as I made my bread for my next round of travels.

—My students!! Have I mentioned how much I LOVE them??? Well, I do. Today they handed in papers on their beliefs about reparations, finishing off that unit. How can you not love someone who write:

“Firstly I thank teacher Amy to give us some articles about reparations and these materials make us discuss, know different opinions.”

“In this unit we learned five articles, all of which focused on the understanding of reparation. I was a little shocked and excited to know these all, in such a direct way. I mean, just at one time, all these different (even opposed) opinions rushed into my brain and shook my former perspective strongly.”

—My job! I often think that I have the BEST job in our organization. I get to teach students and encourage our teachers … what is not to love. Wow. I feel that so much of what I do does make a difference and I know that not everyone can say that about their job.

I was given a promise earlier this fall by a friend when I was going through a rough period. The promise was “Don’t hold back Your tender mercies from me. My only hope is in your unfailing love and faithfulness.” And He hasn’t. Even in just this past week my cup runs over – He has been faithful over and over.

Tis time to be thankful!

Amy

P.S. Actually all of Psalm 40is a good one to read this week. And thank you for helping with the survey: Remembering Your First Year. A version of this post is also on A Life Overseas.

Book

26 Books Related to Leadership and Communication

I record the books I read in a notebook. In part to track how many books I read in a year. In part to have a record of what I read. But neither reason is why I started this habit. Years ago one of my colleagues in China asked me about a book I had read the year before and for the life of me, I could not recall anything of substance. What?!

As soon as I finished a book, I moved on to the next one without building in any reflecting time. So, chose a pretty notebook and started to write down a short blurb for each book I read. Sometimes my blurbs are brief summaries, other times, I write down what I want to remember from a book.

Recently I was asked what I’ve read in the last four years related to leadership and communication. You know I love nonfiction, so it’s not surprising my list was long-ish, almost too long for one post. But who doesn’t love a good list? For your sake, I disciplined myself not to say too much about any one book. If you’d like to know more, just ask!

Without further ado, here are the 26 books I read in the last five years related to leadership and communication.

1. Me, Myself, and Bob: A True Story About Dreams, God, and Talking Vegetables by Phil Vischer — “This is a story of dreaming big and working hard, of spectacular success and breathtaking failure, of shouted questions, and, at long last, whispered answers.”

2. Jab, Jab, Jab, Right Hook: How to Tell Your Story in a Noisy Social World by Gary Vaynerchuk — “Thanks to massive change and proliferation in social media platforms, the winning combination of jabs and right hooks is different now.”

3. Contagious: Why Things Catch On by Jonah Berger — Berger reveals the “science behind word-of-mouth and social transmission.”

4. slide:ology: The Art and Science of Creating Great Presentations by Nancy Duarte

5. Resonate: Present Visual Stories that Transform Audiences by Nancy Duarte — The power in a story of going back and forth between what is and what could be.

6. Supersurvivors: The Surprising Link Between Suffering and Success by Lee Daniel Kravetz and David B. Feldman

7. Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Douglas Stone and Shalia Heen — I’m realized I have so much I want to say about this book, I’ll do a separate post. So good!

8. With: Reimagining the Way You Relate to God by Sky Jethani — An absolute must read. The end.

9. The Weekly Coaching Conversation: A Business Fable about Taking Your Team’s Performance and Your Career to the Next Level by Brian Souza — Not my fav read, but a good reminder as a leader to be intentional with those I work with.

10. Sticking Points: How to Get 4 Generations Working Together in the 12 Places They Come Apart by Haydn Shaw — So many “ah-ha!” moments reading this!

11. David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants by Malcolm Gladwell — This book offers “a new interpretation of what it means to be discriminated against, suffer from a disability, lose a parent, attend a mediocre school, or endure any number of other apparent setbacks.”

12. Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success by Adam Grant — “There are three broad styles of interpersonal dealing: taking, matching, and giving. Here’s the counter-intuitive part. If we look at the most successful people—the happiest, the most likely to be promoted, etc—they are generally givers, and if we look at the least successful, they too often tend to be givers.”

13. Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown — “The Way of the Essentialist isn’t about getting more done in less time. It’s about getting only the right things done.”

14. The Emotionally Healthy Leader: How Transforming Your Inner Life Will Deeply Transform Your Church, Team, and the World by Peter Scazzero — Highly recommend! “Scazzero shows leaders how to develop a deep, inner life with Christ, examining its profound implications for surviving stress, planning and decision making, building teams, creating healthy culture, influencing others, and more.”

15. Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don’t by Simon Sinek

16. Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter by Liz Wiseman and Greg McKeown — “In analyzing data from more than 150 leaders, Wiseman has identified five disciplines that distinguish Multipliers from Diminishers.”

17. Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade by Robert B. Cialdini

18. The Advantage: Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else In Business by Patrick Lencioni — An absolute must read! I’m using this book with the Connection Group Facilitators this fall.

19. Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World by Adam Grant

20. Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant

21. Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Lif e by Susan David

22. The 4 Disciplines of Execution: Achieving Your Wildly Important Goals by Sean Covey, Jim Huling, and Chris McChesney — Absolute must read.

23. Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World by Cal Newport — Excellent. So good on understanding how the brain works and the importance of building in time for deep work. I have been frustrated that I’m stuck doing so much shallow work, this book was a big help to bring change.

24. The Power of Healthy Tension: Overcome Chronic Issues and Conflicting Values by Tim Arnold — My new fav book; I love it so much I have worked in these ideas into talks I’m giving at writers groups around Denver, a presentation I made in Germany to cross-cultural workers, and a keynote address I’ll give in February at a cross-cultural conference to mainly those who send people overseas. Suffice it to say, the impact this book has had on my thinking and understanding of situations that are a part of life is far and wide and if you get with a two-foot radius of me, you’re gonna hear about this book!

25. 5 Voices: How to Communicate Effectively with Everyone You Lead by Jeremie Kubicek and Steve Cockram — Here is an Instagram post I wrote about this book.

26. The Five Most Important Questions You Will Ever Ask About Your Organization by Peter Drucker

///

How many have you read? Any catch your eye and are now on your “to read” list? But more importantly (to me!), what have you read related to communication or leadership and would recommend I read?

Book, Travel

Reading Around the Baltics

You know I turned 50 in December.

You know I believe in marking milestones.

You also know I love my people, history, culture, and traveling.

Combine all and what do you have? A Baltic Cruise and the chance to visit a new part of the world. One of my fellow travelers was my friend Joann, our books—one about transitions, another about Chinese church bells—are book cousins. So, is it any surprise that as we traveled we thought of books we read or want to read related to our travels.

Copenhagen, Denmark

We started off in Copenhagen and in preparation for our trip Joann listened to The Almost Nearly Perfect People by Michael Booth—I’m thinking it is a must read because as our travels continued, Joann kept referencing it. “Journalist Michael Booth has lived among the Scandinavians for more than ten years, and he has grown increasingly frustrated with the rose-tinted view of this part of the world offered up by the Western media. In this timely book he leaves his adopted home of Denmark and embarks on a journey through all five of the Nordic countries to discover who these curious tribes are, the secrets of their success, and, most intriguing of all, what they think of one another.”

Berlin, Germany

If you look at a map, Berlin is not by the coast. So, calling is a “port city” on the cruise might be a bit lose and fast with definitions. But the three-hour bus ride from the ship? Totally worth it. We started off at the Olympic Stadium where Jesse Owens won his gold medal as the Nazis downplayed their plans for the world. I highly recommend the movie Race and now plan to read these books, all recommended by Joann.

Olympic Stadium in Berlin

At the Berlin Wall

In the Garden of Beasts: Love, Terror, and an American Family in Hitler’s Berlin by Erik Larson—”The time is 1933, the place, Berlin, when William E. Dodd becomes America’s first ambassador to Hitler’s Nazi Germany in a year that proved to be a turning point in history.”

Berlin 1961: Kennedy, Khrushchev, and the Most Dangerous Place on Earth by Frederick Kempe—The Berlin Wall

Bridge of Spies by Giles Whittell—You might have heard of the movie, Joann said the book, not surprisingly, goes into more details and if you have to choose between book or movie, choose the book.

The Collapse: The Accidental Opening of the Berlin Wall by Mary Elise Sarotte—It was an accident! That November night in 1989 when the wall came down because the person speaking to the press was reading a press release and . . . you will have to read the book to find out the rest!

Tallin, Estonia

Sadly, I don’t have any books directly related to Estonia, but this year I read Between Shades of Gray by Ruta Sepetys. In this Young Adult Novel, “Fifteen-year-old Lina is a Lithuanian girl living an ordinary life — until Soviet officers invade her home and tear her family apart. Separated from her father and forced onto a crowded train, Lina, her mother, and her young brother make their way to a Siberian work camp, where they are forced to fight for their lives.”

St. Petersburg, Russia

Nicholas and Alexandra: The Classic Account of the Fall of the Romanov Dynasty by Robert K. Massie—I read this in high school and fell in love with one of the last Czars, his wife, their son who had hemophilia, and the mystic Rasputin. On our tour, we visited the Peter and Paul Fortress and Cathedral, where all of the Czars are buried, including Nicholas, Alexandra, and Alexis. The next day we toured the Palace where Rasputin was murdered. I am eager to read this a second time.

The final resting place of Czar Nicholas and his family

The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming by Henri Nouwen—This book is one of my favorite five books of all time. So, when I heard we would be going to St. Petersburg and go to the Hermitage, I felt quivery inside. I need to reread it. If you haven’t you must read it. Please.

Dreams do come true

Symphony for the City of the Dead: Dmitri Shostakovich and the Siege of Leningrad by M.T. Anderson—My niece Emily read and recommended this book to our family. I now need to reread it! “In September 1941, Adolf Hitler’s Wehrmacht surrounded Leningrad in what was to become one of the longest and most destructive sieges in Western history—almost three years of bombardment and starvation that culminated in the harsh winter of 1943–1944. More than a million citizens perished.”

Helsinki, Finland

The Almost Nearly Perfect People—mentioned above.

Stockholm, Sweden

Almost Nearly and The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared by Jonas Jonasson—this international bestseller is described as “A reluctant centenarian much like Forrest Gump (if Gump were an explosives expert with a fondness for vodka) decides it’s not too late to start over . . .” So, you can tell it’s fiction. I’m wondering what it is about Sweden that turns out such good storytellers? I’m thinking of A Man Called Ove and Fredrik Backman.

We returned to Copenhagen and each began the long trek home because there are books to be read! What books do I need to add to my list?

Learning lessons, Summer Reading Challenge

Ten Takeaways from The Bully Pulpit

Y’all know that I read The Bully Pulpit: Theodore Roosevelt, William Taft, and the Golden Age of Journalism by Doris Kearns Goodwin this summer as part of the Summer Reading Challenge. Several years ago, I read her tome on Lincoln, Team of Rivals. Because of the length, I admit to being a bit proud of myself, but it was the subject matter of building and working with a team who could be classified as “rivals” that made it a must-read. You can read my thoughts on Rivals here.

I wondered if I would feel the same about Teddy Roosevelt, William Taft, and those from “the golden age of journalism.” Would this be a must-read?

The short answer is yes. The Bully Pulpit exemplifies what I love about history. History provides a mirror for the current age. If we think now is a hot mess, we are arrogant and a tad ignorant.

Once again, I am grateful for sitting at the feet of history as I read this page-turner. Generally speaking, you can guess what the book was about, so no surprises there. What I appreciate about Goodwin’s writing is that she honors the complexity of situations and shows enough of the context to help the reader see how various realities interact. Thanks to The Bully Pulpit, I have my own Ten Takeaways from The Bully Pulpit.

Starting with 5 lessons for Every Era:

1. Use the technology of the day. Roosevelt would not start a speech until he knew a stenographer was present. I hadn’t thought of “stenography” as cutting-edge technology, but it was.

2. Know that everyone has an agenda. I don’t mean this is a “the sky is falling!” way, but more of a “we are all wired to care” way. “The policy of the Evening Post is to break down Roosevelt.” (page 257) I am tempted to think there once was a magical era when the media wasn’t biased. While the role of the media in the U.S. ebbs and flows, it’s naïve to think other eras didn’t have their own media issues.

3. Remember that for better or worse, there has always been a relationship between politics and religion. “Roosevelt confided to his newspaper friend Herman Kohlsaat, ‘I am in the worst hole politically I have ever been in my life. The whole Catholic Church is on my back.’” (page 305)

4. Be aware of the relationship between societal changes and mental health. There was a “stunning increase in nervous disorders diagnosed around the turn of the century. Commentators and clinicians cited a number of factors related to the stress of modern civilization: the increased speed of communication facilitated by the telegraph and railroad; the ‘unmelodious’ clamor of city life replacing the ‘rhythmical’ sounds of nature; and the rise of the tabloid press that exploded ‘local horrors’ into national news.” Sounds like today!

5. You will face a Big Issue of the Day. For Roosevelt and Taft it was monopolies and government regulation of industries such as the meat packing industry. Anyone else horrified by The Jungle by Upton Sinclair? I can’t remember if I read The Jungle in high school or college, but I do remember the shock I felt at the working conditions. This book helped to move the hearts of many and paved the way for changes. In the U.S., one of our current Big Issues is health care. But this book reminded me that if it wasn’t health care, it would be something else. Every era has a Big Issue to wrestle with.

Continuing with 3 Lessons for Every Person

6. Value Friendship. Roosevelt and Taft were friends until the election of 1912, and then they weren’t. Reading the disintegration of their friendship was one of the hardest parts to read. Thankfully, seven months before Roosevelt died, they had a chance encounter and mended fences. “Roosevelt confided that at long last they had ‘completely renewed the old friendly relations.’” The Bully Pulpit also highlighted the long-standing friendships between many of the writers for McClure’s Magazine. One lived in Emporia, Kansas and traveled back and forth to NYC. Shout out to Kansas!

7. Be able to laugh at yourself. Roosevelt, in particular, was good at this! “In early December, [Roosevelt] delivered a 500-page manuscript to Putnam’s. Recalling this maiden literary voyage, Roosevelt acknowledged years later that some of the chapters ‘were so dry that they would have made reading a dictionary seem light by comparison.’”

8. They might be strange or unexpected, but be on the lookout for points of connection. Guess what Taft, Roosevelt, and Amy Young have in common? They have all had at least three surgeries on their bottoms for abscesses. And Taft and Young eventually both had fistulas develop that required a surgical solution. I don’t think I’ve ever been in such good “bottom” company before!

And finally, two reminders that parts of history DO show how far we have come.

9. Mentioned above is the rise in “nervous breakdowns.” Want to know a common treatment? “Rest-cure,” which sounds innocent enough. It required patients to remain isolated for weeks or even months at a time, forbidden to read or write, rigidly adhering to a milk-only diet.” No. Thank. You.

10. Think modern politics are crazy? It took 46 ballots and 8 days of voting for Woodrow Wilson to be nominated in 1912! Oh my.

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I am so grateful this book has moved from my “To Read” list to my “Read” list! I might not dive into another tome in the next few months, but when I do, what long book would you recommend I read next?

Photo by John Bakator on Unsplash

Summer Reading Challenge

Summer Reading Challenge 2018 is Over {Enter and win}

The day that we have all been longing for is here :)— The end of the Summer 2018 Reading Challenge. Like runners at the end of a race, maybe you have stumbled across the finish line and are now collapsed and gasping for air.

But once you catch your breath, HIGH FIVE TO YOU! You made it! I made it! We made it! On Tuesday as I checked into the gym, I chatted with the front desk gal about what I had going on this week. I mentioned writing this post about the end of our Summer Reading Challenge and told her the goal was 7 books, but that I had read 13 books. A trainer standing next to her looked at me like I am an alien and asked, “Do you have a job?!”

Ha!!! I do. But these challenges help me live into the person I want to be. So, I repeat. HIGH FIVES all around! We made it.

Well, how did it go? Remember, in The Summer Reading Challenge the goal was to read seven books between June 1 and August 17th. You enter for one of the ten $10 Amazon gift cards by leaving a comment on this post. Even if you didn’t read seven, still share what you read! This isn’t really a contest so much as a chance to share and a chance to see how many books we read collectively.

I’m going to put the categories here if you want to cut and paste them into the comments. Also feel free to just list books, whatever works for you.

A book related to professional development (can be loosely interpreted)—

A book related to history—

A book placed in a country I’m not familiar with OR about a country I’m not familiar with—

A young adult (YA) book—

A book recommended by a friend—

A graphic novel—

A book you’ve been meaning to read—

A book published more than 100 years ago—

A book recommended by a teenager—

A biography—

A play—

A memoir—

A book by someone you might not spiritually agree with—

A book that won an award—

A book you read years ago and have meant to reread—

A book that has been translated into English—

A book that is more than 700 pages (counts for two books!)—

A mystery—

A book related to a skill (like cooking, writing, photography, or web-design)—

A book by an author you know—

Fiction (if you tend to read non-fiction) or Non-fiction (if you tend to read fiction)—

Penalty: subtract one book from the total. (You potentially could lose two book points if you select a long one)—

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1. A book related to professional development (can be loosely interpreted)—

The Five Most Important Questions You Will Ever Ask About Your Organization by Peter Drucker. A must read for every organization.

3. A book placed in a country I’m not familiar with OR about a country I’m not familiar with

The Dressmaker of Khair Khana: Five Sisters, One Remarkable Family, and the Woman Who Risked Everything to Keep Them Safe by Gayle Tzemach Lemmon takes place in Afghanistan and, as the title says, shows women entrepreneurs (actually they started as teens!).

4. A young adult (YA) book—

Hope Was Hereby Joan Bauer is a delightful book that is not your normal angsty YA novel. Add this to your “to read” list

6. A graphic novel—

The Odyssey by Gareth Hinds . . . this is the way to read The Odyssey.

7. A book you’ve been meaning to read—

Can you believe I had never read The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorn? I can see why it’s a classic and I’m all the better for reading it, but I don’t think it should be required reading for high schoolers.

8. A book published more than 100 years ago—

Here is another book I hadn’t heard of: North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell. Written in the 1850s, the title refers to the North and South in England. If you like Dickens or books that were originally published in serial fashion, you’ll enjoy reading this. If you like BBC, Mom and I enjoyed watching too. Both are good! I blogged through reading this at Velvet Ashes.

12. A memoir—

I listened to So Close to Being the Sh*t, Y’all Don’t Even Know by Retta. I’m a fan of the TV show Parks and Rec, so I enjoyed hearing more about Retta’s job. But the language, people. I’m not around folks who that use that much profanity and for that reason, I can’t recommend it. Maybe it would be different to read it than to listen to it, I don’t know. She is funny! And I still love Parks and Rec.

15. A book you read years ago and have meant to reread—

Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life by Richard Rohr. I first read this soon after I turned 40 and was living in Beijing, now at age 50 and after many changes, I think I got even more out of it than I did the first time.

16. A book that has been translated into English—

Laurusby Eugene Vodolazkin (Author), Lisa C. Hayden (Translator) wasn’t quite my cup of tea, but this is why I love (and need) reading challenges. Were it not for the challenge I wouldn’t have pushed myself to read this medieval Russian novel, and I’m glad I did.

17. A book that is more than 700 pages (counts for two books!)—

The Bully Pulpit: Theodore Roosevelt and the Golden Age of Journalism by Doris Kearns Goodwin. By far my crowning jewel book of the summer! I will forever associate this book with the summer of 2018 and reading with you. I’m going to write a separate post about this book. I’m so grateful I read it.

18. A mystery—

Not a traditional mystery, but My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry by Fredrik Backman took a while to get into, but so worth it! Brilliant writing and translating into English. I’m blogging through it right now at Velvet Ashes.

19. A book related to a skill (like cooking, writing, photography, or web-design)—Is understanding yourself a skill? Okay, maybe I’m being fast and loose with this one. I read The Sacred Enneagram: Finding Your Unique Path to Spiritual Growth by Christopher L. Heuertz. If you are new to the Enneagram, don’t start with this book, but if you are looking to take the next step in understanding harmony triads and (as the subtitle suggests) ways to grow as a Christian and enhance your prayer life, this is the book for you.

20. A book by an author you know—I was asked to endorse The Seven Deadly Friendships by Mary DeMuth so read an advanced copy. Mark your calendars for October 2nd when this book releases!

22. Penalty: subtract one book from the total. (You potentially could lose two book points if you select a long one)—The Bully Pulpit, thanks to this category, you have moved from my “to read” list to my “read!” Take that and no points lost!

I have no category that fits with Our Souls at Night by Kent Haruf, but that’s my fault, not the books! Haruf is a master at powerful storytelling with sparse prose. If you want a quick read that will stay with your long after, this is your book.

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You can see I didn’t read in every category and I’m drawn to non-fiction more than fiction.

I come back to this not being a contest, if you read four books and that was your goal, great! I just find that I’m more likely to accomplish my goals if I tell people what they are.

I can’t wait to see what you’ve been reading. I’ll pick winners next Monday so you have time this weekend to leave a comment.

Thank you for joining in!

Amy

Messier than normal, Messy Middle, Personality

10 Signs You are Embracing the Messy Middle

The phrase the messy middle seems to be more used than it was when I first started this blog. Often it is used in the sense of “Here is how to get out of the annoying messy middle.”

Well, how ducky. And simplistic. While I do believe that certain aspects of life are finite with a clear beginning, middle, and end, that is not my experience for most of life.

You know I’ve written several books. I know you’ve done your own amazing thing, birthed a human, donated hours to a cause you care about deeply, maybe live with chronic mental health issues.

Have you ever, in real life, not been in the messy middle? Those books I wrote? They are not “done.” Sure, they are done in the sense that the writing, editing, rewriting, formatting, and publishing is done. But in terms of the fullness of what it means to write a book, they are not done. They are on-going . . . and ever will be. (Ha, guess what? Thanks to the law of the land, they will outlive me by 70 years! To my heirs go the spoils).

That parenting you are doing will never be done. It will morph and change and enter a new phase. Only to morph and change and you will enter another new phase.

That cause you love and are committed to will never fully solve what it is committed to solving. Will change come? Yes. Lord willing you will leave the problem better than you found it, but the work will not be done.

And chronic illness—mental or physical—has good days and bad days, but it is never done. Often hope lies in more good days than bad.

After all these years, I still love the phrase the messy middle. I love it because it rings true this side of glory. So, I thought it might be time to put another stake in the ground about the messy middle and what the messy middle means to me.

Over time you embody more and more that you are a living, breathing, complex paradox.

1. You know more—and less—than you did.

2. You are moving away from—and towards—who you are.

3. You are grateful and able to risk being hurt.

4. When you are hurt you process it over time without choosing one of these unhealthy extremes: (a) Shake it off (“It’s merely a flesh wound!) or (b) let the hurt become the most defining attribute in your story.

5. You celebrate and grieve.

6. You are known for having convictions but not for being an unnecessary jerk about them.

7. Instead of being right, having more, or only looking at your number of comments/likes/follows, your measures are love, generosity, kindness, and joy.

8. You live in service to a greater purpose than yourself and you value your own well-being.

9. You are willing to change . . . and stay that same.

10. You grow in your ability to understand healthy tension instead of seeing every situation as a problem to be solved. (Hat tip to The Power of Healthy Tension: Overcome Chronic Issues and Conflicting Values by Tim Arnold)

Ultimately, you understand that with God’s help and the input of others, you are like a museum curator, curating your life.

And what an amazing exhibit the messy middle makes.

I love that I am not the only one who is drawn to this idea. Thanks for being here. Thanks for being my messy middle friends. High fives all around, even though we might have paint on our hands!

Photo by Bernard Hermant on Unsplash