The Messy Middle

where grace and truth reside

Cross cultural, Learning lessons, Messy Middle

Count Your Blessings {and a survey}

Hello Messy Middle  friends,

Before we jump into the meat of this post, I have a request. After writing Looming Transitions to help people in cross-cultural service with their transitions and All the News to help them stay on the field via good communication with supporters, I want to help people navigate their first year on the field. In December I’m going to start (and hopefully make good progress) on a book geared especially for the first year on the field. Every year on the field is unique and special, but like other “firsts” in life, that first year on the field is often in a category unto itself. If you live or lived on the field, could you help by taking this survey? It should take 10-30 minutes depending on how much detail you want to go into. Thank you in advance for sharing your experiences with others! Here is the survey.

This week is Thanksgiving in America. I wrote the following years ago in the midst of a very crazy season on the field. Making lists in November of what I was thankful for became an annual discipline to train myself to not miss the ordinary blessings in my life. I wrote:

Still, in the midst of the craziness, I am conscious that I truly do have much to be thankful! Limiting myself to this past week, here are several random pieces of life that I am thankful for:

—Getting to see new things in China. I had never been to Inner Mongolia, the province that borders Mongolia. The population is pretty evenly split between Mongolians and Han Chinese … racial tension does exist. As an outsider, it was cool to see all of the signs in Chinese and the old Mongolian script (not the Cyrillic style that is used in Mongolia). KFC in English, Chinese, and Mongolian! You don’t see that every day.

—Mutton! I’m thankful that I don’t live in a place where the main meat option is mutton (um, like Inner Mongolia). Man, but that is “meat with an attitude”!

—I’m thankful that my job includes the excitement of going out to see and encourage teachers and the fun of heading home and knowing when you wake up on the last day of a trip “tonight I’ll sleep in my own bed.”

—The hand-knit sweater my Chinese Mama made me – it weighs about five pounds (not an exaggeration!!!) but on cold days like today, it warms me outside and in. How many people have two mothers who really love them? Wow.

—Popcorn. Ok, that was my lunch today! But I love being an adult without children so I can eat what I want without having to set a nutritional example :-).

—Chocolate, Stain Remover Stick, and a commentary on British Lit. Isn’t that a great list?! It is what the team I’m visiting tomorrow has asked me to bring them. And it just about sum up what’s important in life!

—Indonesian Dancing. Last night a former student invited me to a dance performance at Beijing University. We’ve been doing a lot together recently – she has a tender spirit and knows where I stand on things but has no real interest in them herself … but I keep hoping!

—Playing CARDS! The same student and her boyfriend came over Saturday night for dinner and to play cards. They taught me a Chinese card game that is very similar to hearts … only I found out the hard way that you don’t want both the Queen of Spades AND all the hearts. The Queen is a ton of negative points regardless!

—Pumpkin bread and helpers! I’ve been cooking down pumpkin to make pumpkin bread for teams when I got to visit them. Saturday Gabe (age 4) and Nate (age 2) helped me by stirring and dumping as I made my bread for my next round of travels.

—My students!! Have I mentioned how much I LOVE them??? Well, I do. Today they handed in papers on their beliefs about reparations, finishing off that unit. How can you not love someone who write:

“Firstly I thank teacher Amy to give us some articles about reparations and these materials make us discuss, know different opinions.”

“In this unit we learned five articles, all of which focused on the understanding of reparation. I was a little shocked and excited to know these all, in such a direct way. I mean, just at one time, all these different (even opposed) opinions rushed into my brain and shook my former perspective strongly.”

—My job! I often think that I have the BEST job in our organization. I get to teach students and encourage our teachers … what is not to love. Wow. I feel that so much of what I do does make a difference and I know that not everyone can say that about their job.

I was given a promise earlier this fall by a friend when I was going through a rough period. The promise was “Don’t hold back Your tender mercies from me. My only hope is in your unfailing love and faithfulness.” And He hasn’t. Even in just this past week my cup runs over – He has been faithful over and over.

Tis time to be thankful!

Amy

P.S. Actually all of Psalm 40is a good one to read this week. And thank you for helping with the survey: Remembering Your First Year. A version of this post is also on A Life Overseas.

 

Book

26 Books Related to Leadership and Communication

I record the books I read in a notebook. In part to track how many books I read in a year. In part to have a record of what I read. But neither reason is why I started this habit. Years ago one of my colleagues in China asked me about a book I had read the year before and for the life of me, I could not recall anything of substance. What?!

As soon as I finished a book, I moved on to the next one without building in any reflecting time. So, chose a pretty notebook and started to write down a short blurb for each book I read. Sometimes my blurbs are brief summaries, other times, I write down what I want to remember from a book.

Recently I was asked what I’ve read in the last four years related to leadership and communication. You know I love nonfiction, so it’s not surprising my list was long-ish, almost too long for one post. But who doesn’t love a good list? For your sake, I disciplined myself not to say too much about any one book. If you’d like to know more, just ask!

Without further ado, here are the 26 books I read in the last five years related to leadership and communication.

1. Me, Myself, and Bob: A True Story About Dreams, God, and Talking Vegetables by Phil Vischer — “This is a story of dreaming big and working hard, of spectacular success and breathtaking failure, of shouted questions, and, at long last, whispered answers.”

2. Jab, Jab, Jab, Right Hook: How to Tell Your Story in a Noisy Social World by Gary Vaynerchuk — “Thanks to massive change and proliferation in social media platforms, the winning combination of jabs and right hooks is different now.”

3. Contagious: Why Things Catch On by Jonah Berger — Berger reveals the “science behind word-of-mouth and social transmission.”

4. slide:ology: The Art and Science of Creating Great Presentations by Nancy Duarte

5. Resonate: Present Visual Stories that Transform Audiences by Nancy Duarte — The power in a story of going back and forth between what is and what could be.

6. Supersurvivors: The Surprising Link Between Suffering and Success by Lee Daniel Kravetz and David B. Feldman

7. Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Douglas Stone and Shalia Heen — I’m realized I have so much I want to say about this book, I’ll do a separate post. So good!

8. With: Reimagining the Way You Relate to God by Sky Jethani — An absolute must read. The end.

9. The Weekly Coaching Conversation: A Business Fable about Taking Your Team’s Performance and Your Career to the Next Level by Brian Souza — Not my fav read, but a good reminder as a leader to be intentional with those I work with.

10. Sticking Points: How to Get 4 Generations Working Together in the 12 Places They Come Apart by Haydn Shaw — So many “ah-ha!” moments reading this!

11. David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants by Malcolm Gladwell — This book offers “a new interpretation of what it means to be discriminated against, suffer from a disability, lose a parent, attend a mediocre school, or endure any number of other apparent setbacks.”

12. Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success by Adam Grant — “There are three broad styles of interpersonal dealing: taking, matching, and giving. Here’s the counter-intuitive part. If we look at the most successful people—the happiest, the most likely to be promoted, etc—they are generally givers, and if we look at the least successful, they too often tend to be givers.”

13. Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown — “The Way of the Essentialist isn’t about getting more done in less time. It’s about getting only the right things done.”

14. The Emotionally Healthy Leader: How Transforming Your Inner Life Will Deeply Transform Your Church, Team, and the World by Peter Scazzero — Highly recommend! “Scazzero shows leaders how to develop a deep, inner life with Christ, examining its profound implications for surviving stress, planning and decision making, building teams, creating healthy culture, influencing others, and more.”

15. Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don’t by Simon Sinek

16. Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter by Liz Wiseman and Greg McKeown — “In analyzing data from more than 150 leaders, Wiseman has identified five disciplines that distinguish Multipliers from Diminishers.”

17. Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade by Robert B. Cialdini

18. The Advantage: Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else In Business by Patrick Lencioni — An absolute must read! I’m using this book with the Connection Group Facilitators this fall.

19. Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World by Adam Grant

20. Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant

21. Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life by Susan David

22. The 4 Disciplines of Execution: Achieving Your Wildly Important Goals by Sean Covey, Jim Huling, and Chris McChesney — Absolute must read.

23. Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World by Cal Newport — Excellent. So good on understanding how the brain works and the importance of building in time for deep work. I have been frustrated that I’m stuck doing so much shallow work, this book was a big help to bring change.

24. The Power of Healthy Tension: Overcome Chronic Issues and Conflicting Values by Tim Arnold — My new fav book; I love it so much I have worked in these ideas into talks I’m giving at writers groups around Denver, a presentation I made in Germany to cross-cultural workers, and a keynote address I’ll give in February at a cross-cultural conference to mainly those who send people overseas. Suffice it to say, the impact this book has had on my thinking and understanding of situations that are a part of life is far and wide and if you get with a two-foot radius of me, you’re gonna hear about this book!

25. 5 Voices: How to Communicate Effectively with Everyone You Lead by Jeremie Kubicek and Steve Cockram — Here is an Instagram post I wrote about this book.

26. The Five Most Important Questions You Will Ever Ask About Your Organization by Peter Drucker

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How many have you read? Any catch your eye and are now on your “to read” list? But more importantly (to me!), what have you read related to communication or leadership and would recommend I read?

Book, Travel

Reading Around the Baltics

You know I turned 50 in December.

You know I believe in marking milestones.

You also know I love my people, history, culture, and traveling.

Combine all and what do you have? A Baltic Cruise and the chance to visit a new part of the world. One of my fellow travelers was my friend Joann, our books—one about transitions, another about Chinese church bells—are book cousins. So, is it any surprise that as we traveled we thought of books we read or want to read related to our travels.

Copenhagen, Denmark

We started off in Copenhagen and in preparation for our trip Joann listened to The Almost Nearly Perfect People by Michael Booth—I’m thinking it is a must read because as our travels continued, Joann kept referencing it. “Journalist Michael Booth has lived among the Scandinavians for more than ten years, and he has grown increasingly frustrated with the rose-tinted view of this part of the world offered up by the Western media. In this timely book he leaves his adopted home of Denmark and embarks on a journey through all five of the Nordic countries to discover who these curious tribes are, the secrets of their success, and, most intriguing of all, what they think of one another.”

Berlin, Germany

If you look at a map, Berlin is not by the coast. So, calling is a “port city” on the cruise might be a bit lose and fast with definitions. But the three-hour bus ride from the ship? Totally worth it. We started off at the Olympic Stadium where Jesse Owens won his gold medal as the Nazis downplayed their plans for the world. I highly recommend the movie Race and now plan to read these books, all recommended by Joann.

Olympic Stadium in Berlin

At the Berlin Wall

In the Garden of Beasts: Love, Terror, and an American Family in Hitler’s Berlin by Erik Larson—”The time is 1933, the place, Berlin, when William E. Dodd becomes America’s first ambassador to Hitler’s Nazi Germany in a year that proved to be a turning point in history.”

Berlin 1961: Kennedy, Khrushchev, and the Most Dangerous Place on Earth by Frederick Kempe—The Berlin Wall

Bridge of Spies by Giles Whittell—You might have heard of the movie, Joann said the book, not surprisingly, goes into more details and if you have to choose between book or movie, choose the book.

The Collapse: The Accidental Opening of the Berlin Wall by Mary Elise Sarotte—It was an accident! That November night in 1989 when the wall came down because the person speaking to the press was reading a press release and . . . you will have to read the book to find out the rest!

Tallin, Estonia

Sadly, I don’t have any books directly related to Estonia, but this year I read Between Shades of Gray by Ruta Sepetys. In this Young Adult Novel, “Fifteen-year-old Lina is a Lithuanian girl living an ordinary life — until Soviet officers invade her home and tear her family apart. Separated from her father and forced onto a crowded train, Lina, her mother, and her young brother make their way to a Siberian work camp, where they are forced to fight for their lives.”

St. Petersburg, Russia

Nicholas and Alexandra: The Classic Account of the Fall of the Romanov Dynasty by Robert K. Massie—I read this in high school and fell in love with one of the last Czars, his wife, their son who had hemophilia, and the mystic Rasputin. On our tour, we visited the Peter and Paul Fortress and Cathedral, where all of the Czars are buried, including Nicholas, Alexandra, and Alexis. The next day we toured the Palace where Rasputin was murdered. I am eager to read this a second time.

The final resting place of Czar Nicholas and his family

The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming by Henri Nouwen—This book is one of my favorite five books of all time. So, when I heard we would be going to St. Petersburg and go to the Hermitage, I felt quivery inside. I need to reread it. If you haven’t you must read it. Please.

Dreams do come true

Symphony for the City of the Dead: Dmitri Shostakovich and the Siege of Leningrad by M.T. Anderson—My niece Emily read and recommended this book to our family. I now need to reread it! “In September 1941, Adolf Hitler’s Wehrmacht surrounded Leningrad in what was to become one of the longest and most destructive sieges in Western history—almost three years of bombardment and starvation that culminated in the harsh winter of 1943–1944. More than a million citizens perished.”

Helsinki, Finland

The Almost Nearly Perfect People—mentioned above.

Stockholm, Sweden

Almost Nearly and The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared by Jonas Jonasson—this international bestseller is described as “A reluctant centenarian much like Forrest Gump (if Gump were an explosives expert with a fondness for vodka) decides it’s not too late to start over . . .” So, you can tell it’s fiction. I’m wondering what it is about Sweden that turns out such good storytellers? I’m thinking of A Man Called Ove and Fredrik Backman.

We returned to Copenhagen and each began the long trek home because there are books to be read! What books do I need to add to my list?

Learning lessons, Summer Reading Challenge

Ten Takeaways from The Bully Pulpit

Y’all know that I read The Bully Pulpit: Theodore Roosevelt, William Taft, and the Golden Age of Journalism by Doris Kearns Goodwin this summer as part of the Summer Reading Challenge. Several years ago, I read her tome on Lincoln, Team of Rivals. Because of the length, I admit to being a bit proud of myself, but it was the subject matter of building and working with a team who could be classified as “rivals” that made it a must-read. You can read my thoughts on Rivals here.

I wondered if I would feel the same about Teddy Roosevelt, William Taft, and those from “the golden age of journalism.” Would this be a must-read?

The short answer is yes. The Bully Pulpit exemplifies what I love about history. History provides a mirror for the current age. If we think now is a hot mess, we are arrogant and a tad ignorant.

Once again, I am grateful for sitting at the feet of history as I read this page-turner. Generally speaking, you can guess what the book was about, so no surprises there. What I appreciate about Goodwin’s writing is that she honors the complexity of situations and shows enough of the context to help the reader see how various realities interact. Thanks to The Bully Pulpit, I have my own Ten Takeaways from The Bully Pulpit.

Starting with 5 lessons for Every Era:

1. Use the technology of the day. Roosevelt would not start a speech until he knew a stenographer was present. I hadn’t thought of “stenography” as cutting-edge technology, but it was.

2. Know that everyone has an agenda. I don’t mean this is a “the sky is falling!” way, but more of a “we are all wired to care” way. “The policy of the Evening Post is to break down Roosevelt.” (page 257) I am tempted to think there once was a magical era when the media wasn’t biased. While the role of the media in the U.S. ebbs and flows, it’s naïve to think other eras didn’t have their own media issues.

3. Remember that for better or worse, there has always been a relationship between politics and religion. “Roosevelt confided to his newspaper friend Herman Kohlsaat, ‘I am in the worst hole politically I have ever been in my life. The whole Catholic Church is on my back.’” (page 305)

4. Be aware of the relationship between societal changes and mental health. There was a “stunning increase in nervous disorders diagnosed around the turn of the century. Commentators and clinicians cited a number of factors related to the stress of modern civilization: the increased speed of communication facilitated by the telegraph and railroad; the ‘unmelodious’ clamor of city life replacing the ‘rhythmical’ sounds of nature; and the rise of the tabloid press that exploded ‘local horrors’ into national news.” Sounds like today!

5. You will face a Big Issue of the Day. For Roosevelt and Taft it was monopolies and government regulation of industries such as the meat packing industry. Anyone else horrified by The Jungle by Upton Sinclair? I can’t remember if I read The Jungle in high school or college, but I do remember the shock I felt at the working conditions. This book helped to move the hearts of many and paved the way for changes. In the U.S., one of our current Big Issues is health care. But this book reminded me that if it wasn’t health care, it would be something else. Every era has a Big Issue to wrestle with.

Continuing with 3 Lessons for Every Person

6. Value Friendship. Roosevelt and Taft were friends until the election of 1912, and then they weren’t. Reading the disintegration of their friendship was one of the hardest parts to read. Thankfully, seven months before Roosevelt died, they had a chance encounter and mended fences. “Roosevelt confided that at long last they had ‘completely renewed the old friendly relations.’” The Bully Pulpit also highlighted the long-standing friendships between many of the writers for McClure’s Magazine. One lived in Emporia, Kansas and traveled back and forth to NYC. Shout out to Kansas!

7. Be able to laugh at yourself. Roosevelt, in particular, was good at this! “In early December, [Roosevelt] delivered a 500-page manuscript to Putnam’s. Recalling this maiden literary voyage, Roosevelt acknowledged years later that some of the chapters ‘were so dry that they would have made reading a dictionary seem light by comparison.’”

8. They might be strange or unexpected, but be on the lookout for points of connection. Guess what Taft, Roosevelt, and Amy Young have in common? They have all had at least three surgeries on their bottoms for abscesses. And Taft and Young eventually both had fistulas develop that required a surgical solution. I don’t think I’ve ever been in such good “bottom” company before!

And finally, two reminders that parts of history DO show how far we have come.

9. Mentioned above is the rise in “nervous breakdowns.” Want to know a common treatment? “Rest-cure,” which sounds innocent enough. It required patients to remain isolated for weeks or even months at a time, forbidden to read or write, rigidly adhering to a milk-only diet.” No. Thank. You.

10. Think modern politics are crazy? It took 46 ballots and 8 days of voting for Woodrow Wilson to be nominated in 1912! Oh my.

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I am so grateful this book has moved from my “To Read” list to my “Read” list! I might not dive into another tome in the next few months, but when I do, what long book would you recommend I read next?

Photo by John Bakator on Unsplash

Summer Reading Challenge

Summer Reading Challenge 2018 is Over {Enter and win}

The day that we have all been longing for is here :)— The end of the Summer 2018 Reading Challenge. Like runners at the end of a race, maybe you have stumbled across the finish line and are now collapsed and gasping for air.

But once you catch your breath, HIGH FIVE TO YOU! You made it! I made it! We made it! On Tuesday as I checked into the gym, I chatted with the front desk gal about what I had going on this week. I mentioned writing this post about the end of our Summer Reading Challenge and told her the goal was 7 books, but that I had read 13 books. A trainer standing next to her looked at me like I am an alien and asked, “Do you have a job?!”

Ha!!! I do. But these challenges help me live into the person I want to be. So, I repeat. HIGH FIVES all around! We made it.

Well, how did it go? Remember, in The Summer Reading Challenge the goal was to read seven books between June 1 and August 17th. You enter for one of the ten $10 Amazon gift cards by leaving a comment on this post. Even if you didn’t read seven, still share what you read! This isn’t really a contest so much as a chance to share and a chance to see how many books we read collectively.

I’m going to put the categories here if you want to cut and paste them into the comments. Also feel free to just list books, whatever works for you.

  1. A book related to professional development (can be loosely interpreted)—
  1. A book related to history—
  1. A book placed in a country I’m not familiar with OR about a country I’m not familiar with—
  1. A young adult (YA) book—
  1. A book recommended by a friend—
  1. A graphic novel—
  1. A book you’ve been meaning to read—
  1. A book published more than 100 years ago—
  1. A book recommended by a teenager—
  1. A biography—
  1. A play—
  1. A memoir—
  1. A book by someone you might not spiritually agree with—
  1. A book that won an award—
  1. A book you read years ago and have meant to reread—
  1. A book that has been translated into English—
  1. A book that is more than 700 pages (counts for two books!)—
  1. A mystery—
  1. A book related to a skill (like cooking, writing, photography, or web-design)—
  1. A book by an author you know—
  1. Fiction (if you tend to read non-fiction) or Non-fiction (if you tend to read fiction)—
  1. Penalty: subtract one book from the total. (You potentially could lose two book points if you select a long one)—

 

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1. A book related to professional development (can be loosely interpreted)—

The Five Most Important Questions You Will Ever Ask About Your Organization by Peter Drucker. A must read for every organization.

3. A book placed in a country I’m not familiar with OR about a country I’m not familiar with

The Dressmaker of Khair Khana: Five Sisters, One Remarkable Family, and the Woman Who Risked Everything to Keep Them Safe by Gayle Tzemach Lemmon takes place in Afghanistan and, as the title says, shows women entrepreneurs (actually they started as teens!).

4. A young adult (YA) book—

Hope Was Hereby Joan Bauer is a delightful book that is not your normal angsty YA novel. Add this to your “to read” list

6. A graphic novel—

The Odyssey by Gareth Hinds . . . this is the way to read The Odyssey.

7. A book you’ve been meaning to read—

Can you believe I had never read The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorn? I can see why it’s a classic and I’m all the better for reading it, but I don’t think it should be required reading for high schoolers.

8. A book published more than 100 years ago— 

Here is another book I hadn’t heard of: North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell. Written in the 1850s, the title refers to the North and South in England. If you like Dickens or books that were originally published in serial fashion, you’ll enjoy reading this. If you like BBC, Mom and I enjoyed watching too. Both are good! I blogged through reading this at Velvet Ashes.

12. A memoir—

I listened to So Close to Being the Sh*t, Y’all Don’t Even Know by Retta. I’m a fan of the TV show Parks and Rec, so I enjoyed hearing more about Retta’s job. But the language, people. I’m not around folks who that use that much profanity and for that reason, I can’t recommend it. Maybe it would be different to read it than to listen to it, I don’t know. She is funny! And I still love Parks and Rec.

15. A book you read years ago and have meant to reread—

Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life by Richard Rohr. I first read this soon after I turned 40 and was living in Beijing, now at age 50 and after many changes, I think I got even more out of it than I did the first time.

16. A book that has been translated into English—

Laurusby Eugene Vodolazkin (Author), Lisa C. Hayden (Translator) wasn’t quite my cup of tea, but this is why I love (and need) reading challenges. Were it not for the challenge I wouldn’t have pushed myself to read this medieval Russian novel, and I’m glad I did.

17. A book that is more than 700 pages (counts for two books!)—

The Bully Pulpit: Theodore Roosevelt and the Golden Age of Journalism by Doris Kearns Goodwin. By far my crowning jewel book of the summer! I will forever associate this book with the summer of 2018 and reading with you. I’m going to write a separate post about this book. I’m so grateful I read it.

18. A mystery—

Not a traditional mystery, but My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry by Fredrik Backman took a while to get into, but so worth it! Brilliant writing and translating into English. I’m blogging through it right now at Velvet Ashes.

19. A book related to a skill (like cooking, writing, photography, or web-design)—Is understanding yourself a skill? Okay, maybe I’m being fast and loose with this one. I read The Sacred Enneagram: Finding Your Unique Path to Spiritual Growth by Christopher L. Heuertz. If you are new to the Enneagram, don’t start with this book, but if you are looking to take the next step in understanding harmony triads and (as the subtitle suggests) ways to grow as a Christian and enhance your prayer life, this is the book for you.

20. A book by an author you know—I was asked to endorse The Seven Deadly Friendships by Mary DeMuth so read an advanced copy. Mark your calendars for October 2nd when this book releases!

22. Penalty: subtract one book from the total. (You potentially could lose two book points if you select a long one)—The Bully Pulpit, thanks to this category, you have moved from my “to read” list to my “read!” Take that and no points lost!

I have no category that fits with Our Souls at Night by Kent Haruf, but that’s my fault, not the books! Haruf is a master at powerful storytelling with sparse prose. If you want a quick read that will stay with your long after, this is your book.

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You can see I didn’t read in every category and I’m drawn to non-fiction more than fiction.

I come back to this not being a contest, if you read four books and that was your goal, great! I just find that I’m more likely to accomplish my goals if I tell people what they are.

I can’t wait to see what you’ve been reading. I’ll pick winners next Monday so you have time this weekend to leave a comment.

Thank you for joining in!

Amy

Messier than normal, Messy Middle, Personality

10 Signs You are Embracing the Messy Middle

The phrase the messy middle seems to be more used than it was when I first started this blog. Often it is used in the sense of “Here is how to get out of the annoying messy middle.”

Well, how ducky. And simplistic. While I do believe that certain a few aspects of life are finite with a clear beginning, middle, and end, that is not my experience for most of life.

You know I’ve written several books. I know you’ve done your own amazing thing, birthed a human, donated hours to a cause you care about deeply, maybe live with chronic mental health issues.

Have you ever, in real life, not been in the messy middle? Those books I wrote? They are not “done.” Sure, they are done in the sense that the writing, editing, rewriting, formatting, and publishing is done. But in terms of the fullness of what it means to write a book, they are not done. They are on-going . . . and ever will be. (Ha, guess what? Thanks to the law of the land, they will outlive me by 70 years! To my heirs go the spoils).

That parenting you are doing will never be done. It will morph and change and enter a new phase. Only to morph and change and you will enter another new phase.

That cause you love and are committed to will never fully solve what it is committed to solving. Will change come? Yes. Lord willing you will leave the problem better than you found it, but the work will not be done.

And chronic illness—mental or physical—has good days and bad days, but it is never done. Often hope lies in more good days than bad.

After all these years, I still love the phrase the messy middle. I love it because it rings true this side of glory. So, I thought it might be time to put another stake in the ground about the messy middle and what the messy middle means to me.

Over time you are embracing that you are a living, breathing, complex paradox.

1. You know more—and less—than you did.

2. You are moving away from—and towards—who you are.

3. You are grateful and able to risk being hurt.

4. When you are hurt you process it over time without choosing one of these unhealthy extremes: (a) Shake it off (“It’s merely a flesh wound!) or (b) let the hurt become the most defining attribute in your story.

5. You celebrate and grieve.

6. You are known for having convictions but not for being an unnecessary jerk about them.

7. Instead of being right, having more, or only looking at your number of comments/likes/follows, your measures are love, generosity, kindness, and joy.

8. You live in service to a greater purpose than yourself and you value your own well-being.

9. You are willing to change . . . and stay that same.

10. You grow in your ability to understand healthy tension instead of seeing every situation as a problem to be solved. (Hat tip to The Power of Healthy Tension: Overcome Chronic Issues and Conflicting Values by Tim Arnold)

Ultimately, you understand that with God’s help and the input of others, you are like a museum curator, curating your life.

And what an amazing exhibit the messy middle makes.

I love that I am not the only one who is drawn to this idea. Thanks for being here. Thanks for being my messy middle friends. High fives all around, even though we might have paint on our hands!

Photo by Bernard Hermant on Unsplash

Summer Reading Challenge

Summer Reading Challenge Check-In

Yesterday Kate messaged me on Facebook. She said, “Just wanted to say I’m loving the reading challenge, just tucking into book number 6! I did realize however that I’m participating in isolation. could you remind me how we are supposed to be corporate about it all, is it just Instagram?”

First of all, six books? You go, girl! (Note to self: Next year find a way to make the Summer Reading Challenge more communal).)

This year more and more people are participating and I know many of you are isolated. So, let’s do a roll call. Where in the world are you? What number book are you on? Needing any suggestions for a category?

I’ll start:

I’m currently located in Denver, Colorado (in the U.S.). This summer I’ve read mostly in Denver but also a bit in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, on planes to and from Philly, and in the mountains of Colorado.

I’ve read eight books . . . but that’s going to be about it because of my dear Teddy Roosevelt, William Taft, and the Muckrakers’ book (my penalty book, which I’ve realized is a horrible name. Okay, so branding is not my strong suit. How about my “I will read this!” book?)

I am on page 202 of 752, not that I”m counting, of The Bully Pulpit: Theodore Roosevelt and the Golden Age of Journalism, by Dorris Kearns Goodwin. I’m loving it and am proud of myself and am learning lots. (Think your own time period is a hot mess? Read history and remember that every time period is a hot mess and they survived so you will too.)

No massive surprise, my heart would read mostly non-fiction. But minor surprise? I’m reading more fiction this year and may only end up with two memoirs on my summer reading. Sacrificing comes in all forms. Ha!

One book I’d recommend if you need a graphic novel is The Odyssey by Gareth Hinds. I found it by poking around in my local library’s graphic novel section. While I am not drawn to 99% of graphic novels because they are series that go on and on about stories I do no give a hoot about, I have found through this reading challenge that I like historical graphic novels. One caveat is that it helps to have some frame of reference. Last summer, my family was fairly confused in Boxers and Saints by Gene Yang since it was their first exposure to The Boxer Rebellion in Chinese History. 

I have never read The Odyssey and am weak on Greek mythology, but if you want to read the Odyssey? This is the way to do it!

If you are feeling behind, don’t sweat it. Be creative. My sister Elizabeth discovered a book by Jhumpa Lahiri, author of The Namesake and Interpreter of Maladies, written half in English and half in Italian! In Other Words Lahiri moves her family to Italy to master Italian, which she had studied for many years, but never quite mastered. If you love language, culture, and travel this book is for you. 

(Unless you are reading about Roosevelt, Taft, and journalism, then stay in your lane Missy. I’m looking at you in the mirror.)

Over to you. Where are you reading these days (I love how international this is)? What book are you “just tucking into?” (I love that phrase!)

Turning pages with you,

Amy

Community, Summer Reading Challenge

Little of this, Little of that, and a Sports Injury

Hello friends,

How’s your June going? Hard to believe that the longest day of the year was yesterday. Say what?

I know. I’m feeling a bit random these days, so here are three short random updates:

1. This week I updated the emails that are sent if someone signs up to receive these blog posts or the occasional letters. I have no idea why, but after d-r-a-g-g-i-n-g my heels on the project, it ended up being fun and I’m proud of myself. You can see the first one here.

2. I hurt my hip over a week ago at the gym. My first sports injury! I’m healing and will return to the risky sport of Zumba, but until then I have been shocked by how much you do NOT get done even when handed supposed “extra time.” Staring into space takes a lot more time than you might think. Sigh, no, I haven’t started my “penalty book” for the Summer Reading Challenge. I will, people, I will!

3. Given my sports injury, preaching the last two Sundays, and having fun playing around with MailChimp sign-up emails (I wrote five), the post I’m working on for today isn’t ready. So, below is what is something  I wrote for Velvet Ashes this week.  The theme this week is alien (how timely!) and tied it into my sermon topic on belonging.

Have you ever had a sports injury? I’m mostly kidding, but also kinda not! Would be curious to hear.
Happy long days of sunshine,

Amy

 

Language can be tricky and fluid. When I was a Resident Assistant in college, we were told to call residents from other countries “international students” instead of “foreign students.” International sounded inclusive and welcoming, it was explained, unlike foreign.

I could see the point.

Then I moved to China, a country whose very name in Chinese means “The Middle of the World,” with Chinese being “insiders” and the entire rest of the globe being “outsiders.” Apparently taking the feelings of the world into account was not a high priority.

In those early days, it caught me off guard when I was asked to stand in the alien line or stay in the barbarian guesthouse. While alien and barbarian and outsider can be legitimate translations of “foreigner,” they point to a more profound construct: who belongs.

As cross-cultural workers, it can be confusing to figure out where we belong. Some of you serve in lands that gladly would let you switch citizenship; others live in countries that will allow you in and out on tourist visas for years without question; while still others have to have an apparent and obvious contribution you offer to a country, and even then, they may ask you to leave at any moment.

We are in the middle of a two-sided coin when it comes to belonging. One side labeled “alien,” the other “citizen.” Where does God say we belong? Here is the beautiful mystery of the Bible: we see both aliens and nations woven in. As I have worked on this post and next week’s Grove, I feel the tension of the “right” answer is that we are citizens of heaven. And it is true, we are. But God also seems taken with the here and now of this world. Instead of shifting to auto-pilot and just waiting for the ultimate stamp in my passport, we are invited to wrestle with belonging and helping others around us to belong.

Today we will look at the side of the coin labeled “alien.” As I consider the entirety of the Bible and what God included about foreigners, I noticed:

1. God has a soft spot for the alien. Again, and again Israel was told to “show your love for the alien, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt.” (Deuteronomy 10:19) Or “Now in case a countryman of yours becomes poor and his means with regard to you falter, then you are to sustain him, like a stranger or a sojourner, that he may live with you.” (Leviticus 25:35)

Aliens and foreigners and barbarians all have their place in God’s heart. You are not merely sent out to be used by God as you struggled with the language, the weather, your project, the hours spent keeping a home. You hold a soft spot in His heart.

2. God gives a face to the alien. In the Bible God does not merely talk about “the foreigners in your midst,” He names them and shares their stories, showing the breadth and depth of being foreign.

—Joseph was foreign through being sold, later his whole family through famine.

—Esther was foreign in what may be the first example of BAM (Business as M). She was in the business of royal service.

—Naomi was foreign through famine, and then widowed and became childless in a foreign land. She returned home bitter, but not alone.

—Ruth was foreign through marriage and then serving her widowed mother-in-law.

—Moses was foreign through adoption, through relocation and political asylum, and leading a people who had a different story than he did.

—Abraham and Sarah were foreign through God’s calling, leaving aging parents.

—Daniel was foreign though captivity.

—Mary, Joseph, and Jesus were foreign for a season, due to political danger.

—Paul was foreign through religious conversion and traveling.

—Barnabas was foreign through traveling.

3. Though foreignness takes on many faces and paths, it always points to a bigger story.“For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in.” (Matthew 25:35). Being foreign or alien or a barbarian isn’t the destination, but it can be a path to see God at work in the world. In this verse in Matthew, it was the outsider being shown God’s love and provision.

Paul pointed to the bigger story as the reason for his foreignness when he said, “For this reason I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for the sake of you Gentiles” in Ephesians 3:1.

We are aliens, it is true. How does God’s soft spot for and the inclusion of the outside in the Bible spur you on to “work and good deeds?”

 

Photo by Pierre Châtel-Innocenti on Unsplash and Design by Karen Huber

Summer Reading Challenge

Calling All Readers: Summer Reading Challenge 2018

Several summers ago my predominant emotion was resentment because I was in the throes of learning a new work rhythm. After years of being tied to a school calendar when it came to work, I no longer was. And resenting it. Aren’t summers for downtime and relaxing and recharging?

Resentment, no surprise, is a terrible bedfellow. I love this part of the Summer Reading Challenge: it was born in a garden. Aren’t most of the best ideas born around flowers and dirt? The mix of beauty and mess. I associate “Summer” and “Reading” so strongly, I wanted a way to help “I’m busy” not be a reason to keep me (and you) from the joys of summer reading.

I love my local library, but I fail at their summer reading program. You need to have a user name, password, and then daily (or weekly) log your reading. Turns out it is a few too many steps for me. When I googled “summer reading challenges” most results were suggestions for libraries to host a reading program. Exit Plan B.

Like a kid pouring over the toy catalog in days gone by, I’ve chatted with family members, dreamed about books, and looked for ways to expand the reading challenge. Today, I  am excited today to reveal this summer’s reading challenge!

It will start on June 1  and run through August 17, 2018. To enter, read seven books from 22 categories. Along the way, I’ll have encouraging posts. If you would like to write a guest post, contact me.

What’s different? Two categories have been added, one of which has a twist! You can now be penalized (self-enforced). The penalty was born because I need it. For a full TWO YEARS, I have planned to read The Bully Pulpit: Theodore Roosevelt and the Golden Age of Journalism, but it is long. Last year I even added the “get two points for books longer than 700 pages” just to get this book read. It did not work. So I’ve upped the ante. At the start of the challenge choose a book or category you will read or be penalized. (Obviously, you know my pick.)

Years ago when my nieces were young and my sister wearied over the nightly whining over who didn’t like this or that, she had them each make a no-eat list. They could choose five items that they would not have to eat without parental requirement or pushback. Viola, meals were more pleasant. I’m hoping the penalty rule is the Summer Reading Challenge version of “no eat list.” Viola, book read.

What’s in it for you? All who comment on August 17-19th with the names of the books they read will be entered to win one of ten $10 Amazon gift cards.

Sound like fun?!

  1. A book related to professional development (can be loosely interpreted).
  1. A book related to history.
  1. A book placed in a country I’m not familiar with OR about a country I’m not familiar with.
  1. A young adult (YA) book.
  1. A book recommended by a friend.
  1. A graphic novel.
  1. A book you’ve been meaning to read.
  1. A book published more than 100 years ago.
  1. A book recommended by a teenager.
  1. A biography.
  1. A play. 
  1. A memoir.
  1. A book by someone you might not spiritually agree with.
  1. A book that won an award.
  1. A book you read years ago and have meant to reread.
  1. A book that has been translated into English.
  1. A book that is more than 700 pages (counts for two books!)
  1. A mystery. 
  1. A book related to a skill (like cooking, writing, photography, or web-design).
  1. A book by an author you know. Fiction (if you tend to read non-fiction) or Non-fiction (if you tend to read fiction).
  1. Penalty: subtract one book from the total. (You potentially could lose two book points if you select a long one)

Download the challenge and print it off to track your progress. I’ll be posting on Instagram the books I read. Post pictures of yourself reading or the books you read and use #SRC18. I can’t wait to get ideas from you!

~~~

In short: Seven books from June 1 to August 17.

Are you in? Pick a couple of categories and share a recommendation or a book you plan to read for that category.

Ending Chapters, Grief

Don’t you ever fear forgotten, for you simply can’t be lost

Years ago I awoke one morning to an email from my oldest niece, Emily, with the subject line Math Fairy I Need You.

Dear Math Fairy,

I am in desperate need of your help! I wrote a poem about math to help you understand my feelings towards it. Hope you enjoy it :-(.

Through our exchange, I learned Emily has a poetry notebook in which she processed and expressed life.

(You can read the poem about math and my poetic attempt to speak her heart language here.)

When her Grandma Smith died, she wrote the poem that was used at her memorial service. It was so fitting that we used it for Dad’s service as well.

This year Emily is a junior and several good friends are seniors. Ah, the messy middle, where joy and celebration are bedfellows to sadness and loss. Is it any surprise she’s written poems about the goodbyes? Though often poems in general are over my head, these land squarely in my heart because I, too, over the years have said unwanted goodbyes.

I believe Emily’s words will help you. She’s started a blog and shares her poetry. It is with permission and pride that I share two here:

Goodbye
by Emily Smith

today I began to say goodbye

to a friend who’s off to bigger

and brighter things soon

 

I’ll still be stuck in this sandbox next year

come and visit—you can

play among the endless sands, too

 

for while I know my time will come

it’s not today

and now hurts fresh

as I feel softly brushed away

 

less than a year you’ve beat me

in the race to see the world

send a postcard

send a package

 

I’ll be here, waiting by the window

most days

staring at the birds outside

flying free

 

so goodbye

dear friend

don’t forget to write

~~~

Just Remember
by Emily Smith

This poem is dedicated to two of my closest friends who graduated last week. Best of luck, chicas, and remember that you will be loved and missed. 

When you feel the world darken,

when it’s hard to hold the light,

just think upon this promise–

someone will always hold you tight.

 

You may be many miles away,

in a place far out of reach.

But remember that you’re treasured

with a love that’s hard to teach.

 

If they can’t hold you in their arms,

they’ll hold up a picture frame.

Someone will savor memories sweet,

they’ll hold close your face and name.

 

Don’t you ever fear forgotten, for

you simply can’t be lost.

After peoples’ bonds have grown

the pain becomes too great a cost.

 

I won’t pretty it up, my friend,

life is complex and full of twists.

But don’t deceive your honest heart:

you will be loved and missed.

~~~

Which line stands out to you? You can follow Emily’s blog Musings of a Logophile.

P.S. Stay tuned! Guess what time of year it is? Not only graduation season, it is also time for the annual Summer Reading Challenge! Later this week, the challenge will be shared! Be on the lookout for a few new options. Can’t wait!

 

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