Relationships Archives - The Messy Middle

52 Cards, 52 Weeks, 52 Years

As the self-proclaimed “Math Fairy,” I love the playful side of math. In particular, I love patterns! So, every time a new age comes, I try to think of something fun about that number.

A deck of cards has 52 cards.

A year has 52 weeks.

And I now have 52 trips about the sun.

While the joke could be made that I am finally playing with a full deck, I decided that to let all of these 52’s come together in one fantastic year!

I took an old deck of cards—and yes, I specifically chose an old Broncos deck because if I can cram as much of what I love in one thing, then shove away! Back to my point, I took a deck of cards and have written the name of a friend or family member on each card.

My birthday happens to be on a Sunday this year, so every Sunday morning I will deal myself a card. The name on that card is going to be my “friend” or “family member” for the week. What does that mean?

Nothing and everything. We’ll see. Not every plan has to be fully formed for it to be a good plan. Hehehe!!

About halfway through making my “52 friends and family” card game, I began to fear that I would not have enough people. What if I could not name 52 people who have influenced my life?!

True confession, I ran out of cards before I ran out of people. In several cases I put married couples together — which normally, I hate it when a couple are only seen as a unit because they are both individuals. But in this case, it means I get to have more people as my “FOTW” (Friend or Family Or The Week).

As with most years, I still find it beyond weird that I am 52, remembering a time that 52 sounded so old. But here we are and as I made my card game, I am reminded that my life has been one of so much blessing.

So many people. So many experiences. So much more ahead of me.

Thank you for being here and reading these words. Thank you for being a part of a rich a wonderful life. Life is hard and disappointing and confusing and fun and exciting and hopeful. It is the messy middle.

Join me in a virtual slice of birthday cake!

With love, Amy

P.S. What’s your favorite birthday cake of choice? Mine is Angel food cake with mocha frosting!

Faith, Relationships

The Invitation from Jesus When Life is Chaos

It was the pillow detail that stopped me.

It is a familiar tale.

After a full day of teaching a crowd by a lake, Jesus said, “Let’s go to the other side.” So, Jesus and the disciples climbed into a boat and headed out. A storm came up. The disciples, capable fishermen, familiar with water, woke Jesus screaming over the squall, “Do you not care about us. At all?!” Jesus got up, told the storm to settle down, and then in the eerie quiet said, “Why were you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” Terrified, the disciples asked each other, “Who is this? Even the weather obeys him.”

I noticed the cushion in Mark’s gospel. “Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion.” (Mark 4:38)

How many times have I heard or read about Jesus and the storm and never noticed the cushion? This cushion has grabbed my holy imagination as neither Matthew nor Luke mention it.

The theme this week at Velvet Ashes is Chaos. And what is chaos but the unexpected storm? The paralyzing fear “that the waves will sweep over the boat” (Matthew) or that you are “swamped and in great danger” (Luke).

Where is Jesus in the chaos? Sleeping. On a pillow.

In the past, when I read this story I identified with the disciples. In the midst of chaos, I can bail water, hustle, and scream with the best of them. But then Jesus said, “What if the pillow isn’t just for me? It is for you too. Will you join me on the cushion when chaos churns?”

It seems absurd, doesn’t it? It is fine for Jesus to sleep during chaos; he is, after all, Jesus. Jesus kept pushing me, as he does when he is making a point. “It was not God asleep, it was the very human form, the man Jesus, asleep on the cushion. Calm can be a human response to chaos.”

Several weeks later I was texting with Kimberly Todd and she threw in this detail, “I’m memorizing the calm Psalm (131).”

You can guess which word caught my attention. I texted back that I would join her even though I had not heard it called the calm Psalm before. “I think I may have just made that up. Smiley emoticon.” I think God is reinforcing his heart for us in chaos. A few days later Kimberly texted me a link to listen to the Psalm sung (listen here) and now I listen almost daily to the calm Psalm.

The Revised Standard Version calls Psalm 131 “A song of quiet trust.” It is part of the songs of ascent and was written by David.

¹My heart is not proud, Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
²But I have calmed and quieted myself,
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content.
³Israel, put your hope in the Lord
both now and forevermore.
NIV

The story of Jesus and the storm and Psalm 131 have been sitting together in my soul. Jesus calmed and quieted the storm and then he asked the disciples why they were afraid. Did they have so little faith? David calmed and quieted himself and asked Israel to put their hope in the Lord.

Both mention calm and quiet.

Both point to faith—hope—in the Lord.

Both create space for chaos, be it an unexpected storm or matters that are too great for us to understand.

Both show that calm can be a response to chaos.

Mark could have easily left out the cushion. Like Matthew or Luke, he could have simply said, “Jesus was sleeping” which would have still stood out as an unusual response to a violent storm. But he added the detail about the cushion.

David tells us he has calmed and quieted himself.

Too often, we think we need the storm to stop for us to be quieted and calm. But part of the good news Jesus came to proclaim is that external circumstances do not have to dictate internal responses. Of course we will still be influenced by life. We will be rocked by the storms. Jesus did not levitate in the boat, separated from the reality of the storm around him.

Having emotions in chaotic situations is good and a normal response.

Dealing with chaotic situations is good and a normal response.

Being calm in chaotic situations is also good and a normal response.

Jesus is asking you, “Will you join me on the cushion when chaos churns?”

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A version of this first appeared on Velvet Ashes. Karen Huber designed the image.

Community, Faith, Relationships

14 Ministry Lessons From Holy Week

Happy Monday! I wrote the following for A Life Overseas. Which point do you sense God has for you today?

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He is Risen!

He is Risen Indeed! After Christ’s crucifixion and the agony of Saturday this refrain never gets old.

Lent culminated yesterday—technically Saturday night at midnight for some churches, or early morning as the sunrises for others, or at any hour your tradition follows. Holy Week is rich not only for our faith, but for the ways Jesus taught his disciples about a life in ministry.

Earlier when they asked him to teach them how to pray, he did not hesitate. He taught them. If the disciples had asked Jesus to teach them how to live a life centered on service and ministry, He would have pointed to Holy Week.

Jesus will be recognized for who he is.

Later, some who recognized him as Messiah will reject him.

Jesus is a God affronted by injustice as he fashions a whip and goes after the moneylenders.

Ministry requires patience, but a time may come that you need to curse the fig tree, so to speak, and move on. Fig trees take about five years to bear fruit. While Jesus was not using the fig tree as a time measurement, he does say fruit is one way to measure a project, team, or season.

Learning from Jesus is important. Much of Tuesday is dedicated to Jesus’ final public teaching. What does he emphasize in his last lessons? In part, God’s heart for his children and how love will be a hallmark of His children.

Silence. Nothing is recorded for Wednesday. In a week where we know more than any other week in Jesus’ life and ministry, Wednesday stands like a gapping hole. Ministry also can abruptly have silences from leaders, supporters, and teammates, even God Himself.

There will be times to go broad. Take Tuesday. Jesus poured into the many as he taught.

There will be times to go deep. Thursday evening finds Jesus with the twelve. Even though he knew his time with them was coming to an end, He invested in them until the very end.

Betrayal is a part of ministry. Recounting Judas and Peter, neither or overly villanized, instead their actions are reported. We also see that not all betrayal is the same. Judas did not reconcile with Jesus this side of death, Peter did.

Accusation is also a part of ministry. Jesus was falsely accused and paid dearly for it. If Jesus Himself was falsely accused, should we be surprised when we are?

Jesus will serve you. Ministry is not only about us ministering to others. We too will have our feet washed by Jesus.

Jesus will feed you. Take eat. Then He took the cup. Do this in remembrance of me. Ministry is a life of pouring out and feeding others. But do not confuse feeding others with feeding yourselves. Jesus will feed you; you do not have to feed yourself. He will be creating in feeding you, but it is not on to be fed.

Death is a part of ministry. This side of heaven, death is woven into ministry. People die, relationships die, hope may die, even ministries may die.

But death is not the final word, resurrection is. Somewhere, somehow, life will sprout.

Jesus never held back any punches on the realities of ministry, did He? He understood the blessings and cost. And because He loves us, He never tires of investing in us as ministers of the Good News.

Which of these 14 lessons stood out to you today? What is Jesus saying to you about that lesson?

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Cross cultural, Messier than normal, Relationships

Still grateful: Nearly died, but didn’t

“You will die a horribly painful death in China.”

I’m not from a faith tradition that is known for “words from the Lord.” So when I heard this deep in my soul as I unpacked from my first trip to China twenty five years ago, I (a) didn’t know what it meant and (b) didn’t know what to do with it. I assumed it was for many years down the road, might be related to my faith, and would be concerning to share with people, so I didn’t.

Camaraderie came in an unexpected place: a John Irving novel. When I read A Prayer for Owen Meany I found a kindred spirit in Owen who knew odd details about his death. Owen, I get you! This message didn’t consume my thoughts or leave me in fear; but I did wonder at times what a “horribly painful death” might be like and if I’d embarrass myself, others, or the Lord in the process. I hoped that I wouldn’t.

I rarely get sick so it was not the norm when one day I started feeling like I had the stomach flu after lunch. My colleague, Erin, and I assumed it was just a normal illness, nothing to be concerned about. I threw up a few times. Who doesn’t? To cut a long story short, less than 24 hours later I was throwing up convulsively, had red spots on my skin, and my head felt like it was in a vice grip and my brain being squeezed.

It was.

I had bacterial meningitis and was dying a horribly painful death in China.

Twenty years ago on April 2nd I should have died. I choke up even now typing this. My parents were awakened in the middle of the night by Erin’s dad telling them he’d just gotten a call from Erin and based on her description, he thought I had meningitis, the prognosis wasn’t good, and he just thought they should know. They called my sisters and woke them with a similar message. Each sister reached out to friends and family and thus started the word spreading.

I did not die; I did have to relearn everything except—no comments—talking. Ah, even at the brink, I had things to say! I re-learned to walk, dress myself, write, and wash dishes; things that we take for granted, for a season, I didn’t.

On this twenth anniversary I want to say, again, thank you.

To my family for not coming. One of the hardest parenting decisions you have ever made was to stay away so that I could get the help I needed. Many questioned that call, but you held firm. And you paid the largest phone bill of your lives! Your frequent calls to Erin, and later to me, were worth every penny. Elizabeth and Laura, even half way around the world, I felt your sisterly love and connection.

To my students who cared for me around the clock. Especially to the girls who, in teams of three, sat by my bed during the night, combed my hair every morning, and washed my face.

To friends and family around the world and in China who found tangible ways in a pre-internet world to reach out.

To the school officials where I taught for caring for me as if I was your own, because I was.

To Debra and Kerry who let me convalesce with you for a month in Hong Kong. Your home, ice cream, CBS nightly news, and two cats were the best way to return to the land of the living.

To Erin. The list is too long. But one image that captures so much of what you had to bear is this — when I had come out of the coma and was hungry, we didn’t have many food options and you made me something with oranges and yogurt. After eating I abruptly sat up and projectile vomited all over your clean sweater. You, the picture of grace, picked little bits of orange off your sweater and said it “was no big deal.” And it wasn’t, because you’re that kind of friend.

I don’t know why I didn’t die. It might have been the amount of people praying around the globe for me. I know many are prayed for and they still die. All I know is that “word” was lifted from my soul in Hong Kong and like most of us, have no idea when or how or where I will die.

While I would have been okay to die (I actually begged Erin to kill me), I’m grateful that I didn’t. Today, I am reminded of the preciousness of life and how quickly it can change. Erin, my family said it to you then and still mean it today, we owe you so much more than can be put into words. Thank you for getting me to the doctor when I would have just stayed home and died in my bed.

To that 29 year-old-woman who had accepted a leadership position before she became ill and had no idea she would stay in China for many more years. She had not tasted the heights and depths of ministry pain, nor met many of the wonderful people she now calls family, I say this: Life is hard, God is faithful, and girl, you will have the time of your life. Enjoy.

I updated a post I wrote five years ago.

Grief, Holiday, Relationships

For those who receive hard news around the holidays

This first appeared two years ago. Last year I wrote, “I’m reminded how each year looks different :)!” And then two days after Thanksgiving our church received a piece of news that sent us reeling. I find myself this week comparing what I knew/thought I knew on— say— Tuesday, of last year to what we found out. This is why we need this letter every year. We need to be anchored in a story larger than a season. Much love friends. Much love. Amy

Dear friend,

I don’t have to tell you, it’s the holiday season. We have reminders surrounding us. I don’t care where you live, social media and the internet won’t let you forget.

You might want to. The holidays are supposed to be happy, but you’ve gotten news this week that has t-boned you and now you’re not sure which direction you’re going.

It was the day before Thanksgiving last year for our family. With one doctor’s report pieces both fell into place and scattered all over the floor.

So that might explain what’s going on.

Oh my word, this … just … might … I do not want to say it because then it will make it true … be his last Thanksgiving.

Your news might be medical too. Or involving relationships or finances or your job or be about your kids or a pregnancy or a dashed dream.

So many ways bad news can enter a life.

I am sorry for the hit you have taken. The air that has been knocked out of your soul. The way you may have lost your bearings this week. And though you know you’ll (probably) recover from this, right now you’re a bit stunned. You may know deep in your gut this might be a game changer. You will bear the mark of this week for the rest of your days.

What you might not know right now is the size of the scar.

The news you received may end up fading over time. Or it may not. Our shock is over, but we still dance around the holes in our lives figuring out what they mean.

For you, what to do this week? When the message being projectile vomited at you from all directions is be thankful (OR ELSE).

That’s not the gospel. That’s not why Jesus came. Your pain is real. But your pain is not supreme. So, again, what do you do?

Embrace the messy middle. You may need to make adjustments this holiday. Change locations, scale back, maybe make a road trip. I don’t know what you will need to do. Honor the holiday in some way while also honoring your pain. I am grateful for the memories I have of last year. They include Dad’s last turkey dinner at a dear friend’s house and texting with my sister afterwards saying how for both of us there had been tears. We were in shock.

The messy middle creates space for the good and the bad. The joy and the sorrow. The pain and the pleasure. You may want to deny what’s happened or deny the holidays. If possible, lean into the tension and find ways that real holidays involving real life are richer than the shallow versions offered by advertisers. A better cell plan isn’t the answer to a rich and fulfilling life, finding ways to make gestures towards each other is.

A few years ago part of our family was with Dad who was in rehab for a broken hip, and just as the rest of us sat down for the meal my phone rang. After I had spent most of the day on a situation involving a suicidal American in China, I was now going to miss the meal with my family because her mom had gotten my phone message. I had to break the news that would forever be associated with this holiday and yet she needed to know and be a part of the plan for her daughter’s safety.

Let me say it again — I am sorry for the news you received this week. Some years are harder and you’re having one of those.

It comforts me that Abraham Lincoln’s Thanksgiving Day Proclamation was written in the midst of Civil War. Clearly all was not right with the country. And yet.

And yet he knew in the midst of bad news it is worthwhile to pause and remember the story is bigger than this news, this week. God gave us two hands, one to hold the troubles and one to hold the hope. Use them both. Offer them both.

I will be thinking of you this week. And if you want me to pray for you or just want to share your story leave a comment or email me at messymiddle@gmail.com. We can’t make it go away, but we can let you know you’re not alone.

With blessing,

Amy

Book, Faith, Relationships

Do you have enough whitespace in your life?

Months ago my friend Shelly Miller asked me if I’d write a letter to the Sabbath Society that she hosts and I’m a member of. She was curious to know how being single has intersected with practicing Sabbath. Shelly is one of those people I admire from afar, so I was delighted to be asked.

She currently lives in London but is in the US on a speaking and book tour for her book: Rhythms of Rest: Finding the Spirit of Sabbath in a Busy World. Lawrence, Kansas peeps, first of all, hello and are you as excited as I am that basketball season is finally here? Go Hawks! But more to the point, Shelly will be speaking TONIGHT at Christ Community Church, from 7-9 pm. Do you know how much I wish I could be there? Do you?!!! Someone please go and report back to me? Okay? Thanks :).

Anyhoo, here is how learning about whitespace in graphic art helped me when it comes to Sabbath.

Greetings friends,

I’ve been writing newsletters for over 20 years. I love this form of communication and am delighted to get to write to you.

Here is what I know to be true: work will never be done. If I’m not tuned in, my relationship with work can be like a hamster on its wheel. I’ll start running and feeling like I’m making progress; I’ll keep running thinking I’m really getting somewhere.

There are so many aspects I love about being single. The list is much longer than the challenging parts. But it’s those challenging parts about a stage that we have to own. If we don’t, they can own us and we run the risk of serving them instead of God.

As a single person who is mid-aged and has been in multiple leadership roles in my more than 20-year career in full-time ministry, the majority of my time goes to work. Of course it does! And I love pouring myself into others and seeing God at work in the lives of missionaries around the globe. But the challenging part? I have no spouse waiting for me at dinner. I have no children needing to be put to bed. What I have is another email that could be replied to, another blog post to be written, another person to minister to.

The behind the scenes joke in the organization I served for years—and this may not be fair and I feel a bit uncomfortable sharing this—was that the single women kept the organization running because we could work more than 12 hours a day. I know my married colleagues worked too, I know this. But I also know that when you are single and capable and want to invest, one of the greatest areas of investment is your work.

What does this have to do with Sabbath? Most of you are not at the same stage of life I am currently at, but this is why we need each other. Hearing of unique aspects of another’s paths helps us to walk in each other’s shoes. It also allows us to connect on our points of commonality. The truth is, I think you and I have more in common than we do in difference.

I come back to, what does this have to do with Sabbath and our souls? The greatest gift I have gotten from The Sabbath Society and the Friday letters Shelly writes is the rhythm of stopping. The work will never stop, but God invites me to stop. He uses Sabbath to remind me of what Bonnie Gray said in Finding Spiritual Whitespace:

“In graphic design, whitespace is a key element to the aesthetic quality of composition. The more fine art a composition is, the more whitespace you’ll find. The more commercial the piece, the more text and images you’ll find crowded in. The purpose is no longer beauty. It is commercialization. Is my faith more like art or cluttered advertisement?”

Don’t you love that?

The daily grind of living can slowly turn our lives into cluttered advertisements, can’t it? That’s where I don’t care if you are in your 20s, 70s, at home with little kids or out in the work force, this is the nature of the enemy of our souls: to clutter and hide in plain sight what is important. God, in his infinite loving kindness, uses Sabbath whitespace to help our lives, our souls, our relationships, be works of art.

This is the kind of person I want to be. I may not even know you, but I know it’s the kind of person you want to be too.

Thank you for sharing this journey of the pursing spiritual whitespace. On my own, I couldn’t do it, but with you, together, I see a work of art being formed in and through us.

Until next week,

Amy

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Where could you use some more white space in your life? How has white space helped you be the kind of person you know God made, instead of the “Eden Lost” version of you, you sometimes are?

Faith, Relationships

Holding the long view in mind

I was reading along in my Bible one morning when a phrase jumped out at me.

You will not clear them away all at once.

I stopped, backed up, and tuned in.

I was reading in Deuteronomy and the Israelites were finally getting ready to enter the Promised Land after 40 long years. In part, God said:

“No, do not be afraid of those nations, for the Lord your God is among you, and he is a great and awesome God. The Lord your God will drive those nations out ahead of you little by little. You will not clear them away all at once, otherwise the wild animals would multiply too quickly for you. But the Lord your God will hand them over to you. He will throw them into complete confusion until they are destroyed.” Deuteronomy 7:21-23

Whatever your promised land.

I find these words comforting, confusing, and applicable to my life. Entering the Promised Land is good, isn’t it? The promised land of your life can take on many forms. Maybe you have struggled with anxiety or depression. Maybe there is a trauma in your story that God wants to heal. Maybe your promised land is more exciting and comes in the form of a marriage proposal, new job opportunity, or a baby announcement.

Whatever your promised land is, like the Israelites, we are all on a journey. Where we are now, is not where we will always be. God has several lessons for us in this short passage:

Do not be afraid for the Lord your God is among you.

I’ll be honest that I have mixed feelings when I read this; part of me recoils a bit. Difficult situations are often made worse by throwing clichés like “do not be afraid” at them. But when I can move past my knee jerk reaction, I see the beauty of starting here.

God doesn’t start with the details, instead he starts at the deep heart level: do not be afraid. Why does he say not to fear? Not because what we are facing isn’t scary, it is. It may be very scary! We don’t need to fear because God offers the gift of his presence. We will not be alone. Our God is great and awesome. I am guessing in the Hebrew there are two distinct words used, but in English, “great” and “awesome” are fairly similar, so why the repeat? In part, to put our fear in perspective, fear is mentioned once, but God’s essence is mentioned twice.

The Lord your God will drive those nations out ahead of you.

As we get ready to enter our promised land, God will drive out the nations. At this stage, we don’t have to DO anything. Isn’t that a comfort?! Too often I think I have to go first and then God will come along once he sees that I’m “willing to do my part.” This is backwards.

Little by little.

What? Little by little? What happened to great and awesome? But little by little rings true to my life far more than the Hollywood version of change where there is one big, life changing moment and then the credits roll. Can God free us instantly from anything that has a hold on our lives? Of course. But that is not the normal way change comes about. Some situations seem more clear cut—I now pronounce you husband and wife! It’s a boy! Welcome to your new cubicle! But in fact most change takes place over time, little by little, until deep roots are extended and the change has taken place.

You will not clear them away all at once.

We’re back to the phrase that caught my eye. This is my new favorite Bible verse! The Israelites are standing on the edge of a huge event they had been looking forward to for years: entering the promised land. I picture William Wallace in the movie Braveheart screaming “Freedom!” as he runs across the battlefield. Instead, God says, “This is going to take time. Your promised land will be entered, but you will not clear away all of your enemies at once.” Isn’t this a relief? When we face an old temptation or think we “should” be further along than we are, God holds the long view in mind.

Why? Is God just playing with us?

Otherwise the wild animals would multiply too quickly for you. Who knows what wild animals God is protecting you from as it takes time to clear away the enemies? I admit that I can grow weary of a slow process, but when I think of the wild animals I am clueless about, I can lean into the slow pace with more gratitude

You will enter a promised land.

This passage ends with two sentences using the word will. It will happen. What is not promised is the how or the timing.

As I slow down and let this passage soak into me, it feeds the true gospel and not the false gospel. Have I mis-equated the pace of change with the presence of God? Believing that fast action means God’s there and slow action means I need to figure out what sin is there. Instead, God turns pace on its head, showing me once again why I need to self-talk the gospel—the true gospel—and not what I think is the gospel.

Where is God challenging you to hold the long view these days?

Guest Post, Learning lessons, Relationships

Something we all want

I am delighted today to be guest posting at Sheloves! I was asked to write a post about living well regardless of your season of life.

It is possible to live well in ways that don’t sound trite to those in crisis or cynical to those who are in the throes of delight and actually works in the middle of real life?

It is.

Breathe—It seems so underwhelming to live well by taking a breath, doesn’t it? But taking a breath slows you down and gives the rational part of your brain a chance to kick in when life seems chaotic and out of control. Pausing to breathe in the midst of the mundane can remind us of the beauty in the ordinary and the gifts we have been given in those seasons when all seems to be going our way.

Feed—Yes, feed your body. Blood sugar level is real. Also, feed your senses. What beauty can you feed your eyes with? What sounds feed your ears? Is there a smell that transports you? When you feed your senses, you are feeding your soul and leaning into what it means to be made in the Image of God.

Read numbers 3 – 10 here :). And guess what . . . SheLoves made a beautiful print out of the 10 if you want to hang them up for easy reference! It’s beautiful, you can get it here.

Have a lovely weekend, Amy

p.s. What helps you live well in your current season? If I’m brave, I might share one of mine in the comments.

Faith, Grief, Relationships

100 Words: Friendships Made in College

Jon Acuff wrote a post called 100 Words: The gift & danger of friends. I checked, it is indeed 100 words on the nose. So I thought, “What would I say about friendship in 100 words?”

When I made friends in early adulthood, I didn’t think about the long-term.

I didn’t think, “These are the people who will walk with me as my parents die.”

It never occurred to me as I met my friends’ parents, “One day I will be with your child as they mourn, bury, and learn to live without you.”

Other than a friend whose dad died when she was a child, I was the first to lose a parent. This spring another dad died.

Though each path has to be walked alone, I am grateful we can walk besides each other.

Faith, Family, Relationships

The fine line between negotiating and bickering

There is fine line between sibling negotiation and bickering. As I drove the two to piano lessons, I wasn’t sure which side we were on.

The interaction involved who would go first, first being the coveted position. After a heated discussion over who went first last time, I asked why being first was so desirable. This was a blatant attempt to divert and diffuse because I thought I knew the answer. Clearly this was one of those things in life to get behind you so that you could read or play games (no hidden scarring for me in this one, folks, no sir-y. Or maybe just a little bit).

Because whoever goes first gets to spend a bit more time with Mrs. Hammer.

They were jockeying to go first simply to spend a few more precious minutes with Mrs. Hammer. It had nothing to do with piano, it had to do with the person. I wondered if she knew that she was fought over out of love, that being with her was so highly valued.

Paul wrote to the Ephesians about living their lives in such a way that it was a fragrant offering.

The car that day was fragrant because of a woman who invests in children in such a way they will fight over her.

Am I living in such a way that people want to get their interactions with me out of the way? Or are there secret fights to be with me because I am offering my life up fragrantly?

Who would you fight over to be around?