Community Archives - The Messy Middle

Getting Started is HERE!

“When will your book be done?”

I have a love/squirm relationship with that question. After sharing a project, the upside is all of the cheerleaders and people who genuinely are excited. On the downside, if you don’t have a definite date to publish, you get to be shifty again and again with, “Oh, I’m working on it.”

And you know if you receive The Messy Middle letters, I first said the book would be written last December, then in January, then March, then April, then in early May it was done and entered the editing and rewriting phase.

Publishing a book can be a lot like having a baby. You know it will happen, you just don’t know exactly when or how the birth process for that baby will be. (Famous line in our family comes from my Grandpa Farley as he was having to reschedule a flight back to Michigan because I was not entering the world at the predicted time. “Now, when don’t know when the baby will be born, do we?” Eternal scream from pregnant woman ensues.)

“Now, we don’t know when the book will be published, do we?” Eternal, oh you get it. But today?

Go ahead, ask me. “When can I buy Getting Started: Making the Most Of Your First Year in Cross-Cultural Service

I’ll try not to smile too big when I say, “Today!!!!!!!”

The lighting isn’t the best in that photo, but it was a Sunday night and the proof copy had arrived that day. I was too impatient to wait for daylight!

Getting Started is on Amazon (both Kindle and print).

This is the fourth time I’ve launched a book and again I feel a bit like I’m saying to you, “Do you like my baby? Will you, my people help raise her? Will you stand with me in the good times and hard? Will you still like me even when she disappoints or does stupid things?”

And all the people said, “We will!”

You might wonder, That’s great, but I’m not sure what to do. What can I do? Here are five ways you can help with this raising of Getting Started:

1. Celebrate! Of course I hope this book sells decently because I truly believe that too often we believe that our stories don’t matter. They do. Getting Started is a traveling companion and guide for those in their first year and the hope is that if the first year goes well (or at least better) than all of the following years will benefit. Even if “the following years” are not on the field.

But if this books sells and I have no one to share it with, what have I gained? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. What is worse than watching sports by yourself and having no one to high-five? Nothing. Okay, there are worse things, but in that moment, it’s pretty low.

I’m high-fiving you! Woot, woot! If you weren’t here, there would be no book. I did it. You encouraged me. We did it. Let’s enjoy this moment.

2. May I boldly suggest, buy a copy of Getting Started? Purchased copies through Amazon are the only way that Amazon will start to recommend Getting Started as an “also bought.”

4. Suggest or give Getting Started to someone you know who is in their first year. The best way a book sells is through word of mouth. If you tell them and they know you, they are much more likely to buy it.

5. Leave a review on Amazon or Goodreads. It does not need to be five stars (though if that’s what your heart is saying, go with your heart!). Amazon is funny, she just likes to see the amount of reviews. The more reviews (even three or four star), the more she will say, “Hey, maybe I should tell other people about this book.” The goal is 75.

6. Tell someone about Getting Started. You know tons of people I don’t know. You know people living in Sweden or working at this church or for that organization. You know your neighbor’s cousin who is moving to Brazil or your former coworker who recently started his life on the field. You know mission committee members and pastors and counselors.

You might be a blogger who would like to interview me or write a review of Getting Started (I can offer a copy as a giveaway). Who could you tell about this book?

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Three final thoughts:

If you want to buy Getting Started in bulk, leave a comment. I will contact you and we can work out a discounted rate.
I find authors who only talk about their books tedious. We get it, you wrote a book. How about living a life too?! My bias, I know. Later I’ll share a bit of the journey of this book and wanted to warn you in case you fear that every post is going to be about this book. It’s not. And I’m off to the Minnesota State Fair this weekend! How’s that for living a life :)?
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. If any book is a communal one, this one is. More than 180 people participated in a survey that informs Getting Started and for the first time ever a Launch Team has read the book ahead of time and helped more people be prepared for their first year.

This is not my contribution to the world. It is ours. Look what we’ve done.

Because today is a day of celebration! Leave a comment and I’ll draw three of your names and you can give this book to someone you know—yourself included :). I love this GIF because so often, cross-cultural service is a bit like being in an episode of The Office. High five to us!

http://gph.is/1oU27j9

As we launch this book and wait to see how God will use it, I want to end with the benediction I gave at the end of the acknowledgments:

I thank my God every time I remember you. Philippians 1:3

Love,

Amy

P.S. One last time, here’s the link for Getting Started.

Community, Learning lessons

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

When I was in high school Cheers was a popular television show. If you’re not familiar with Cheers, it was a comedy set in a local bar where the regulars shared their lives, grew together over time, and in many ways were family to each other.

But what solidified it was the theme song. Read through these lyrics (or listen) and ask yourself if this doesn’t also sound like the church:

Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot

Wouldn’t you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go
where everybody knows your name,
and they’re always glad you came

You wanna be where you can see
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
your name

Obviously, the church would be centered on God. But guess what God loves? People. Cheers was long-running because it was funny, tackled complexities of life, and fostered belonging. The name of the theme song is “Where everybody knows your name.” God is a God of belonging, of wanting to know us and wanting us to be known by him, others, and even ourselves.

And over the years, places like A Life Overseas, Velvet Ashes, and Taking Route help cross-cultural workers know they are not alone, challenge their thinking, and provide spaces to share their stories.

Which of these have you—or someone you love—experienced on the field:

—Burnout

—Boredom

—Overwhelm

—Losing touch with yourself

—Not having the skills equal to the task

—Being used up and spit out by the missionary machine

—Fearing you will be exposed as a fraud

—Feeling you are out of your depth

—Stagnated

~~~

I know you see yourself or loved one somewhere on the list. Even if you are in your first year, and all is new and shiny, boredom has knocked on your door a time or two. I am dreaming of another space for cross-cultural workers, a space that doesn’t make you choose between tending your own soul (being) and building skills to help you do the work you are called to (doing). In order for the new space to meet your real needs, would you help by

Taking this survey if you have served overseas or
Sharing it with someone if you haven’t served as a cross-cultural worker. Here is the survey.

I’ve started to receive results and thought you might find this piece of information interesting.

So, thank you for taking this survey and helping to build a place that points us each to Jesus and each other.

Humming with you . . .

You wanna be where you can see
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
your name {and worships God}.

Thanks for your help! Amy

P.S. Happy Birthday Looming Transitions! Can you believe how many reviews she has on Amazon? Thank you to everyone who left one!

Community, Summer Reading Challenge

Little of this, Little of that, and a Sports Injury

Hello friends,

How’s your June going? Hard to believe that the longest day of the year was yesterday. Say what?

I know. I’m feeling a bit random these days, so here are three short random updates:

1. This week I updated the emails that are sent if someone signs up to receive these blog posts or the occasional letters. I have no idea why, but after d-r-a-g-g-i-n-g my heels on the project, it ended up being fun and I’m proud of myself. You can see the first one here.

2. I hurt my hip over a week ago at the gym. My first sports injury! I’m healing and will return to the risky sport of Zumba, but until then I have been shocked by how much you do NOT get done even when handed supposed “extra time.” Staring into space takes a lot more time than you might think. Sigh, no, I haven’t started my “penalty book” for the Summer Reading Challenge. I will, people, I will!

3. Given my sports injury, preaching the last two Sundays, and having fun playing around with MailChimp sign-up emails (I wrote five), the post I’m working on for today isn’t ready. So, below is what is something I wrote for Velvet Ashes this week. The theme this week is alien (how timely!) and tied it into my sermon topic on belonging.

Have you ever had a sports injury? I’m mostly kidding, but also kinda not! Would be curious to hear.
Happy long days of sunshine,

Amy

Language can be tricky and fluid. When I was a Resident Assistant in college, we were told to call residents from other countries “international students” instead of “foreign students.” International sounded inclusive and welcoming, it was explained, unlike foreign.

I could see the point.

Then I moved to China, a country whose very name in Chinese means “The Middle of the World,” with Chinese being “insiders” and the entire rest of the globe being “outsiders.” Apparently taking the feelings of the world into account was not a high priority.

In those early days, it caught me off guard when I was asked to stand in the alien line or stay in the barbarian guesthouse. While alien and barbarian and outsider can be legitimate translations of “foreigner,” they point to a more profound construct: who belongs.

As cross-cultural workers, it can be confusing to figure out where we belong. Some of you serve in lands that gladly would let you switch citizenship; others live in countries that will allow you in and out on tourist visas for years without question; while still others have to have an apparent and obvious contribution you offer to a country, and even then, they may ask you to leave at any moment.

We are in the middle of a two-sided coin when it comes to belonging. One side labeled “alien,” the other “citizen.” Where does God say we belong? Here is the beautiful mystery of the Bible: we see both aliens and nations woven in. As I have worked on this post and next week’s Grove, I feel the tension of the “right” answer is that we are citizens of heaven. And it is true, we are. But God also seems taken with the here and now of this world. Instead of shifting to auto-pilot and just waiting for the ultimate stamp in my passport, we are invited to wrestle with belonging and helping others around us to belong.

Today we will look at the side of the coin labeled “alien.” As I consider the entirety of the Bible and what God included about foreigners, I noticed:

1. God has a soft spot for the alien. Again, and again Israel was told to “show your love for the alien, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt.” (Deuteronomy 10:19) Or “Now in case a countryman of yours becomes poor and his means with regard to you falter, then you are to sustain him, like a stranger or a sojourner, that he may live with you.” (Leviticus 25:35)

Aliens and foreigners and barbarians all have their place in God’s heart. You are not merely sent out to be used by God as you struggled with the language, the weather, your project, the hours spent keeping a home. You hold a soft spot in His heart.

2. God gives a face to the alien. In the Bible God does not merely talk about “the foreigners in your midst,” He names them and shares their stories, showing the breadth and depth of being foreign.

—Joseph was foreign through being sold, later his whole family through famine.

—Esther was foreign in what may be the first example of BAM (Business as M). She was in the business of royal service.

—Naomi was foreign through famine, and then widowed and became childless in a foreign land. She returned home bitter, but not alone.

—Ruth was foreign through marriage and then serving her widowed mother-in-law.

—Moses was foreign through adoption, through relocation and political asylum, and leading a people who had a different story than he did.

—Abraham and Sarah were foreign through God’s calling, leaving aging parents.

—Daniel was foreign though captivity.

—Mary, Joseph, and Jesus were foreign for a season, due to political danger.

—Paul was foreign through religious conversion and traveling.

—Barnabas was foreign through traveling.

3. Though foreignness takes on many faces and paths, it always points to a bigger story.“For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in.” (Matthew 25:35). Being foreign or alien or a barbarian isn’t the destination, but it can be a path to see God at work in the world. In this verse in Matthew, it was the outsider being shown God’s love and provision.

Paul pointed to the bigger story as the reason for his foreignness when he said, “For this reason I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for the sake of you Gentiles” in Ephesians 3:1.

We are aliens, it is true. How does God’s soft spot for and the inclusion of the outside in the Bible spur you on to “work and good deeds?”

Photo by Pierre Châtel-Innocenti on Unsplash and Design by Karen Huber

Community, Grief

The question is answered

I wrote the following post four Aprils ago. I remember those mandarin oranges. I remember the rawness of grief.

Here is what I miss: the rawness meant that Dad had recently been a part of our lives. We are no longer in such a raw place, which comes with its own blessings. But last week I was driving a niece to something and we discussed that it has already been four years since Grandpa died. Four.

In this post I asked the question “When?” The funny answer was . . . that very day! As I was working on this post, my mom threw out the mandarin oranges. Four years later, we are not in the raw grief phase. I share this short post to remind all of us that life is moving along. If you are in a hard phase, it won’t always be hard. If you are in a good phase, pause, savor, and enjoy.

I can’t remember if I bought the mandarin oranges before or after my dad died. Of this I am sure, we needed fruit. Most of the mandarin oranges have been eaten, but a few remain in their mesh bag near the back of the refrigerator.

This is where you might find me disgusting. I find myself a bit disgusting. So, whatever.

They are beginning to shrivel. Not bad, not to the point they could be used as the head of a doll, shrunken down and dried out.

I have thought often in the last week about why I can’t yet bring myself to throw them out. My mind wanders to the lovely poem by William Carlos Williams and the plums in the refrigerator. We passed the lovely stage a while ago.

Do you have to read this short story in high school? The one where the lady dies—was she in her wedding dress?—and years later her body is found, dried and shriveled up in her bed. I think of that story when I open the refrigerator and watch the mandarin oranges slowly shrinking with the passing of time. Her family members become less creepy by the day. More relatable.

Maybe I’m becoming more creepy. Less relatable.

When I bought the damn things they were mere fruit. When did they become the marker that time is passing? Without my choosing, they have moved to “as long as they remain in there, we’re not that far from when Dad died” land.

It’s funny what we choose to hold or mark our stories. I know time is moving on. The day we moved Dad into hospice there were icicles the size of swords hanging down, and now spring flowers have come and nearly gone. The flowers don’t tug at my heart.

But those mandarin oranges, they get to me. And I close the door and wonder when I’ll be able to throw them out.

*****

#DistractedByBeauty, Community

Is Beauty Possible in Brown?

Looking through my photos on my phone, I can go days without taking one picture of something beautiful.

On Halloween, for my costume as an entrance ticket to a zoo I wore black pants, a black sweater, and a black fleece to make a neutral background. In essence, all the black I own.

I am drawn to color. When the Velvet Ashes leadership team met to film a session for the Commune Retreat we were asked to wear neutral colors. My brain processed “neutral” as “solid” colors and I showed up with a hot pink sweater. I remember the sinking feeling I had when I realized my mistake, but since I wasn’t at home, hot pink it was.

Working in the yard, getting the gardens ready for winter, I am surrounded by brown. Dead leaves. Dead branches. Dead stems. Dying grass. Fading flowers. Slowly the world is putting itself to bed.

Now is the liminal time between the beauty of a winter morning and the beauty of summer. While I have grown to appreciate the rhythms of the seasons, I do not naturally think of this time of year as beautiful.

When I first became #DistractedByBeauty it was in summer. Working on our back deck, I glanced at a pig flower pot next to me and was struck by my utter oblivion to the beauty next to me. What a cute pig. What a colorful flower. I thought. What else am I missing because I don’t even think to look around me?

Thus began my tuning in. My noting of beauty. My looking for it in odd places.

But not now. Not in the brown. Not in the fading world.

Why?

God and I have been talking about where I see beauty. For me, summer had to be the entrance for beauty. I can guarantee you I would never have thought “What a cute pig. What a beautiful dead flower.” Sitting outside even on a warm day in late October. To tune in to the beauty frequency in my life, I could hear it clearest in the summer.

But just like on a road trip before satellite radio, when as you left one area the reception became fuzzy, I find I can’t see beauty without squinting eyes. On this journey, God is reminding me that beauty can be seen and heard on different frequencies, but I have to be willing to change the dial.

This week I gave a Thanksgiving Day lesson to visiting Chinese scholars. It is eye opening to see your culture through the eyes of others. The number one question they ask me before I begin the lesson?

Always

Always something related to Black Friday.

They love shopping. I can’t fault them. The chance for deals on gifts to take back to China, a gift giving culture, is important. It matters.

But I heard myself saying an unexpected truth today as I taught on modern ways of celebrating. I knew I had to mention Black Friday because the Chinese believe it is the most important part, to not mention I, I lose credibility. We touched on Thursday (Thanksgiving), Friday (Black Friday), Monday (Cyber Monday), and Tuesday (Giving Tuesday) and the evolution of the four days. They know of Black Friday the best, Thanksgiving second, but had not heard of Cyber Monday or Giving Tuesday.

“A culture that only emphasizes deals and consumption cannot be very deep or very great. I know you love Black Friday, but please be people who are thankful and generous as well. If we all do not foster thankfulness to God for the many blessings we all have and if we do not give to others, we will become hollow on the inside.”

If I only see beauty in the summer, in color, eventually the beauty I feed in my soul will become anemic. Summer beauty and the “Black Fridays” of our life are good. But they cannot be enough. They cannot feed the change that ripples beyond what the eye can see.

I am not the only one who needs to begin to train myself to see beauty in brown, dear reader.

In fading seasons.

In what seems dead to me.

Only one of these pictures can I easily see beauty. To begin this journey I took a picture I have shared before. The middle picture I was featured this summer. Oh the irony, as the lessons continue. “Savor” when it is naturally beautiful to me. Overlook when it is not.

But I believe, even though I do not really believe, there is beauty to be seen in these liminal times of the year.

God help my unbelief.

Help me to be #DistractedByBeauty I do not see. Take me further on this journey of seeing beauty, because I need this kind of beauty as well. Dare I flirt with an anemic soul and way of interacting with the world. Amen.

Dear reader, which season is it easiest for you to see beauty?

Community, Faith, Relationships

14 Ministry Lessons From Holy Week

Happy Monday! I wrote the following for A Life Overseas. Which point do you sense God has for you today?

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He is Risen!

He is Risen Indeed! After Christ’s crucifixion and the agony of Saturday this refrain never gets old.

Lent culminated yesterday—technically Saturday night at midnight for some churches, or early morning as the sunrises for others, or at any hour your tradition follows. Holy Week is rich not only for our faith, but for the ways Jesus taught his disciples about a life in ministry.

Earlier when they asked him to teach them how to pray, he did not hesitate. He taught them. If the disciples had asked Jesus to teach them how to live a life centered on service and ministry, He would have pointed to Holy Week.

Jesus will be recognized for who he is.

Later, some who recognized him as Messiah will reject him.

Jesus is a God affronted by injustice as he fashions a whip and goes after the moneylenders.

Ministry requires patience, but a time may come that you need to curse the fig tree, so to speak, and move on. Fig trees take about five years to bear fruit. While Jesus was not using the fig tree as a time measurement, he does say fruit is one way to measure a project, team, or season.

Learning from Jesus is important. Much of Tuesday is dedicated to Jesus’ final public teaching. What does he emphasize in his last lessons? In part, God’s heart for his children and how love will be a hallmark of His children.

Silence. Nothing is recorded for Wednesday. In a week where we know more than any other week in Jesus’ life and ministry, Wednesday stands like a gapping hole. Ministry also can abruptly have silences from leaders, supporters, and teammates, even God Himself.

There will be times to go broad. Take Tuesday. Jesus poured into the many as he taught.

There will be times to go deep. Thursday evening finds Jesus with the twelve. Even though he knew his time with them was coming to an end, He invested in them until the very end.

Betrayal is a part of ministry. Recounting Judas and Peter, neither or overly villanized, instead their actions are reported. We also see that not all betrayal is the same. Judas did not reconcile with Jesus this side of death, Peter did.

Accusation is also a part of ministry. Jesus was falsely accused and paid dearly for it. If Jesus Himself was falsely accused, should we be surprised when we are?

Jesus will serve you. Ministry is not only about us ministering to others. We too will have our feet washed by Jesus.

Jesus will feed you. Take eat. Then He took the cup. Do this in remembrance of me. Ministry is a life of pouring out and feeding others. But do not confuse feeding others with feeding yourselves. Jesus will feed you; you do not have to feed yourself. He will be creating in feeding you, but it is not on to be fed.

Death is a part of ministry. This side of heaven, death is woven into ministry. People die, relationships die, hope may die, even ministries may die.

But death is not the final word, resurrection is. Somewhere, somehow, life will sprout.

Jesus never held back any punches on the realities of ministry, did He? He understood the blessings and cost. And because He loves us, He never tires of investing in us as ministers of the Good News.

Which of these 14 lessons stood out to you today? What is Jesus saying to you about that lesson?

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Have you wondered what Spiritual Direction is like but don’t know where to start? Part of the Velvet Ashes Retreat involves working with a Spiritual Director. The retreat is geared towards women serving cross-culturally, but because it is scripture based, you can benefit wherever you are in the world. Have you signed up? Did you know there is a generous scholarship fund because God wants to be with you? For only $15 you will receive personal spiritual direction, testimonies from those who serve cross-culturally, a retreat guide, and more. Remember #12 from above? Register today.

Community, Faith, Learning lessons

What a homeless man taught me on Christmas morning

If I’m not careful, you’ll miss the point of this post. Not because you are dumb, but because I mistold it. This is about what a homeless man taught me, not what I had to offer him.

This starts with my sister Elizabeth who several years ago got the idea to look for homeless people on Christmas morning and bring them a hot breakfast and a hot cup of coffee. She rallied her family and they bought or made:

30 plain gift bags which the girls decorated
30 New Testaments
60 clementines
30 homemade packets of sugar and creamer
30 homemade Christmas cards saying that God loves them and they hope for a good year for them
30 breakfast burritos heated up and kept in a warmer until delivered
Over the years they have learned to add other things such as hand warmers and a big trash bag—the trash bag is a hit with many who have no home
They also borrow a large coffee holder from church so they can pour hot coffee when they see someone

The family loads up at 7 a.m. on Christmas morning and drives downtown — praying on the way. Each girl has a particular role to play in the assembling of the bags as they get ready to hand them out while they drive around.

I do not tell you all of this so you will think or say, “Gosh, that’s so amazing what THEY do.” I go into such detail so you will maybe get an idea of something you can do. Maybe your gig isn’t the homeless or breakfast, no worries. But the Holy Spirit is so creative and in love with people, I believe you will get a stirring in your soul as your read this. Just start with small steps.

I went with them this Christmas. Want to fight consumerism? Look people in the eye who sit in a camp in the middle to the city as your exchange names, and you will be humbled by all you have. Gently ask a person in a sleeping bag in a door step if they would like breakfast and some coffee. Pray with a woman in a wheel chair who is banned for 60 days from the bus station. Your true blessing on Christmas isn’t in the presents, it is in the love and presence of people. It is in the building of memories. It is in the being together. It’s in remembering this is exactly why Christ came. We still need Him today.

Here is the mystery of our faith at work: as you are being Jesus to the least of these, they are being Jesus to you.

Most of the time we were all in the vehicle manning our stations with Elizabeth jumping out and engaging people. Exchanging names. Wishing them Merry Christmas and offering then food and beverage. As we neared the end, she was taking coffee to a man as another man we wanted to offer breakfast heading another way. Niece #2 and I hopped out of the vehicle and took off after him with a breakfast burrito.

He was fast. Not because he was running from us, just because . . . he was a very fast walker! Across the street, around the corner. “Sir,” I yelled, “Merry Christmas, would you like some breakfast?” He didn’t hear me. We picked up our pace, following him on a sidewalk cutting off to the right going under a bridge. Just as he passed a small retaining wall we caught his attention and nearly scared another man living behind the wall.

The first man wanted the burrito but no coffee and cheerfully went on his way. To the second man we asked if he would like a breakfast burrito and coffee and that we’d need about five minutes to go and get it and return, but we would return. He lit up and thought that would be nice so as we took off and he kept hanging his laundry on the retaining wall.

Elizabeth joined us and the three of us returned with food and beverage in hand. (At this point we had run out of sugar and creamer packets, so Elizabeth carried a carton of half-and-half and tupperware of sugar. Again, I share all of this, so you can get an idea of what can be done). Donald startled when we rounded the corner. Man, scarring him twice? Not cool. Such is life, eh?!

Yes, he’d take cream and four spoons of sugar. Then he asked, “Are you praying people?”

We are. Would you pray for me? Of course. Elizabeth and I held Donald’s hands as #2 held the cream and sugar. Elizabeth prayed for him and then he asked if he could pray too. Please do!

Andrew Murray wrote the classic With Christ In The School Of Prayer. Donald was my teacher on Christmas morning as I entered another classroom in the School of Prayer. If I was homeless I think I’d pray for shelter, safety, warmth. I’d probably pray to be left alone by the police. I think I’d pray to be fed on a consistent basis. I might even pray to have more than a retaining wall to hang my clothes.

Donald, instead, prayed for Jesus to help him in character issues. He prayed a prayer you or I could have prayed. For Jesus to help him in areas such as stubbornness. I don’t want to share all he prayed because that feels voyeuristic; suffice it to say Donald didn’t concern himself with his earthy comfort. He prayed for who he is as a person.

That sounds about right doesn’t it? Not that Jesus doesn’t care about our homes (I do believe they matter to him) or our safety (ditto on mattering), but maybe my priorities can be off.

Maybe instead of putting shelter, safety, and health so high on my list of focus—both in prayer and life in general—Jesus wants me to be mildly more interested in my character and the fruit of the spirit.

Isn’t this part of the mystery and the marvel of Christ at work? We serve and often end up being fed.

Community, Cross cultural

Having a baby abroad? Fun advice for you.

This past weekend was spent with my fellow Velvet Ashes Leadership teammates in our annual planning retreat. Danielle is having a baby in December so in the midst of important meetings, we had a small surprise baby shower (which, I would also argue was important!).

Ahead of time I contacted some folks who live abroad or have lived abroad and asked what advice is given to women who are having a baby in the countries they have lived in.

Culture is interesting and fun! I thought you would enjoy this as much as we did. Because several had lived in China, you’ll see several lists for China.

China

-Never eat anything cold. Never get cold.

-Eat and eat and eat until the only clothing you can wear are overalls with a bear on them. If you’re still fitting into regular pants with a waistband, you need to eat more.

-Don’t ride a bicycle

Cambodia: Here’s the cultural way Cambodians deal with postpartum, from an old blog post of mine. I find the postpartum practices to be more widespread than delivery practices, which are going to vary according to income.

“After birth mom and baby are wrapped tightly to keep warm and prevent aging. Mom especially isn’t allowed to get cold the first 3 months, so she must wear long sleeves. And for those first 3 months, mom isn’t allowed to do any work – not even climb stairs. She really and truly rests from the work of pregnancy and childbirth. Dad does the work.”

Also, pregnant women don’t really wear pants here; you always find pregnant women in dresses.

Laos: In Laos, the women who have just given birth are recommended to lie on a bed covered in warm-hot coals for two weeks. They are only allowed off the bed to nurse and to eat, and they are only allowed to eat hot soup. This is a BLAST in the 115 degree heat! If you do this, Danielle, the bad toxins from pregnancy will leave your body, along with any bad spirits that might have haunted you in pregnancy. :)

China:

—Eat eggs every day for a month after delivery.

—Don’t shower for a month.

—And don’t open any windows or go outside.

—And have your mother in law live with you for the next several years!

Romania: In Romania, never go barefoot while you are pregnant. The chill will go right through your feet and give your baby a cold . . . even if it is 90 degrees and the middle of summer. Also, get used to people spitting in the direction of your baby (or you while you are still pregnant). This will trick the evil spirits into thinking your child is ugly so your family will be left alone.

China: ALL of these I heard after having my boys in China:

Don’t brush your teeth for at least a week after giving birth
Don’t shower for a month after giving birth
Eat a dozen eggs within the first 2 days — and then keep eating eggs non-stop the first month
Don’t let the baby feel ANY breeze

Philippines:

My brother & his family served in the Philippines for many years—and one piece of advice they were given when my sister-in-law was pregnant was that at NIGHT, when the pregnant woman is getting into bed, she was supposed to eat a handful of peanuts and then get into bed by jumping in OVER her husband. Ha! You would not see ME jumping anywhere when I was that big!

Have you delivered in another country? What advice were you given? What other countries could you add to the list?

Book, Community, Summer Reading Challenge

13 authors recommend your next read

Love books lists? Me too. So, in the spirit of the Summer 2016 Reading Challenge, I contacted 13 authors I know and asked them to share a book recommendation with us. This is what I love about book recommendations: the combo of old friends (“Yes, yes, I love that book!”) and new friends (“Oh, that sounds good!”). I’ve already requested a few of these from the library.

Without further ado:

1. Wonder by R. J. Palacio—A book I’ve just read for my local book club, and which my nine-year-old daughter is reading too. It’s a multi-point-of-view story of a boy who goes to middle school for the first time – that’s hard enough, but he has a rare facial deformity. It’s a sensitively written novel that will get you thinking about grace, acceptance, and love.

—Amy Boucher Pye, author of Finding Myself in Britain: Our Search for Faith, Home & True Identity

2. Four Seasons in Rome by Anthony Doerr—He is the author of the wildly acclaimed All the Light We Cannot See (another one I would recommend!) but this is a memoir of his time writing ATLYCS. Doerr is a writer’s writer, drawing you into the sights, sounds, smells and tastes of Rome with turns of phrase you want to write down in a journal so you won’t forget. It takes place during a one-year fellowship to write to write ATLYCS in Italy while sleep deprived with newborn twin boys. It is about seasons—of life as a parent, spouse and a professional writer while navigating new culture and marking moments with keen attentiveness.

—Shelly Miller, author of Rhythms of Rest: Finding the Spirit of Sabbath in a Busy World(due to launch on October 4 but is available for pre-order on Amazon.)

3. Broken Hallelujahs: Learning to Grieve the Big and Small Losses of Life by Beth Allen Slevcove— She writes engagingly, interweaving her own experience with good psychological and emotional wisdom, and because she’s a qualified Spiritual Director, her creative exercises and prayer suggestions at the end are incredibly helpful. She’s someone who has been into the pit and out the other side again, and it drips with gentleness and heavenly wisdom. Highly recommended

AND

4. Night Driving: A Story of Faith in the Dark by Addie Zierman—This beautifully crafted memoir is all about how to survive a ‘dark night of the soul’. She makes a road trip across America (with two young children hollering in the back) read like a gripping story, and her observations are always subtle and wise. Great for anyone who’s struggling with feeling like God is far away and their faith is dry.

—Tanya Marlow, author of Coming Back to God When You Feel Empty which intertwines Tanya’s story with the book of Ruth. You can get a free copy here.

5. The Furious Longing of God by Brennan Manning—It’s his most refined work in my opinion, and it’s written with a breath-taking, holy passion that illuminates the deep love of God for us.

—Ed Cyzewski, author of The Contemplative Writer: Loving God through Christian Spirituality, Meditation, Daily Prayer, and Writing

6. Tent Life in Siberia by George Kennan. This is my all-time favorite travel book, about a group of intrepid adventurers who are dropped off along the frozen shores of the Kamchatka Peninsula of Russia in the mid-1800’s, with instructions to find a route across Siberia for a telegraph line. They hire some local guides and dogsledding teams, and off they go.

—Joann Pittman, author of Survival Chinese Lessons

7. So B. It by Sarah Weeks—This coming of age book is about Heidi, a thirteen-year-old girl who lives with her mother, a woman whose vocabulary consists of twenty-three words, and Bernadette, a woman who takes care of Heidi and her mother, all while managing her agoraphobia. Longing to know who she is, Heidi sets out on a cross-country trip in hopes of finding answers to the questions that haunt her. Thoughtful, intelligent writing that resonates with readers young and old.

—Amy L. Sullivan, author of Gutsy Girls: Strong Christian Women Who Impacted the World: Book Two: Sisters, Corrie and Betsie ten Boom

8. Impossible Love: The True Story of an African Civil War, Miracles and Hope against All Odds by Craig and Medine Keener—If you love missionary stories and enjoy hearing how God brings two people together, pick up Impossible Love. Part agony with fistfuls of grace, this story changed my perspective on the power of God in the lives of His people.

—Mary DeMuth, author, Worth Living: How God’s Wild Love for You Makes You Worthy

9. Have a Little Faith: A True Story by Mitch Albom—I love anything and everything by Albom, but this book captured the essence of what it means to have faith. The book centers around a relationship between two men, one a Jew, the other a Christian. A story about serving others in a time of need, and the type of strong bond one can gain, simply by opening up to another soul, while yours is searching for greater meaning.

—JD Dudycha, author of Sitting Dead Red

10. Bettyville: A Memoir by George Hodgman—The book that affected me the most might not be to everyone’s taste because it’s written by a gay man who went through a period of drug use, but it’s a memoir similar to mine in that he had to leave a flashy life as a big time NYC editor (he worked at several major book publishers and Vanity Fair) and go home to care for his mother. It’s tough and sad and funny. I loved it.

—Carolyn Jourdan, author of Medicine Men: Extreme Appalachian Doctoring

11. Promise Me This by Cathy Bohlke—A fictional account of a trip on the Titanic. A very touching story of a stow-away and how his live impacts those he meets on the ship and after his rescue.

—Penelope Carlevato, author of The Art of Afternoon Tea: From the Era of Downton Abbey and the Titanic

12. The Inner Voice of Love by Henri Nouwen is a perennial favorite. When I’m distressed, strung out, and generally cray-cray, I always find the calm center again with this book. It’s traveled around the world in my hand luggage, never entrusted to airline baggage handlers.

—Kay Bruner, author of As Soon As I Fell: A Memoir

13. The Dean’s Watch, my favorite recently read book, by Elizabeth Goudge—One of the things I love most about her writing is the way she makes places almost like characters in her books. The cathedral and the city in TDW are as richly rendered and realized as the people.

—Kimberlee Conway Ireton, author of Cracking Up: A Postpartum Faith Crisis

14. Age of Ambition: Chasing Fortune, Truth, and Faith in the New China by Evan Osnos—Drawing upon his years of experience as a press correspondent in Beijing, Evan Osnos presents vignettes of many of the people he interviewed while in China. These people represent a remarkable cross-section of modern Chinese society, drawing attention to many of the major issues that threaten to derail China’s future development.

—Andrew Kaiser, author of Voices from the Past: Historical Reflections on Christian Missions in China

~~~

How is your summer reading going? The book I have planned to read for months, I still haven’t gotten to. Instead I’ve been, as is my norm, reading other books that seem to keep finding me. Which book from this recommendation (or written by an author) caught your eye?

Thank you to everyone who contributed!

Community, Faith, Looming Transitions

In the midst of change what are you tethered to?

Velvet Ashes is having a three-week series on Change, Re-entry, and Carrying on. Regardless of which over-arching category you are in, we can’t face it without the Triune God. We need him as we change. We need him as we re-enter. We need him as we carry on.

We need him. I wrote the following as the final post of our week on Change.

Change.

It’s the one thing that unites us.

People are fairly surprised when they hear that my first five years on the field I had a total of two teammates. One thousand eight hundred twenty five days and only two teammates, one for two years and one for three.

But then I moved into a much larger community and my life kicked it into hyper gear with never a year (sometimes even a semester) where there wasn’t someone coming or going. Leaving permanently. Here for a year. Off to language school. Called to a new assignment. Need to transition a child to college. Time for a furlough or home assignment. Check, check, screaming at the amount of change, check.

Change.

It’s the one thing that unites us.

Or is it?

Last week I was at a dinner event where the speaker asked each of us at our individual tables to share where we have experienced generosity in the last year. A teacher had a mentor teacher help her. The founder of Azmera shared how God had opened door after door for their retreats. One woman had a quiet member of her small group initiate a supper club and do all of the cooking. Another person shared how in the last 18 months she has lost both parents and her sister and she has decided to be generous with herself and the grieving process.

After we shared, the speaker said, “Where you have seen generosity, you have seen God in action.” She followed up with, “Often when I used to ask people where they had seen God at work, and especially with non-believers, they didn’t know how to answer it. But if I asked about an attribute of God, everyone had a story to share. And then I could point out how that was God at work.”

Change might be our one constant, that’s true.

But God is the One who is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. When you are in seasons of great change, it helps to be tethered to The One Who Does Not Change. Tethered means you will still feel the pull and being jostled, and while you might feel adrift, that is not the big-picture reality.

Let’s picture ourselves around a dinner table. There is a crusty loaf of bread in the middle, ready for us to tear pieces off as we break bread together. There is a bowl with little pieces of paper and you draw one out and share how you have experienced that attribute in the last year. Because stories give birth to stories, if someone sharing on an attribute stirs something in you, go ahead and share.

Generous

Living

Aware

Provision

Merciful

Joyful

Able

Forgiveness

We’re among friends. And sometimes you need to hear other’s stories to remind yourself that what unties us isn’t change.

Tell a story about someone being generous with you.

Tell a story of where you really felt alive this year.

Tell a story of when you experienced someone being aware of you and your needs.

Tell of how you have been provided for.

Tell of when you tasted mercy or joy or forgiveness.

Tell us about when you felt able this year.

Tear off another corner of bread and share. Because as you share, we see God at work. We taste his presence. We are sustained for the next leg of the journey.

And if you have another story to share, do. We can never have too many stories. We’ve got all evening. Come, share.

(I really want to hear, the story doesn’t need to be long. Please leave a comment.)