The Messy Middle

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Book, China, Love Amy

Love, Amy is HERE {6 ways you can help}

“When will your book be done?”

I have a love/squirm relationship with that question. After sharing a project, the upside is all of the cheerleaders and people who genuinely are excited. On the downside, if you don’t have a definite date to publish, you get to be shifty again and again with, “Oh, I’m working on it.”

Publishing a book can be a lot like having a baby. You know it will happen, you just don’t know exactly when or how the birth process for that baby will be. (Famous line in our family comes from my Grandpa Farley as he was having to reschedule a flight back to Michigan because I was not entering the world at the predicted time. “Now, when don’t know when the baby will be born, do we?” Eternal scream from pregnant woman ensues.)

“Now, we don’t know when the book will be published, do we?” Eternal, oh you get it. But today?

Go ahead, ask me. “When can I buy Love, Amy: An Accidental Memoir Told in Newsletters from China?”

I’ll try not to smile too big when I say, “Today!!!!!!!”

Love, Amy is on Amazon (both Kindle and print) and at Createspace. I earn slightly more if you buy a print copy at createspace, but if you’ve got a good gig going on with Amazon, guilt free buy from Amazon.

This is the second time I’ve launched and again I feel a bit like I’m saying to you, “Do you like my baby? Will you, my people help raise her? Will you stand with me in the good times and hard? Will you still like me even when she disappoints or does stupid things?”

And all the people said, “We will!”

You might wonder, That’s great, but I’m not sure what to do. What can I do? Here are six ways you can help with this raising of Love, Amy:

1. Celebrate! Of course I hope this book sells decently because I truly believe that too often we believe that our stories don’t matter. They do. Love, Amy shows the power of a life story unfolding over time and helps those who write newsletters.

But if this books sells and I have no one to share it with, what have I gained? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. What is worse than watching sports by yourself and having no one to high-five? Nothing. Okay, there are worse things, but in that moment, it’s pretty low.

I’m high-fiving you! Woot, woot! If you weren’t here, there would be no book. I did it. You encouraged me. We did it. Let’s enjoy this moment.

2. May I boldly suggest, buy a copy of Love, Amy. Purchased copies through Amazon are the only way that Amazon will start to recommend Love, Amy as an “also bought.”

3. But here is a simple way that won’t cost you a dime. This week it is annoyingly important to train the Amazon search engine—the second most powerful search engine right now. So, instead of clicking on the hyperlinked title, go to Amazon and in the search bar type in “love amy.” FYI, Amazon only lets your device count once for searching for an item. So, thank you in advance to those of you just got the idea to pull up something on Netflix and hit the refresh button on Amazon and keep typing “love amy.” You can still do it, but Amazon will never know.

If you really want to help? Ask friends and strangers if you can use their phone to call someone and then quickly go to Amazon, search “love amy” and put the phone up to your ear. After thirty seconds say, “I guess they’re not there. Thanks!” Just kidding.

Mostly :).

4. Suggest or give Love, Amy to someone you know who loves memoirs or writes newsletters. The best way a book sells is through word of mouth. If you tell them and they know you, they are much more likely to buy it.

5. Leave a review on Amazon or Goodreads. It does not need to be five stars (though if that’s what your heart is saying, go with your heart!). Amazon is funny, she just likes to see the amount of reviews. The more reviews (even three or four star), the more she will say, “Hey, maybe I should tell other people about this book.” The goal is 75. Have you left one for Looming Transitions?

6. Tell someone about Love, Amy. You know tons of people I don’t know. You know people living in Sweden or working at this church or for that organization. You know you neighbor’s cousin who is moving to Brazil or your former coworker who writes boring newsletters. You know mission committee members and pastors and counselors.

This includes sharing on social media. Thanks for all of the shout outs!

Here is an image for Instagram:

You might be a blogger who would like to interview me or write a review of Love, Amy (I can offer a copy as a giveaway). Who could you tell about this book?

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Three final thoughts:

  • If you want to buy Love, Amy in bulk, use the contact form below and I can work with you on a discounted rate.
  • I find authors who only talk about their books tedious. We get it, you wrote a book. How about living a life too?! My bias, I know. Later I’ll share a bit of the journey of this book and wanted to warn you incase you fear that every post is going to be about this book. It’s not.
  • Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. If any book is a communal one, this one is. If these letters had not been read for years, there would be no book. If you had not read these words and said, “Hey, you’re not half bad,” there would be no book. And starting with you, if you the word about Looming Transitions had not gotten out, I would never have spent the last year “birthing another baby.”

This is not my contribution to the world. It is ours. Look what we’ve done.

Because today is a day of celebration! Leave a comment and I’ll draw one of your names and you can give this book to someone you know—yourself included :).

The Office GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

As we launch this book and wait to see how God will use it, I want to end with the benediction I gave at the end of the acknowledgments:

I thank my God every time I remember you. Philippians 1:3

Love,

Amy

Contact form for inquiries as to me speaking to your group about China or newsletters, buying bulk orders, or your thoughts on the Broncos’ chances next year.

China, Cross cultural, Faith, God, Learning lessons

Deeper and wider than my small arms

One of the highlights of last week was your response to Book Cousins. Thank you for jumping in with sharing where you have seen God at work. The winner was notified, but to entice you to buy The Bells Are Not Silent, today go bell hunting with Joann and me. This was first published in September 2012.

Remember the song Deep and Wide? I belted it out as a kid, complete with hand gestures and humming words as we sang it faster and faster. “Deep and hmmm, Deep and hmmm!” Through song and laughter the breadth and depth of God’s love drilled into us as we sang in Sunday School.

I shared last weekend that Joann and I were going to Harbin to research church bells. She’s the actual researcher and I am the side kick. She became interested last spring in Chinese church bells we have traveled to Qingdao, Tianjin, and Harbin. We’ve also visited the bell museum and various churches in Beijing.

These trips have shown me that my view of the Bride of Christ has stayed about as far as I can open my arms to show how “deep and wide” the church is. Um, that is to say, pathetically small.

Part of it is just the reality that we can’t know what we haven’t been exposed to. Part of it is that history has kept different part of Christianity separated. Part of it is just that I forget how truly amazing God is.

Through these trips, God takes my arms and pulls them apart, experience by experience widening my view of vastness of the church.

In the stretching, there are moments of comical “what should we do” and a bit of mild awkwardness. When a Catholic brother and sister asked us in their sanctuary if we could pray together we said, “of course!” and started to do the Protestant huddle only to realize we were going to stand in line facing the cross. In the Orthodox Church we forgot to bring head coverings and I had to keep reminding myself to back out of the church and not turn my back on the cross.

But the most holy-ground- surreal-ness of “is this really happening” comes in meeting people and seeing how beautiful the bride can be.

At the Russian Orthodox Church scheduled to meet a contact at 10 a.m. and had been told that church didn’t like Protestants or Americans, so try to speak Chinese.  We met utterly delightful Russians and as they realized we truly were interested in them, the bell, and their history, they repeatedly thanked US for caring about their history and trying to preserve it. My friend wrote more about the experience and about the bell. You should read what she wrote!

When our motley crew of Chinese, Russians, and Americans was finally allowed up into the bell tower, we were all in awe as we looked at an 1800s Moscow bell in an Orthodox church in a Chinese city being researched by an American.

We entered with those labels, but we exited one radiant bride. Humbled by the thought that God uses the likes of us.

Deep and wide. Deep and wide.  May our understanding of how truly deep and wide expand far beyond our fingertips.

I loved the responses to last week’s question: Where have you seen God at work? So, this week. What songs were popular when you were a kid? I’ll share a few I remember in the comments.

China, Family, Learning lessons

Your driving doesn’t scare me and other lessons from China

Chinese Driving

The summer of 1992 changed me forever.

I spent it teaching English in Hefei. Ask me about that summer and I’ll tell you about the heat. I’ll tell you about the sweat that would trickle down my back at 7:45 a.m. as I walked to class. I’ll tell you about gathering around a freshly sliced watermelon with my students and learning about trying to cool down eating juicy fruit. I’ll tell you about the culture lectures I helped put on and how I was in a Christmas play in July. I’ll tell you when we showed the movie Hoosiers to our students and I knew the deep ache of loving your home country from afar. I’ll tell you about sobbing so hard at the end of the summer my teammates believed I had fallen in love under their noses.

What I will fail to tell you is how Chinese driving began to seep into me. Nowadays laws are to be followed. Then, let’s just say the roads were the wild west. Lanes mere suggestions. Stop lights more like check-to-see-no-cops-lights. You passed on the left. You passed on the right. You drove through cars coming the opposite direction. You thought you might die and wondered why you didn’t see more accidents.

Guess when these experiences will come in handy? Years, and years later when your oldest niece is 15 and learning to drive.

Courting 2016 style

Far into the future, on a Saturday night while hanging out at a family gathering you’ll look at your niece and say, “Hey, want to go for a drive?” Now, this invitation has been rejected more time than if you tried to score against Lebron James. Cool, cool, cool. Her choice, truly. She throws you all when she says, “Sure.”

Her youngest sister is allowed to ride in the car with the strict warning, “You are to say nothing. Get it? Do not make one comment.” Oh we all get it. You assure her she can drive around the cul-de-sac neighborhood at whatever speed she would like. There is no rush. Only you never imagined a person could drive so slowly that the automatic locks scare you all about ten minutes later when she finally hits the speed that locks the car. You joke that you now understand what it must have been like to court in the 1800s when a boy took a girl out for a slow ride in a buggy. Turns out this is not a time for joking.

But courage begets courage and she’s willing to venture onto other residential streets. Often enough you go out driving together and it truly is fun. Only once did she ask you not to wince and only once did you say, trying to be calm but avoid getting rear-ended, “It is OKAY that we missed the turn. PLEASE DO NOT SLOW DOWN. YOU NEED TO HIT THE GAS, we cannot stop in the intersection of this major street when the light is still green. No worries, it’s all good. We’ll just go up to the next light BUT SERIOUSLY YOU NEED TO ACCELERATE.”

Turns out she likes driving with you more than other adults because her driving doesn’t make you as nervous as other adults.

And then it hits you.

Of course it doesn’t make you nervous. You’ve ridden in China. For years. Boom. Hidden talent. Thank you China.

Her mom comments that she takes corners too fast. And you wonder if you are the best to help her because, now that her mom mentions it, yeah, she is a bit like a Chinese driver rounding a corner. You hadn’t really noticed.

All that aside, if you are in the Denver area and have a child who needs to learn to drive, let me know. Riding with burgeoning drivers is a trip down memory lane. It is a way to visit China without needing a visa. It is a way to use experiences I never thought would transfer to America. It is a way to be me in unexpected ways. Truly, give me a call.

And other China peeps, might I suggest you find a new driver and bless them with time spent together learning to drive? Seriously. Chinese driving is the gift that keeps on giving.

{If you know this niece of mine, while not ready to go public with her skills, when it is time I tell you, there will be no more responsible driver on the streets. Okay, with maybe a bit of an aggressive streak. She is, after all, part Young! She read this post and approved it before it went public—all but the aggressive streak. Since it is more about her grandpa, mom, and aunts, she let me keep it in :)}

 

Book, China, Cross cultural, Ending Chapters, Faith

Looming Transitions is HERE! {4 ways you can help}

I’ll admit, for a while the question, “When will your book be done?” made me a bit sheepish. After sharing a goal or a dream, on the upside you get cheerleaders. On the downside, if you’re not really doing much you get to be shifty again and again with, “Oh, I’m working on it.” (Hypothetically for four years. I’m just saying.)

Go ahead, ask me. “When can I buy your book?”

I’ll try not to smile too big when I say, “Today!!!!!!!”

Box of LT

Looming Transition is on Amazon (both Kindle and print) and at Createspace. I earn slightly more if you buy a print copy at createspace, but if you’ve got a good gig going on with Amazon, guilt free buy from Amazon.

LT is intended for the 4 to 6 months before moving to or from the field. I firmly believe that is a key window that can make your transition easier or harder. Notice, I said “easier,” not easy. You get it.

I’ve never launched or sold a book before and I feel a bit like I’m saying to you, “Do you like my baby? Will you, my people help raise her? Will you stand with me in the good times and hard? Will you still like me even when she disappoints or does stupid things?”

And all the people said, “We will!”

You might wonder, That’s great, but I’ve never done this either. What can I do? Here are four ways you can help with this raising of Looming Transitions:

1. Celebrate! Of course I hope this book sells decently because I truly believe it will help those in transition, but if this books sells and I have no one to share it with, what have I gained? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. What is worse than watching sports by yourself and having no one to high-five? Nothing. Okay, there are worse things, but in that moment, it’s pretty low.

I’m high-fiving you! Woot, woot! If you weren’t here, there would be no book. I did it. You encouraged me. We did it. Let’s enjoy this moment.

2. Suggest or give Looming Transitions to someone you know who in transition to or from living overseas. The best way a book sells is through word of mouth. If you tell them and they know you, they are much more likely to buy it.

3. Leave a review on Amazon or Goodreads. It does not need to be five stars (though if that’s what your heart is saying, go with your heart!). Amazon is funny, she just likes to see the amount of reviews. The more reviews (even three or four star), the more she will say, “Hey, maybe I should tell other people about this book.”

4. Tell someone about Looming Transitions. You know tons of people I don’t know. You know people living in Sweden or working at this church or for that organization. You know you neighbor’s cousin who is moving to Brazil or your former coworker who is entering his last semester on the field. You know mission committee members and pastors and counselors.

This includes sharing on social media. Thanks for all of the shout outs!

You might be a blogger who would like to interview me or write a review of Looming Transitions (I can offer a copy as a giveaway). Who could you tell about this book?

///

Three final thoughts:

  • If you want to buy Looming Transitions in bulk, use the contact form below and I can work with you on a discounted rate.
  • As a small gift to those in transition, I’ve made these graphics that go along with ideas from the book.
  • I find authors who only talk about their books tedious. We get it, you wrote a book. How about living a life too?! My bias, I know. On Friday I’ll share a bit of the journey of this book and wanted to warn you incase you fear that every post is going to be about this book. It’s not. My plan is to mention it at the beginning of each semester and maybe share if something interesting comes up.

Because today is a day of celebration! Leave a comment and on Friday I’ll draw one of your names and you can give this book to someone you know—yourself included :).

30-rock.jpg

As we launch this book and wait to see how God will use it, I want to end with the benediction I gave at the end of the acknowledgments:

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Grace and Peace,

Amy

Contact form for inquiries as to me speaking to your group about transitions, buying bulk orders, or your thoughts on the Broncos’ chances in the Superbowl.

 

#DistractedByBeauty, 31 reminders from Eden, China, Signs, The Church Year

A Sign From a Beijing Bathroom That Points to Eden

I saw this sign in a bathroom in Beijing:

Please be informed

We were in a nice hotel, doing a bathroom stop—as public restrooms are not always the easiest to find in downtown Beijing. While I understand why a hotel might want to discourage people from using their bathroom as a changing room, when I read it, I was reminded how Eden Lost our world is.

Eden Lost declares some parts of our stories are untouchable for God to reach in and influence, change, redeem, or offer His presence. This is not a changing area.

Eden, however, would have signs with the opposite message! God has hung this sign on your life, over your circumstances, in your messy middle:

Please be informed that this is a changing area.

This is a changing area.

I want to print this sign off and hang it on my wall. Better yet, I want to paper the walls of my heart and mind with it. How helpful to see this sign the day after I shared with you Kimberlee’s book  The Circle of Seasons and an invitation to join in reading it over the course of the year.

A friend contacted me wanting to double the offer on the books for the giveaway. Eight of your names were drawn and you’ve been contacted that you won!

I was moved at the response. Twenty-four of you left comments. And I don’t believe it was just because of a free book (though, I know it helped!). Honestly, I believe it’s because you too long to be anchored in a deeper story than Black Friday, Valentine’s Day, even, dare I say it, Pi Day.

We want to be invested in stories that matter. Like this one. Before I headed to China, my friend Michelle texted me: “So the college I work at—Northwestern College—is doing Operation Christmas Child. I shared your post and they are ramping up the boy boxes. They are putting out a challenge for the guy dorms to pack as many as they can. Yay for boys.”

Yesterday she sent me this:

OCC boxes

“Most of our 100 boxes is for boys. The big stack of boxes is for boys ages 10-14. Majority of our boxes are for boys.”

Please be informed that this is a changing area.

God hangs this sign over your heart. And then it hangs over the boys.

This sign is hung again and again.

If you didn’t win a book, I still have good news for you. Kimberlee has extended the offer of her book to you for $5. She said, “Just shoot me an email with your mailing address, the number of copies you want, and to whom you’d like them inscribed, and I’ll get them in the mail to you. You’ll have them in plenty of time to read the Advent chapter before the season begins on November 29.”

I’m still a bit fuzzy in the brain from jet lag, so I haven’t made a plan yet. I’ll work on how we’ll get started this weekend and let you know early next week.

Know why I’d like you to leave a comment on this post? It’s not because I love comments (even though I do), it’s because God used that sign as an invitation to me to slow down and reflect on my life. He’d like to do it for you too.

Where could you use the Eden Sign in your life right now?

Book, China, Cross cultural

A Non-Cook Reviews 3 Chinese Cookbooks

This post reminds me of my first “research” paper in sixth grade. We were learning about using sources to enhance our ideas. Want to know my subject? Prepare to laugh given how life and interests turned out.

Mexican food. We had a student teacher and I recall him talking with me, wondering if I had enough sources and if I needed a more concrete subject. I was the only student writing about a food group. When I explained my mom’s cookbook collection I convinced him to let me try.

Cookbooks

Last month I shared three reasons you should read the Chinese food memoir Shark’s Fin and Sichuan Pepper: A Sweet-sour Memoir of Eating in China by Fuchsia Dunlop. It turns out she’s also written three cookbooks: Land of Plenty: A Treasury of Authentic Sichuan Cooking (2003), Revolutionary Chinese Cookbook: Recipes from Hunan Province (2007), and most recently Every Grain of Rice: Simple Chinese Home Cooking (2013). 

Though I am a self-proclaimed non-cook (in any culture), these books are a must explore because they are more than cookbooks. They are part cultural informant, part memoir, and part cookbook.

Cultural Informant

In each book, Dunlop goes into delicious details on food as it relates to culture, both at the start of the book, at the start of each section, and, if you can believe it, with almost every recipe.

For instance, on the recipe for Mr. Lai’s Glutinous Rice Balls With Sesame Stuffing (Lai Tang Yuan) she shares:

In 1894, a young man named Lai Yuanxin traveled from his native town to Chengdu, where he took up a place as an apprentice in a restaurant. Sadly, it wasn’t long before he fell out with his boss and lost his job. Stuck with no means to support himself, he borrowed money from a cousin, bought a bamboo shoulder pole and a few cooking utensils, and started selling glutinous rice dumplings on the streets. After making a living this way for many years, he was able to open a shop on Zongfu Street in the center of Chengdu. Mr. Lai’s unusually good tang yuan are now celebrated all over China. (Land of Plenty: A Treasury of Authentic Sichuan Cooking)

It goes on, and this is but one recipe out of three rather detailed books!

Memoir

Part of the beauty of food in China, is the possibility each one of us has to join the grand culinary story. While every dish may have a history, we each have our own personal history and experience of it. Who doesn’t have memories tied to restaurants, dishes, or cooking experiences?

Dunlop’s books are not merely about food, but about her personal experience with the food. The recipe for Stir-Fried Bitter Melon with Chinese Chives (Jiu Cai Chao Ku Gua) comes with this story:

By a series of strange coincidences, within twenty-four hours of arriving in Mao Zedong’s home village, Shaoshan, I was invited out to lunch by his nephew Mao Anping, now an official in the local government. Mao the younger is a laid-back, affable, chain-smoking sixty-year-old who is blasé about the attention paid to him as one of the Chairman’s closest surviving relatives. He brushes aside any suggestion that he looks like his legendary uncle, but, seen in profile or from behind, the resemblance is quite unnerving. . . . This is his recipe for bitter melon, a fresh and radiant stir-fry of jade-green melon, dark green chives, and brilliant scarlet chili. (Revolutionary Chinese Cookbook: Recipes from Hunan Province)

Cookbook

Here we begin to get out of my depth, but I believe those of you who are interested in these cookbooks because you actually want to cook food and not just read about it will not be disappointed. Each book is sprinkled with food preparation information and skill development, in addition to recipes. She includes cooking methods, what is in a Sichuan pantry, a Hunan pantry, and the basics of a Chinese pantry. It turns out I enjoyed reading about all of the different chopping techniques and the “useful shapes” you can make.

Pictures are a plenty and can either make you hungry, nostalgic, or act as a guide. In Every Grain of Rice: Simple Chinese Home Cooking, Dunlop shares how to plan a Chinese meal, what to do after the meal, a short section on drinks, and a most helpful “menu ideas” for two, four, or six people. Each menu suggestion comes with four meat and four vegetarian menus.

While reading these books did not turn me into a cook, it did open my eyes further to this vital part of the Chinese world that it would be easy to think I already knew. It also makes me wonder whom I could give them to because he or she would actually cook for me!

If you are a cook, you’ll enjoy these books. If you’re not, buy them for someone who is and enjoy reading them after they fix you a meal.

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Do you remember your first research paper? Do you read cookbooks? Normally I don’t, to be honest, but I know lots of people do.

A version of this was first in From the West Courtyard.

Disclosure : Amazon Affiliate links included in this post. If you click through to Amazon, any purchase you make supports this website.

Book, China, Learning lessons, Travel

3 Reasons You Need to Read this Chinese Food Memoir

I just finished Shark’s Fin and Sichuan Pepper: A Sweet-sour Memoir of Eating in China by Fuchsia Dunlop. It came out in 2008, so I may be late to the party, but if you’re like me and hadn’t heard of it, I recommend it.

Dunlop first came to China in the early 90s and then moved to Chengdu, Sichuan in 1994 to study Chinese and “from the very beginning vowed to eat everything she was offered, no matter how alien and bizarre it seemed.” In 1995 she was the first Westerner to train at the Sichuan Institute of Higher Cuisine. Studying at the SIHC officially launched her into the foodie world of China.

I lived in Chengdu at this time. It’s weird and cool to think we were in the same space at the same time . . . but having rather different experiences.

3 reasons food matters

She’s written three cookbooks: Land of Plenty: A Treasury of Authentic Sichuan Cooking (2003), Revolutionary Chinese Cookbook: Recipes from Hunan Province (2007), and most recently Every Grain of Rice: Simple Chinese Home Cooking (2013). Since I’ve only recently heard of her, I don’t know the quality of her cookbooks. I have requested all three from the library and will let you know in a future post what I think.

Regardless of whether you are a cook (not so much me) or enjoy eating (waving my hand, solidly in this camp), here are three reasons you’ll want to add Shark’s Fin and Sichuan Pepper: A Sweet-sour Memoir of Eating in China to your reading list for this year. Not for when you get to it, for this year.

Culturally—food matters in China. Period.

I could stop with my first point right there. Food matters in China, so reading about food is not mere fun, it is a window of understanding. The more we, as outsiders, understand about food, the more we’ll understand China, her people, and her flavors. Mirroring what’s happened in China, Dunlop goes from one who will “eat anything” to one who begins to question areas (e.g. eating endangered animals) that are being examined on a larger scale.

Dunlop doesn’t just write about Sichuan cuisine as she takes the reader on a flavor tour, eating her way around China. As a chef, she’s able to interact with a part of culture that (almost) completely sidesteps political entanglements other areas of society simply can’t avoid.

Historically—food is a carrier of history.

Shark’s Fin and Sichuan Peppers is indeed a food memoir, but you can’t talk about food in China without also touching on history. Other than reading about periods of starvation (and especially those caused by leadership), history learned one dish at a time, is like attending a banquet where you nibble, knowing more will be coming. Dunlop understands her task is to stay focused on the food, but she also knows that in China, food separated from history loses its flavor.

Personally—Chinese food carries our stories too.

Reading this book reminded me of my own food history in China. The first time I ate snake. Eating such mouth-numbing food at a school-hosted banquet that I thought dentists in the West could benefit from learning about hua jiao [Sichuan pepper]. Moving from randomly pointing at items on a menu to actually ordering. Dishes I dream about.

It doesn’t matter who you are, if you’ve been to China, you have a story to tell. Dunlop offers the gift of reminding us that sometimes the best stories are hidden in the most common places and are woven into daily life.

Look at how much happens in the Bible around food. Two big ones jump to mind—the Fall and the Last Supper.

Taste and see that the Lord is good.

Indeed, he is.

What food memories have been stirred in you? Anyone want to share a plate of 干煸豆角 as we talk about Dunlop’s book and the way food shapes us culturally, historically, and personally? What’s your favorite Chinese dish?

This first appeared on From The West Court Yard

China, Grief, Messier than normal

The blurry line between fiction and reality

A recent article reminded me of a piece of fiction I wrote for a writing course as I tried to visualize the growing problem of bride stealing in China.

rejection

Not ‘Leftover Women’ but ‘Leftover Men’ Are China’s Real Problem said,

“Leftover women are no cause for concern – it is the ‘leftover men’ that are China’s real crisis”,   Xinhua News and Beijing News write earlier this week. “Marriage as a traditional institute is of great significance and value, but it should not be the way to measure a women’s worth in today’s era,” the article states. Although it has been the unmarried young women, often called ‘leftover women’ (shèngnǚ, 剩女), who have been singled out by Chinese media, the article says that it really is the single men, referred to as ‘leftover men‘ (shèngnán, 剩男) that are at the center of China’s “marriage crisis”.

“Statistics point out that for China’s post 1980s generation, there are tens of millions more men than women of marriageable age. At the peak of the disparity in girls and boys births in 2004, 121.2 boys were born for every 100 girls. Nevertheless, the ‘leftover men’ problem has not been covered as much by Chinese media, while ‘leftover women’ have been the targeted by media for years.”

Here is the only fiction I’ve ever written; it’s an attempt to move from statistics to people.

 *****

Trapped

This was not how he’d pictured his wedding day.

All the stories he’d heard growing up. All the dreams about when it would be his turn with his friends to go and “kidnap” his bride in the early hours of the morning. His parents waiting nearby to host the wedding banquet; their turn having finally come to brag to their village through food about how well their family was doing.

Now that the actual day was here, the thought of kidnapping made his stomach lurch.

Why fate has seen fit to have him born into the shit hole of a dying village, he’d never know. He wished he was more like his parents who rolled with the punches that fate dealt.

He was the one who sobbed as an eight year old boy when he dad broke his leg so badly it required the boy to drop out of school. They stoically told him that education wasn’t needed for farming. He was the one who suggested going to work in a factory near Hong Kong, they were the ones to tell him not to aim too high. He was the one who wanted to try to growing sweet potatoes and they were the ones who said, “we’re not that kind of people.”

He was the one with the modern idea on love. But now at the old age of 24 he had to put that foolishness behind him. As the only son it was his duty to provide a grandchild. As a man it was not his duty to find love. When his father had come to him with the plan everything in him recoiled.

But here he was in the early hours of morning, getting dressed for his wedding. He wondered how much his father had to pay for his bride? He wondered how scared she’d been when she was kidnapped. He heard they drugged the girls so that they were easier to sneak across the border. Would she still be drugged? What language did she speak? Did she know he was not a monster?

Too soon it was time to go.

China, Velvet Ashes

When A New Culture Moves Into the Neighborhood

These three are bouncing around in me. Touching, backing off from each other, combining. Do they fit together? Should they?

1. Oriental Massage opened in our neighborhood a few weeks ago.

2. This week’s theme at Velvet Ashes: Culture Clash (you know, a major theme of living outside of your home culture).

3. The Word became flesh and blood,
    and moved into the neighborhood.
We saw the glory with our own eyes,
    the one-of-a-kind glory,
    like Father, like Son,
Generous inside and out,
    true from start to finish.

John 1:14 The Message

*****

Niece #3 loves to give foot massages, especially to her sisters; and common presents for her involve nice lotion and other items for giving massages. Unlike her two older sisters who had foot massages in China, she’s never had a “real” Chinese foot massage. I stopped by Oriental Massage to ask about prices and if they’d be willing to give a kid a foot massage for her birthday.

I swear, I walked into China.

Between the liquor store and pet grooming, a worm hole exists. It was the fastest and easiest trip I’ve taken to China as it didn’t involve visas, long lines, or jet lag. It was also the strangest since the primary mode of transportation was my car.

When I entered–and I will try not to repeat myself, but you know when you’ve disoriented, the default is to stress what you know?–it looked just like China. Except there were no people. Hello? Hello? Wei? (Chinese) Wei?

A smiling woman came out of the back (I think I interrupted lunch). We started off in English, but I switched to Chinese for the sake of communication. Yes, yes, of course we’d give you and your niece a massage! When I asked for her card so I could call and book the appointment, she pulled out a stack of stuck together business cards from some other massage place and wrote the phone number, handing me the the whole stack.

Oh my. I hope their business takes off, I thought.

The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood. 

The next week they got their official sign outside and hung Chinese pictures with pressure points and meridian lines. Seeing as #3 had opened the gift (and I am thankful to say was thrilled!) I thought it would be better to book the massage in person than over the phone. Again, no people. Wei? Wei? 

After a way long wait for Miss Smilely, she emerged and booked the massage for last Friday. I just wanted to clarify we wanted the massages at the same time :) … culture clash and assumptions, anyone? Yes, yes, no problem.

It was at night I noticed it.

If you’ve lived in China, you know. Right?

What happens at night in China that might not happen in other parts of the world?

Neon. But not just neon, flashing neon.

The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood. 

Neon 2

If I hadn’t been uploading posts about Culture Clashes and working with our graphic artist and swimming in The Poisonwood Bible for book club (talk about clashes! You can read the this week’s discussion here) and writing the final post of the week called 7 Stops on the Cross-Cultural Clash Continuum I might not have been so tuned into all of the “clashes” going on.

Before we entered for our massages, #3 and I spent time looking at the reflexology pictures, the meridian lines, and the pressure points. Oh look, there are pressure points over your eye, on the roof of your mouth, and . . . what’s that? Oh, an anus. Sorry #3!

At the end of her massage, #3 was given a root beer and a gorgeous green Chinese knot in the shape of a frog. They loved her! Who wouldn’t? But this was also a clash: the Chinese love kids in ways we (at least) Americans just don’t. They told me she was their youngest customer ever and just smiled and smiled. Afterwards #3 said, “Aunt Amy, they’d say blah, blah, blah in Chinese and ask OK? I’d just say OK.” Welcome to the first four years of my life in China, sweetheart :)!

No strong English skills, flashing neon, anuses, cans of pop. I so want them to succeed. I hope that everyone reading this within a 50 mile radius of my house will look for Oriental Massage near the King Soopers. I can’t link to it, because they don’t have a website. But this is what they do have: kindness overflowing, skill in abundance (very, very good massage. Oh, I should mention, because I forgot to tell #3, a foot massage also involves your face, arms, part of your back, and legs), and very comfortable tables (not really old crappy chairs, like many foot massage places in China).

Go in and while you have your massage, since you might not be able to chat with people, meditate on:

The Word became flesh and blood,
    and moved into the neighborhood.
We saw the glory with our own eyes,
    the one-of-a-kind glory,
    like Father, like Son,
Generous inside and out,
    true from start to finish.

Because the glory may be neon. Are they Christians? I have no idea. Nothing to indicate that they are or aren’t. But they have moved into the neighborhood and are generous inside and out. What better way to embrace God’s amazing variety in culture than through massage and meditation!

Neon

Related posts: 

7 Stops on the Cross-Cultural Clash Continuum {The Grove: Culture Clash} by Amy Young — “I thought I knew the direction this post was going to take and then I wondered, but what about this type of culture clash? Or this one? Or that one? As we’ve seen this week in the posts, not all culture clashes are created equal.”

Feet, Window To The Body? — Want to hear about a foot massage I had a few years ago in China? “Mr. Hou is clearly a firm believer in TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) and as the massage went on, pointed out many things wrong with my health; all of which can be helped by regular foot massage. We started off with the surprising news that something’s up with my ovaries.”

China, Cross cultural, Ending Chapters, Learning lessons, Velvet Ashes

3 Helpful Tips When You’re New To A Situation

You know when you create something–be it a food item, the perfect photo, or a flower arrangement–and everything clicks. You stand back and think: I made that? I made that? I made that! Boom. You’re proud and a bit shocked. Well, that’s how I feel about the post below that I wrote for Velvet Ashes this week. Just telling you the truth. I like it and it makes me smile. The theme of the week has been “Tips for your first year” on the field. I hope you like it half as much as I do, boom.

tips-for-your-first-year-726x484

How’s it going being tipsy this week? Oh we Christians, we’re a riot to hang out with! Tip #1, she who laughs first at her own jokes laughs alone. Well, guess what, the joke is on you. That is not really one of my tips. Ha ha! Though laughing is a good tip for most phases of life, isn’t it?

The insights this week are ones to bookmark and share with folks you know in the future who will be moving to the field. M’Lynn reminded us of the realities of team and expectation those new to the field might have for them. Lauren gave first year senders and goers the freedom to go slow. And Hannah gave insights for twenty somethings.

And now I will state the obvious: your first year is memorable. Whether you’re a TCK going to the field as an adult or this is your first time to actually live on foreign soil longer than a summer project, you will remember your first forever. Here is another bonus tip from my first year: do all that you can to avoid group flights. If you are with an agency that sends a herd of people together to the field, it’s mostly to remind you hell is real and what you’re doing is important. It’s also a secret test if you’re willing to pay the cost. I’m convinced of this.

In all seriousness, you are crossing a line. To this day I think of my life as BC/AC. Before I moved to China and After I moved to China. When did I first go to China? Three years BC. When was my first niece born? Six years AC. Probably it will be the same for you. Your life will be marked by this year. With that in mind, I do have three tips for you:

1. Welcome to the emotional edges. Chances are you are going to experience more highs and lows this year than you normally do. For some, you will camp out on the high side feeling exhilarated, flooded with joy at the sights, sounds, and conversations. Or feel genuine awe and wonder at small miracles you used to take for granted. Electricity? A washing machine? The internet? A care package? Could life be any better?!

For others, I’m sorry to say, you might find this year being one of severe loneliness and disappointment in yourself, locals, teammates, and God.  You might be awash in hopeless over how big the task is and how little you are or in shock at things now that you can’t imagine will devastate you.

In agony, a person new to the field told me over the phone, “Amy, I just don’t think I can team with them. This is so unacceptable. I don’t know what to do.” I couldn’t image what her teammates were doing that stole her joy when she couldn’t wait to get to the field. She was undone by teammates drinking Coke at a meals. U.N.D.O.N.E. by it. We returned to this conversation over and over throughout her first year.

But for many of you, you’ll be a mix of both. The highs are high, enjoy them. You are blessed to do what you do. But the lows are low. I wish I could spare you. When you feel them coming, don’t hide them out of shame. You’re normal. Get people praying for you and be gentle to yourself. It’s okay to be low. It’s not fun, but it’s okay.

2. Know you’re going to change. How can you not when the traffic is different, the views of women is unlike back home, even standing in line (hello, how different can it be? Um, very.) is unlike anything you could imagine. You might be exposed to poverty in ways that will ebb at the edges of your soul or live in a land that is so “beyond God” you don’t know where to start. You might see your home country in ways that make your heart beat with pride or make you feel shame and embarrassment and confusion.

Here’s the other thing about the ways you’ll change, you may not see the depth of it for years. Some changes will be small in terms of effecting who you are as a person. Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things how you cross the street? No. But in other more significant ways, you might find you are no longer as in sync with your home culture. This call comes with blessing and loss, doesn’t it? So, for better or worse, you’re going to change and grow. As will your friendships, your marriage, and your parenting.

3. Enjoy! If you happen to be with cynical old-hands, please ignore their grumpiness. I admit, over the years it got harder and harder to be thrilled with new teammates reporting on using a squatty for the first time!!!! (The exclamations were them, definitely not me) down to every little detail. Your bladder was full, you were desperate, it smelled, urine came out, you lived. I’m very impressed.

This is what I’m talking about. Ignore me.

My first year was pre-internet, pre-Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Wechat, Skype. When I returned home for a few weeks after my first year, I brought with me five full photo albums with about 1,000 pictures (Okay, there were WAY more because I glued pictures into the front and back on the wasted blank pages.). I couldn’t wait to share my life with friends and family. I’ll never forget this comment:

We get it, you ate food.

Well now. But you don’t get how exciting pudding is from a care package! Or did you see how round those tortillas were I rolled? What, you don’t like a close up of the cooked eel?

Enjoy! Take pictures of whatever you want. Be excited over . . . everything. Be moved by how much bigger and amazing God is than you could have imagined. God said, “Taste and see that the Lord is good, happy is she who take refuge in me.” Do.

If we were sitting down chatting over a cup of chai and you ask me what I’d suggest for the year, that’s what I’d have for you. Welcome to the emotional edges. Know you’re going to change. Enjoy!

Oh and we’re glad you’re here. Truly.

What do you think of these tips? What would you add?

*****

P.S. If you’re reading this on a mobile device, I added a plug-in this week that should make reading easier. What do you think? Like it? Or want me to go back to the old way?

Image designed by Karen Huber 

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