The Messy Middle

where grace and truth reside

Cross cultural, Faith

What Has Amy Been Up To?

Friends, I do not recommend launching a new book and starting a new ministry within eight days of each other. Any publicist would say, “Are you smoking crack?!”

But we know that God’s timing can be a little “ridiculous.” (I present as evidence: “build an ark before rain exists,” “marry a woman who will have affairs,” or “get pregnant, then married.”)

So, even though Global Trellis is already cruising towards being six whole weeks old, I’m super excited to share it with you!

I moved to China at age 27 with the plan to return to “real” life after two years. Enter the angelic laugh track. Eighteen wonderful years later—okay definitely sixteen wonderful years and a few that were iffy—I transitioned back to the US.

When I went to the field, it was with the best of intentions and far too much information front-end loaded for me to absorb. At that time, the only option was to spend weeks together in California learning about life in China.

And you know what, it worked. It really did.

Front-end loading worked because that was what was available.

But today we are accessing a fraction of what technology makes available. God has called us to his Great Commission, which truly is the call of a lifetime. But it is also ordinary, lonely, tedious, and involves laundry; all the while trying to spiritually, personally, and professionally grow, as we work to see the kingdom of God here on earth.

In a recent survey, 62% of cross-cultural workers reported a high tension between tending to their soul (being) and the work that they do (doing). In response to this tension, Global Trellis was formed. Like a garden trellis, Global Trellis exists to support cross-cultural workers where they are, allowing them to flourish and grow further than they could on their own.

What if exhaustion, creeping bitterness, and stagnant personal skills were replaced with refreshment, contentment, and growth?

This type of life truly is possible.

Global Trellis Helps in Three Ways

1. Monthly workshops

No travel time, no need to wait. You have access to training, support, and empowerment at your fingertips. A new workshop is added at the beginning of every month. For a small fee you can learn from experts from the comfort of your own home. Once purchased, the workshop is added your personal portfolio and you can revisit any time. You can also browse through the growing list and participate in more than just this month’s workshop. This month’s workshop is Enneagram for Team Growth.

This short video shows you what an AMAZING space my web designer built.

2. Articles

To foster refreshment, contentment, and growth as a steady drip, enter the Tuesday and Thursday articles. Tuesdays are called Soul Tending Tuesdays; every Tuesday you will receive an invitation, insight, spiritual practice, or suggestion that will allow you to tend your soul as a cross-cultural worker. Thursdays are Skill Building Thursdays and you will be offered tips, insights, and suggestions to help you personally and professionally develop. You can receive the articles here.

3. Quarterly challenges

Every quarter you can join in a free challenge designed to keep your “Some day!” list short. The first challenge is live and is a Newsletter List Maintenance challenge. For seven days in a row, participants are emailed one task a day. It is available until the end of November.

One participant who completed it said, “I’ve been curious about how you’d be structuring these and this was skillfully done–effective but not overwhelming.”

Yay! Know any cross-cultural workers you could share the free challenge with? You can point them here to sign up.

Grow and Flourish Where You Are

You know how much I love books, so one of my personal favorites of Global Trellis is the library that contains resources both books and service providers. In the “book” section of the library you will find a book lovers dream: books to peruse! Currently there are five categories—leadership, cross-cultural, relationships, faith, and personal development—with over 100 books cataloged.

You need a place for your soul to be breath, your head to be engaged, and your heart to stay tender. You need Global Trellis.

So, that’s if you wonder why I’ve been so quiet here in recent week, now you know why! (Don’t you just love the look!!! My web designer has outdone himself. Thank you Ted!)

Community, Cross cultural

Getting Started is HERE!

“When will your book be done?”

I have a love/squirm relationship with that question. After sharing a project, the upside is all of the cheerleaders and people who genuinely are excited. On the downside, if you don’t have a definite date to publish, you get to be shifty again and again with, “Oh, I’m working on it.”

And you know if you receive The Messy Middle letters, I first said the book would be written last December, then in January, then March, then April, then in early May it was done and entered the editing and rewriting phase.

Publishing a book can be a lot like having a baby. You know it will happen, you just don’t know exactly when or how the birth process for that baby will be. (Famous line in our family comes from my Grandpa Farley as he was having to reschedule a flight back to Michigan because I was not entering the world at the predicted time. “Now, when don’t know when the baby will be born, do we?” Eternal scream from pregnant woman ensues.)

“Now, we don’t know when the book will be published, do we?” Eternal, oh you get it. But today?

Go ahead, ask me. “When can I buy Getting Started: Making the Most Of Your First Year in Cross-Cultural Service

I’ll try not to smile too big when I say, “Today!!!!!!!”

The lighting isn’t the best in that photo, but it was a Sunday night and the proof copy had arrived that day. I was too impatient to wait for daylight!

Getting Started is on Amazon (both Kindle and print).

This is the fourth time I’ve launched a book and again I feel a bit like I’m saying to you, “Do you like my baby? Will you, my people help raise her? Will you stand with me in the good times and hard? Will you still like me even when she disappoints or does stupid things?”

And all the people said, “We will!”

You might wonder, That’s great, but I’m not sure what to do. What can I do? Here are five ways you can help with this raising of Getting Started:

1. Celebrate! Of course I hope this book sells decently because I truly believe that too often we believe that our stories don’t matter. They do. Getting Started is a traveling companion and guide for those in their first year and the hope is that if the first year goes well (or at least better) than all of the following years will benefit. Even if “the following years” are not on the field.

But if this books sells and I have no one to share it with, what have I gained? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. What is worse than watching sports by yourself and having no one to high-five? Nothing. Okay, there are worse things, but in that moment, it’s pretty low.

I’m high-fiving you! Woot, woot! If you weren’t here, there would be no book. I did it. You encouraged me. We did it. Let’s enjoy this moment.

2. May I boldly suggest, buy a copy of Getting Started? Purchased copies through Amazon are the only way that Amazon will start to recommend Getting Started as an “also bought.”

4. Suggest or give Getting Started to someone you know who is in their first year. The best way a book sells is through word of mouth. If you tell them and they know you, they are much more likely to buy it.

5. Leave a review on Amazon or Goodreads. It does not need to be five stars (though if that’s what your heart is saying, go with your heart!). Amazon is funny, she just likes to see the amount of reviews. The more reviews (even three or four star), the more she will say, “Hey, maybe I should tell other people about this book.” The goal is 75.

6. Tell someone about Getting Started. You know tons of people I don’t know. You know people living in Sweden or working at this church or for that organization. You know your neighbor’s cousin who is moving to Brazil or your former coworker who recently started his life on the field. You know mission committee members and pastors and counselors.

You might be a blogger who would like to interview me or write a review of Getting Started (I can offer a copy as a giveaway). Who could you tell about this book?

///

Three final thoughts:

  • If you want to buy Getting Started in bulk, leave a comment. I will contact you and we can work out a discounted rate.
  • I find authors who only talk about their books tedious. We get it, you wrote a book. How about living a life too?! My bias, I know. Later I’ll share a bit of the journey of this book and wanted to warn you in case you fear that every post is going to be about this book. It’s not. And I’m off to the Minnesota State Fair this weekend! How’s that for living a life :)?
  • Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. If any book is a communal one, this one is. More than 180 people participated in a survey that informs Getting Started and for the first time ever a Launch Team has read the book ahead of time and helped more people be prepared for their first year.

This is not my contribution to the world. It is ours. Look what we’ve done.

Because today is a day of celebration! Leave a comment and I’ll draw three of your names and you can give this book to someone you know—yourself included :). I love this GIF because so often, cross-cultural service is a bit like being in an episode of The Office. High five to us!

http://gph.is/1oU27j9

As we launch this book and wait to see how God will use it, I want to end with the benediction I gave at the end of the acknowledgments:

I thank my God every time I remember you. Philippians 1:3

Love,

Amy

P.S. One last time, here’s the link for Getting Started.

Summer Reading Challenge

Summer Reading Challenge 2019 is Finished!

The day that we have all been longing for is here :)— The end of the Summer 2019 Reading Challenge. Like runners at the end of a race, maybe you have stumbled across the finish line and are now collapsed and gasping for air.

But once you catch your breath, HIGH FIVE TO YOU! You made it! I made it! We made it! On Tuesday as I checked into the gym, I chatted with the front desk gal about what I had going on this week. I mentioned writing this post about the end of our Summer Reading Challenge and told her the goal was 7 books, but that I had read 13 books. A trainer standing next to her looked at me like I am an alien and asked, “Do you have a job?!”

Ha!!! I do. But these challenges help me live into the person I want to be. So, I repeat. HIGH FIVES all around! We made it.

Well, how did it go? Remember, in The Summer Reading Challenge the goal was to read seven books between June 1 and August 16th. You enter for one of the ten $10 Amazon gift cards by leaving a comment on this post. Even if you didn’t read seven, still share what you read! This isn’t really a contest so much as a chance to share and a chance to see how many books we read collectively.

I’m going to put the categories here if you want to cut and paste them into the comments. Also feel free to just list books, whatever works for you.

A Biography
A book I already own
A book a friend recommended
A Young Adult book (YA)
A book with a great cover
A book of poetry
A memoir or autobiography
A graphic novel
A book you might disagree with
A book for professional development (loosely defined)
A book longer than 700 pages (counts as two books)
A book with a verb in the title
A play
A book about a country or culture you have never visite4d
A book about history
A book that won an award
A classic
A novel by an author you have never read before
An audiobook
A book related to a skill
A book with an animal
A book less than 100 pages
A book you want to discuss with others
Self Assigned “Penalty Book” (if you don’t read, subtract two books you read from your total “books read”

A book I already own—The Dark Heart: A True Story of Greed, Murder, and an Unlikely Investigator by Joakim Palmkvist and translated by Agnes Broomé. I bought this either cheap on Kindle or got it free on some international book day deal. I’m the worst about getting books for free and then never reading them. Glad to have read this true crime story.

A book a friend recommended—Fathers and Sons by Ivan Turgenev. This was recommended by my niece Emily who read it in school and my book group in Denver read it in July. He was a contemporary of Tolstoy and  Dostoevsky, but wrote shorter books than they did! Written in 1862 about the 1859 freeing of the serfs. Very readable and generated a lively discussion.

A book with a great cover—Invited: The Power of Hospitality in an Age of Loneliness by Leslie Verner

A book of poetry—Lion Island: Cuba’s Warrior of Words by Margarita Engle. This is a young adult “novel” told through poetry, I did not know such a book existed. Cuba in the 1870s was a combo of Chinese indentured servants escpaing from California, African slaves (and former slaves), and those of Spanish descent. I don’t want to give the story away, but read it!

A graphic novel—Anne of Green Gables: A Graphic Novel by Mariah Marsden and illustrated by Brenna Thummler. This is, hands down the best graphic novel every written. Stay tuned for more in another post.

A book for professional development (loosely defined)—Developing Female Leaders: Navigate the Minefields and Release the Potential of Women in Your Church by Kadi Cole

A book with a verb in the title—Holy Envy: Finding God in the Faith of Others by Barbara Brown Taylor

A book about history—Code Girls: The Untold Story of the American Women Code Breakers of World War II by Liza Mundy

A classic—The Blue Castle by Lucy Maud Montgomery. The Blue Castle is the only book she wrote for grown-ups. Having read the Anne books in the summer as a child, this was a wonderful summer read.

An audiobook—Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

A book related to a skill—How to Write, Edit, and Publish Your Memoir: Advice from a Best-Selling Memoirist by Carolyn Jourdan. (You might recognize her name from Heart in the Right Place.)

A book with an animal—Britt-Marie Was Here: A Novel by Fredrik Bachman has a rat (also made me laugh more than any other book I read this summer!)

Self Assigned “Penalty Book”—Leadership: In Turbulent Times by Doris Kearns Goodwin. I think this is my favorite category because it kicks me in the pants to read a book I otherwise my drag my heels on . . . and then I am grateful and proud of myself for reading it.

///

You can see I didn’t read in every category and I’m drawn to non-fiction more than fiction.

I come back to this not being a contest, if you read four books and that was your goal, great! I just find that I’m more likely to accomplish my goals if I tell people what they are. I would not have read the fantastic Anne of Green Gables graphic novel and I’m 99% sure I would still be intending to read Leadership by Goodwin. Thanks to you, I read both of them.

I can’t wait to see what you’ve been reading. I’ll pick winners next Monday so you have time this weekend to leave a comment.

Thank you for joining in!

Amy

Books I've read (or want to read), Cross cultural, Summer Reading Challenge

You are Invited (and a giveaway!)

Hey friends, this is a brief reminder that the Summer Reading Challenge will end this Friday. On Friday I’ll share what I read and you will have four days to leave a comment sharing what you read to be eligible for one of the ten $10 Amazon gift cards. I can’t wait to see what you’ve read!

What better way to get ready for the end of summer reading that to have a chance to win a book? Leslie and I met a million miles ago in China. We overlapped for five years as she taught in the program I was the director. She and her teammate taught at one of the most remote schools we had teachers. I remember going over all of the new teacher resumes and praying over placement. Single women were always the last to be placed because they were more moveable in options than say, a family of five.

I can still remember placing her at her school in Guyuan and then submitting her resume to the school. That we both ended up in Colorado and writers? A delightful twist of life paths. I love that Leslie and I are still in each others lives and can support each other. Today her book Invited: The Power of Hospitality in an Age of Loneliness is born! When she asked me to endorse her book, I jumped at the chance and said:

“I shudder at the word hospitality because it has been weaponized in Christian circles, especially for women. I wondered if Invited was another veiled shame message pointing out how I was failing yet again. It is not; instead, Leslie Verner breathes on the embers of connection we all long for, offering hope and examples of how you can invite others into your real life and forge life-giving relationships.”

If you like memoirs that nudge, dare I say invite you, to be the better version of yourself you know are possible, this is the book for you. Leslie has graciously given me a copy of Invited to give to one of you. Leave a comment and you’ll be entered to receive a physical, signed copy. (I’ll also sign my endorsement as a bonus. Ha!) If you don’t live in North America, you can enter and win it for someone else. Talk about hospitality!

Don’t you love this cover:

To give you a flavor of what you’ll find, here are four simple ways to show hospitality from Leslie:

1. Say no.

“Sorry, I’m too busy/have too much going on/already have plans …” are common refrains in American society. One way to show hospitality is to say no to busyness and frantic living. When we say no to another lesson, sport, or activity for our kids or ourselves, we reserve time in our lives for spontaneous hospitality and unplanned connection with people. 

What happens when we step into slowness and retain a buffer in our schedules reserved for relationship, rest, and wonder? We begin to notice the living, breathing souls right around us. We have time for them. We may even get to know their names, feel known, and start to feel less lonely ourselves. 

2. Say yes.

It’s easier for me to offer hospitality than to receive hospitality from others. As we risk the discomfort of giving up control, we learn the humility necessary for relationships to start. Has someone asked you into their life recently? What did you say? 

When we refuse busyness, we’ll have more opportunities to say yes to pausing on the sidewalk to chat with a neighbor. We might have more energy to invite someone over spontaneously or ask someone to meet us at a park or outdoor concert. Clearing away the extraneous clutter in our lives leaves space for us to say yes when God nudges us to ask, invite, or welcome outside our comfort levels.

3. Respect the Zone of Hospitality.

I stumbled on an article recently meant for hotel staff, but have begun to apply it to my own life. It describes the “10 and 5 Staff Rule.” The rule goes like this: If you pass within ten feet of someone, called the “zone of hospitality,” you make eye contact and “warmly smile” at a person. When you are within five feet of them, this smile is accompanied by a greeting or some kind of gesture of acknowledgment. 

While it seems obvious (and visits to the south prove the regional nature of the head nod, steering-wheel-finger-wave, and vocal greeting), I’ve started doing this here in Colorado. Mostly, I greet the people I pass on my runs. I often think to myself, What if I’m the only person who smiles at them or acknowledges them all day long? Some days, hospitality looks like a simple smile and a head nod to a stranger. 

4. Just Invite.

Admittedly, mustering up the nerve to put ourselves out there and risk rejection is the hardest part of hospitality. But the truth is that it takes very little effort on our part to send a text to someone we’ve been wanting to get to know. We pull out our phones, swipe to our text messaging app, and tap out: “Hey! Can you come over sometime?” And then we worry about the details when “sometime” comes around.

P.S. See you Friday for the Summer Reading Challenge Wrap-up. Don’t forget to leave a comment and you might win Invited!

Book, Summer Reading Challenge

Join “Getting Started” Launch Team

Hello friends and happy August to you!

My book Getting Started: Making the Most of Your Frist Year in Cross-Cultural Service is almost ready for release. (Wild clapping and cheering and tears of joy!)

One of the advantages of being an independent author is that I do not have the same type of pressure that traditionally published authors have for a big push the week their book is released. Best-seller lists and numbers of books sold can mean life or death of a book for traditionally published authors. While my books do not have that kind of pressure, I still need your help.

I’m excited to share the cover:

For the first time ever, I am organizing a launch team and inviting YOU to help launch Getting Started into the world! You can join the team by answering a few short questions. (Click here)

Here is what on endorser said: “Every person’s first year of transitioning abroad is challenging, full of unexpected cultural, emotional, interpersonal, and spiritual navigation. While it is easy to question your ‘fit’ for the field, Amy’s storytelling and research will affirm that you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be. Allow Amy to comfort you with her entertaining experiences and her refreshing honesty!” Lauren Pinkston, Cofounder of Wearthy

What’s involved?

If accepted to the launch team, here’s the fun to you get to join in:

  1. You will receive an advanced copy of “Getting Started: Making the Most of Your First Year in Cross-Cultural Service” and will agree to leave an honest review on Amazon and Goodreads (no obligation for five stars!).
  2. You will be added to a closed Facebook group that will be open for four weeks: two weeks before launch, two weeks of launching Getting Started.
  3. Share as you want — on social media, with an organization you know, on your blog, whatever feels right to you.
  4. Share in the joy of helping hundreds (really thousands) get the most out of their first year on the field :).
  5. Have my eternal gratitude!

I am excited to share this journey with YOU! Join now and don’t miss out on the fun.

Thanks! Amy

P.S. The Summer Reading Challenge will end a week from Friday (on August 16th). I have about fifty pages left on Leadership: In Turbulent Times by Doris Kearns Goodwin, a graphic novel to finish, and a young adult book planned. How’s it going for you?

Books I've read (or want to read), Summer Reading Challenge

It’s here! Summer Reading Challenge 2019

Calling all readers, it is a day of rejoicing because the Summer Reading Challenge 2019 is here! If you can believe it, this is the fourth summer of the challenge.

Like a kid pouring over the toy catalog in days gone by, I’ve chatted with family members, dreamed about books, and looked for ways to expand the reading challenge. Today, I  am excited today to reveal this summer’s reading challenge!

It will start on June 1  and run through August 16, 2019. To enter, read seven books from 24 categories. Along the way, I’ll touch base and have several book giveaways planned.

What is different?

  • For fun, I scrapped the previous reading challenge and created a fresh one for us.
  • Many categories will be similar because reading is reading. But you will notice a few new gems —an audiobook, a book with a verb in the title, a book under 100 pages. People, I love this challenge so much I almost added more book as I wrote this paragraph. I need help!
  • This year if you do not read your “penalty” book, you will subtract two books from your total (last year we were only docked one book).

What is the same?

  • Counting a book of more than 700 pages as two books.
  • Choosing a penalty book within the first week of the year. A penalty book or category you will read or be penalized. Last year I picked The Bully Pulpit: Theodore Roosevelt and the Golden Age of Journalism, as my penalty book at it worked! I finally read a book I had planned for at least three years to read. My intention is strong and will weak. And I am all the richer for reading it. I even blogged about Ten Takeaways from The Bully Pulpit.
  • More fun categories than ever!

What’s in it for you?

  • All who comment on August 16-19th with the names of the books they read will be entered to win one of ten $10 Amazon gift cards.

Drumroll . . . here are the categories!

  • A Biography
  • A book I already own
  • A book a friend recommended
  • A Young Adult book (YA)
  • A book with a great cover
  • A book of poetry
  • A memoir or autobiography
  • A graphic Novel
  • A book you might disagree with
  • A book for professional development (loosely defined)
  • A book longer than 700 pages (counts as two books)
  • A book with a verb in the title
  • A play
  • A book about a country or culture you have never visited
  • A book about history
  • A book that won an award
  • A classic
  • A novel by an author you have never read before
  • An audiobook
  • A book related to a skill
  • A book recommended by someone you know
  • A book with an animal
  • A book less than 100 pages
  • A book You want to discuss with others

My penalty book is: Leadership: In Turbulent Times by Doris Kearns Goodwin

Download the 2019 SUMMER READING CHALLENGE, print it off, and track your progress. But most of all, have fun and read books you might not read in other times of the year!

~~~

In short: Read seven books from June 1 to August 16, 2019.

Are you in? What books are you looking forward to reading during the challenge?

Photo by Leah Kelley from Pexels

Holiday, Messier than normal

Beyond the surface of mothering

 

Love pushes us to see beyond the surface. The messy middle is made with stories where we see ourselves and people we know. People who

Like Eve, have children with serious rivalry.

Like Hagar, have been discarded for a new family and are mothering alone.

Like Naomi, have tasted the bitterness of a child’s death.

Like the mother of Leah and Rachel, knows what it’s like to have one child favored over another by society.

Like Hannah, have been separated from your child at a young age.

Like Mary, have a complicated pregnancy story or

Like Tamar, have tried multiple ways to become a mother or

Like Rachel, have counted the months and years while other women in your family and circle of friends become pregnant.

Who like Rebekah, are drawn to one of your children more than the others.

Like David’s mother, is raising children after God’s heart and though you rejoice in watching them, don’t want to rub it in friends’ faces.

Like Ham’s mother have children whose substance abuse can cause problems.

Like Bathsheba, have sick children who may die.

Like Joseph and Benjamin, experienced the death of their mother.

Like Mary, have children with public legal situations and all you can do is watch.

Like the Shunammite woman when told by Elisha she would become pregnant, replied, “No, please do not mislead your servant!” Like her, not wanting to open doors to hope, only to have them slammed in your face.

Like Hannah, have known the provoking of a family member.

Like many, watched their mothers age and waste before their eyes.

Like Moses’ mother, reluctantly gave up her child because it wasn’t safe for you to bring her child up herself. Or

Who like Pharaoh’s daughter, were called to love and nurture children that weren’t yours by birth.

Like Timothy’s mother and grandmother, are steadily and without much fanfare or recognition teaching your children about the truths of God, sowing seeds for eternity

Like the unnamed women who never quite fit into the norms of society, either never marrying or having children, yet wanting to.

You are in our midst. 

We are called to be a people who rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. A full life holds both.

~~~

More of the story. PDF of this.

Book, Books I've read (or want to read)

Three “T” Reasons to Read “The Tea Girl”

Since I lived in China, many assume it was China that turned me into a tea drinker. It wasn’t.

I became a tea drinker in 1991. My friend Kim moved to Scotland after college and part of her job was to visit the elderly from the church in their homes. One of them asked me, “Do you take your tea with milk or sugar?” They assumed I drank tea and it seemed easier to say, “Milk,” than to claim not to be a tea drinker. And the rest is history. To this day, I love tea and drink it with milk.

Lisa See will be familiar to many because of her modern classic Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. In October my American book group read her recent book The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane. While everyone enjoyed it, it was clear I enjoyed it more than the others, making me think other China hands might enjoy it too.

Amazon describes Tea Girl this way:

In their remote mountain village, Li-yan and her family align their lives around the seasons and the farming of tea. For the Akha people, ensconced in ritual and routine, life goes on as it has for generations—until a stranger appears at the village gate in a jeep, the first automobile any of the villagers has ever seen. The stranger’s arrival marks the first entrance of the modern world in the lives of the Akha people. Slowly, Li-yan, one of the few educated girls on her mountain, begins to reject the customs that shaped her early life. When she has a baby out of wedlock—conceived with a man her parents consider a poor choice—she rejects the tradition that would compel her to give the child over to be killed, and instead leaves her, wrapped in a blanket with a tea cake tucked in its folds, near an orphanage in a nearby city.

I do not tend to read much fiction, so if you are like me hopefully the description intrigues you. But if you’re still not sure, here are the three “T” reasons I recommend The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane:

  • The Time Line
  • The Topics Covered
  • The Tea Culture

The Time Line

Written in five parts, The Tea Girl covers these time frames—1988-1990, 1994-1996, 1996-2006, 2007-2008, and 2012-2016. Starting in a remote village among the Akha people, the reader meets a people group that could be described as primitive, not just traditional when compared to other parts of China. In the early section, the reader encounters beliefs related to appeasing the spirit world that may disturb most readers.  It reminds those of us interested in China that 1988 was not that long ago. As the story moves through time, the reader is introduced to characters in Hong Kong, California, and other parts of China. You see again how rapidly China changed and developed. The recent changes in China might feel extreme (because they are extreme), but the pace at which they have come is not all that different than the pace of change the last thirty years; it is the direction the change seems to be going that has caught our attention.

The Topics Covered

As I reviewed and made notes of the topics covered, I was startled by how many See stuffed into one book. Then I realized, “Hey, the same could be said of my China experience.” And probably of yours. The Tea Girl considers the complex topic of foreign adoption from both the China (birth mother) and, in this case, American (adoptive family) side. Hayley, the adopted daughter, and child of one of the main characters, loves her adoptive family but has many questions about her birth culture and story. Her response to her adoption is not the “I’m so grateful to be adopted!” story and this unfolds as we watch her adoptive parents navigate parenting her. See weaves in multiple adoptee experiences, broadening the often one-dimensional portrayal of adoption.

In addition, The Tea Girl includes marriage and widowhood at a young age, finding work in Guangzhou, the growing gap between the poverty many minorities experience and the explosion of the billionaires among the Han and Hong Kong businessmen, the tensions between traditional and modern culture, marriage markets run by parents of aging singles, and the debate between western versus Chinese medicine. I bet the potpourri of topics mirrors your China experience too.

The Tea Culture

Though I have consumed thousands of cups of tea in China, I did not know much about the tea culture beyond rinsing the leaves in boiling water.  The Pu’er tea industry seemed to explode out of nowhere when I lived in China. Though too extensive to go into depth in this review, I enjoyed the tea aspect of the book because See included enough details to help the reader know more than rinsing the leaves in boiling water without bogging them down in technical minutiae. Tea became a character in its own right in this novel and any China hand worth her weight in tea leaves will be glad to understand the tea culture better.

One More “T” Comment

The primary negative comment from my book group is that the ending was too tidy. After going on an epic journey with the characters, the ending wrapped up all loose ends, leaving nothing to wonder for the reader. I so enjoyed the Chinese culture part of the book, I forgave and overlooked the wham bam feeling of the ending. But I wanted to warn you and hope you will pick up a copy of The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane by Lisa See. Overlook the ending, pour yourself a cup of Pu’er tea, and enjoy reading The Tea Girl.

 

A version of this first appeared on the China Source blog

Book, Faith

Who is the True You? {And a giveaway!}

I first met Michelle years ago when I was new to blogging and leaving comments like a crazy woman all over the web, clearly flirting with both making friends and being the person people ran from. Ha! Thankfully Michelle realized a sane person was beneath all my crazy. We have been on similar, yet different paths as authors. Michelle got an agent and has been traditionally published, while the doors that opened for me were in the independent publishing world. Thankfully, both are wonderful ways for books to come to life.

This is not Michelle’s first time here at The Messy Middle. A couple of years ago I interviewed her for her book Katharina and Martin Luther: The Radical Marriage of a Runaway Nun and a Renegade Monk. Michelle has a new book out, so of course, I wanted to chat with her about it!

Meet the author of this amazing book . . . Michelle DeRusha

Michelle, we are so glad you are here today. I love to hear where the idea for a book came from.

Could you share a bit of how you got the idea for this book?

The idea was actually sparked during a family vacation to Oregon a couple of summers ago. We visited the Portland Japanese Garden, where our tour guide explained a particular Japanese pruning technique called “open center pruning.” She talked about how removing so many of a tree’s branches and limbs allowed the “inner essence” of the tree to be revealed. This, she explained, created a sense of openness, space and tranquility, not just within the individual trees themselves but in the garden as a whole.

I couldn’t get that pruning image out of my head, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that open center pruning could be a powerful practice for our spiritual lives as well. As we slowly prune away the extraneous bits of ourselves — the parts that detract from who we really are and who God created us to be — we will begin to flourish and live into a new openness and spaciousness in our lives and in our faith. I wrote a blog post about the metaphor of open center pruning not long after we got back from our trip, but I still couldn’t shake the image. It aligned so well with some of what I had been reading at the time — Richard Rohr, Henri Nouwen, Ruth Haley Barton, for example — that I began to entertain the idea of a book. Two years later, that original blog post about my trip to the Portland Japanese Garden grew into True You.

Wow. I can see why you couldn’t shake that image!

How did you research and prepare to write True You?

It really was a slow process. Over a period of a couple of years, I had been compiling notes from my reading into journals. At one point I went back and read through the journals cover to cover and realized that I had been chewing on some of the ideas for this book for a long, long time – there were some clear themes threaded through my own writing and reflected in what I was reading. I went through my journals and highlighted all the quotes and my own thoughts that pertained to the topic of true versus false self, and I realized I had a ton of research and information. So it was a matter of culling through it, organizing it and figuring out what I wanted to include in the book.

The writing of this book was a much more contemplative, reflective process than my previous books. It was slow going, because I first had to figure out how the Holy Spirit was leading me and the wisdom the Spirit was imparting to me about my own relationship with God, and then I had to try to make those insights applicable and accessible to others. Even though True You has a lot of my story in it, I really do hope that the themes and message are universal.

What is your writing process?

I do my best creative work in the morning, so after I get my kids off to school and the house somewhat in order (one of my quirks is that I need to have uncluttered surfaces around me – like the kitchen counters, the coffee table and my desk — before I get to work. A “clean” workspace helps makes for an uncluttered head…or that’s what I hope for anyway!), I usually go for a short run or a walk, shower and get dressed, and then am at my desk by 9 a.m. or so. I try to do about 3 to 3.5 hours of writing before I break for lunch. I work two days a week for The Salvation Army, so the other three days a week are my writing days. I try to write in the morning and then revise and edit in the afternoon before I leave to pick up my kids from school at 3 p.m. Truth be told, I prefer revising and editing over actual writing; polishing a piece is more fun and so much less fraught for me! The “blank screen” is the WORST.

(This is Amy, I love hearing about your writing process because it is so different than mine! And two weeks ago at the Writers on the Rock Conference, Philip Yancey said the same thing! He finds writing hard but loves the research and editing phases.)

(I’m going to babble first and then get to my question.) Michelle, I think we are drawn to similar subjects and ideas! I have been taken with the idea of “The Language of Eden” for years. We are so good at speaking “Eden Lost,” we forget it is not our native tongue. With Lent, I was thinking that True You might be an ideal (if unconventional) Lent read. I was looking at the description of True You and this part caught my eye:

“Similarly, we begin to flourish as we let go of ourfalse selves and allow God to prune us open. Michelle DeRusha helps readers:

– learn how to declutter their hearts, minds, and souls through the practice of directed rest

– let go of busyness, striving, and false identities to embrace their truest selves as beloved children of God

– grow in their relationships, vocations, communities, and intimacy with God”

Back to Amy and my question. Often people will fast during Lent, with sugar or caffeine commonly chosen. But I was thinking, what if people gave up busyness or striving or false identifies for Lent. Well, what if people try to :)! Knowing we will fail, yet God will meet us even in our daily (hourly?! minutely!!!) failings? So, my question is, what ideas or suggestions do you have for someone who would like to fast from busyness, striving, or false identities?

That’s such a good question, and I LOVE the idea of fasting from busyness, striving or false identities as a Lenten discipline (I’m actually doing a social media fast this year for Lent). My advice would be to find a few minutes – even just five or ten minutes a day – to sit in silence, stillness and solitude. Silence has been a critical aspect of my ongoing journey toward uncovering my true, God-created self. We live in an incredibly noisy culture, and even when we do have downtime, we tend to fill it with more noise: social media, technology, social activities, etc. Silence makes many of us anxious because we are unaccustomed to it, and so we endeavor to fill even our smallest slices of quiet time with distraction.

God will reveal the parts of ourselves that are false, the parts of us that are not aligned with him, but often, we can’t hear from him because our lives are too noisy and too busy. I say in True You that our minds need time and space to catch up with what our souls already know. In order to begin to even identify the false parts of ourselves, we need to be quiet enough and still enough to hear the whisper of the Holy Spirit speaking deep in our souls. So integrating a daily practice of intentional rest into our every day would be one way to begin to quiet the clatter of our hearts, minds, and souls. As I write in the book, this period of intentional rest doesn’t need to be long – I’m not talking a whole day squirreled away in a monastery at a silent retreat (though that would be lovely!). Five minutes is a great place to start, and you will be amazed what even five minutes, practiced regularly over time, can do for your physical, mental and spiritual health.

Michelle, I’ve really enjoyed our chat! And I imagine the readers have too.

If you would like to be entered to win a signed copy of True You, leave a comment (about anything!). What stood out to you in the interview? What gets in the way of you being your true self? What are you reading for Lent? Do you practice silence, stillness, and solitude? What does that look like for you?

P.S. If the winner happens to not like in North America, I’ll get you a kindle copy and draw a second name. :)

Faith, Family, Grief

I’m glad we told him {don’t wait!}

Today marks the five-year-anniversary of Dad’s death. Days like today seem a bit like “time binoculars,” bringing an event or a person into crisp detail. Or, if you look through the other side, making the same person minute and hard to see.

If I close my eyes, we are gathered around his bed and have just made the decision to cancel our appointment with a funeral home, sensing his time on earth was drawing to an end. We, his tribe of women, lined his bed, all wanting to be equally near him and each other. And then the silence. Was it a long paused between breaths or had he died? In a few moments we knew, he was no longer with us.

If I open my eyes, and root myself in this current year and think of all the events and common days he has missed, it feels like he has been gone forever. Surely Dad was here when my books were published. Surely Dad was here when this life forming event happened to a family member. Surely he has seen Niece One drive and Niece Two learning to drive and Niece Three already in high school marching band and Niece Four becoming a sports fan. Surely he knows that Laura has become a voice over talent and Elizabeth (and Del) are preparing to launch their first and are now college tour experts. Surely he has seen how well his bride has navigated life without him. Not because he isn’t missed every day, but because he prepared her, and us, so well for the potential of his not being here.

How has he missed out on so much? How?

At Christmas time I was digging around in the piano bench and found one of the last birthday presents we gave him, a word cloud describing Tom Young through our eyes. Using Word It Out (free word cloud software), we let him know how we saw him.

As you can see, it’s not fancy. I printed it—free “Word it out” logo too—on brown paper, bought a cheap matte, and then lined the top and bottom with craft paper we had. While it could look so much more professional or Pinterest or Instagram worthy or whatever, can I tell you, five years out from the last time we held Dad’s hand, I do not care one hoot about how homemade it looks. I am flooded with gratitude that we moved beyond intention to action and made this for him.

As I read it and try to remember who said which word, I smile because this list captures him well. The depth, randomness, and playfulness of the words are an accurate picture of Tom Young. I’m fairly certain, “Knows me well” was added by one of his granddaughters, which brings tears to my eyes. What a legacy, to know your grandchildren! Some words or phrases are family jokes or lines, and today they are balloon memories, floating around giving me a place to focus. “Speaker of TA Hua” refers to the Chinese word “hua” which is a language or dialect. My dad was a native speaker of his own language, always making sense to himself, yet sometimes we needed him to translate from TA Hua into English. With a chuckle, he always did.

I am so grateful that while we had the time, we told him what he meant to our family. In those last minutes on earth when his body was fading, his mind so foggy, and his race done, on a deep soul level he knew. He knew who he was and he knew he was loved and he knew he could go peacefully.

We saw him as (a):

Christ-follower

Chuckle-y

Brother

Native (Coloradan)

Baby Penguin

Broncos fan

Playful

Caring

Grandpa

Son

Gentle

Husband

Dedicated

Great at math

Intelligent

Engineer

Humorous

Waffle Dancer

Elder

Father

P.E. (Professional Engineer)

Kind

Knows me well

Smart

Cheerful

Logical

Helpful

Gifted Napper

High spirited

Speaker of TA Hua

Cuddly Shark

Sudouker-er

Loving

Dad, you were all that and more. And today we miss and celebrate and love you.

Amy on behalf of your people :)

P.S. Here are a few of the posts I’ve written on other anniversaries of Dad’s death.

The Paradox of Life and Death

Sunday is our “Quantum Leap”

The Downside of doing your good deeds in private

This is our passion week

 

 

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