The Messy Middle

where grace and truth reside

You are here: Home / Archives for Personality

Personality, The Church Year

To prepare or to wing it? That is the question.

Part of this soul orientation (or reorientation) to the church calendar was motivated by my need to have a different clock chiming in my soul. I think it’s working.

I found myself saying, “I can’t believe it’s already the second week of Advent. Where is the year going?”

Whining about time is a good sign. Right?!

Last week we talked about the role of active waiting when it comes to Advent. This week, the Advent theme in The Circle of Seasons by Kimberlee Conway Ireton is “prepare.”

Advent also means He is coming BACK

“Preparation involves paying attention.” As I meditated on this, I wondered how I usually prepare for something. Here’s what I noticed about preparation and me:

  1. Ninety-nine percent of the time, I’m the kind of person who prepares WAY head of time. Last minutes doesn’t motivate me; that lovely warm feeling of a task being done far before it needs to be, now that gets me off my behind.
  2. Except … when it comes to packing. I’ve been known to start actually packing for an international trip an hour before I leave for the airport. Why this one area? I don’t know. But I think we all have inconsistencies :).
  3. I mostly get everything worked out in my mind and then it’s easy to put a plan into motion.
  4. Overall, I like the feeling of being prepared.

What I’m less clear, is what this has to do with me and being prepared for Christ coming back. So, this week, I’m going to tune in to where I notice I am preparing or am prepared for something. As I notice, I’m going to see what patterns emerge and if they mean anything.

///

This week we have the treat of hearing from Britta on the relationship between preparing and peace:

 

When I was a little girl, I hated to get ready for bed. Maybe I didn’t want the day to end. Maybe I didn’t want to miss anything. Whatever the reason, I lived in denial of the fact that time would run out on me.

Every night, I was supposed to have a bath, brush my teeth, and go to bed by certain time. And every night, I waited until the last possible second to get ready for bed. My pre-bedtime routine was scant, to say the least, and my kids never get bored by the stories.

For instance, if I was running late, I had a clever technique to trick my parents: I would splash water on myself, throw on my PJ’s and put some toothpaste on my tongue. I could get “ready for bed” in 30 seconds flat. The fact that I grew up to be a dental hygienist is an irony that never escapes me.

Unfortunately for me, my speedy routine didn’t always work. Even 30 seconds was too long, sometimes. I can remember watching Happy Days and Laverne and Shirley up to the very last minute, then running upstairs with my Daddy’s heavy footfalls on the steps, close behind me. I think I got a spanking almost every night, for two years straight. I know my parents were amazed at my consistency. Looking back, I am amazed at theirs.

Preparation and peace go hand in hand.

As a grown up, I do best when I prepare ahead. At night, I like to make sure the countertops are empty of mail, books, papers, and dishes before bed. I fold the throw blankets and put the pillows back in place on the sofa. When we wake in the morning, our home is neat and orderly (on most days). If I need to go somewhere, I try to get ready early and leave myself 10 extra minutes for the kids to grab a snack or for me to find my phone. I have learned that I am more at peace, when I am better prepared.

Advent reminds us to be prepared for the return of Jesus. Sometimes the wait seems too long. Sometimes the world seems too lost. Jesus knows how people tend to get discouraged, so He said:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

John 14:27, NIV

We don’t find peace as the world finds peace—we know that real peace only comes from knowing Jesus. Did you notice that the theme for this week builds on the theme from the last week?

Preparation and peace come when we are actively waiting, by living in hope.

Is Jesus the reason for your hope and peace? Are you prepared to meet Him? In spite of all the turmoil going on in the world, remember where your hope lies!

///

How about you? What kind of preparer are you? How are peace and preparation related for you?

Image Copyright: artphotoclub / 123RF Stock Photo

Faith, Learning lessons, Personality, Relationships

What Are You Giving Yourself To?

I heard about Armed With Truth from my friend Emily. I’ll probably never get a “real” tattoo for three reasons:

  1. Have you met me? I change my mind all the time. I can’t think of what I’d want to be on me until I die. So, instead of overthinking it, I’m moving on.
  2. Having lived in China at a time when tattoos were associated with criminals and less educated people, having a tattoo, for me, wasn’t an issue I wanted to invest my energy on. Saving my energy for issues I really care about, like women in ministry.
  3. Some people look like they are trying too hard to be cool. I don’t need to try that hard. Ha!

Clearly, I don’t care deeply about tattoos. But when the option for rub-on tattoos came and it combined with with scripture, I was intrigued. And now I’m a fan!  I can’t imagine which ONE scripture I’d permanently put on a prominent place so I could see it and be reminded to pray. The beauty of Armed with Truth is that they last about two weeks. Long enough for me to meditate on it in different contexts, but short enough I don’t weary of it.

1 Corinthians 1558

At first with this one, I focused on the “stand firm” part. Let nothing move you. Nothing. Then I moved on to the next phrase. Look at the “extreme” language used of always and fully. Normally those words are triggers for me and ruffle my feathers. If you’ve heard me speak about ANTS —Automatic Negative Thoughts— you know one of the most common is to use extreme language. Always, never, no one, everyone, never. Instead of using of using them for limited situations (e.g. everyone in my immediate family is right-handed), we speak in sweeping extreme generalities (e.g. all Broncos fans are smart … you can see why people like to use them!).

So, I perk up when I hear extreme language to see how it is being used.

Always give yourself fully to the work of the Lord.

For eight days straight as I stared at this, I was so focused on always and fully, I missed what we give ourselves to.

The work of the Lord.

The work. Not the results. I don’t mind working hard if I know it will result in something I deem worthy of my effort.

Here is the mysterious part of God: we give ourselves fully to the work, trusting it will not be in vain.

The life of faith isn’t about guarantees, but it does involve promises. 

I know, wrap your head around that. We give ourselves fully to the work of the Lord. Your work may involve load after load of laundry. Or it might involve sermon prep or hospital visits. You might be volunteering at a homeless shelter or nursing a sick kid. Whatever it is, we are to give ourselves fully to the work and trust the results to God.

You may not see yourself as a tattoo person (or too cool for “silly rub-on” tattoos). So be it. But I’d encourage you to find a way to weave scripture into your world in such a way that clicks with your personality and allows you time and space to let it soak deep.

What work are you giving yourself to this week? What stands out to you in this verse?

Community, Faith, Personality

Are You Too Much? Or Not Enough?

What’s going on in your head?

Okay, this wasn’t my proudest moment, but if I can’t tell you the truth about these moments, I’m left with a falsified version where I come off as better, kinder than I am.

You are enough

About 18 months ago Beth, one of the founders of Self Talk The Gospel, reached out to me and asked if they could use something I’d written for Self Talk The Gospel. I checked out the website and said “Sure, that would be wonderful!” What I thought was, “What in the world hippie new age name is Self Talk The Gospel.” 

Often when I’m contacted about using a piece I’ve written, it’s a once and done. But Beth is unique and sought to foster a relationship. She asked about using several other posts and if I’d be interested in writing for Self Talk The Gospel. Why let a wonky name get in the way of a good working relationship, one I sensed could become a friendship?

And this, this is the power of words.

The more I said Self Talk The Gospel, the more I got it. I got the power of it. I’m going to be talking to myself, you’re going to be talking to yourself. The question is, what are we self-talking about?

This summer I read Brene’ Brown’s most recent book Rising Strong. The subtitle is “the reckoning, the rumble, the revolution.” The cover also says, “If we are brave enough, often enough, we will fall. This is a book about what it takes to get back up.”

One part that stood out to me involves what we do in the middle of a story. Let’s say you:

  • Have a tiff with one of your kids as they go off to school or
  • Write a private Facebook message and the other person doesn’t respond and you’re left feeling like your hanging or
  • Call your spouse at work and they seem annoyed to hear from you

You could see all of these happening, right? Because they are at the intersection of Normal and Life. So, the story has started, but it’s not resolved. It’s normal to play out what will happen next and envision how the story will end. Most of us finish our stories with some version of “not enough.”

  • A better mom wouldn’t fight with her kids.
  • She didn’t like what I said.
  • I’m a nuisance and when I interrupt people I bother them.

I thought through how I finish stories. Here we get to my light bulb moment. It was one of those

OH MY WORD.

Really?

Is that what I think?

My version isn’t “I’m not enough,” my version is “I’m too much and I need to dial it back.” Start listening to how you express yourself both in your head and how you promote yourself to others.

I am a bit seasick over how consistent this message is in me. I asked a friend to review a piece I’d written and this is a direct quote: “Is this too hand waving? Is it too much?” I almost never ask if I need to add more umph, instead I ask if I need to tone me down.  I was telling another friend about a job I had left and said, “If I had just been less, maybe all this crap wouldn’t have happened.” A friend doesn’t reply to a text and I think, “Oh my word, I’ve gone too far.” Too much, been less, gone too far.

Now please hear two points of clarification:

One, there is a need to read situations and to moderate ourselves. This is called wisdom and maturity. You can sense the difference between being wise and having a false tape going, right?

Two, when I told my friend “if I had just been less” she saw the danger I was flirting with and loving said, “You are not too much, you are abundant. That is the truth about you. There is so much in you, so I don’t want any less of you, so don’t start doing that please.” (This was in a Voxer message, so I re-listened to it, that’s how I got the exact wording. Isn’t that a blessing?).

The heart of the gospel isn’t “you need to be more” or “you need to be less” it is “you are enough.”

You are enough–because you are made in the Image of God.

You are enough–because any and all and forever your sins are covered by Jesus.

You are enough–because you are abundant.

This is why we need to Self Talk The Gospel. The middle of our stories need to be infused with the gospel, not the false gospel of not-enough or too-much, but the life giving gospel of

  • You are enough in your mothering and your child loves you and they will not need therapy in the future from that one interaction.
  • You are enough in your friendships and when you friend reads your message he or she will smile at how witty you are.
  • You are enough in your marriage and your spouse feels so comfortable with you he or she can be real with you. He had been holding in his annoyance and putting on a false face. She needed the outlet of a real emotion.

Can you taste the power of the gospel infused into the intersection of Normal and Life. Sure, the Lofty and Special need the gospel too, but that’s not where we live. I have grown to love the name Self Talk The Gospel and irony of ironies, find myself using the language, “Amy, Self Talk The Gospel. What are you saying to yourself? Is it the gospel? Or a false message?”

Slowly, slowly, my self-talk is more and more sprinkled with the gospel and the ways God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit can enter a story and change the ending. And that, my friends, is good news!

How about you? Mid-story, do you tend to be not-enough? Or too-much?

A version of this first was first on Self Talk The Gospel

Community, Faith, Personality, Velvet Ashes

4 Areas You Are Disconnected and God’s Response

The theme at Velvet Ashes this week is “Connect” and we’ve launched our fall Connection Groups — which is like a small group for cross-cultural workers. This post first appeared on Velvet Ashes, but it’s one we all need.

*****

 

You have been there. I know this without us ever discussing it.

The maddening frustration of a poor phone or Skype connection. What? I’m sorry, I missed that. You said something about Jason? I think I missed every other word.

Static.

What? What? ARGHHHHH.

So why do we still do it?  Because connection matters.

Where are you

There is a world of difference between partial connection or poor connection and actual connection. 

I’m afraid you might think this post is a veiled attempt to push Connection Groups and you’ve either already signed up or decided this fall isn’t a good time for you, so why keep reading? Right now I’ll tell you how little I care about Connection Groups and how much I care about you connecting to God. To yourself. To others.

God is the God of Connection. He is the God who is going to keep pursuing you to be connected in the most holistic, holy way. We have become so used to disconnection, we don’t even realize it wasn’t meant to be our norm.

And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.

We call it The Fall, but after meditating and preparing for the post, I’m inclined to call it The Disconnection. They hid. What more is hiding than disconnecting? Disconnection started with being disconnected from God but it didn’t end there. It also includes:

Disconnection from ourselves. Nathan told David a story and it ended with this line: “You are that man.” In an instant David saw how very disconnected he had become from himself, from his values, from the way he wanted to interact and lead. Did he fail again? Yes. But in that instance, God reconnected him back to himself.

Disconnection from nature. I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten (Joel 2:25). Some of you live in crowded, dirty, removed from nature places. Some of you live in places where the pollution is approaching natural disaster levels. Some of you live in beautiful places made unbeautiful by military presence. Swarming Locust is not an image of connection, is it? 

Disconnected from others. After being disconnected from God, Adam and Eve each experienced disconnection by pointing outside of themselves. The woman you gave me …. The serpent deceived me. This is the first documented case of “divide and conquer.” Because relationships are so important to God and his triune nature, much space is given in the Bible to the ways we are disconnected from each other. I could have included multiple examples in most of the following categories, showing that they are not anomalies.

  • Siblings: Cain and Abel
  • Spouses with normal whack-a-doodle disconnection: Moses and Sarah (What wife? She’s my sister.)
  • Spouses with downright enmity and lying: Issac and Rebekah
  • Parent/child: Jacob thinking Joseph was dead for years
  • With in-laws: Judah and Tamar
  • Friends: Job and his friends
  • Friendship with God: Jesus and Peter (“Get thee behind me Satan” and “Was that a rooster I hear?” It encourages me that more than one of these interactions between Peter and Jesus is included in the Bible.)
  • Teammates: Paul and Barnabas over John Mark
  • Separated by distance: Due to his travels, Paul with friends sprinkled all over Asia
  • Within a religious tradition: Pharisees, Sadducees, Zealots, and Essenes

Disconnected from God. Disconnected from ourselves. Disconnected from nature. Disconnected from others. If that’s where the story ended, then yes, I’d be pushing Connection Groups to distance us from this pain.

But here is the stunning part: when presented with disconnection, God didn’t turn his back, no, he made a gesture of connection.

But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?”

Where are you?  Disconnection was never meant to be our story so God started rewriting it immediately. Right now you may be swimming in a stream of disconnection. Feeling disconnected from God, from yourself, from the culture you live in, from your children, from your family, from what you thought your life or ministry would look like, from your spouse, from your teammates, even from your hope.

Or you may be feeling the mighty rush of connection and have to stop from talking to yourself in public you’re so happy (I didn’t realize people don’t talk to themselves until I got asked one too many times who I was talking to.) or singing or bouncing or baking cookies and handing them out.

Here is the heart of the gospel for all, no matter whether you are in the Valley of the Shadow of Death, on The Mountain Top, or on the Plains of the Ordinary, God is lovingly asking, Where are you? So he can meet you there.

Do I want you to sign up for a Connection Group? Of course I do :). But I’d also like for all of you to become raving Denver Broncos fans (the best American football team on the planet) and know that might not be what’s best for you.

In my heart as I have prayed over this post, and I know the rest of the Velvet Ashes Team stands with me on this, what we hope is that this week has stirred afresh in you how much God loves you and wants connection for you. You are not forgotten or expendable. You are loved and seen. God can handle any answer you give to Where are you, he’ll meet you there.

Where are you?

Community, Faith, Family, Personality

Love is more than grand gestures (and that’s good news!)

Grand gestures are great when it comes to love. But grand gestures are not the neighborhood love lives in. Grand gestures are the vacations spots of love. Wonderful to visit. Necessary in life. Fun to remember and dream of.

Love lives in the ordinary. Love lives in the day-to-day. Love lives in the little. I bring you three exhibits from last week.

Love woven in

Exhibit A:

I was having lunch with a friend and said that my mom’s love language is time.

Tracking with me, he nodded and said, “Oh, quality time.”

“No, being on time.”

We laughed, but it was one of those rare moments a truth pops out and you wonder where it came from. It’s true, to communicate love to my mom, be on time. Or, better yet, have her to her destination on time. In the grand world of “love” it doesn’t look sexy or draw much attention to itself, does it? It’s almost so darn dull, I want to move on to something else.

But the Holy Spirit has been saying all week, “Park here. Do not miss this.”

Exhibit B:

A friend who serves on the field emailed she had said she’d recently written something raw, but it was true. I wrote back saying what she’d written was beautiful.

But.

And.

I wanted to help. How could I pray for her? In her response she shared how, right now, she’s hating the land that’s she’s been called to love. Hating the toll it’s taking on her. Hating that it is so much harder than she dreamed it could be. Jealous of others. Feeling selfish for needing a break. Would I pray that supporters would understand the need for a break this fall instead of waiting for next summer.

And I teared up reading this.

But not for the reason you might think.

I wrote back my tears were because I was honored she’d tell me the truth. That in cutting through all of the holy-spiritual-smoke-and-mirror crap and naming what was really going on, I felt very loved by her. I was moved because of love.

I also confessed my prayers might not be heard because my tears weren’t for her plight, but the gesture towards me.

(You know I’m kidding about not being heard, right?! Right?)

(I have prayed and will pray and know the prayers are heard. How they will be answered, that I don’t know :))

Love comes, not only in the perfect cleaned up times of romantic dinners, nice clothes, and batting eyes at each other. Love comes when we make gestures towards each other in the less than perfect moments and say, “This is the hot mess I find myself in. If nothing else, will you stand here and watch me. You don’t have to solve it, but can you at least bear witness to this?! Please?”

Exhibit C:

You know the role the Broncos have played in our family story. I’ve said before, the Broncos are the container, the holder of story that’s bigger than any one of us, but it’s not about sports. You also know that since Dad died and the baton has been passed to Del (my brother-in-law) and me, we are using pre-season to invite his daughters into the story one-by-one.

Saturday it was Emily’s turn. I love that girl for many, many reasons. Here in this space, I love her because she does not care a wit about football, but she cares about me. She cares about her grandpa. She cares about seeing where we sit and what a game is like. She went with me to, what may be, her only NFL game because of love.

Emily LOVE

Love looks like wearing the right colors, asking about the rules, and humoring your aunt who is yelling how rare it is to see a safety! When, in all fairness she could have yelled back, “Do you have any idea how rare it will be for me to see any scoring?” Instead she clapped when I clapped, she listened to me explain the game (just basics! Didn’t want to overwhelm), and she smiled at me when I cheered loudly (hey, we all have boundaries). She loved me.

*****

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 1 John 4:7-9

Love lives in the ordinary. Love lives in the day-to-day. Love lives in the little.

Amen and amen.

*****

Where have you loved or been loved in the ordinary, day-t0-day of your life? What’s your twist on a love language?

Faith, Just for fun, Personality

I’m back!

Hi back! Since I don’t normally take two weeks off, I made a short one minute video telling you about my break. If you are receiving this in email form, you can watch the video here. Below are a few more pictures from one adventure during the break.

Seven years ago the Denver Botanic Gardens got a Corpse Flower — named for the smell it emits when it blossoms. Lovely, right? I certainly hope in the flower garden of life I’m not a Corpse Flower. Interestingly, they only blossom every ten years or so and when they blossom, it’s only open for about a day and a half.

Being like any other “pregnant” creature, no exact date could be given to schedule around. Those who cared to see Stinky, the blossom, had about a one week window when it might open. Crazy fun folks that we are, why not get up at 5 a.m., drive down town, and stand in this line:

Line

It was an opportunity to make friends around us. The lady in purple had traipsed around Indonesia in the 80s with a friend who wanted to see a blossoming corpse flower. They never did, so in memory of her trip she came to see Stinky:

flower

Worth it? Yes. I read on a thank you note I was writing there are 240,000 variations of flowers. I think I can name 10 of them. Okay, maybe more. But the point is, sometimes I have my nose down and I get so focused on what I need to do, I forget to look up and be reminded of this vast, creative, beautiful world we live in:

Amy with Corpse

Taste and see that the Lord is good, the Psalmist reminds us. We forgot snacks, and the smell was a little unappetizing, but the sight, oh the sight. And that’s just one out of 240,000 flowers you could behold!

1/240,000.

I had to throw some math in :).

Glad to be back,

Amy

Faith, Messy Middle, Personality

A Miracle, A Reminder, and A Priest

Okay, doesn’t this title sound like the start of a joke? “A miracle, a reminder, and a priest walked into a bar.” Instead of a joke, this is real life, people.

A miracle

In early May I shared an interview with Katherine Johnson. Brief reminder: Jeff and Katherine found out in the spring that their gestating daughter had a terminal diagnosis and though she’d likely make it to full term, she’d not live much beyond birth. In particular that Arabella Grace’s rib cage would be too small to allow air to fill her lungs. Since then, Katherine has been chronicling their journey on her blog, being transparent on this journey. Saturday she gave birth.

A professional photographer, Kristin Wall, volunteered to capture the experience so Jeff and Katherine were freed up to be present to what was happening and not worry about what they were missing.

Kristin shared this on Facebook: “Arabella Grace; Born at 12:32 p.m. on August 9th, 2015.  She was immediately whisked away to the resuscitation room where she was not expected to live. As I headed back to the room, I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew I had heard the most beautiful cry I had ever heard as she was delivered. When I arrived a minute or two later, I heard her cry and saw how pink she was. When I heard two Apgar scores of 9 and 9 back to back, I couldn’t believe my ears.”

Bella

Kristin also shared:

“As we were getting ready for Arabella’s arrival, Katherine told the nurses that she wanted Bella’s precious little footprint on Psalm 139 in her Bible. As I found the spot in the Bible and marked it so it was ready, I never envisioned there would be such life and oxygen flowing through that little foot. . .and that her little toes would be wiggling! I had prayed, hoped and knew God could, but the reality is that my faith really was weak and never in a million years could I have thought something so beautiful would happen.”

Bella's foot

Now if that doesn’t get to you, you might need your heart to grow a few inches. You can continue to follow The Johnson Journey with Baby Bella here.  We all know it could have turned out so differently. To have received this mercy, is just that: a mercy. Katherine and Jeff, we know the journey doesn’t end here as there are doctors appointment, potential surgeries, and other questions that can’t be answered yet. For now, we join with you in thanking God and marveling that his ways are not ours. 

A Reminder

“Motion isn’t the problem. Movement is good. The problem is when we self-medicate by filling our lives to the brim and don’t allow grief to catch up with us.” What happens when we stop? 

A few days after posting the above, I was contacted by Katrina Ryder, the editor of To Save A Life wondering if she could repost it. I tend to say yes to all requests, but out of curiosity I thought I’d check out To Save a Life.

“Our mission is simple: We want to help hurting teens and young adults find hope and healing through the power of the Gospel. That’s why we’re on a constant search for high-quality, cause-driven, inspiring stories that have the power to touch hearts and change minds.

“Whether it’s dealing head-on with bullying, encouraging those who struggle with anxiety and depression, giving hope to the addicted and abused or providing practical steps for suicide prevention, our passion is to see a generation captured by their true identity in Christ.”

Of course I immediately emailed Katrina: YES, please do! As long as I kept moving, my grief streamed out behind me . . . so I just didn’t stop went live this week. Please check it out, but more than that, poke around the site. Miracles happen, yes. And life is also hard. However, we haven’t been left without help and hope.

A priest

“Therefore since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast to our confession. For we do not have a high priest incapable of sympathizing with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way just as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us confidently approach the throne of grace to receive mercy and find grace whenever we need help.” Hebrews 4:14-16 (NET Bible)

Amen. Confidently approach to receive mercy and find grace. Doesn’t that breath life and hope into weary bones? With the idea of confidently approach, I’m going to take a blog break for a week or two. I know God will use you to extend mercy and grace to me, as I’m in need of a break :).

A miracle, a reminder, and a priest. Where do you need mercy and grace today?

Faith, Personality, Relationships

Why “losing” is the wrong word to use

On the Facebook page for A Life Overseas I posted this as a teaser for a post I’d written:

When we use the language like “we’re going to lose X” it tends to push X in the dark where it isolates people. Today, let’s shine some light into one such corner.”

Online dating

Kay Bruner  sparked this short dialogue in respond to the prompt:

Kay: And, I think when we say, “we’re going to lose X”–we’re objectifying X as a commodity for our use… which feels really bad to me. Like it doesn’t matter what brings life and fulfillment to “X”–just what matters to the “we” who needs to use “X”.

A Life Overseas:  Wow, I hadn’t thought of it that way, but I can absolutely see what you are saying. This, again, challenges me to keep people first. Which, at more times than I wish for me, is hard smile emoticon (this, by the way is Amy).

Kay: Yeah, I think that putting people first is a huge challenge in missions in general. Thanks for bringing this up, Amy.

*****

In the post I shared A Dirty Little Secret of Singles on the Field and hope you’ll pop over to find out what it is.

*****

I believe that most of us truly value people and work hard to do what is best for them.

But.

But isn’t it easier to value people when nothing is at stake? I know I’m much kinder when I’m sitting alone thinking how kind I am than actually interacting with an incredibly ANNOYING person who apparently has been sent  to (a) test my kindness OR (b) show the gap between my fantasy version of myself and reality.

“We’re going to lose X” is a form of scarcity thinking. Amazing, isn’t it, how easily it sneaks in. Are there times to examine the use of resources such as how we’re using our money, time, or talent. Of course. We are called to be stewards.

How does that song go? They’ll know we are Christians by our stewardship, by out stewardship, yes they’ll know we are Christians by our stewardship!

Not quite. Smile. Hum with me the third verse:

We will work with each other, we will work side by side,
We will work with each other, we will work side by side,
And we’ll guard each one’s dignity and save each one’s pride.

Just a little bit louder now:

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love,
Yes, they’ll know we are Christians by our love.

It’s easy to be afraid of losing. Losing time, people, effort. One of the greatest antidotes to fear is love.

*****

You’re welcome. You might have that song stuck in your head now :). To get it out, what other songs might work as a sound track for this post? What might be an example of choosing a person (or people) over the idea of “losing” them?

Learning lessons, Personality

When you don’t know where to start, start HERE

It started in late spring. Our irises bloomed pathetically. Pa-to-the-thecic-allly. I’d estimate 10 sad, small blossoms for 200 plants. I’ve become empowered by how much the internet has to offer on gardening advice. I know, right? Late to the party, but still happy to be here :). That’s me.

My friend the internet told me irises are to be divided (thinned out) every 3-5 years and if they aren’t, they will stop producing well. #Oopsies. #Howaboutnever?

Life lesson #1: We’ve all got irises that could use our attention, yours just might not be plants. If you ignore them, sadly they only get worse.

I also learned that the best time to thin them is 8 weeks after they’ve bloomed and in Colorado the best time is mid-July. I found this out in June. If you know me, I am the kind of person who does not like a project hanging over my head. One of my life motto’s could be: Let’s get to work, people! But if mid-July is better. Sigh, I’d wait.

Life lesson #2: Not everything needs to be tackled RIGHT NOW. You might need to wait for a better time.

Guess what last weekend was?

Finally.

Mid-July! Yay, clap, clap, clap.

This project excited and terrified me because the truth is I wasn’t really sure what I was doing; but I knew something had to be done if we ever wanted to see flowers again. So, this is the process I went through and it took so long it gave me plenty of time to reflect :). Okay, maybe not the best sales pitch to get you off and working on your “irises,” but tis true.

Here’s what I started with (and yes, there are two trees growing up in the midst):

Before

1. Prepare. I told you I watched two videos. It really helped me to see people doing what I was going to do and say things like “Be ruthless! The iris can handle it” as he hacked away. Both videos also recommended getting “triple super phosphate” so after going to the gym on Saturday morning I stopped by a local hardware store to get some. “What? You want what? I’ve never heard of that. I only have one house plant.” Said a sales clerk. “I saw it on two places on the internet, so I know triple super phosphate to exist. The internet doesn’t lie.” I said with a smile. Though fun to say, triple super phosphate is only sold at green houses. To be purchased later in the day.

2. Start. This seems self-evident, but it can be tricky to know where to start, especially when the roots are like underground Ft. Knox. Even when you’re not sure where to start, start. After my third attempt and wondering if I would quit before I began, one corner started to loosen.

3. Use the right tools. Or at least good enough ones. My philosophy towards life is to try and then get the facts (that whole leap before you look thing I’ve got going on). So, when I say prepare, I mean just enough to get you going. I tried a spade. No go. Then I found a fork thing in the shed. Much better! Until the rotted nail in the handle broke off. But I knew I couldn’t go back to the spade. I found a kind of pitch fork thingy in the shed that looked like I should be shoveling hay from the second story of a barn down on hungry horses like they did in Little House on the Prairie. Whatever keeps you moving, right?! Sometimes the right tools are a combo of what’s in your hands and in your head. I think Pa Ingalls would have been proud.

4. Progress becomes cumulative. After telling myself I couldn’t stop for a water break until 25% of the iris were removed, I began to wonder if I’d ever drink again. Okay, this was at the start when I couldn’t figure out how to start and I knew if I took a break too early, the whole project would be doomed. But once I figured out what was going on, I was able to work to 33% before I took a legitimate break. And then Stella got her groove. Okay, so the heat may have had me all over the entertainment world. Next break was at 90%.

5. You can produce a significant amount of waste! Who knew that the rhizomes (not bulbs, I learned) which is what dies after several blooming seasons, and all of the green leaves could be so heavy! Three trashcans later (because I had to distribute the weight) and I wished I was digging up trees, they are much lighter.

6. As you near the end, get excited you can make it pretty. You’ll see in the picture below what I’m talking about when it comes to iris, but I bet your big project has pretty parts too.

7. Share! I had a lot of left over potential plants and I hated to throw them away … so I took a bin to church and though I didn’t give them all away, I did find a few new happy homes.

And then you are done:

After

We all have parts of our lives that have gotten out of hand. This isn’t our only iris bed and next Saturday will find me with my hay shoveling pitch fork working another part of the garden. What projects have you been working on? Or needing to work on?

And if you’d like to learn more about iris dividing from pro’s here are the videos I watched: One and Two.

Personality, Signs

Would it help if life came with this sign?

Is what’s helpful outside a restaurant helpful from God? Would it help if life came with this sign?

go that way

I don’t remember the title, but when I was in High School there was a book that made the rounds about Knowing God’s Plan For Your Life. While it was backed up with scripture — or at least sprinkled with scripture — I didn’t buy into the premise there was one thing I was going to do with my life.

Hello, have you heard of permutations? When classmates would ask our math teacher, “When are we every going to use this?” I thought, all the blooming time! I have to stop myself from thinking about the possible combinations and their results. One can get lost in that swamp. So, why, would God in his infinite mercy, creativity and overall sense of fun limit us to

THE ONE RIGHT PATH?

Themes and giftings and tendencies. Yes, that I see. Today I was listening to a podcast about life callings/purposes. Having done a big chunk of life in one context and now doing it in another, did my call change?

I think it morphed and expanded and shifted. Changed? Not really.

But has it been a clear “Go that way” kind of path? Not really. And while I’m approaching a blind curve I toy with the idea of wanting to know what’s coming, wanting to be spared the agony and doubt, wanting to be assured this will end well. The truth is, if I knew exactly where it was heading, it would take some of the fun out and add more fear than I’d desire.

Life is more poetic when we have the whole map available.

What about you? Would you like more information on your life path? Or are you content with the amount of information we’re given?

get updates