Velvet Ashes Archives - The Messy Middle

Savoring Life One Firefly at a Time

Hello friends! This week the theme at Velvet Ashes is Savor.

I love the word savor. It evokes a slowing down and presence that counters many of the other voices around me.

So this week I have been trying to savor life and tune into those moments I enjoy. As a girl, I loved to visit my grandparents in Michigan and catch fireflies in the magical time between dinner and bed. My sisters and I giggled as our parents and grandparents enjoyed the cooling of the air. Then we would release them.

Savoring life is like catching a firefly. Enjoy. Release.

This week I savored these moments:

1. I shared on Facebook that I fixed two broken sprinkler heads. Woot woot! “I just wish I could tell Dad.” I said to Mom. There is no one who would smile larger at the accomplishments of his daughters. I now know how to fix sprinkler head and almost—almost—want another one to break so I can fix it :).

2. Flowers!!! Tis the season to pick and make bouquets. I am savoring the colors of this season. The variety. The beauty.

3. This flower bed. For the last three years I’ve tried different plants and arrangements, but none quite satisfied. Until now.

4. Flavors of a new favorite dish. Ground turkey, onions, and peppers cooked in some kind of fish sauce. Okay, so while I may not be much of a food describer, it is good people. Trust me.

5. The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry: A Novel by Rachel Joyce. SO GOOD. Love this book. It is one to savor (also, the parallels with A Man Called Ove: A Novel. I might have, oh say, stalked my mom and bored her with all of my thoughts. She may not have savored that conversation :)).

6. Birds!! We have recently put up a two-sided bird feeder holder. On the left, chickadees, blue jays, and other birds (yup, not only do I speak pathetic foodie language, my bird knowledge is lacking. Never let a lack of knowledge get in the way of savoring!). On the right, humming birds are now dining. And dive bombing the chickadees, blue jays, and other birds. Who knew these little guys were so aggressive. I took this photo and then almost didn’t share because it isn’t very professional. And then I remembered, “Amy, of course it is not very professional, you are not a professional photographer.” Ah, the ways we hold ourselves to ridiculous standards. The bird on the top left? A chickadee. The one in the middle? A decorative fake bird.

7. Blaster boats. Basically a big inner tube connected to a motor and the ability to spray water on fellow boaters. Blaster boats were a niece’s requested birthday activity. Spraying family members? Celebrating birthdays? Savor, savor, savor. And maybe scream a bit when hit with water. I’m just saying that screams may have come out of me. More like shrieks.

8. Paperwork. I cannot believe it, but there is still paperwork to go through! In all fairness to my dad, the small pile I found this week was mine. I had forgotten how much Dad and Mom did when I applied and was accepted to Denver Seminary. Since I lived in China at that time and the government required FAFSA stuff for financial aid, there was much I needed them to do. It is good to savor a taste of kindness from the past.

9. I work with amazing people! Recently I have been forming and training people to help with Velvet Ashes. Sarah, Bayta, Kathryn, Dorette, Spring, Rachel, Abby, Raven, Hannah, Jen, and Jamie—working with you are real fireflies making Velvet Ashes a brighter place . . . and many don’t know. But I do. (As do others in VA leadership!).

10. I have been working like a mad woman this week because I will visit good friends for the next week. Savoring the sense of anticipation.

Where have you savored life this week? Until after vacation, Amy :)

Learning lessons, Messy Middle, Velvet Ashes

This wild love story will carry on

Hey friends, I wrote this post for Velvet Ashes. At VA we’ve had our annual three week series for people who will be changing an assignment and moving, people who will be re-entering their passport country, and people who will be carrying on.

When I signed up to write this post a clear image came to mind.

In my mind’s eye, I was walking behind a woman who was on a narrow dusty path, wide enough for one person. Over her shoulders was a long pole with a can of water hanging off of each side. She was carrying on.

I loved the symbolism of carrying water because water sustains life and brings Living Water to thirsty souls.

It was such a lovely picture. After talking about change and re-entry, my soul was ready for less upheaval internally. One foot in front of the other. Step after ordinary step. Familiar paths, familiar teammates, familiar cities and markets. Familiar sounded good.

Wasn’t carrying on supposed to be a lovely picture? Familiar? Calming? Idealized?!

Wait, what?!

Ah, there’s the rub. I tend to see the pain and joy of the path I’m on, yet only the joy of your path. This carrying on is as varied as any other path. It can be glorious or discouraging, exciting or a bit dull. Thankfully, we have not been left without encouragement and models. We join a long line of people who knew what it was to carry on.

We join:

Daniel who was thrown to his death by people who were jealous and didn’t want him to succeed . . . and yet he didn’t die. From Daniel we learn to carry on after false accusations and a traumatic and dramatic experience.

Jesus who spent time in the desert preparing for the next phase of his calling. After time alone with God (and the Accuser) he returned to society and built a team. From him we see a model of carrying on after a period of preparation.

Moses who lead a group of people who were not easy to lead or the most supportive of him. From Moses we learn to carry on for the long haul and to listen to One, not many.

David who had to carry on in both his role as king and in his family when his sin of sleeping with Bathsheba cost many greatly, some even paying with their lives. From David we learn how to carry on after we have sinned.

Leah who felt unloved by her husband and jealous of her sister. From Leah, we learn that carrying on may require us to find our satisfaction only in God.

Joseph who was treated unjustly by his brothers, potiphar’s wife, and the cupbearer. From Joseph we learn that carrying on may involve years and that God keeps his word.

Naomi who suffered through famine and the death of her husband and sons. From Naomi we learn what it means to carry on when hope seems lost.

Ruth who served her mother-in-law as she fulfilled the commitment she made by carrying on in a new land. From Ruth we learn that carrying on can result in unforeseen and eternal blessing.

Caleb who spent years with Moses and the Israelites as they wandered in the desert before the time came to hand the mantle over to him. From Caleb we learn that carrying on can involved the end of an apprenticeship as responsibility is handed to you.

Abraham who was asked to sacrifice his own son and did not know if a substitute was going to be provided. From Abraham we learn that carrying on involves the mysteriousness of following a God who cannot be reduced to a formula.

Isaiah who at one point was told by God to walk around naked and barefoot for three years as a sign of the troubles to be brought against Egypt and Ethiopia. From Isaiah and other prophets we learn to carry on when it seems no one is interested in listening.

Mary who watched her son be unjustly accused, tried, and executed. From Mary we learn to carry on in seasons of deep loss and grief.

Paul and Barnabas who had a ministry disagreement and after parting ways each took on a ministry mentee in Silas and John Mark. From them we learn that disagreements happen and the work can carry on. We also learn to that carrying on involves building into the next generation.

Carrying on

is for those in loss,

it can feel mundane in the day-to-day,

it can involve new opportunities and challenges,

it can get lost in the bigger picture,

it can paradoxically be familiar and foreign at the same time,

it needs to be anchored in who we are, not what we do,

but above all else, it reminds us that this wild love story between a Creator and his creation, beginning before time, will carry on.

~~~

God uses his word in so many ways to encourage and instruct us. Which Biblical character do you relate to most in this season?

Community, Faith, Personality, Velvet Ashes

4 Areas You Are Disconnected and God’s Response

The theme at Velvet Ashes this week is “Connect” and we’ve launched our fall Connection Groups — which is like a small group for cross-cultural workers. This post first appeared on Velvet Ashes, but it’s one we all need.

*****

You have been there. I know this without us ever discussing it.

The maddening frustration of a poor phone or Skype connection. What? I’m sorry, I missed that. You said something about Jason? I think I missed every other word.

Static.

What? What? ARGHHHHH.

So why do we still do it? Because connection matters.

There is a world of difference between partial connection or poor connection and actual connection.

I’m afraid you might think this post is a veiled attempt to push Connection Groups and you’ve either already signed up or decided this fall isn’t a good time for you, so why keep reading? Right now I’ll tell you how little I care about Connection Groups and how much I care about you connecting to God. To yourself. To others.

God is the God of Connection. He is the God who is going to keep pursuing you to be connected in the most holistic, holy way. We have become so used to disconnection, we don’t even realize it wasn’t meant to be our norm.

And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.

We call it The Fall, but after meditating and preparing for the post, I’m inclined to call it The Disconnection. They hid. What more is hiding than disconnecting? Disconnection started with being disconnected from God but it didn’t end there. It also includes:

Disconnection from ourselves. Nathan told David a story and it ended with this line: “You are that man.” In an instant David saw how very disconnected he had become from himself, from his values, from the way he wanted to interact and lead. Did he fail again? Yes. But in that instance, God reconnected him back to himself.

Disconnection from nature. I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten (Joel 2:25). Some of you live in crowded, dirty, removed from nature places. Some of you live in places where the pollution is approaching natural disaster levels. Some of you live in beautiful places made unbeautiful by military presence. Swarming Locust is not an image of connection, is it?

Disconnected from others. After being disconnected from God, Adam and Eve each experienced disconnection by pointing outside of themselves. The woman you gave me …. The serpent deceived me. This is the first documented case of “divide and conquer.” Because relationships are so important to God and his triune nature, much space is given in the Bible to the ways we are disconnected from each other. I could have included multiple examples in most of the following categories, showing that they are not anomalies.

Siblings: Cain and Abel
Spouses with normal whack-a-doodle disconnection: Moses and Sarah (What wife? She’s my sister.)
Spouses with downright enmity and lying: Issac and Rebekah
Parent/child: Jacob thinking Joseph was dead for years
With in-laws: Judah and Tamar
Friends: Job and his friends
Friendship with God: Jesus and Peter (“Get thee behind me Satan” and “Was that a rooster I hear?” It encourages me that more than one of these interactions between Peter and Jesus is included in the Bible.)
Teammates: Paul and Barnabas over John Mark
Separated by distance: Due to his travels, Paul with friends sprinkled all over Asia
Within a religious tradition: Pharisees, Sadducees, Zealots, and Essenes

Disconnected from God. Disconnected from ourselves. Disconnected from nature. Disconnected from others. If that’s where the story ended, then yes, I’d be pushing Connection Groups to distance us from this pain.

But here is the stunning part: when presented with disconnection, God didn’t turn his back, no, he made a gesture of connection.

But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?”

Where are you? Disconnection was never meant to be our story so God started rewriting it immediately. Right now you may be swimming in a stream of disconnection. Feeling disconnected from God, from yourself, from the culture you live in, from your children, from your family, from what you thought your life or ministry would look like, from your spouse, from your teammates, even from your hope.

Or you may be feeling the mighty rush of connection and have to stop from talking to yourself in public you’re so happy (I didn’t realize people don’t talk to themselves until I got asked one too many times who I was talking to.) or singing or bouncing or baking cookies and handing them out.

Here is the heart of the gospel for all, no matter whether you are in the Valley of the Shadow of Death, on The Mountain Top, or on the Plains of the Ordinary, God is lovingly asking, Where are you? So he can meet you there.

Do I want you to sign up for a Connection Group? Of course I do :). But I’d also like for all of you to become raving Denver Broncos fans (the best American football team on the planet) and know that might not be what’s best for you.

In my heart as I have prayed over this post, and I know the rest of the Velvet Ashes Team stands with me on this, what we hope is that this week has stirred afresh in you how much God loves you and wants connection for you. You are not forgotten or expendable. You are loved and seen. God can handle any answer you give to Where are you, he’ll meet you there.

Where are you?

Cross cultural, Faith, Relationships, Velvet Ashes

What Does It Mean To Be Absolutely Single?

The theme this week at Velvet Ashes was “Serving Single.” This post originally appeared as the final post of the week.

The seed of this article was planted around March 14. If you record March 14^th as 3/14 it’s Pi Day. You know π as in 3.141592. . . I’m a Pi Day nut and have blogged about why I love Pi, Pi songs, Pi jokes, Pi cartoons, and even Pi-ku. Have I mentioned I love π? This year, I began to wonder what other mathematical constructs might offer insights beyond dear Pi.

Do you remember absolute value? The part of math that uses the vertical lines? |-3| and |+3| both equal 3. If this is making you twitch, I get it, I do. But this won’t get too complicated. Absolute value is basically asking how far away a number is from 0 (zero). So, whether you are -3 or +3 you are 3 away from 0, the center of the number line.

Putting God in the center (so, not saying he’s a zero, but you get my point), what does absolute value add to our discussion of serving single?

|+ Serving Single| and |-Serving Single| still equal Serving Single.

Whether you are single, married, have children, or don’t have children, to a certain extent every one of us serves single. There comes a point where it’s just

|You and God| or
|You and this teammate| or
|You and this part of the culture| or
|You and this part of your organization| or
|You and this child| or
|You and loneliness| or
|You and longing| or
|You and body image| or
|You and food| or
|You and joy|

Whether you see yourself as |-single| or |+loneliness| or |-married| {meaning that your marriage stinks and their marriage is what you want}, the beauty of absolute value is it shifts the focus from your state (single, lonely, married) to the orientation to 0 (God).

I fear this might come across as sticking a Christian bow on areas carrying pain. The heart of this post isn’t “just look to God and be absolutely happy!” What I love about |absolute value theology – which I just made up| is there is still place to honor the state.

|+Single| and |-single| or |+longing| and |-longing| are equally valid, without one being better than the other. Absolute Value can handle positives or negatives because it doesn’t really care about positives or negatives. I think we are prone to think |+| > |-| . . . or using my words, we are prone to think positives are better than negatives, confusing “enjoyable” with “better than.”

Is |+single| (meaning I’m not overly wrestling with this state currently) more “fun” than when I’m all stirred up? Sure. But fun and better than are two different questions.

We’ve all had times where |- part of the culture| is churning up our souls so much it hurts. Hurts. We can’t sleep, we agonize over what to do, is it our place to do anything? Or |+ part of the culture| where we see a slice of God we could not have seen from our shore. A part of us blossoms and we know we are on holy ground.

If positive and negative are the wrong words to ask, I also don’t want to give the impression that |absolute value theology| is about being as close to God as possible. We are going to have times where we feel distant or lost. This doesn’t mean you’ve sinned or done anything wrong.

Instead, the heart of |absolute value theology| is this:

Where do I see God? (How am I oriented to 0? Can I see him in this state?)
Can I be honest about my state? (Am I – or +?)
Do I believe that God can handle my state or do I feel I need to somehow fix it?
We’re not talking about sin. |-Stealing| and |+stealing| is still stealing. We’re talking about non-sin, messy, glorious, hard, life.

Circling back to the theme of this week, serving single, this is one for all of us. As much as we are rooted in relationships, teams, and communities, sometimes, it’s just |You and God|.

Whether you are single or married what encourages you as |You and God Serve Single|? What have been unexpected challenges? Unexpected blessings?

China, Velvet Ashes

When A New Culture Moves Into the Neighborhood

These three are bouncing around in me. Touching, backing off from each other, combining. Do they fit together? Should they?

1. Oriental Massage opened in our neighborhood a few weeks ago.

2. This week’s theme at Velvet Ashes: Culture Clash (you know, a major theme of living outside of your home culture).

3. The Word became flesh and blood,
    and moved into the neighborhood.
We saw the glory with our own eyes,
    the one-of-a-kind glory,
    like Father, like Son,
Generous inside and out,
    true from start to finish.

John 1:14 The Message

*****

Niece #3 loves to give foot massages, especially to her sisters; and common presents for her involve nice lotion and other items for giving massages. Unlike her two older sisters who had foot massages in China, she’s never had a “real” Chinese foot massage. I stopped by Oriental Massage to ask about prices and if they’d be willing to give a kid a foot massage for her birthday.

I swear, I walked into China.

Between the liquor store and pet grooming, a worm hole exists. It was the fastest and easiest trip I’ve taken to China as it didn’t involve visas, long lines, or jet lag. It was also the strangest since the primary mode of transportation was my car.

When I entered–and I will try not to repeat myself, but you know when you’ve disoriented, the default is to stress what you know?–it looked just like China. Except there were no people. Hello? Hello? Wei? (Chinese) Wei?

A smiling woman came out of the back (I think I interrupted lunch). We started off in English, but I switched to Chinese for the sake of communication. Yes, yes, of course we’d give you and your niece a massage! When I asked for her card so I could call and book the appointment, she pulled out a stack of stuck together business cards from some other massage place and wrote the phone number, handing me the the whole stack.

Oh my. I hope their business takes off, I thought.

The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood.

The next week they got their official sign outside and hung Chinese pictures with pressure points and meridian lines. Seeing as #3 had opened the gift (and I am thankful to say was thrilled!) I thought it would be better to book the massage in person than over the phone. Again, no people. Wei? Wei?

After a way long wait for Miss Smilely, she emerged and booked the massage for last Friday. I just wanted to clarify we wanted the massages at the same time :) … culture clash and assumptions, anyone? Yes, yes, no problem.

It was at night I noticed it.

If you’ve lived in China, you know. Right?

What happens at night in China that might not happen in other parts of the world?

Neon. But not just neon, flashing neon.

The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood.

If I hadn’t been uploading posts about Culture Clashes and working with our graphic artist and swimming in The Poisonwood Bible for book club (talk about clashes! You can read the this week’s discussion here) and writing the final post of the week called 7 Stops on the Cross-Cultural Clash Continuum I might not have been so tuned into all of the “clashes” going on.

Before we entered for our massages, #3 and I spent time looking at the reflexology pictures, the meridian lines, and the pressure points. Oh look, there are pressure points over your eye, on the roof of your mouth, and . . . what’s that? Oh, an anus. Sorry #3!

At the end of her massage, #3 was given a root beer and a gorgeous green Chinese knot in the shape of a frog. They loved her! Who wouldn’t? But this was also a clash: the Chinese love kids in ways we (at least) Americans just don’t. They told me she was their youngest customer ever and just smiled and smiled. Afterwards #3 said, “Aunt Amy, they’d say blah, blah, blah in Chinese and ask OK? I’d just say OK.” Welcome to the first four years of my life in China, sweetheart :)!

No strong English skills, flashing neon, anuses, cans of pop. I so want them to succeed. I hope that everyone reading this within a 50 mile radius of my house will look for Oriental Massage near the King Soopers. I can’t link to it, because they don’t have a website. But this is what they do have: kindness overflowing, skill in abundance (very, very good massage. Oh, I should mention, because I forgot to tell #3, a foot massage also involves your face, arms, part of your back, and legs), and very comfortable tables (not really old crappy chairs, like many foot massage places in China).

Go in and while you have your massage, since you might not be able to chat with people, meditate on:

The Word became flesh and blood,
    and moved into the neighborhood.
We saw the glory with our own eyes,
    the one-of-a-kind glory,
    like Father, like Son,
Generous inside and out,
    true from start to finish.

Because the glory may be neon. Are they Christians? I have no idea. Nothing to indicate that they are or aren’t. But they have moved into the neighborhood and are generous inside and out. What better way to embrace God’s amazing variety in culture than through massage and meditation!

Related posts:

7 Stops on the Cross-Cultural Clash Continuum {The Grove: Culture Clash} by Amy Young — “I thought I knew the direction this post was going to take and then I wondered, but what about this type of culture clash? Or this one? Or that one? As we’ve seen this week in the posts, not all culture clashes are created equal.”

Feet, Window To The Body? — Want to hear about a foot massage I had a few years ago in China? “Mr. Hou is clearly a firm believer in TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) and as the massage went on, pointed out many things wrong with my health; all of which can be helped by regular foot massage. We started off with the surprising news that something’s up with my ovaries.”

China, Cross cultural, Ending Chapters, Learning lessons, Velvet Ashes

3 Helpful Tips When You’re New To A Situation

You know when you create something–be it a food item, the perfect photo, or a flower arrangement–and everything clicks. You stand back and think: I made that? I made that? I made that! Boom. You’re proud and a bit shocked. Well, that’s how I feel about the post below that I wrote for Velvet Ashes this week. Just telling you the truth. I like it and it makes me smile. The theme of the week has been “Tips for your first year” on the field. I hope you like it half as much as I do, boom.

How’s it going being tipsy this week? Oh we Christians, we’re a riot to hang out with! Tip #1, she who laughs first at her own jokes laughs alone. Well, guess what, the joke is on you. That is not really one of my tips. Ha ha! Though laughing is a good tip for most phases of life, isn’t it?

The insights this week are ones to bookmark and share with folks you know in the future who will be moving to the field. M’Lynn reminded us of the realities of team and expectation those new to the field might have for them. Lauren gave first year senders and goers the freedom to go slow. And Hannah gave insights for twenty somethings.

And now I will state the obvious: your first year is memorable. Whether you’re a TCK going to the field as an adult or this is your first time to actually live on foreign soil longer than a summer project, you will remember your first forever. Here is another bonus tip from my first year: do all that you can to avoid group flights. If you are with an agency that sends a herd of people together to the field, it’s mostly to remind you hell is real and what you’re doing is important. It’s also a secret test if you’re willing to pay the cost. I’m convinced of this.

In all seriousness, you are crossing a line. To this day I think of my life as BC/AC. Before I moved to China and After I moved to China. When did I first go to China? Three years BC. When was my first niece born? Six years AC. Probably it will be the same for you. Your life will be marked by this year. With that in mind, I do have three tips for you:

1. Welcome to the emotional edges. Chances are you are going to experience more highs and lows this year than you normally do. For some, you will camp out on the high side feeling exhilarated, flooded with joy at the sights, sounds, and conversations. Or feel genuine awe and wonder at small miracles you used to take for granted. Electricity? A washing machine? The internet? A care package? Could life be any better?!

For others, I’m sorry to say, you might find this year being one of severe loneliness and disappointment in yourself, locals, teammates, and God. You might be awash in hopeless over how big the task is and how little you are or in shock at things now that you can’t imagine will devastate you.

In agony, a person new to the field told me over the phone, “Amy, I just don’t think I can team with them. This is so unacceptable. I don’t know what to do.” I couldn’t image what her teammates were doing that stole her joy when she couldn’t wait to get to the field. She was undone by teammates drinking Coke at a meals. U.N.D.O.N.E. by it. We returned to this conversation over and over throughout her first year.

But for many of you, you’ll be a mix of both. The highs are high, enjoy them. You are blessed to do what you do. But the lows are low. I wish I could spare you. When you feel them coming, don’t hide them out of shame. You’re normal. Get people praying for you and be gentle to yourself. It’s okay to be low. It’s not fun, but it’s okay.

2. Know you’re going to change. How can you not when the traffic is different, the views of women is unlike back home, even standing in line (hello, how different can it be? Um, very.) is unlike anything you could imagine. You might be exposed to poverty in ways that will ebb at the edges of your soul or live in a land that is so “beyond God” you don’t know where to start. You might see your home country in ways that make your heart beat with pride or make you feel shame and embarrassment and confusion.

Here’s the other thing about the ways you’ll change, you may not see the depth of it for years. Some changes will be small in terms of effecting who you are as a person. Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things how you cross the street? No. But in other more significant ways, you might find you are no longer as in sync with your home culture. This call comes with blessing and loss, doesn’t it? So, for better or worse, you’re going to change and grow. As will your friendships, your marriage, and your parenting.

3. Enjoy! If you happen to be with cynical old-hands, please ignore their grumpiness. I admit, over the years it got harder and harder to be thrilled with new teammates reporting on using a squatty for the first time!!!! (The exclamations were them, definitely not me) down to every little detail. Your bladder was full, you were desperate, it smelled, urine came out, you lived. I’m very impressed.

This is what I’m talking about. Ignore me.

My first year was pre-internet, pre-Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Wechat, Skype. When I returned home for a few weeks after my first year, I brought with me five full photo albums with about 1,000 pictures (Okay, there were WAY more because I glued pictures into the front and back on the wasted blank pages.). I couldn’t wait to share my life with friends and family. I’ll never forget this comment:

We get it, you ate food.

Well now. But you don’t get how exciting pudding is from a care package! Or did you see how round those tortillas were I rolled? What, you don’t like a close up of the cooked eel?

Enjoy! Take pictures of whatever you want. Be excited over . . . everything. Be moved by how much bigger and amazing God is than you could have imagined. God said, “Taste and see that the Lord is good, happy is she who take refuge in me.” Do.

If we were sitting down chatting over a cup of chai and you ask me what I’d suggest for the year, that’s what I’d have for you. Welcome to the emotional edges. Know you’re going to change. Enjoy!

Oh and we’re glad you’re here. Truly.

What do you think of these tips? What would you add?

*****

P.S. If you’re reading this on a mobile device, I added a plug-in this week that should make reading easier. What do you think? Like it? Or want me to go back to the old way?

Image designed by Karen Huber

Book, Velvet Ashes

Interested in reading a good book with me?

Well, you know I am. I wanted to invite you to Velvet Ashes’ book club. This month we are reading The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. Next month we’re going to read The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows. I’d love to have you join.

Before we get to the book, how’d your holiday weekend go? Because it has been such a wet spring and summer in Colorado, the wildflowers are spectacular; almost like fireworks all over the ground. I’m feel a bit recharged and appreciate all of your prayers. This week if I can get two more chapters edited, I’ll do a happy dance. But on to happier subjects: books!

For The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver, even if you’ve read it before, pop in and be reminded why this might be the best book she wrote. Okay, I know my mom is partial to Animal Dreams, but still, she’s impressing the socks off of me again as I’m in the midst of rereading it for the Velvet Ashes book club. And if you’ve never read it before, might I suggest “get thee to a bookstore or library?!”

Bulc Koob {Book Club}

Were you like me at the start of The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver? Did you wonder, “What have I gotten myself into? This is S-O-O-O-O-O-O long. Is it worth it?” (In my head I spoke in bold.)

Well, it didn’t take l-o-n-g (oh gez, Rachel would say) to answer with a resounding: this is more than worth it. Between the writing, the history lesson, and the peek into a family in our line of work, I go back to what I said in May, this is a must read for us. Or a must-listen-to. Thank you book clubber for the reminder that some books are better listened to :)!

The Writing

I am going to limit myself to how often I say: “wow!” “Can you believe?” and “This is SO good.” But first, one big WOW. Kingsolver has brilliantly … continue here.

Have you read The Poisonwood Bible? What are you reading these days? You know I love book suggestions (I think that might be the sixth love language).

P.S. Image designed by Karen Huber

China, Community, Faith, Velvet Ashes

Would you have cancer treatment overseas?

I’ve known Stephanie Diamond for almost 20 years. As you’ll see from the interview below, she’s made her home in China for over 25 years. What you might not learn from the interview is that she’s an amazing cook, one of the most generous people I know, and able to put on almost seamless trainings and orientations for people both on and new to the field. Like me, she believes in the healing power of diet coke, reading, and a good laugh. This interview first appeared on Velvet Ashes’ “Staying” week.

Stephanie can you share a little bit of what you’ve been facing this academic year?

Last August as I waited for my 13th August New Teacher cohort to arrive and as I celebrated 25 years of living and working in China, I discovered a game changer, a lump in my breast.

Wow, this situation is probably in the back of every woman’s mind. How did you initially respond?

Where there should have been worry and confusion God provided peace and calm to my soul. I reviewed so many of God’s mercies, so many of His blessings in my life these years in China and He reminded me of His infinite love for me. A few days after new teacher training with the teachers settled in their schools, doctors at Beijing United confirmed I had breast cancer.

What factored into deciding where to pursue treatment?

Many years before God had provided a verse to help me know where to invest my life: 1 Thessalonians 2:8 (Paul writing) …Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.” NIV. And still the 1 Thessalonians verse provided a standard for decision making when I asked, “Is it time to leave?” As I looked at my options available for treatment the one that stood out was stay in Beijing.

Ultimately it was the fact that there was a huge Community of expats and locals already in place to provide what support I needed and it allowed me once again to share my life with the people I love. I built up my courage to call my parents and let them know what was happening and to talk through my decision to stay in China — there was complete agreement with the decision. Two days later my mom was hospitalized and two weeks later she died of complications from end stage liver and pancreatic cancer – a total surprise to us all.

So this is where things turn a bit more Job-like than I would wish for — since September and the passing of my mom, I had a mastectomy, started and finished chemo, my dad passed away in late January after four months of declining health, it was confirmed there was cancer in my other breast and by the time you read this I will have had another mastectomy. OK, I have to share with you that I sometimes refer to myself as Jobetta – Job’s younger sister!

Steph, I have known you for a long time. You will probably hold a record that will not be broken: the co-worker I had the longest in my life. I want to just pause here and let it soak in for others what you’ve experienced this year. Breast cancer, unexpected death of your mom, diagnosis of cancer in your other breast, and the death of your dad. I think I speak for everyone in saying, this amount of loss is hard to absorb on first (or 27th!) hearing.

But the truth is our Lord has continued to open my eyes to His mercies and blessings these days. And though I have cried a river of tears, they are saturated in Joy and Hope. One of the biggest blessings He has given me is Community. I am the kind of person who serves others and find it hard to have others serve me but in these last seven months I have been so served by my Brothers and Sisters that I know it is a great gift from God. What a family they have been for me, carrying my burden when I can’t.

So here I am in China, still sure that the Father will make it clear when it is time for me to go but for now He is making it clear that it is still time for me to stay. Again 1 Thessalonians rings true, “…we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.” So many have shared their lives with me in my 25 years here and it is that Community that has continued to call me to stay.

Thank you for sharing with us Stephanie. Truly. We’ll keep praying for you!

What verses or other forms of encouragement has God used to let you know when you should stay?

China, Cross cultural, Ending Chapters, Velvet Ashes

Do you see yourself as a leaver or a stayer?

This week at Velvet Ashes our theme was “leaving” — life is fill with it, isn’t it? It was a powerful week (you can see Monday’s, Wednesday’s and Thursday’s posts) below is the final post of the week (and written by me).

Here we are again. Friends having a conversation.

There is a lull. At first it’s comfortable, but then it grows and we both know something of substance needs to be said. But who will be the first to say it out loud?

I look away because the moment is poignant and heavy and precious. I don’t want to miss it, but I hate the weight of it.

You’ve probably sensed it this week too. The dance between guilt and shame and hope and longing and sadness when it comes to this topic of leaving and being left.

In the posts and comments we’ve heard echoes of

We are long termers
I’m not a quitter
I’m committed
It seems easier to leave for the field than from it

I’ve known for weeks I’d be writing this post. God and I have gone around and around about what to say. It hasn’t been like having a quaint cup of tea and scones while we chat; in the best sense, I feel like I’ve been mud wrestling with God. I really have so much to say, it might take a book. Instead of having this be a confusing post because I try to shove too much in, I’m going to share one thing God said in relation to leaving.

Leaving is your birthright.

What?

This week, I’ve been struck by how much guilt and angst and judgment we feel around leaving and being left. It took all I could when a close friend told me she was leaving the field not to grab her shoulders and scream, How can you leave me?! Who will get my jokes? Who will go to Pilates and share in my quirky stories? Who will know why asking about trains is funny? How can you do this to me?

But I didn’t. “Yes, yes, I can see God leading.” I could. And. I wanted to ask God why the high-ho he didn’t make it better for her.

Leaving is your birthright.

In an instant I had to sit back, take a breather, wipe the mud off my brow, and let that settle in.

Look at some of the leaving woven throughout the Bible. Loot at the way it informs and shapes us as a people. Look for where your story intersects theirs.

Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden for their protection.
Cain left because of his sin.
Noah and his family left everyone they knew through a natural disaster.
Abraham left to follow a call into the unknown.
Rebekah left for marriage.
Jacob left the first time because of family drama (part his own doing), returned home because of a clear call by God (Genesis 31:3), and a third time because of famine.
Leah and Rachel left to go with their husband and family.
Joseph left against his will.
Moses left twice, once by himself and later with a group that vacillated being for him and against him.
Aaron and Miriam left with their people, the people of Israel and to help their brother.
Naomi left because of a famine and returned because of the loss of her husband and both sons. The devastation of her family.
Ruth left out of love and obedience.
Hannah left her son with Eli and for a life of service to God.
Esther left her home due to political changes allowing her to serve the king and her people.
David spent much of early adulthood moving and not settled, never sure when it would end.
Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego left against their will, prisoners really.
Many of the prophets traveled, compelled to share a message, forced to sleep in many beds.
Jesus left his rightful place in heaven to come to earth for us.
Paul is known for his three journeys and the way he loved some he met and became so frustrated with others.
You left (and maybe left and left) and have your story.
I left (and left and left) and have my story.

Leaving is our birthright.

One of the greatest gifts the Bible offers is the ways in which it mirrors who we are. We are people who leave. Who leave in response to calling and crisis. We leave because of family and love and politics. We leave at times against our wills and at times brimming with anticipation. We leave early in life, in the middle of our story, and when our bones are tired. We are described as wanderers and sojourners.

God, in his infinite mercy, kindness, and love has woven leavers, stayers, and those who were left throughout his word. The bible doesn’t just tell us who God is, it tells us also who we are. Apparently he doesn’t see people as long- or short-termers. He doesn’t see leavers and stayers. We are described as beloved children.

We see people having crazy (and at times sinful) responses to leaving. Just take one of the above scenarios and for a moment place yourself in it and imagine the conversations! Girl, we get it, don’t we. We are described as people of faith.

Leaving is our birthright.

Yes, it is hard and tumultuous. As Danielle said, it’s like concentrated lemonade. It cuts to the core of our identity. But what God wants us to know is he cuts deeper. He gets it. But more than understanding us, He loves us. And someday, someday, staying will be our birthright. Staying with God. Staying in our perfected personalities. Staying with those we love. Staying in safety and freedom and pure environments. But for now. For now.

Leaving is our birthright.

Wow, there’s more in the Bible about leaving than I thought. How does the word “birthright” change all of the leaving in life?

Book, Velvet Ashes

Velvet Ashes Summer Book Club Picks

Hi friends! I think most of you know I lead an online book club for Velvet Ashes. This week I announced the books for June, July, August, and September and share them below. The book club posts go live every Tuesday morning on the Asia side of the world and Monday afternoon on the North America side. We’d love to have you join and read books through a cross-cultural lens. Even if you’ve read them before, there is power reading in community and seeing a book from perspectives other than your own.

And I’m working on a Beyond The Surface Newsletter :). What books should I check out this summer? My friend Beth recently suggested I read Sticking Points: How to Get 4 Generations Working Together in the 12 Places They Come Apart by Haydn Shaw. I requested it yesterday at the library and can’t wait!

*****

June’s book is Heart in the Right Place by Carolyn Jourdan —

“Carolyn Jourdan, an attorney on Capitol Hill, thought she had it made. But when her mother has a heart attack, she returns home—to the Tennessee mountains, where her father is a country doctor and her mother works as his receptionist. Jourdan offers to fill in for her mother until she gets better. But days turn into weeks as she trades her suits for scrubs and finds herself following hazmat regulations for cleaning up bodily fluids; maintaining composure when confronted with a splinter the size of a steak knife; and tending to the loquacious Miss Hiawatha, whose daily doctor visits are never billed. Most important, though, she comes to understand what her caring and patient father means to her close-knit community. With great humor and great tenderness, Heart in the Right Place shows that some of our biggest heroes are the ones living right beside us.”

Reasons I like it: light, humorous, looking at cross-cultural issues within one country, wrestling with identity and significance. It invited me to be present to my real life and not wait for the fantasy life I might want. When I heard my brother-in-law had to keep getting out of bed to find out what was so funny and that my sister has bought copies of this for numerous friends, I knew it was the perfect book to kick-off our summer series.

July’s book is The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver —

“The Poisonwood Bible is a story told by the wife and four daughters of Nathan Price, a fierce, evangelical Baptist who takes his family and mission to the Belgian Congo in 1959. They carry with them everything they believe they will need from home, but soon find that all of it — from garden seeds to Scripture — is calamitously transformed on African soil. What follows is a suspenseful epic of one family’s tragic undoing and remarkable reconstruction over the course of three decades in postcolonial Africa.”

Reasons I like it: The story is told from all five females and the way Kingsolver is able to sound like five different ages and experiences is some of the most stunning writing I’ve ever read. Though not a “happy” book, it has themes galore for us to discuss. This is a must-read for folks who work cross-culturally.

August’s book is The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows —

“I wonder how the book got to Guernsey? Perhaps there is some sort of secret homing instinct in books that brings them to their perfect readers.” January 1946: London is emerging from the shadow of the Second World War, and writer Juliet Ashton is looking for her next book subject. Who could imagine that she would find it in a letter from a man she’s never met, a native of the island of Guernsey, who has come across her name written inside a book by Charles Lamb….

“As Juliet and her new correspondent exchange letters, Juliet is drawn into the world of this man and his friends—and what a wonderfully eccentric world it is. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society—born as a spur-of-the-moment alibi when its members were discovered breaking curfew by the Germans occupying their island—boasts a charming, funny, deeply human cast of characters, from pig farmers to phrenologists, literature lovers all.

“Juliet begins a remarkable correspondence with the society’s members, learning about their island, their taste in books, and the impact the recent German occupation has had on their lives. Captivated by their stories, she sets sail for Guernsey, and what she finds will change her forever.

“Written with warmth and humor as a series of letters, this novel is a celebration of the written word in all its guises, and of finding connection in the most surprising ways.”

Reasons I like it: A delightful read to end summer with, this has historical accuracy concerning the occupation of an island during WWII and is told through letters (like most of our lives with emails and blogs, eh?!). Fun cross-cultural themes in unexpected places.

September’s book is Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion by Gregory Boyle (Very small warning on a tiny bit of language. Which is to be expected working with gang members.)

“For twenty years, Gregory Boyle has run Homeboy Industries, a gang-intervention program located in the Boyle Heights neighborhood of Los Angeles, the gang capital of the world. In Tattoos on the Heart, he distills his experience working in the ghetto into a breathtaking series of parables inspired by faith.

“Arranged by theme and filled with sparkling humor and glowing generosity, these essays offer a stirring look at how full our lives could be if we could find the joy in loving others and in being loved unconditionally. From giant, tattooed Cesar, shopping at JCPenney fresh out of prison, we learn how to feel worthy of God’s love. From ten-year-old Lula we learn the importance of being known and acknowledged. From Pedro we understand the kind of patience necessary to rescue someone from the darkness. In each chapter we benefit from Boyle’s gentle, hard-earned wisdom.

“These essays about universal kinship and redemption are moving examples of the power of unconditional love and the importance of fighting despair. Gorgeous and uplifting, Tattoos on the Heart reminds us that no life is less valuable than another.”

Reasons I like it: I went back to check my personal notes and this is what I wrote:

This book makes me want to be a better person. Period.

Any book with this effect gets five stars. My sister brought it from America and told me she laughed out loud as she read it and every morning her husband wanted to know the funny things she’d been reading. Anyone who can take working with gang members and ex-cons and some of the most tragic situations and find The Light and the light side is someone I want to follow. Father Greg consistently challenges the deeply rooted belief that some lives are not as valuable as others. There is also a beautiful chapter on success and failure and what they look like when you are working with people … things are messy! I find myself in the messy grey middle more and more as I grow older and people invite me deeper into their messes. Am I making the difference Father Greg is? I don’t know, but I hope to leave fingerprints along the way. Thanks Elizabeth for one of the best books I’ve read in a long time!

*****

I am so excited about this series I can barely stand it. I wanted you to know what we’ll be reading so you can join in the excitement (and if you want used copies with cheap shipping, you can order now).

Savoring Life One Firefly at a Time

This wild love story will carry on

4 Areas You Are Disconnected and God’s Response

What Does It Mean To Be Absolutely Single?

When A New Culture Moves Into the Neighborhood

3 Helpful Tips When You’re New To A Situation

Interested in reading a good book with me?

Would you have cancer treatment overseas?

Do you see yourself as a leaver or a stayer?

Velvet Ashes Summer Book Club Picks

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