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Learning lessons, Relationships, Velvet Ashes

Release: Learning to Live Light and Free

This is the name of the Velvet Ashes Retreat going on this weekend. The retreat is free and it’s not too late to sign up if you’re in need of a personal retreat.

I love every word.

va_retreat_anticipate

Release. God wants to release us.

Learning. While part of the releasing is God’s work in us, part of releasing involves us learning and cooperating. Learning also implies a life-long practice.

To Live. Anyone else hearing “To life! To life! L’chai-im!L’chai-im, l’chai-im, to life!?” God is not interested in our mere trodding and plodding through life. Will there be phases? Sure. But even in those, his desire is life.

Light and Free. Free from lies we tell ourselves, free from unrealistic expectations, free from unhealthy patterns. Free.

The following from Isaiah 14 is one to read slowly, even out loud.

Return, O Israel, to the Lord your God,
    for you have stumbled because of your iniquity.
2 Take words with you
    and return to the Lord;
say to him,
    “Take away all guilt;
accept that which is good,
    and we will offer
    the fruit of our lips.
3 Assyria shall not save us;
    we will not ride upon horses;
we will say no more, ‘Our God,’
    to the work of our hands.
In you the orphan finds mercy.”

4 I will heal their disloyalty;
    I will love them freely,
    for my anger has turned from them.
5 I will be like the dew to Israel;
    he shall blossom like the lily,
    he shall strike root like the forests of Lebanon.
6 His shoots shall spread out;
    his beauty shall be like the olive tree,
    and his fragrance like that of Lebanon.
7 They shall again live beneath my shadow,
    they shall flourish as a garden;
they shall blossom like the vine,
    their fragrance shall be like the wine of Lebanon.

What might God want to release you from? Where would you like to flourish?

Faith, Holiday, Velvet Ashes

What If Your Scars Are a Source of Shame?

The theme at Velvet Ashes this week is scars and the idea came from an interview I heard last fall with a pastor. She was asked what illustrations she uses in her preaching and said she preaches out of her scars, not her wounds.

And this phrase stuck to my soul.

There is a place for sharing from our wounds, but I get her point that for public teaching there is something to be said for where we’ve been. Not where we are.

scars-726x484

I’ve known for months I would be sharing the final post of the week. I thought I’d write about how “scars don’t have to define us, but can refine us.” Michele said it more elegantly on Monday. Then I wanted to talk about how we can use our scars to comfort others. Laura beat me to it and I love what she shared. I think you can guess what my next idea was; Jessica shared about our past coming with us overseas and the role of doubt, scars, and the upside down spiritual world. Yes, yes, yes.

I’ll admit I had a small pity party. God, I’ve been thinking about wounds and scars for months and wanted to swoop in at the end of the week and be all shiny and glittery and impressive. You know. For YOUR sake, not mine.

“Apparently I wanted each author to say what she said.” God smiled, “So listen to what I have for youto say.” Okay God, I’m listening.

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So much of our wounding is laced with shame. Whether we’ve “brought the wounding on ourselves” or had something done to us. This leads to shame about our scars and what we think they convey.

It may be that you are not picking up on something as quickly as others. It may be that your body is the source of shame due to disease, an eating disorder, an inability to carry a baby to full term, or a weight that’s “not right” for your culture. It may be a sexual history, educational history, financial history, or family history that has introduced shame to your scars.

Shame and isolation are two of the oldest tricks in The Book. From early on, the Accuser of our souls whispered one of two lies:

  1. What’s happened to you is so awful no one will want to come near you. OR
  2. What’s happened to you is nothing compared to what happened to her, or them, or there.

What wounded you is legitimate, no matter how big or how small. It’s not a contest. God is not repulsed by you, what’s happened to you, or what you’ve done. He loves you and wants to heal you. Not so he can “use your story.” No, just because he loves you. It’s the enemy who sees you in distorted lights. Who says you’re not fit.

Jesus gets shame. I know dying on the cross was more pain than I can imagine, but it’s the being naked in front of all those people that also gets me. He was ultimately shamed so that our shame will no longer isolate us.

My hope for you is that your zest for life (another way of saying the Imago Dei, beloved image bearer) will over ride your shame (another way of saying death).

Years ago I had an on-going butt boil that was humiliating. My behind is not my favorite asset and I lived in a part of the world where behinds were, oh say, half the size of mine and not neon white. The first 700 times I had to drop my pants, it was awful. And then I decided I was going to stop being embarrassed. It was what it was. I did not ask to have the problem in this location and I was not going to let it get in the way of me living.

I think a total of about 20 friends and acquaintances ended up changing bandages on my behind. It was a busy travel season and I showed up at more than one door announcing I’d need help changing my dressing, oh, did I mention it was on my behind? Let’s say, it’s was humbling, but the more often I did it, the easier it became.

But I get it. After the dear problem (and this was a couple of years into it reoccurring) turned into a fistula, I needed two more surgeries in the U.S. Between them I got a rash from the rubbing of the bandages. I thought my humiliation couldn’t sink any lower and the doctor kindly said, “No worries, I see lots of bottoms.”

“Yes, but I only have ONE. This is my one bottom and I am embarrassed. There is visible and painful proof I somehow didn’t care for it better!”

Shame will say, “Too bad you didn’t have a nice abscess on your arm, that’s more respectable and can be talked about in the light of day. Too bad you made it worse.” Shame goes for the jugular.

God says, “Dear child, see your scars as an offering.”

An offering that changes the story of isolation to a story of connection.

An offering that says though the story may detour through Good Friday, resurrection and life are your heritage.

An offering that says, “Me too.”

Shame is not your story. Instead we have scars to offer one another, at the right time, in the right context, for His glory and though it may not always seem, our good.

P.S. If you’re deep in woundedness, work towards healing, but don’t force it. Pain makes us so uncomfortable we like to jump over it, dodge under, pretend it’s not there, or get stuck wallowing in it. The scar will come, may the Lord right now be building a hedge of protection against bitterness and shame. Amen.

 

(A version of this first appeared on Velvet Ashes)

Photo Credit: shutterbugamar via Compfight cc

Cross cultural, Relationships, Velvet Ashes

Know Any Women Who Could Use This?

I know you already know this.

You know that women on the field often suffer from loneliness and isolation. You know they’re hungry to connect and share with other women who understand their cross-cultural lives. You know how important this kind of connection is for women.

And you know the problem. Life on the field often makes this kind of connection difficult or impossible for women to have.

Until now. Velvet Ashes has created a way.

connectiongroups2015open

This spring, we’re offering a 9-week session of Connection Groups. These groups consist of a cross-cultural mentor and five other ladies who meet weekly via a video chat program and/or a private Facebook group.

Last spring we tested out a small pilot session of groups. We had two big questions. Is this something ladies want? And, would it actually work?

Learning from our pilot session, we launched our first full session last fall. Groups filled up in 27 hours, and we were flooded with requests to open more groups. Clearly the answer was “yes, women really want this.”

So did it work? Well, here’s just a snippet of what women have shared:

“My connection group has been fabulous for me. I felt like I was actually getting a real visit with friends every Wednesday.”

“Meeting with my Connection Group this fall has been the best part of my week.”

Our second question was answered. It actually works.

Our Connection Groups are for women in all stages of life, single, married, new to the field, and veterans. We also offer groups specifically for those on home assignment and those transitioning off the field.

Velvet Ashes offers a variety of times and time zones for ladies to choose from. Our mentors are carefully selected ladies with overseas experience who have a heart to encourage other women. And this spring they serve and live on four continents!

I want you to know about our Connection Groups, so you can let people know. I’ve spent a significant amount of time getting the leaders together, working on a Mentor guide for the leaders, and working with others behind the scene on the tech side.

To say I am excited and tired is to speak truth :).

Registration for our Spring Session opens Feb 24, 6pm EST and fills up quickly. If you know of women who could benefit from this, please share! And if you want to hear from Kristi who was in my fall group, you can read about her experience here.

Here’s to hoping all the spots get filled!

Amy

Personality, Relationships, Velvet Ashes

What’s the process for finding your niche?

I love/hate one of the cardinal rules of blogging: Find your niche.

I hate it because it feels restricting to me.

I love it because it frees me from being all things to all people. I know The Messy Middle isn’t going to be of interest for everyone. I know it, but still it kind of annoys me because I love people and who wouldn’t want to talk about books, and sports, and embracing mess? Um, people who aren’t that into reading, don’t really like sports, and prefer black and white thinking.

Niche

When I think about finding a niche, be it blogging, or when you move to a new place or are in a new stage of life, if I think about it like a puzzle piece, I panic.

And the world starts to cave in on me.

Puzzles get more fun the further I go. (Clearly puzzling is not my niche!) At the beginning it’s an overwhelming jumble, requiring finding just the right spot for each piece with nothing looking like anything resembling a puppy in a field of flowers. Details and slowing down and high levels of focus are So. Not. My. Thing! I’d rather be screaming my head off at a sporting event, surrounded by action.

If niche is synonomous with “finding the exact right place,” I’m doomed.

How about if we substitute flavor for niche? That breathes life into my soul! What does cinnamon go with? Well, I wouldn’t sprinkle it in Diet Coke, but can banana bread have too much I ask you? No. Here’s the gospel truth about flavors like cinnamon, they can go in a host of recipes.

Yes, we need to know who we are and where we fit, but it’s not once and done. Our sense of taste and the flavors we are drawn to change over time and season of life and what’s available.

Jesus used parables about four kind of soils, but because part of my niche is cute stories involving nieces, let’s have one involving them and flavors.

Niece #1 is a foodie. As in, she would be horrified to know I don’t measure cinnamon when I bake and after adding some, will usually dump more in. Her sense of taste amazes and scares me. “Um, Mom, I’m thinking next time you cut use a little less cumin but more nutmeg and the vinegar, I’d skip it. Just a thought.” What in the world? Could she be more detailed? Let’s just say, she loves me, but won’t be screaming her head off at any football games next to me. Some people know exactly what they do and do not like in a niche.

Niece #2 has what I would call, a normal range of flavors. She’s like me, she likes to eat, but it’s as much about the people as the food. If not more so. Some people are just happy to be around others and the topic is secondary. 

Now Niece #3, if this was about soil, she’d be the thorny bush of eating! The place where food goes to die. She has a narrow and exact sense of taste. She knows what she likes and other than meat, she likes about one fruit and one vegetable. Bread? YUCK. She does the best, “You’re trying to poison me” act of all. Some people will participate in a very few niches, but those they do they will be faithful to the death! (Now in all fairness, something weird happened recently and she now eats two fruits, two vegetables, and some soups. Miracles are not just in biblical times!)

Rounding out the four types of niches, is Niece #4. When it comes to flavors and eating, this is the girl who had three very concerned older sisters when she started 1st grade. Two sat her down the week before school, having packed her a practice lunch, and timed her eating, telling her lunch time is no joke and if you aren’t focused and spend all your time chatting, you are doomed. She can be one of the most cheerful and enthusiastic people, but she’s not the most focused when it comes to eating. Some are going to move from niche to niche. Enjoy them when they are there. Don’t sweat it when they don’t show.

So, there’s my flavorful take on niches :)! Yes, niches are important, but they are not the holy grail of being the perfect fit.

Which type of niches person are you? #1, #2, #3, #4 or a combo?

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Linking with Velvet Ashes and Congrats to Morielle your copy of Fight Back With Joy by Margaret Feinberg is on the way!

Faith, Velvet Ashes

Is Bravery Biblical? (Not as obvious as it may seem.)

Princess Anna is brave. Jackie Robinson is brave. William Wallace is brave. Sarah of Sarah, Plain and Tall is brave.

Hmmmm. I am rather informed by Hollywood when it comes to bravery.

This week at Velvet Ashes we’ve been looking at the idea of “brave” in anticipation I asked myself three questions:

1. What do I think brave/bravery means?
2. Where did I get this idea?
3. What does God say about brave and bravery?

If you look at my examples above, most involve the extraordinary and a doing something impressive. Is this how God sees Bravery?

Getting no where fast doing google searches of Hebrew and Greek I contacted my friend Karl Helvig and asked for his help. He sent me a treasure trove of information.

He said, In the Hebrew, ‘Brave’ is rare and, when used in translation, translates a root word that encompasses a rather wide semantic range. {OK, so I’ m feeling better about not immediately have verses jump to mind!}

– The semantic range does seem to conflate our senses of bravery and courage
– contexts of battle, fighting, and quarrelsomeness all come up.

Bravery

“Brave” shows up 19 times in the OT in the NIV, but only a handful of times in other translations and often in the context of battle, fighting, and quarrelsomeness. There are no appearances of “Brave” in the NT in the NIV, ESV, NRSV, or NASB.

But if we look for “Courage” the NIV has 8 NT uses, NASB has 16 NT uses, NRSV 7 NT uses, and ESV has 6 NT uses. For more information of what my friend shared, read here. But suffice it to say, there is overlap in words and concepts and though the OT and NT may not use the word “Brave” it is not foreign to us.

Greek words are translated as “Courage.”

tolmao: verb, to dare, endure, or submit; endure, undergo; in the infinitive form: to have the courage, hardihood, effrontery, cruelty, or the grace, patience, to do a thing in spite of any natural feeling, dare, or bring oneself, to do.

tharreo:  be full of courage, act boldly, be confident, have confidence in, make bold, venture

parresia: openness, frankness; boldness, confidence, assurance; used sometimes to refer specifically to events made in public (as in Acts 4:13)

euthumeo: take courage, be happy. (Acts 27:25) Literally: good feelings, “eu” means: good, well, happy, and “thumos” means: intense feeling; esp. anger or rage.

Andridzomai: be courageous; literally, act like a man (1 Cor 16:13)

And now for the gem from the research. Karl wrote, “I saw one intriguing comment deep in the biggest, fattest lexicon entry on tolmao, it said that to act with courage meant to follow a particular course of action in spite of any natural feelings. 

That implies that we as humans have all sorts of natural feelings that regularly direct us NOT to do certain thing, esp. good things, esp, things for the benefit of others.  Courage, therefore, is to overcome the inner self that would prevent (fear, hesitation, insecurity, etc…) good actions.”

Beauty of Bravery

Final Thoughts on Bravery in the NT:
It looks like, at it’s root, courage is the english word that most accurately captures the root Greek and Hebrew meanings.  However, there is clear overlap in their semantic ranges, so that could simply be a matter of modern vernacular and usage.

If I were to attempt a succinct summary of the etymological foundation upon which stands out modern use of bravery/courage, {Can you see why I knew he’d help me understand what the Bible says about bravery?} it would be this: courage is the act of experiencing a generally internal fear, hesitation, disinclination toward a certain act, then choosing to perform that act inspite of the internal hinderances.

This is referred to and experienced most graphically and (historically speaking)} most commonly on the field of battle as the internal hesitation is clearly linked to an external danger to one’s life.

If I were to contrast this root meaning with some modern usage, I would note most significantly that modern usage seems to emphasize that bravery is what happens when one does not have internal fears, or it is an indication of being stronger or more capable somehow.  This, however, does not seem to square with the historical picture as the historical picture seems to embrace the reality of the internal turmoil, courage is acting in spite of that .  There is nothing negative or derogatory about having that internal struggle, having the struggle may even be part of the beauty of courage.

Hope my thoughts have been helpful, its been fun! Karl

********

Ah, I can see why bravery is most commonly packaged in a story, be it a movie or a book! And that we have gotten off a bit.  I love that last line: Having the struggle may even be part of the beauty of courage.

Karl emailed me four or five times in the last week and every time emphasized exploring these ideas was fun. Every now and then it’s good to “get our geek on” and root around in what has formed us. I know this might be a bit more academic than most posts, but it’s good for us. The messy middle isn’t just for simpletons :).

Book, China, Community, Faith, Velvet Ashes

The practice of paying attention is harder and easier than it seems

At Velvet Ashes I’m leading a weekly discussion as we work our way through Barbara Brown Taylor’s An Altar in the World. The following was written for the chapter entitled The Practice of Paying Attention

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Picture this, I read it in the quiet of my home thinking holy thoughts about paying attention to God at work, and before I could write this post, I traveled internationally. To say there is a world of difference between the version of how I WANT to be when I am at my best (i.e. sitting alone desiring and picturing myself to be this piece of calm floating through the world) versus when real people and situations get in the way of my idealized version of life, would have Jesus and the saints rolling on the ground in laughter.

Kind of like when I see a pre-schooler pitching a fit. At times it’s just so cute.

Pay attention on plane

Did anyone else smile as you read about Barbara laying with her dad and sister on a blanket looking at the night sky? Thinking, YES, yes, I love those magical moments when the curtain between here and eternity is lifted and we can peek underneath.

And then she shared about a more down to earth experience with her dad and learning to clean a gun. “This ritual, among many others, introduced me to the practices that nourish reverence in a human life: paying attention, taking care, respecting things that can kill you, making this passage from fear to awe.”  I marked this in the book thinking, Yes, yes, this is what paying attention looks like. Ritual. Reverence. I’m all in!

The practice of paying attention, however, “really does take time. Most of us move so quickly that our surroundings become no more than the blurred scenery we fly past on our way to somewhere else. We pay attention to the speedometer, the wristwatch, the cell phone, the list of things to do, all of which fee our illusion that life is manageable. Meanwhile, none of them meets the first criterion for reverence, which is to remind us that we are not gods.”

As the chapter went on she shared about outward visible signs pointing to inward and spiritual connections. And she wrote about those bird feathers “glancing off the windshield” as she drove, becoming a sign of where food comes from and the ways God provides.

We live in noisy, colorful worlds ourselves, don’t we? Potential connections can be made all around us. I’m all in when paying attention will lead me to star-filled moments or quiet insights. But we’ll also have bird feather moments.

I don’t know why, but of all I read in this chapter, it was those feathers that stuck with me as I traveled. Maybe because, let’s be honest, sure, traveling can be fun, but over the years its lost its glamor for me. Luggage and waiting and sitting and wondering who will be in my row and movies I don’t care about and custom lines, are part of the jig, right? A means to an end. Do I hear an Amen?

With those feathers floating in my mind, the meal consumed and the first movie over, I pulled out my eye mask, blew up my neck pillow and leaned my seat back.

“OH NO, this will not do. You put your seat up right now. My wife is working and this will never do. Put your seat up.”

Came into the gap between my seat and the row behind me. I was a bit taken a back by the commanding nature with which it came and turned to see the eye of an older gentleman who repeated the message. I tried to explain I was going to sleep and can’t sleep sitting up and that the lady in front of me was also leaned back.

By this point he had pushed the call button and summoned the flight attendant. (Side note, you guys, I am not that passenger! I am not the one who is obnoxious and gets beeped. What was happening?! How did it all turn tense so quickly?)

The flight attendant explained I had the right to lean my seat back and if they needed more space they could lean theirs back.  He handled it professionally, and I was impressed with his calm demeanor. I’ll spare you the details, but you can imagine how this sat with the man and his wife.

I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. He kept leaning forward and mumbling through the gap, “Some people are just so inconsiderate.” I wanted to mumble back, “Do you see the irony?!” but refrained.

Pay attention I am here.

This was a bird feather moment. I sat there, eye mask on, head resting on the neck pillow and prayed. I pictured them in their kitchen going over plans for their trip abroad and how this might have been a life long dream to visit a far off land. But they had never been on a plane this long and had not pictured or mentally prepared for the travel. I prayed for their trip to a land I love dearly and hoped they too would love her. I slipped in and out of sleep. I prayed and dosed and woke and prayed.

I wanted to be annoyed and I was a tiny bit. But mostly I paid attention and by paying attention I saw more of what was really going on.

*****

How about you? What moments are you more drawn to pay attention to? What parts do you say, “I’m all IN!” and where would you rather turn your eyes and not pay attention?  Have you read this book?

 

Disclosure : Amazon Affiliate links included in this post.  If you click through to Amazon, any purchase you make supports Velvet Ashes. 

Velvet Ashes

T.H.I.N.G.S are going on all over the world! Let’s party!

I was focused on finding  presents for boys ages 10-14 so I didn’t notice the older man approach.

“Do you do parties?” he asked extending a card to me. Since I was wearing my non-bifocal contacts because I was headed to Zumba after I finished my research I couldn’t clearly read the card.

I’m not sure I know how to answer your question.

(Anyone else wondering if he’s asking me if I’m a stripper? Why do these things happen to me? Shouldn’t Monday morning be a safe time to research for the children?!)

“Do your children have birthday parties?” With squinting I made out the word magic or magician. OH. Well, I don’t have children, but given more context, I DO do parties!

Happy Birthday Velvet Ashes. 

VA birthday

A year ago our first post went live after months of preparing through dreaming, fun branding exercises with Danielle and Patty, a fund raising campaign, and gathering of a writing team.

This week we’ve found ourselves saying, as you do at these times, “Wow! Can you believe it’s been a year already?! Can you believe it’s only been a year?!”

It’s good to a pause at milestones, marking and marveling. The four primary lessons for me (in no order of importance):

1. I’ve learned a new language — Thanks to Velvet Ashes I’ve learned (some) html coding — or on the days I’m so frustrated and call it “what the hell” coding. Not to overplay my hand, for those who really know html coding, I sound like a two-year-old! I’m more aware of where bugs may lie and how to fix them. And this has brought back my days of “Basic” coding (remember that computer language? No, you probably are much younger than me!). I was told my coding could graph a mean line and to get it published. Didn’t think I’d ever be doing computer work again. I kind of miss the simplicity of basic!

2. If you build it and God blesses it, good people will come — So many have joined that help with visual images (Karen!), Instagram (Lauren!), Twitter (Jessica!), Food posts (Ashley!), Submissions editor (Kim!) —  you can check out the whole team on the newly redone Contributors Page. Please look at it. (Can you guess why? See #1 — also lots of input from our web designer Ted who is amazing.)

And let’s not forget all of the guest posts and commenters. Were it not for many, many, this would be a quiet, dull little corner of the world.

3. God’s heart for the world is so much bigger than I had grasped — When you have been immersed in one neck of the woods (and it is GOOD to go deep and invest fully in one place), the detriment can be you hear of things going on around the world and say, “yeah, yeah, that’s pretty cool.” But you just don’t have the emotional bandwidth to grasp how T.H.I.N.G.S are going on all over the world.

Get this, as he has done for generations, God moves someone in one part of the world to go to another part and be His hands and feet. Kids in India, VBS material in Latin America, runaway kids in America, rural parts of Uganda, orphanages in Romania, church planting in Ireland, living in villages in Cambodia, Orphans in Russia — folks in VA are involved in all. Translation work, educational work, medical work, business work. You guys, the news would have you believe the world is going to hell in a hand basket. Well, it’s not. Is life hard? Yes (just think of the boys ages 10-14 without presents).

It’s hard AND T.H.I.N.G.S. are going on all over the world. Thanks to Velvet Ashes we’re all a bit more connected and aware.

4. God’s got a sense of humor — When I left China, all of the work I do with Velvet Ashes wasn’t on the radar, which is probably a good thing. My skin kind of crawls at traditional Women’s Ministry stuff. I’m drawn to substance and stabs at professionalism (meaning, perfection isn’t the goal, but looking not cheap or poorly done is). Turns out VA values substance and quality. I still rankle at the WM label, but when I see all that God had been building over the years, my role in Velvet Ashes is a continuation and broadening of the work I’ve been doing.

When it was pronounced over me several years ago I had outgrown the organization I called home, I was sad. I didn’t want to out grow it. Couldn’t we all go back to when it was a great fit? Please?! But God had to “out grow” me so that I’d be open to this label I’m not keen on. Way to chuckle God! And I’m having a blast meeting new people, learning a ton, and reinventing myself.

Happy Birthday Velvet Ashes. You are home to me. You are my people, you are my friends, let’s grow old together. I’ll try to cuss less in our second year :)!

Faith, Learning lessons, Velvet Ashes

What We Know Can Lead to What We Are Known For

This post first appeared on Velvet Ashes with the weekly theme Known.  We explored what it means to be known. To be known by a culture not our own. To be known by teammates. To be known by friends and family. To be known by ourselves. To be known by God.

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A few hours after this is published I’ll be heading to the airport, boarding a plane and flying back to America. It is hard/easy to leave. Hard well, because a part of me will always be here and some of my people will always live here and now I don’t. Easy in the sense my friend is doing well in her recovery and yesterday took a huge turn for the good and doesn’t need me the way she has, so we both know the time is right for me to leave. Thanks for your prayers and interest.
what we are known for

In preparation for this post I’ve been thinking about the relationship between the words “known” and “know” (Geek alert, sorry). How does what we know influence what we become known for? How does what we know influence the ways we are known by others and ourselves?

As I waited to meet with a young woman I mentor, I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote down people we are familiar with and what they knew. 

  • What did Joseph know? He knew he had been falsely accused.
  • What did Joshua know? He knew God was bigger than the giants in front of him. He knew it even when others didn’t.
  • What did Hannah know? She knew the ache of infertility runs deep.
  • What did Mary know was true about herself? She was a virgin, she had been loyal to her fiancé and her word, and she was the servant of God. She knew this even when it was hard for others to know it.
  • What did Moses know? He knew fear when he heard the call. He knew he needed help.
  • What did Ezekiel know? He knew that cooking over human feces was not something he was comfortable with and talked with God about it.
  • What did Esther know? She knew there may be a cost (she might die) and she was wiling to pay it.
  • What did Daniel know? He knew that some cultural rules are not to be followed.
  • What did Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego know? They knew, “Come what may, we will trust the Lord.”
  • What did Jesus know? To enjoy time with friends.
  • What did Paul know? He knew the truths of the gospel are had to fully grasp at both an individual and community level.
  • What did Lydia know? She knew how to be a successful business woman.
  • What did Peter know? He knew he needed to be willing to change with the leading of the Lord and what had been unclean was now clean.
  • What did Sarah know? She knew the joy of holding the longing she never thought would be fulfilled.
  • What did Jeremiah know? He knew to weep for the sis of the people.
  • What did Hosea know? He knew to risk relationship even when others may not understand.
  • What did Mary know later in life? She knew the pain of watching a loved one suffer.

I know (wink!) this is not an exhaustive list and many of these folks knew and were known for more than this one attribute. What stands out to me as I read over this list and let it soak into me a bit is the relationship between what they knew and what they were known for.  

Which leads me to ask myself, what do I know? And what am I known for? Limiting myself to three :

  1. I know life is messy and large enough to hold complexities. I am known for walking into messes with people (they don’t scare me) and looking for ways God can work.
  2. I know that appropriate laughter lightens the road. I’m known for being a bit zany and up for a good time.
  3. The older I get the more I know this one: I know relationships matter and are necessary. I’m known for finding ways to connect people to each other, history, ideas, and God.

If someone were to ask you what do you know and how does that influence what you are known for, how would you answer?

P.S. The depth and variety reflected in the Word is stunning, is it not?

Photo Credit: Silvestri Matteo via Unsplash

Cross cultural, Faith, Learning lessons, Personality, Velvet Ashes

4 ways God prepares you for a calling

This week at Velvet Ashes our theme has been “Prepare” and I am hosting our final post of the week. I wrote the following for folks preparing to serve as cross-cultural workers, but God doesn’t just prepare some for the journey before them, he prepares us all.

God is preparing you

 

It is with a bit of fear and trembling I approach the topic of preparation. And you know what, that is OK. This is holy ground we are on.

Living in an era of tips and hints, I don’t want to reduce this to a list that removes the mystery and wonder of the ways God works. Yet saying, “Good luck, you’re on your own!” doesn’t honor the ways in which we can take steps to be prepared for the field.

As I picture you in my mind, whether preparing to move overseas for the first time, or preparing for a new assignment, or preparing for a change in your family dynamics, or preparing to return to the field after a time of sabbatical, I see you surrounded by boxes, and lists, and hopes and dreams. It is probably an exciting time, but also an exhausting one. Yes?

I want to remind you, you are not alone. Others have been prepared by the One who called them for a task or to a place and you will be too. As I recalled the great cloud of witnesses we have, I marveled in the variety of means God used to prepare them.

  • With Mary, He sent an angel to talk with her in person–she had someone physically show up, sit down and talk with her, answer questions, and reassure her.
  • With Daniel, He used formal education and relationships.
  • Esther was prepared through physical attributes and relationships with her uncle and Hegai.
  • Paul was prepared through the family and connections he was born into, the training he received, the positions he held, and then through a time of obscurity.
  • With Joseph, the son of Jacob, God prepared him through dreams, family betrayal, being lied about, imprisoned for years, forgotten, and an ability to hear from God about dreams.
  • David was prepared through mundane, ordinary tasks (tending and protecting sheep), obscurity, time alone, and musical training.
  • Moses was prepared by being given up at birth, being bilingual and bicultural, having a speech impediment, and through connections.
  • And with Joseph (betrothed to Mary), he was prepared through his strong character and a clear dream.

This is a brief list of eight people, can you imagine how long the list would be if we went chapter by chapter through the Bible and spent time studying the ways in which God prepared people? Four  things stand out to me:

  1. He prepares each of us in unique ways.
  2. God often uses multiple streams of preparation.
  3. Some of the preparation only makes sense looking back; some — like the training and education–made sense beforehand.
  4. And not all of the preparation will be, shall we say, fun or positive.

As you get ready to go to the field, may you hear God whisper over and over to your soul, “Fear not, for I have called you. I’ll go before you, beside you, and behind you.” Right now as you prepare for some of the knowns like the weather, the food, what clothes you need to pack, schooling and all of the materials needed, learning about the spiritual climate where you will go … know yourself.  If you tend to obsess about knowing more details, let us know in the comments (specifics aren’t needed) and we will leave comments letting you know we’re praying for you. And if you have the kind of personality that might need to focus a bit more on the details, leave us that kind of comment and we will pray for you too.

It’s not only the known you’ve been prepared for, you have also been prepared by The Sovereign One for journeys you didn’t know are before you. Trust that God knows where you are going and what you need and will meet you at the time.

Some things will be trivial delights. I never understood why I didn’t like big hunks of meat and cutting them with knives. This seemed out of place growing up in the US. But in China, this part of me made sense! And my lack of love for cheese. Oh the glories of never needing to special order food!

Others more serious. I don’t know what you will face. But I know the One who knows and he leaves us with two promises: he will not abandon us and he will provide us with those to help bear the burden.

If you’re getting ready for a change in life, what are some of the practical ways you are preparing? As you look back, how have you seen God prepare you for other parts of your life?

Community, Faith, Messier than normal, Personality, Velvet Ashes

The secret to contentment {writing this was like birthing a kidney stone}

At Velvet Ashes, a watering hole for women living overseas, we’re ending our special three week series on parenting, marriage and singleness. We end each with with The Grove and gather around the topic for the week. The following was The Grove post for “singleness.”

*****

“Twenty seven.”

I was 19 and was talking to a fellow counselor at the summer camp where I worked.  Many of the counselors were older, married, and mothers to a camper. She smiled and in response to the confident age I announced I was going to get married she said, “I hope it works out, but when you get married isn’t something you can control.”

Guess what age I moved to China.

In a sense, I have been married ever since.

freedom and boundaries

I have put off writing this post more than any other I have written. If I’m awake in the middle of the night, my mind drifts to it and I dread needing to write.

Here are two reasons I don’t want to write this – 1. I do not want to be a go-to person for singleness. This was not my dream.  I did not picture myself being single and though I am very, very happy. I do not think it’s because I’m single. So it’s hard to write about something that has nothing to do with my contentment.  2. Though very, very happy, I can still feel like an outsider at times.

You know this month we’ve looked at TCKs and marriage and now singleness.  You also know one of the reasons I love Velvet Ashes is because we are a place for all women. Single, married, happy overseas, drowning overseas, divorced, raising little ones, living in empty nests, young, old, in-between. There is something we each can offer to one another. I need you and you need me.

But as a 46-year-old single woman I also scare you. And that makes me sad.

As we planned out these three weeks, there was a throw away comment. “We need to protect the hope of the young women and if we only hear from older single women … well.”

I am no longer the “young” single. I am the cautionary tale.  When did that happen?

Young single women reading this, cherish your dreams, your longings. I love the energy and hope you bring to us, to me. I love the ways you throw yourself at life and have so much before you. If you hope to get married and have children and bake cookies and build family memories, this is good and honorable and exciting.

But it is not a given.

We started this conversation in December and one of the questions in the comments asked me how do you have peace and joy as a single person.

In that post I wrote about playing Old Maid and said: When it comes to singleness, I can say this for sure: Jesus is into being a game changer. And I stand by that. Jesus values and loves and uses and disciplines me because I am, not because I am _(fill in the blank)______ (single, married, a mother, awesome at language, a killer baker, a sports fan).

No, He places value on every single person simply because they are. When he declared “It is finished” from the cross, he changed who is invited to “play the game.” He did not, however, throw out all rules.

I said above I do not think my happiness, joy, and contentment have anything to do with being single. Here is the secret to my contentment: accepting the reality of limits and freedoms.

I do not dwell on what I don’t have. I enjoy what I do have.

As a single person, I have limits placed on me. But getting married wouldn’t change that reality, it would shift it. I’d still have limits.

On the flip side, I have all kinds of freedoms as single person. Parents have freedoms too, they just look different than mine.

Parallel Lives

I have been in the unique position of having a dear friend with the same name, major in college and love for the Lord. The major difference, she married when we were 21. Our parallel lives have allowed us to “do life” on similar paths separated by continents. We offer each other a glimpse into “what my life might have been like.” So much sameness, so much difference.

A few years ago she said the kindest thing to me, “Amy I didn’t know what I was choosing when I got married at 21, you have shown me much by making different choices.” She is happily married and the mother of three (how can the oldest soon be going to college?!). But she sees that I haven’t missed out on life, I have lived full-on, engaged and invested.

To my sisters reading this who want to SCREAM, “BUT I DO NOT WANT THIS LIMIT.” I hear you.  Neither did the woman whose husband had an affair, or had a child who is on the autism spectrum, or she herself has health problems. Life does not always happen the way we’d want. Living within limits is not just for the single.

Our limits point us to God. They say, “This is where you end. You are not limitless, only I AM. I give you limits to remind you who you are so you remember who I AM.”

Cry out, unabashedly, and unashamedly to God.

But like the good Father he is, it’s not all about limits. There are freedoms offered to each path in life. And I delight in my freedom. When I was deciding whether or not to leave the field for a season, one benefit I had was I was only deciding for one. If I crash and burn, I’m only taking one down. When I want to exercise on a Saturday morning, I don’t have to coordinate with someone, I just go.

I have more to say (of course =)), but this conversation will continue to unfold over time, right?

 

What limits and freedoms do you experience? What helps you be content?

Photo credit by jonycunha via flickr cc

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