Remember how I wondered if God plays with us like a cat and mouse? And I felt stalked by God to choose the word trust for 2014?
As the year unfolded I found myself saying, “Oh now I get it God, that’s why you insisted like a nagging child at the grocery store that I pick trust as my word for 2014.”
I entered 2014 in the midst of transition as the boat carry all of my worldly possession had finally arrived, my dad was facing a host of medical situations (none of which seemed fatal), and a potential job I needed to wait until applications were accepted in May.
A season of transition seemed appropriate for trust, though I wanted a more exciting word.
It was a mere weeks into the year when the parent I thought I’d have for many more years to come, I didn’t. Ah yes, God, you knew. Trust is needed in the face of many decisions we’d need to make. Trust is needed as we reorient ourselves to this change in our family.
The job I thought I’d get, I didn’t. Ah yes, God, you knew. You knew that I am not one to leave a job without something lined up and certainly not in my mid-40s when I’ve been programed to be sensible. And then to not get the job?! Yes, trust was needed.
And as we rounded the corner, racing towards 2015 I thought I’d learned what I needed to learn from trust, I hadn’t. A deep personal layer was revealed a few weeks ago. Maybe the whole point for the word.
Between my personality and a stable childhood, trust has come easily to me. In December during a spiritual exercise we were asked to invite a part of ourselves that had left back to ourselves. I was promoted to invite trust back.
WHAT?
Hello? What’s been my word for the year? What have I been thinking about and exploring and intentionally weaving into my life? How much more invited can you be?
I had the image of a little wounded bird and as long as Jesus stayed RIGHT THERE, I was OK with trust. But, irony of ironies, I didn’t trust him to leave that little bird alone.
Several years ago my trust took a big hit, though at the time that’s not how I defined it. And then something similar happened to someone close to me in November. Fool me once, God, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I realized it wasn’t just two of us this had happened to, I had a short list. If dishonorable things are going to happen to honorable people, are we suckers for trusting?
Without overly sharing, I don’t need to do more to heal the little bird. The healing is up to God and I am freed to just be. I share this because I had not seen this coming when “trust” entered the picture over a year ago. God is gracious and unexpected and when he stalks it’s for our good. Ha :).
I’m very much drawn to the word God has shared with me for 2015 and want to race ahead to it. But in honor of what will come to be known a year of great growth and transformation in many areas, I pause here and reflect on trust.
What was your word for the year? I have no doubt the year (whether you had a word or not) held surprises for you too :). What was one?
It’s been a gift to journey this year with you, friend. Love the surprises He had for us and our words this year. Here’s to the year ahead and all of it’s surprises! :)
Ok, just after hitting post comment, I realized how wrong it sounds to say I loved your surprises. I ACHE over the surprises you had to endure this year, truly ache. I should have said I love the freedom you found in your latest surprise… And it’s been a honor to watch the way you have trusted Him through every hard surprise.
Amy,
At some deep recesses of my soul it bothers me that dishonorable stuff happens to honorable people. It bothers me more to think that I would let my trust in God be determined by my judgement of what happens to me. I do not want to be one who determines how they trust or love based on what happens to me. I want to be one who trust and loves because that is what should be done and that is how I want to live. I may have serious misgivings about what I get battered with but I know all too well I am a poor at evaluating the effects of circumstances. At times I wish a relationship with God was a shield against anything bad coming my way. I even expect that at times wrongly. I know God is with us… not to protect us from everything but He is there to walk beside us as we travel through the dark of life and also the joys.
So when I rail against the stuff I deem bad that my life gets hit with I hope I do come back and hang onto the trust that can really only be found in God.
Amy, thanks for sharing your journey with trust over the last year. So glad to hear about how Jesus pursued you to commit to trust. Love what Mark Allman wrote in his comment, “I know God is with us…not to protect us from everything but He is there to walk beside us as we travel through the dark of life and also the joys.”
Thanks Amy! Last year I thought the word Father gave was trust also.. However, it turned out to be grace. Grace was definitely t the word for this past year. I find your post to be of the Father’s timing and a good reminder to me of what this upcoming year will be like for me. It will be a journey of trust but not just trust but trusting faithfully. Your post is a great encouragement to me as I start into this year. Thank you for sharing!
My word for 2014 was Still. Tho I have 11 years experience, the job I am working only pays minimum wage, no benefits, no vacation, no health insurance, but I felt God telling me to wait. My word for 2015 Is NEW, based on Isaiah 43:18-19. I believe He is getting ready to open the door to a better job
A surprise in 2014 for me was the realization that, after more than 20 years, we would have to leave China because of my health. That was hard. Did I mention that it was hard? Yeah, real hard.
And then, I realized that even though it surprised ME, it certainly didn’t blindside GOD! And in the midst of some pretty major uncertainties in my life (where will we live? Will I be able to find a job?), I need to keep telling myself that he’s never once failed to provide for us, so why do I worry now? My physical condition may have changed pretty drastically, but God NEVER changes, so I KNOW he will provide, no matter what our situation is. {Rest, my worried heart! Rest in him!}
Hmm…maybe trust should be my word of the year for 2015!
As I look to 2015, God gave me a word that I hesitated adopting as mine because it scared me. But through a Bible study I am in the midst of on faith, I have accepted the word with my whole heart and look forward to what God is doing in my life as I wait with an “EXPECTANT” heart.
EXPECTANT…yes, I watch and listen and know that God is at work.
Caring through Christ, ~ linda