As the year unfolded I found myself saying, “Oh now I get it God, that’s why you insisted like a nagging child at the grocery store that I pick trust as my word for 2014.”
I entered 2014 in the midst of transition as the boat carry all of my worldly possession had finally arrived, my dad was facing a host of medical situations (none of which seemed fatal), and a potential job I needed to wait until applications were accepted in May.
A season of transition seemed appropriate for trust, though I wanted a more exciting word.
It was a mere weeks into the year when the parent I thought I’d have for many more years to come, I didn’t. Ah yes, God, you knew. Trust is needed in the face of many decisions we’d need to make. Trust is needed as we reorient ourselves to this change in our family.
The job I thought I’d get, I didn’t. Ah yes, God, you knew. You knew that I am not one to leave a job without something lined up and certainly not in my mid-40s when I’ve been programed to be sensible. And then to not get the job?! Yes, trust was needed.
And as we rounded the corner, racing towards 2015 I thought I’d learned what I needed to learn from trust, I hadn’t. A deep personal layer was revealed a few weeks ago. Maybe the whole point for the word.
Between my personality and a stable childhood, trust has come easily to me. In December during a spiritual exercise we were asked to invite a part of ourselves that had left back to ourselves. I was promoted to invite trust back.
Hello? What’s been my word for the year? What have I been thinking about and exploring and intentionally weaving into my life? How much more invited can you be?
I had the image of a little wounded bird and as long as Jesus stayed RIGHT THERE, I was OK with trust. But, irony of ironies, I didn’t trust him to leave that little bird alone.
Several years ago my trust took a big hit, though at the time that’s not how I defined it. And then something similar happened to someone close to me in November. Fool me once, God, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I realized it wasn’t just two of us this had happened to, I had a short list. If dishonorable things are going to happen to honorable people, are we suckers for trusting?
Without overly sharing, I don’t need to do more to heal the little bird. The healing is up to God and I am freed to just be. I share this because I had not seen this coming when “trust” entered the picture over a year ago. God is gracious and unexpected and when he stalks it’s for our good. Ha :).
I’m very much drawn to the word God has shared with me for 2015 and want to race ahead to it. But in honor of what will come to be known a year of great growth and transformation in many areas, I pause here and reflect on trust.
What was your word for the year? I have no doubt the year (whether you had a word or not) held surprises for you too :). What was one?