The Messy Middle

where grace and truth reside

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Family, Holiday

#TakeBackTheStreets

So much life happens on the streets of China.

Breakfast stands pop up.

Fruit and veggies to be sold.

Poop (some might say a little too much life).

Dancing, badminton, car washes.

Life, life, life! Let’s #TakeBackTheStreets

take-back-the-night

Without garages to pull into and the high value of private space, life is engaged to a degree that is different than life in the West.

People, we have an opportunity next Monday night to get out there and mingle with our neighbors. One of my very first blog posts encourage people to “Take back the streets.” In part I said:

I have mixed feeling about the “Fall Festivals” that have become the norm at many churches and other places of gathering. Part of me applauds the church looking for ways to be a haven and being willing to open their doors instead of close them. But another part is kind of turned off by the withdrawal and segregation. It’s the ONE night a year in America where we are socially sanctioned to wander around our neighborhoods, knock on each other’s doors and greet one another. The ONE night. And what have we done, we have said safety is more important than engagement (I told you, you might not agree).

*****

The main push back I have gotten is over the origin of Halloween. I really never intended to take a massive stand on Halloween. The truth is I care about relationships and finding connecting points. I don’t know much about the origins of Halloween and, frankly, it doesn’t really interest me because I believe nothing, absolutely nothing is beyond the hope of redemption.

Do bad things happen on Halloween? Sure. Do bad things happen other night of the year and in the name of evil. Absolutely (and tragically so). Do I ABHOR the evil perpetrated against children or cats? Big fat yes.

But as one who bears the Image of God, I also bear the image of fun and creativity and playfulness. Of connection and joy and giggles. Of memory building and traditions. Do I delight that God made us in His image? Bigger, Fatter Y-E-S.

Now, can you just tun off your lights and not engage on Monday night and still be an Image Bearer? Of course. And that’s fine!

However, if you’re looking for some creative ideas for Monday, here are a few I’ve heard:

1. A group of teachers in China live in a building shared with graduate students. They hung up a sign explaining about Trick-or-Treating and asked students who would be willing for foreign children to Trick-or-Treat to hang up one of the provided pumpkins.

2. A family in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania hands out hot dogs to those passing by their house. A few years ago they wrote to a record label and and pitched the idea of Christmas Music CD’s being handed out with hot dogs. The record label LOVED the idea and sent 100 of David Crowder’s CD. My friends are not all that taken with Halloween, but they are taken with their neighbors and with Christmas. I only wish I lived closer because who doesn’t love a hot dog on a cold night?!

3. A church in Denver held their Fall Festival on Saturday night to free up their congregation on Halloween.

4. My sister and her family have started leaving a bowl of candy on their front porch so no one has to stay home. We get to wander their neighborhood as a family connecting with neighbors and fellow Trick-or-Treaters. (For the third year in a row, we have a themed costume. Only four of us can go, so we are going to be the four seasons. I’ll be summer, you know, cause I’m hot. HAHAHA. That is not why I’m summer!)

Engagement can come in many forms, be creative. Find one that works for you, your stage of life, your family and your personality.

I’d love to hear more ideas of ways you have found to engage and connect with folks. Anyone else planning a costume this year? Use #TakeBackTheStreets on Facebook or Instagram and let’s see the light and fun and JOY you can bring to your neck of the woods.

Community, Family, Holiday

A Litany for Mother’s Day

I love hearing back stories. I wrote an open letter to pastors {A non-mom speaks about Mother’s Day} on a Thursday morning. At that time I worked in a shared work space where six people shared five desks. Not everyone came in to the office every day and on that day three of us were in the office: Dan, Matt, and me. Truth be told, Mother’s Day wasn’t the strongest thing on my mind. Instead, it was green beans.

The back story

I was living in Beijing and a local restaurant, named—in our circle—as “The Green Umbrella” was going to be torn down and the land it was located on redeveloped. The Green Umbrella had the best Chinese food ever. Ever. And the green bean dish? To die for. I think it was laced with drugs, it was that addicting.

Our entire staff, both American and Chinese, had planned a staff outing to eat together one last time at the GU. That’s how tragic the closing was going to be! We had to eat green beans together and mourn in community.

In my post, I wanted to say, “Dear Pastor, don’t make me stand, it is unnecessarily awkward. Let’s save the awkwardness for situations we can’t avoid. Love, Amy.” But I knew that wasn’t really a helpful message. It was what I felt, but it didn’t get at the reason behind my annoyance. It didn’t get at the heart, it stayed in the head. So, I asked myself what I wished a pastor would do. What would have ministered to me and those around me? How could we still honor the mothers around us without creating more hurt? There had to be a better way.

I wrote the letter in, maybe 30 minutes, looked for an image on line that caught the heart of mothering without stereotyping. As I hit send I asked Dan and Matt if they were ready for green beans.

Who wouldn’t be?!

Every Mother’s Day now I think of Dan, Matt, and green beans. I also marvel at how God has taken this message and way of approaching holidays and grown it into a movement that has absolutely nothing to do with me. Which is how it should be. This time of year is a bit nuts-o on my blog, but the best part is hearing how this message is being adapted and used. I just heard from a DJ wanting to read it on Sunday across the airwaves. It’s been translated into many languages and multiple videos have been made.

Several ministries have used it to help launch their own ministries. What?! I know. This letter has become  one of the most tangible gifts to steward I have been given by God. Below is one of the ways the message is being used this year, in litany. I nearly swooned. Litany. It’s a Christian girls dream come true.

What I love about you, reader, is that you have been given gifts to steward too. You have been given a message and means to share it. The messages are important and can impact change. But lest we make it all big and world changing, what I love about God, is that he laces these stories with private humor.

On a holiday about mothers, I think about my male co-workers and green beans.

A Litany for Mother’s Day 
from Amy Young adapted by Pastor Bree Truax

A litany for mother's day

Leader: This is the day the Lord has made!
Congregation: We will rejoice and be glad in it!

Leader: To those who are pregnant with new life,
Congregation: we anticipate with you and pray that God will knit together the child in your womb.

Leader: To those who gave birth this year to their first child
Congregation: we celebrate with you!

Leader: To those who lost a child this year. To those who experienced loss this year through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or accidents
Congregation: we mourn with you.

Leader: To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, hopes that are dashed and disappointment
Congregation: we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

Leader: To those who are moms, foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms
Congregation: thank you! We need you. We appreciate you!

Leader:  To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother
Congregation: we acknowledge your experience. We are sad with you. We hope for your healing.

Leader:  To those who are caring for their mothers in the midst of medical needs
Congregation: God sustain you.

Leader: To those who whose mother died this year or in years past
Congregation: we grieve with you. Peace to you.

Leader:  This Mother’s Day, everyday, we all walk together as the family of God. All are valued. All make a difference. For the mothers present and represented among us, we give extra thanksgiving today.
Congregation: For their love, encouragement and strength, we thank the Lord.

Leader:  Drawn together by the Spirit, we join with others as one family in worship, in prayer, in praise, in company.  We come to worship God and to grow in faith together.
Congregation: Let us love one another as God first loved us.

Faith, Holiday, The Church Year

A meditation for Good Friday

At times, words are too much for me on Good Friday. All the noise. All the motion. All the focus on the candy.

visio divina

Here I’ve adapted a post I wrote last week for Velvet Ashes and it uses Visio Divina. Visio Divina Latin for divine seeing or “praying with art.”

Today on Good Friday, using the simple instructions below, spend a few minutes meditating on this image depicting Peter’s denial of Christ.

Peter's Denial

 

  1. Look at the image and let your eyes stay with the very first thing that you see. Keep your attention on that one part of the image that first catches your eye. Try to keep your eyes from wandering to other parts of the picture. Breathe deeply and let yourself gaze at that part of the image for a minute or so.
  2. Now, let your eyes gaze at the whole image. Take your time and look at every part of the photograph. See it all. Reflect on the image for a minute or so.
  3. Consider the following questions:
    • What emotions does this image evoke in you?
    • What does the image stir up in you, bring forth in you?
    • Does this image lead you into an attitude of prayer? If so, let these prayers take form in you. Write them down if you desire.
  4. Now, offer your prayers to God in a final time of silence.

///

Here are three suggestions if you would like to continue this Spiritual Practice:

  1. When you look at Instagram, choose an image for Visio Divinia
  2. Pick a piece of art from your host country
  3. Use this meditation for Rest on the Flight to Egypt

Had you heard of Visio Divina? How was trying it with the picture of Peter? What did God reveal to you through this practice?

Image by Waiting for the Christ

P.S. Winner of the Coloring Book has been notified :)

Faith, Holiday, The Church Year

When your joy might need some glue

It was like walking in on a Christmas Crime Scene. In Friday’s video, I mentioned that our Christmas tree had fallen over. Want to know the miracle? (Okay, that may be pushing it, since it fell on soft carpet and was a soft tree; but you know how these situations can make a person be a bit dramatic? And by a person, I mean me.)

Of all the ornaments, only three broke and needed gluing.

In terms of miracle, maybe not that noteworthy. But in terms of irony, it was a little off the scale. This was one of the broken ornaments:

Joy broken

Joy was broken.

Seriously?

Week one of Advent called us to actively wait, knowing that we need Jesus. Week two called us be prepared and we talked about what that means in light of a messy lives that need God’s peace.

And now we add joy into the mix. Even if it’s broken and needs glue.

Traditionally (and here’s I’m about to sound like I know far more than I do), week three has a different color candle—pink— to show that we are more than half way through Advent.

Christmas, she is a’coming. Which means, Jesus, he is a’coming.

It also has a special name: Gaudete Sunday. Guess what, you probably already knew this, but didn’t know you knew it. Remember from the song O come, o come emmanuel and ransom captive Israel? The refrain is Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, oh Israel. Unless you sing it in Latin—which I don’t think I have, but I must have because sometimes I sing —Gaudete Gaudete Emmanuel murmur murmur (since I don’t really know Latin).

Gaudete means rejoice!

Rejoice

Too often I seem to have gotten the message that we rejoice when. When life is going well. When the dishes are done. When we got the raise. When all the money is in. When we have time.

But Mary, the mother of Jesus, reminds us that “the Mighty One has done great things for me.” This is why we rejoice. This is why we can have joy in the midst of our, to put it mildly, often less than ideal lives.

Problems with your ex? Rejoice.

Bills piling up? Rejoice.

Feeling lonely? Rejoice.

Church, or work team, or ministry team in crisis? Rejoice.

Child needing surgery? Rejoice.

Not because of those situations, but in the midst of them. I have a slight beef with people who have false emotions in reaction to real situations. People who are always sappy happy or turn too quickly to Christian-ese make me want to take two giant steps back and look for the nearest exit. Where is a good lament when you need one? A “God will smite you!” song? Here is why we can rejoice, God agrees this world is a hot mess.

But it’s a hot mess he dearly loves. His kingdom is breaking in. Kimberlee reminds us: “It is God who does great things, to be sure, as Mary herself proclaims, but how great a God we serve, that he would allow us, invite us, long for us to participate in his redeeming work in the world.”

Your joy may feel broken this year. Or it might feel sparkly and magical. Either way, Advent reminds us to be “joyfully aware of the presence of God.”

I used to hate the color pink. It seemed so stereotypically girly. Cliche. Yuck. But then the polluted air of Beijing ate holes in my corneas and I couldn’t wear my contacts after decades of being a contact wearer. I had to switch to glasses and on a whim bought a pair of pink glasses. Hey, if I have to wear glasses, I can at least protest by making them fun. It’s not that God wants us to see the world only through rose colored lenses. No, he sees the real pain of this world, but he frames in the pink of his Joy.

This week, where can you rejoice? Where is pink woven into your world? May pink remind us to rejoice in who God is.

Holiday

To Non-Dads on Father’s Day

non-dads

Dear Friend,

I want to call you friend and not non-dad. If you’re like me, the term non-mom irks me because it focuses on what I’m not instead of what I am. I wasn’t going to write to you, I feel I’ve said my piece and my role is to help pastors navigate these waters. I was sitting outside reading as I enjoyed a morning cup of tea when i got a direct message on Facebook from a woman I don’t know.

She said:

You wrote about all the different scenarios of mothers on moms day. Today we are military and there are so many dads who have no children but would love them, some have them but they are far away or have been replaced. I’m struggling to find the words to tell the dads who can’t have children for health reasons why them being fathers to neighborhood kids or just role models. Can you please post something. Your words hit it right on the head with moms. I need to show these non dad s they have a place. Some lost their kid in an IED blast, several have tried for years and never had kids. Please help me help them.

Kenna  THANK YOU WITH LOVE

It’s the “thank you with love” that got to me. This woman doesn’t know me (but now she does, Hi Kenna!), but she sees you, she knows you, she cares for you, she wants you to know how much you mean to her. On behalf of Kenna, others who know you, and God who loves you beyond measure know this too:

  • Roles and titles are not the only way to make a difference. You don’t need a title to enter a life, all you need is time, compassion, and interest.
  • You matter, your story matters. You might have lost a child this year or years ago or never. Hallmark and Hollywood can’t help but share narrow stories, they only have two pages or a couple of hours. So when you story doesn’t match up to theirs, don’t measure yourself by them. You have pages and hours. Some days will be dull and disappointing, that doesn’t diminish you.
  • If there is one thing I know about being around kids, they blossom when they are around good, decent, kind men. We need you in tutoring programs, boys clubs, Sunday School classes, and Vacation Bible Schools. We need to you wrestle with the kids, laugh at their jokes, tell them to “knock it off.” Frankly, we don’t need more volunteers, we need more men. You are needed, please know that.
  • Your pain hurts. I know our societies can give mixed messages. Real men don’t cry. Real men show their emotions. Sorry for that. Your pain is a valid as a woman’s. Please feel free to express it however you need to for your personalty. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to drive around in your car alone and scream at God and the air and all that is WRONG, drive and scream. Just don’t keep pushing it down because your pain is valid.
  • So is your joy! The memories you have with kids, the laughs you have with your people, the inside jokes that no one else gets.
  • If you’re in the trenches with infertility, I’m sorry. To have to submit to questions and tests and have a part of you reduced to sperm count and sperm motility can cause you to believe all of you have been reduced. This is not true. Still, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the ridiculous comments about sin, underwear choice, and biking.

You might be a non-dad by choice or by circumstance, but, like me, you’re a full human, not a partial one. You are a friend, a husband, a brother, a son, a warrior, a worker, a compassionate human, you are loyal, a son of the Most High God, and above all, you are loved.

Kenna, I know you’re one of many who want to reach out to your non-dad friends today. Thanks for the nudge.

With blessings, Amy

Community, Faith, Holiday

The Value of Fleeting Beauty

Happy May Day!

The highlight of this day when I was a kid was pouring over the wallpaper books and picking the paper for the cone. Flowers are fleeting. I’ve heard people say that they don’t like giving flowers because they wilt and won’t last.

If flowers aren’t your thing, I’m not going to argue with you. But I will push back on investing in what appears fleeting.

This year I am aware of a lesson flowers offer: Enjoy today. The season is passing. The colors are vibrant. If wait to enjoy it or wait for life to settle down, you’ll miss it. Instead, flowers are a spiritual discipline in noticing and embracing mystery in the midst of the distractions of our self-labeled important lives.

I saw this sign at the Denver Botanic Gardens:

May Day 6AA

This is what I’m telling myself this May Day: Appreciate the ways God has sprinkled beauty into your days that might not be there tomorrow and yet may live forever. See your life as a garden. It’s to be cultivated. It’s seasonal. There will be times of fallowness and great bounty. Find the beauty in what you have today. Take time to notice.

May Day 1A

May Day 3A

May Day 4A

May Day 2A

May Day 5A

 

Are you a flowers person? If not, what points to fleeting beauty in your life? We all have something!

Faith, Holiday, Velvet Ashes

What If Your Scars Are a Source of Shame?

The theme at Velvet Ashes this week is scars and the idea came from an interview I heard last fall with a pastor. She was asked what illustrations she uses in her preaching and said she preaches out of her scars, not her wounds.

And this phrase stuck to my soul.

There is a place for sharing from our wounds, but I get her point that for public teaching there is something to be said for where we’ve been. Not where we are.

scars-726x484

I’ve known for months I would be sharing the final post of the week. I thought I’d write about how “scars don’t have to define us, but can refine us.” Michele said it more elegantly on Monday. Then I wanted to talk about how we can use our scars to comfort others. Laura beat me to it and I love what she shared. I think you can guess what my next idea was; Jessica shared about our past coming with us overseas and the role of doubt, scars, and the upside down spiritual world. Yes, yes, yes.

I’ll admit I had a small pity party. God, I’ve been thinking about wounds and scars for months and wanted to swoop in at the end of the week and be all shiny and glittery and impressive. You know. For YOUR sake, not mine.

“Apparently I wanted each author to say what she said.” God smiled, “So listen to what I have for youto say.” Okay God, I’m listening.

*****

So much of our wounding is laced with shame. Whether we’ve “brought the wounding on ourselves” or had something done to us. This leads to shame about our scars and what we think they convey.

It may be that you are not picking up on something as quickly as others. It may be that your body is the source of shame due to disease, an eating disorder, an inability to carry a baby to full term, or a weight that’s “not right” for your culture. It may be a sexual history, educational history, financial history, or family history that has introduced shame to your scars.

Shame and isolation are two of the oldest tricks in The Book. From early on, the Accuser of our souls whispered one of two lies:

  1. What’s happened to you is so awful no one will want to come near you. OR
  2. What’s happened to you is nothing compared to what happened to her, or them, or there.

What wounded you is legitimate, no matter how big or how small. It’s not a contest. God is not repulsed by you, what’s happened to you, or what you’ve done. He loves you and wants to heal you. Not so he can “use your story.” No, just because he loves you. It’s the enemy who sees you in distorted lights. Who says you’re not fit.

Jesus gets shame. I know dying on the cross was more pain than I can imagine, but it’s the being naked in front of all those people that also gets me. He was ultimately shamed so that our shame will no longer isolate us.

My hope for you is that your zest for life (another way of saying the Imago Dei, beloved image bearer) will over ride your shame (another way of saying death).

Years ago I had an on-going butt boil that was humiliating. My behind is not my favorite asset and I lived in a part of the world where behinds were, oh say, half the size of mine and not neon white. The first 700 times I had to drop my pants, it was awful. And then I decided I was going to stop being embarrassed. It was what it was. I did not ask to have the problem in this location and I was not going to let it get in the way of me living.

I think a total of about 20 friends and acquaintances ended up changing bandages on my behind. It was a busy travel season and I showed up at more than one door announcing I’d need help changing my dressing, oh, did I mention it was on my behind? Let’s say, it’s was humbling, but the more often I did it, the easier it became.

But I get it. After the dear problem (and this was a couple of years into it reoccurring) turned into a fistula, I needed two more surgeries in the U.S. Between them I got a rash from the rubbing of the bandages. I thought my humiliation couldn’t sink any lower and the doctor kindly said, “No worries, I see lots of bottoms.”

“Yes, but I only have ONE. This is my one bottom and I am embarrassed. There is visible and painful proof I somehow didn’t care for it better!”

Shame will say, “Too bad you didn’t have a nice abscess on your arm, that’s more respectable and can be talked about in the light of day. Too bad you made it worse.” Shame goes for the jugular.

God says, “Dear child, see your scars as an offering.”

An offering that changes the story of isolation to a story of connection.

An offering that says though the story may detour through Good Friday, resurrection and life are your heritage.

An offering that says, “Me too.”

Shame is not your story. Instead we have scars to offer one another, at the right time, in the right context, for His glory and though it may not always seem, our good.

P.S. If you’re deep in woundedness, work towards healing, but don’t force it. Pain makes us so uncomfortable we like to jump over it, dodge under, pretend it’s not there, or get stuck wallowing in it. The scar will come, may the Lord right now be building a hedge of protection against bitterness and shame. Amen.

 

(A version of this first appeared on Velvet Ashes)

Photo Credit: shutterbugamar via Compfight cc

China, Cross cultural, Holiday, Just for fun

Happy Chinese New Year Everyone!

When I was a kid and we’d go for Chinese food, one of my favorite parts was pouring over the paper placements and figuring what animal everyone according to the year they were born.

I was a sheep (also translated ‘goat’). I loved it. To my American ears it sounded better than rat or dragon or snake.

Year of the Sheep

And then I grew up and moved to China and loved it even more.

1. This is my year! As people get older, they are less inclined to claim their year because people can figure out how old they will turn that year. There are 12 animals and it doesn’t take a math genius to crack the code that on your year you are 12, 24, 36, 48, 60, 72, 84 or 96 — with 60 being the best since it’s a multiple of 10. Since it’s also my year of practicing celebration, I don’t really care that you know my age. I am what I am. And guess what … it’s my year!

2. The word for sheep/goat in Chinese is pronounced “Yang” and my Chinese family name is Yang. Yang shi yang! Young is a sheep. It sounds better in Chinese, trust me. And I know that’s not how you say in Chinese which of the zodiac animals you are, but my Chinese friends always got a smile out of my mixing of the cultures and languages. Not only is it my year, it’s my name.

3. And best of all, Jesus says he’s the good shepherd. Sheep hold a special place in explaining how much God loves us and will protect us. Psalm 23 was one of the first scriptures I memorized in 1st grade. So, in a sense, it’s all of our year. 

Happy New Year Friends!

Chun Jie Kuai Le!

From one of your favorite sheep, Amy

P.S. thanks to my sister Elizabeth for working with two challenging sheep to get just the right photo. I’ll spare you the ones with one of our rears in the air, a bit unlady-like!

Holiday, Learning lessons, Relationships

Valentine’s Day is for Everyone! {Said the single gal}

With Valentine’s Day soon upon us, it would be easy to rant against Hallmark and other marketers. (Sorry Hallmark, I do so enjoy your commercials!). But all they’ve done is put a message out there …we’re the ones who’ve bought into it.

Guess what, Valentine’s Day is about so much more than romantic love, Cupid, or “rotic” gatherings (when single women get together without a “man”). At its essence, it is about love. Yes, yes, I’m sure the origins are about blah, blah, blah, but right here in 2015, let’s take back Valentine’s Day!

share love

Here are four ideas for anyone to put the LOVE back in the day:

1.Paul reminds us that love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Choose one attributes of love that you want to focus on this week. This book reminded me of how “manically verb centered” love is.

2. Make a list of the people in your life and be reminded of how blessed you are. When my dad died, I thought of the friends I hadn’t seen in years and realized if I wasn’t careful, more years would go by. The above photo was taken when I was in Scotland visiting my dear friends the Petries. Who is on your list?

3. Tell those important to you that you love them. People will die, grow old, or move away. Don’t live with regrets, tell them you love them.

This valentine gets to me every time I look at it:

Valentine-then-555x416

Valentine-now-555x492

 

If you want to know why it’s faded, you can read about it here. In part: So I hung it where it would be exposed to day light and not packed away, with false safety, in a drawer. Much like the love we share, exposed to the elements and not guarded out of fear.

4. Review the love languages and be sure you’re aware of the love languages of those who are important to you. I wrote about them this week at Velvet Ashes.

5. And a bonus one! Why, because we can never have enough love. Sending personalized postcards is a great way to communicate without taking much time or money. I use Amazing Mail (formerly Premium Postcards). Several years ago for Valentine’s Day a friend helped me take four photos and the recipients could spell out “I love you this much!” Amazing Mail is just that (and fun!). What sentence would you spell out?

I love you

So, dear marketers, I know you’re just trying to earn a living and I respect that. But I’m trying to live a richer life and part of that involves a broader definition of love than the one you’re peddling.

I’m not buying it. I’m interested in more.

Will you join me in putting more love out there?

Faith, Family, Holiday

Holy Stalking at Advent: A Look At Restlessness

“We are too quick to seek meaning.”

The spiritual director said. I shared this insight on Tuesday and days later, here it is hanging out in my soul. When something sticks, pay attention.

Combine with this wisdom from Dietrich Bonhoeffer:

“Not everyone can wait: neither the sated nor the satisfied nor those without respect can wait. The only ones who can wait are people who carry restlessness around with them.”
— Dietrich Bonhoeffer
(God Is in the Manger: Reflections on Advent and Christmas)

Not everyone can wait.

If  you are sated or satisfied or a jerk (modern translation), you have no need for waiting.

Only those who carry restlessness around with them can wait.

This seems so backwards, doesn’t it? Yet if I have something in completion, I’m not waiting for it.

We don’t just have a child, we have children in progress wondering who they will become. We don’t merely have a job. We have a job that is either fosters  growth or close in. Holy restlessness to see which it is. We don’t simply have friends, some are for a season and others are lifers.

A walk I took with Niece #1 last January came to mind as I put flesh to this ida of, “The only ones who can wait are people who carry restlessness around in them.” When we ask if she wants to go for a walk nine times out of ten, the introvert book reader in her says “No,” making the rare yeses precious.

This photo, taken near the start of our walk, disappoints me because it’s nearly in focus, but not quite. Argh! So close, yet so far. When the goal is meaning and clarity, I don’t want to share it with you. With so many gorgeous images out there, who needs a slightly out of focus stump?

Restlessness

About 15 minutes into our walk, #1 laid down on the path.

Fifteen!

Not fifty.

Restlessness within me abounded. But so did joy. Joy we were together. Joy mixed with fear, if you’re laying down now, are we in for a long haul? 

#1 laying

Later she grabbed my camera and took this picture.

view

#1 on the move

the sound of laughter
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I have three distinct memories from this hike related to carrying restlessness.

1. The sound of this walk is laughter. Restlessness doesn’t have to be synonymous with drudgery.

2. It can also involve experimentation. After the laying down, #1 tested out crawling to see if it used less energy.

3. Restlessness can fortify. I look at these pictures and think, “Dad was still alive. Her grandpa was still alive.” We didn’t know a few weeks later we’d be thrust on a trail where we’d want to lay down and crawl. This time in the mountains fortified us as a family for the road we didn’t know we’d be on.

In this season of waiting, I am thankful God doesn’t limit us to kum-ba-ya waiting. instead he’s comfortable, maybe even desiring, us to carry restlessness.

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