Modern day leper, clean yourself {Unclean! Unclean!}

Unclean!

Unclean!

The bell was a warning that a leper was coming. It was meant as an act of public safety because the potential harm was real. Yet, warning without context and love (and even with them) can create isolation and confusion. Public safety is important, it is; the greater good must be weighed, true, true. But lepers have feelings too.

Lest we think lepers are a thing of the past, let me assure you, they are not. I was one.

Several weeks ago, in an act of public safety, this blog was blocked by some sites, virus software, and email providers because it had been hacked and was sending spam messages. I get why, I really do. And I didn’t want to infect anyone but …

Nothing says, STAY AWAY FROM ME faster on the internet than BIG BRIGHT RED warning messages.

Variations of

This person is UNCLEAN do you really want to proceed?

Do so at your own peril!

Danger! Danger! Danger! Warning! Warning! Warning!

Can anything good come out of visiting The Messy Middle?!

And so I was declared Unclean and found myself tumbling down Alice’s rabbit hole of internet and computer lingo of which I didn’t understand. The basis of the message was “clean yourself and then we will reintroduce you to community.”

Fair enough. I set off with two goals:

1. Figure out whatever the h-e-double-hockey-sticks was going on so that it could be fixed.
2. Get The Messy Middle off of the whitelist.surbl. {The irony that a blacklist was called white was enough to make me want to spit at the “clever” person who thought that was funny. It’s not. OK, maybe just a little bit, but not at that moment.}

Surely you have picked up by now, I am tenacious. As in, persistent widow, annoying the judge, tenacious. It’s part of my charm coping mechanism for when I am in way over my head and have no idea what to do. Some people eat too much, play too many video games, or over sleep, I email everyone I could think of who might help. I became besties with

• Phil at WordPress.com support {kind, quick, and he has a great tag line}
• Fran my amazing blog designer {she was genuinely distraught with me, that, my friends is the essence of compassion!}
•  Brandon at Bluehost.com {he wrote very long instructions and answered about 27 questions, a blessing on his patience!} and
• Tom at wewatchyourwebsite.com {while he cleaned the blog he read on of my post — When is enough enough — and wrote me a long email about his dad}.

{Can you believe it? I know I forced myself on them out of desperation, but still. Doesn’t that warm your heart a little bit.}

I’d get one piece of information and think I knew how to proceed and let Whitelist know what I was doing – both to demonstrate good faith effort and to let them know I took this seriously and wanted the problem solved far more than they did. Every time I communicated with them I received some form of

Not good enough. We said, clean yourself.

Didn’t they see that I was doing my very best to “clean myself?!” The problem was that my very best was so obviously inadequate. I just want someone to clean me! I’d shout at the ceiling {and my friends who were brave kind enough to speak to me during those days.}

Unclean. In need of someone to clean me. Sound familiar?

A metaphor come to life. Unclean. Do better. Follow these rules, eat this food, worship in this way. Clean yourself. I couldn’t.

I tried. I really did. But I do not speak html code or blog speak or know if my server was secure. I pounded, and pounded on any and all doors. It was exhausting and disheartening. I needed someone else to clean me.

Finally I was clean. Hallelujah! I still don’t know how it happened or how I was cleaned. It’s a bit of a mystery that requires faith. When Tom said, “You’re good to go” I’ve had to take him at his word.

I wouldn’t really wish this process on anyone, yet I am in awe again of what Jesus has done for me, for us.

He has made me clean and I am grateful.

With joy,

A former leper

Related article: Grace is confusing