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Two things I know for sure when it comes to high school graduates

Welcome to part 2 of the high school commencement speech I delivered two weeks ago — in which the graduates were only female allowing for a unique twist. Part one set the stage today and if you haven’t read it it reviews the rich tradition of women in our faith.

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Yet another look at the prominent water bottle!

We don’t actually have much back story on the women in the bible – which may be a good thing because then we can’t turn any one of their stories into a simple play book for life.

That being said, let’s look at two brief examples and the ways that their childhood was used by God.

The text doesn’t tell us much about her childhood, still we can infer that Esther

was raised in her faith,

she was still connected to her family after her parents died (see: Uncle Mordecai),

and she must have been beautiful.

We don’t know about her hobbies or interests or what subjects she was good at. But it would have been interesting to have seen her as a girl to see how God was already preparing her at a young age. Did she have particularly good posture? I have a niece with freakishly good posture and it’s got me wondering about Esther’s. Or was she known for holding her tongue and saying just the right thing at the right moment? We don’t know.

That being said, I’d be willing to bet that growing up she probably didn’t plan to become the queen, but it’s evident that her adult life was an extension of that which had been poured into her. She wasn’t just queen for a day, she was queen for the kingdom and God used her to save her people from extinction.

Let’s also look at Ruth. She’s another woman we don’t know much about to understand why she was willing to devote herself to her mother-in-law in such a way that she left her own land, family, and religion when given a valid out. Who knows when she was a girl if she was the one who like to try new and different foods or would try to practice strange dialects when she heard them? Most likely growing up, she envisioned herself growing old in Moab; the thought of moving with a sad mother-in-law because both of them had been widowed and were now childless to a new land and having to learn strange customs – probably was not on her radar. At a tender age, she couldn’t imagine was that she would be part of the lineage of the King of Kings!

Looking at the three of you, I have no idea how God is going to use your life experiences, your gifts, your talents, the families you grew up in, your personalities, or your time in China. But I do know two things:

1. God will use parts of your childhood

2. You might be surprised the pieces upon which he chooses to build the mosaic of your life story

At your age, this was the plan for my life – go to college and become a Russian language teacher at the high school level. It was a good plan! A fine plan based on the best information I had about myself and my interests.

But it’s interesting looking back now the pieces of my life story that God chose to emphasize and use. I have two sisters and we are rather close in age – I joked that I was raised in a herd because there were always the three of us and we did most things together for our parents’ survival.  I would not have anticipated the ways that God was going to use my comfort with “the herd;” but it’s been quite helpful here in China.

I spent years studying musical instruments – the piano, the flute, alto sax, drums, the guitar, violin and took voice lessons. Yet this list is probably news to those in this room who know me because even though a considerable amount of time, effort and money went into those skills, turns out they haven’t been  featured in my life story. Are they a waste? No, but they were for a merely a season.

I dropped out of choir in high school and signed up for forensics and studied public speaking .

And that plan to study Russian? Turns out I’m pretty bad at learning Russian and not bad at learning math.  So while I took a ton of Eastern European history, I also learned about analytical algebra and non-Euclidean geometry … which has been so useful here in my Eucleadian reality of Beijing!

You sit here, with a plan for your life … hold it loosely.  I’m a fan of having a plan and working towards a goal, but God has also taught me to do it with an open hand and to allow him to pick and choose what he wants to use from my life.

I had not envisioned how much public speaking I’d be doing over the years and China was not on the radar for another four years at this point in my life. God’s story for my life was so much bigger and better than I ever imagined.

I had the BEST TIME EVER at college and fell in love with a new part of the country, college basketball, and made lifelong friends.

God’s story is also harder than I imagined and has cost me things I wouldn’t have chosen to pay.

Here you are,  on the cusp of adulthood, it will be the same for you –

God has plans for you, you simply can’t imagine – and they are good, and they are fun, and they will shape and form you. But he also has paths that will involve pain, and loss, and heartache. Yet as you look back on your life, you will see the ways in which God has used these first 18 years of your life to prepare you for what’s ahead. 

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Bet you wonder where it goes from here! Come back tomorrow for the final installment. What parts of your childhood/high school years have ended up not being featured much in your life story? On the flip side, what looked small at the time, but has ended up being significant in your life story.

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An open letter to pastors {A non-mom speaks about Mother’s Day}

Dear Pastor,

Tone can be tricky in writing. Picture me popping my head in your office door, smiling and asking if we could talk for five minutes. I’m sipping on my diet coke as I sit down.

You know that I’m not one to shy away from speaking my mind, part of the reason you love me (mostly!), so I’m guessing that internally you brace yourself wondering what might be next.

I set my can down and this is what I’d say.

A few years ago I sat across from a woman who told me she doesn’t go to church on Mother’s Day because it is too hurtful.  I’m not a mother, but I had never seen the day as hurtful. She had been married, had numerous miscarriages, divorced and was beyond child bearing years. It was like salt in mostly healed wounds to go to church on that day. This made me sad, but I understood.

Fast forward several years to Mother’s Day. A pastor asked all mothers to stand. On my immediate right, my mother stood and on my immediate left, a dear friend stood. I, a woman in her late 30s, sat. I don’t know how others saw me, but I felt dehumanized, gutted as a woman. Real women stood, empty shells sat. I do not normally feel this way. I do not like feeling this way. I want no woman to ever feel this way in church again.

Last year a friend from the States happened to visit on Mother’s Day and again the pastor (a different one) asked all mothers to stand. As a mother, she stood and I whispered to her, “I can’t take it, I’m standing.” She knows I’m not a mother yet she understood my standing / lie.

Here’s the thing, I believe we can honor mothers without alienating others. I want women to feel welcome, appreciated, seen, and needed here in our little neck of the body of Christ.

1. Do away with the standing. You mean well, but it’s just awkward. Does the woman who had a miscarriage stand? Does the mom whose children ran away stand? Does the single woman who is pregnant stand? A.w.k.w.a.r.d.

2.  Acknowledge the wide continuum of mothering.

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you

To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst

To those who have aborted children – we remember them and you on this day

To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be

To those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths

To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren -yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you

To those who placed children up for adoption — we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

I’ve created a PDF of The Wide Spectrum of Mothering 

3. Commend mothering for the ways it reflects the Imago Dei (Image of God) by bringing forth new life, nurturing those on her path, and living with the tension of providing both freedom and a safety net.

I know I might be an unusual one to be speaking about Mother’s Day; but maybe that’s why so many talk to me about mothering, I’ve got the parts, just not the goods.  Thanks for listening and for continuing to mother us in a shepherding way. Even though I’m a bit nervous to come on Sunday, I will be here. But if you make us stand, I might just walk out =).

Warmly and in your corner,

Amy

Here’s a resource for you: 14 Tips for navigating the messy middle of life.

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